Thomas's blood ran cold at the thought of being parted like this, and when Edward seized his hand, his skin, too, felt like ice.
"I know it's selfish to ask, but... will I be missed, Barrow?"
"Of course you will be missed, Edward," Thomas said, pulling his hand away, straightening the pillows on Edward's bed, and folding the covers up to Edward's waist. "I will miss you, as will Nurse Crawley, and the rest of us, but it's time for you to go home to your family." Thomas's voice stayed steady, and he was glad of it, because he didn't know what he'd do if he began to cry.
"My family is here," Edward said, and he fumbled a moment before he found the sheets and pushed them down past his bare feet. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and reached out to Thomas. "Is that a silly thing to say?"
Thomas took his hand. "No. It's not. Not at all." Edward's hand still felt cold, so Thomas rubbed it gently between his. "I have to say I'm surprised that you feel that way."
"Why?" Edward asked. "Why would you be surprised?"
"Well if had a family of me... of my own who loved me the way yours loves you - "
"Why'd you say they love me, Thomas?"
The sound of his Christian name on Edward's lips sent Thomas's heart racing. "I say that because... because they..." Thomas trailed off.
Edward's hand did not seem to be getting any warmer. "They are willing to take care for you."
"Because I'm family, and for no other reason. They don't want me, I know it. They only have to take me."
Thomas blew warm air onto Edward's palm. Edward leaned forward. All around them, men slept in their narrow beds. The light from the lamp on Edward's bedside table illuminated them, and them alone.
"The way I see it, Thomas, love is not tolerance. Tolerance is what people offer when they have nothing left to give. And love..." Edward tilted his chin up, and he smiled. "Love doesn't have to make do. Love celebrates without hesitation. I know there's not much to celebrate about me anymore..." Edward's free hand found the scars around his eyes. "But I wish... I wish my family showed me half as much love as you have."
Thomas's lower lip trembled, and he bit it hard. Edward had to leave tomorrow, and Thomas had to let him go without kissing him passionately.
"It's my job to care for you, Lieutenant Courtenay." Thomas finally said. "Mine and Dr. Clarkson's and Nurse Crawley's - "
"And it's not my family's job?" Edward cocked his head to the side.
"Barrow, I think you underestimate the duty-bound nature of the British upper class. And upper-middle class. The upper-middle class is worse."
He almost laughed. "I'd do anything not to go back to them."
Edward had never laughed in the weeks Thomas knew him, but sometimes he almost laughed, rare moments Thomas cherished. This time, he could swear the lamplight grew brighter. So bright, in fact, that Thomas spotted a glint from Edward's covers.
"Excuse me..." Thomas reached into Edward's bedcovers and pulled out a flat razor. "Did you drop something?"
Edward dropped Thomas's hand. His face contorted in pain, then dissolved in shame. "Don't look at me like that," Edward said.
"I dunno what you mean, Lieutenant, but I don't think I'm looking at you like that, whatever that is."
"Like I'm pitiful and desperate."
"You do seem desperate, Edw- Lieutenant." Edward covered his face with his hands. "But you've got cause, good cause," Thomas said, pleadingly. "If I could make this right, I would. I'd do anything in my power to give you the happiness you deserve."
Edward shook, and Thomas laid a hand on his head and stroked his hair.
"I'm taking this with me, if you don't mind," Thomas said, and he knew Edward didn't have to see to know what he meant. "And then you will go to sleep and wake up tomorrow morning. Promise me?"
"I don't want to be alone," Edward said. "I can't bear it."
Thomas leaned close to Edward and whispered in his ear, "You will go to sleep and wake up tomorrow morning, and I will be there to see you off. You will leave me your address, and I will write. So will Nurse Crawley. I will visit you as soon as I can, and then we will make plans. Plans for you, for your future, a future where you will never feel unloved or alone. It may take some time, but I promise you I will help you. But I won't, because I can't, if you're not alive. You have to promise me you will..."
Edward found Thomas's mouth with his fingers and kissed him.
Thomas's heart skipped a beat. "I promise," Edward gasped into his mouth. "You... you have my word. I give you my word. I will not leave you, Thomas."
There was poetry in Edward's soft lips, and Thomas turned off the bedside lamp before they stole another kiss in the dark. The second of many more to come.