Kagome gets an unexpected present and task on her birthday... "I gotta go WHERE to do WHAT?" Parody of THE LORD OF THE RINGS, the best freaking movie EVER!

Lord of the Rings: Inuyasha Style

Birthday Bonanza

Kagome never liked her high school. It was too big, too crowded, and way too noisy. She lost contact with her middle school chums on the first day of freshman year and hadn't made much progress in the "friendship network" since.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING

"Copy the homework numbers down. Remember the test is this Friday!"

Groaning, Kagome and the rest of her classmates left the class in a hurry. She tumbled, stumbled, rumbled her way through the hallway and reached her locker with minor calamaties ("You poked my eye!").

Kagome glanced at her watch. She'd be late to her shrine duties…not that she cared, since Miroku-the-pervert was always there on time. Honestly, he's been her cousin and neighbor for 15 years and he still proposed to her every time they met. Kagome ramaged through and then shut her locker. Without thinking she stepped into the streaming mass of humanity and collided with another student.

"MY EYES!" Suddenly bodies upon bodies piled on top of the two figures on the ground and the school became a war zone. That, everyone, is how the tragic traffic accident of Tokyo High occurred.

--

"Ka-go-me!" Miroku said her name in a singsong voice and embraced her unnecessarily tight.

"I wish you wouldn't do that." Kagome sighed when he proceeded to get on his knees and take out a fake ring box…right in front of a group of European tourists. Amidst the gasps and stares, and camera lights, Miroku managed to say, "My dear exuberant Kagome, will you do me the highest honor of accepting this token of my heart, my soul, my love, and promise to take my hand in holy matrimony?" He opened the box to reveal a replica of one suspiciously familiar golden ring…

Kagome pretended to agree, rather wearily, and went along with the tourists' cheers and screams.

"You've made me the HAPPIEST MAN ON EARTH!"

"Of course, now can we—get—going?" Kagome said through her fake grin. She embarrassingly dragged him to her house through the kitchen door.

"My dear, are we going to do IT in the kitchen?" Miroku wiggled his eyebrows. "I like your style."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. I DON'T LIKE INCEST!"

"It's not like I'm your brother!"

"Well, sir," Kagome glared and sat down on the kitchen counter, "we are on two different wavelengths."

On cue Kagome's little brother entered the story in all his mighty glory. Just as he was about to say something he was cut off by a megaphone from the other side of the shrine. Kagome immediately perked up.

"PARTY TIME!" Kagome shouted and ran towards her birthday bash. Miroku followed, admiring her physique, and Souta sauntered away, annoyed.

--

What Kagome found was not birthday bash, but a strange gravely funeral scene. "What the hell…"

"Kagome…" her grandfather weakly called over from his deathbed, strangely laid out before the giant shrine tree.

"Ooh, is it about your will?" Kagome blinked and skipped over.

"For your birthday present…" he coughed.

"Yes?" Kagome impatiently waited.

"I bequeath you…"

"Uh-huh."

"A cruise…"

"AWESOME!"

"To complete…"

"…huh?"

"Your task…"

"What?"

"Of…"

"…"

"Destroying…"

"…"

"The deadly, tainted, defiled, wretched, disgusting, abnormal jewel." He held out something in his hand. It was a pink marble-like object. As soon as she took it his hand dropped and his eyes closed.

"Grandpa? Grandpa? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Miroku came over. "Shush, he's asleep."

"…" Kagome regained her composure. "Anyhow, I'm supposed to go on a cruise to destroy this?" She held the jewel out. "Looks pretty breakable to me."

Miroku looked beside Grandpa and picked up four tickets and a childish map. "There are instructions here. Kagome, get your rear end to Rivendell, New York to seek the counsel of the Merry Demons of the Hood. P.S. Avoid the Dark Pimp Naraku at all costs." He sweatdropped.

"I gotta go to New York?" She stared at her cousin. She leaned over and looked at the tickets. "The cruise only goes from Tokyo to California. Is he saying I have to find my own way through the USA?"

"ROAD TRIP!"

"What makes you think I'm going to do this?" Kagome glared and looked at the jewel. "And why do I have to break this anyway?"

Miroku opened his mouth just as a huge shadow fell overhead. A giant raven hovered above them and the two teens stared in horror. Kagome and Miroku suddenly bolted without thinking and the huge raven followed, but Kagome tripped and fell and the jewel…

GULP

"Kagome? KAGOME?" Miroku looked around, seeing no one but him and the giant raven, who looked equally bemused.

Suddenly Kagome appeared behind him, holding a wet, slimy jewel in her hand while she gagged and coughed and hacked for air. "I…nearly, swallowed."

"You disappeared!" Miroku shouted, awed and impressed. "With that I don't have to drill holes in the girl's locker room anymore!"

"WHAT?"

"No time to talk, let's run!" Miroku grabbed Kagome's wrist and dragged her away from the murderous raven, who cawed and followed them…only to crash into the tree and barely miss landing on the still sleeping Grandpa, who dreamt of buttercups and butterflies.

--

"No wonder that raven was after it!" Kagome said. "It's too dangerous. There's something ominous, potent, and somewhat pornographic about this."

"I don't see why we have to destroy it!" Miroku whined.

Kagome rubbed her chin. "Don't you have finals tomorrow? You are a senior…"

He paused. "A vacation would be nice right about now."

"To New York it is!"

Unbeknownst to them two sets of eyes were spying on them from the kitchen window, each enjoying a delicious plate of donuts…

--

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