Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, Shakespeare, or any of his plays. L also isn't mine, and don't let Reneey tell you that she owns him, either. She's just a fangirl and thinks she does.
A/N: As promised, the L installment of the Why (insert random character here) Was Not in Shakespeare series! So now you can have your nice, matching L and Light versions in your favorites list, huh? :P
Why L Lawliet Was Not in Shakespeare
Hamlet
L Lawliet was not in Hamlet because, quite frankly, nothing would have happened. He would have required absolute proof that the ghost was not only in fact the king's, but also an actual ghost, since such things are woefully undocumented and therefore only about five percent likely to actually exist. Having not believed the ghost without one hundred percent proof of its authenticity, and not particularly caring about who is king, he would then have proceeded to get into the limo driven by the man who raised him and yet for some bizarre reason unbeknownst to all listens to everything he says anyway and ride away into the sunset. Probably to South America or somewhere they would have lots and lots of coffee.
Romeo and Juliet
L Lawliet was not in Romeo and Juliet because he's too much of a hermit to have been out anywhere and met Juliet in the first place. Not to mention that he's rather socially awkward and probably would only have shown actual interest in her if she was a suspect in some crime he was trying to solve. Anyway, it's probably kind of hard to fall in love with someone who's never seen your face, has no idea of your true identity, probably thinks you're insane, and has a two percent chance of being a psychopathic killer. L would, however, have chewed on his thumb a lot, walked around barefoot but never let anybody see his face, and probably thrown Tybalt in jail for trying to challenge him to a duel. Then again, he might have wound up just waiting around until Mercutio got himself killed fighting in his place so that he could accuse Tybalt of a more severe crime which there was a one hundred percent chance he could actually pin on him…
Macbeth
L Lawliet was not in Macbeth because he would have required concrete evidence of the witches' prophecies before ever listening to anything they said – probably requiring at least two demonstrations of precognition first. Anyway, it's unlikely he would have stuck around that long, because they probably wouldn't have interested him in the first place, and he really doesn't care about things that don't interest him, even if they affect his fate or that of the world. There wouldn't have been a Lady Lawliet, and even if there was, she wouldn't have been able to try to coerce him into anything because she probably would never have seen his face or even know where to find him. He would then have spent the rest of the play sitting in a dark, mostly empty room and eating cake, fruit, and other sources of sugar while solving cases he found particularly interesting and which nobody else could ever hope to solve. And probably slipping into a diabetic coma by age thirty-five.