Take a photograph; it'll be the last.
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here
I don't have a past, I just have a chance
Not a family or honest plea remains to say
I hated it here. She knew this. Yet... she couldn't understand. The whole of Northrend was just a constant reminder of what had happened to my father. He had died from a scourge ambush shortly after arriving in Howling Fjord years ago.
He was a respected warrior of the Alliance. He served King Varian for as long as I could remember. It was dangerous but he loved what he did. He didn't believe in holding down a job that you weren't happy with. Thinking about that only made the fact that I was a blacksmith in Valgarde even more disappointing. They were desperate for a blacksmith and I was desperate for a job to support myself while I stayed here so I could see Kalana more often. What I really wanted to do was to serve the King, just as my father had. I also just wanted to return to Stormwind once again. Everything I knew and loved was there- family, friends, familiarity. When we first got together- I only wanted her. I don't believe I thought about myself not once. She told me she had to come to Howling Fjord and I dropped everything and followed. I left everything behind for her. I started my life over. I can't continue this though. I can't stay here any longer and I don't believe Kalana is a big enough reason to remain in Valgarde.
Rain, rain, go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
Is it you I want,
Or just the notion of a heart to wrap around,
so I can find my way around
Even thinking about this made me depressed. I was at war with myself- Kalana on one side and my happiness on the other. I wanted to just be able to remain there and forget about all of these thoughts but I couldn't. It wasn't that simple. They had dug themselves a home in my mind long ago and since then my worries and concerns have only magnified despite my want to just become a blank slate- for her. If I could I would rip out every single emotion I had and do away with it.
Though...Kalana. I always told myself and her that I loved her. The truth was I wasn't ever completely sure. I think I did but at the same time...maybe I was just in love with, well, being in love. It was no secret that I tended to move on from woman to woman quite easily. I hated being single...alone. I enjoyed being in a relationship and I was always waiting for one that was still enjoyable after the six month 'high'.
Safe to say from here,
You're getting closer now,
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be
Rain, rain, go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun
We had been getting closer though. That I had to admit. We've been together for almost 5 months now. I just wasn't sure if it would stay like that after the next month was over. At times it made me wish I was a paladin. To be able to put my faith in something higher; in something holy, would probably be rather soothing. However, I was a warrior and we were very simple people. We believed in what we saw and didn't feel the need to rely on anything but that.
Another downside to the relationship was the fact that it was forbidden. It was considered taboo for a Human to be with a Draenei, so we were never together in public. Neither of our families or friends knew either. I remember feeling restrained because of that. I still do,in fact. But, we had gone over it from top to bottom several times before. It was hard not being able to show her off or to be ecstatic and be able to tell about Kalana. It was hard to have a fight with her and not be able to get advice from someone. We always appeared professional around each other when we where in front of others. Even when either of us was angry or upset at the other; we never allowed it to show. It was hard a lot of the times, especially when I thought she had cheated on me. Yet, that day I just smiled and greeted her as I would a fellow worker rather than a woman who had committed a crime against love and hurt me brutally.
To lie here under you,
is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all...
To lie here under you,
is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all...
I was always under her. In both a good way and a bad one. We spent many nights laying in each others arms; her on top, body pressed against mine, our hearts beating as one. She'd lay her head on my chest and I'd be in absolute bliss.
However, I also felt like a lapdog to Kalana at times. I always felt below her; like she was my superior. I was always doing things for her; getting her out of trouble. Even moving here alone was an example of me completely going out of my way to do something for her. I wouldn't mind if I had gotten the same in return from her. Even when she didn't return the favor or even when she didn't say 'thank you', I still continued to do things. It's just who I am. It was all I could ever do, I guess, to show her I cared.
Rain, rain, go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun
Kalana,
I can't do this anymore. You are a very special woman to me and you'll always have a place in my heart despite not knowing each other for too long. I will be returning to Stormwind City. I need to do this for myself, my happiness and my personal growth as a person. I do hope to cross paths again and if you wish to- you know where I am.
Take care,
Brent
I reread over the letter one last time before rolling it up and placing it in the flower pot beside her door. I stepped away from her home and gave one last look. In that moment, I had so many memories come flooding back; both good and bad. From random kisses and snowball fights to the pressure and strain she put on me at times. I turned and began towards the dock. I shifted my bag on my shoulder as I waited for the boat; smiling as I did so. I felt the clouds around my heart begin to clear and I was happy.