You know what? Let's skip the bullshit. I know what you want to hear. You want to find out how it all happened. How two regular American middle school safety patrollers...got here.

Fine. OK, I'll tell you.

I'll tell you about the day everything changed.

The day certainly started out promising enough. Fillmore and I had ended up playing mediator between the Daring boy and Ned Needlemeyer. Not exactly our dream assignment, but compared to what came later... Anyway, Needlemeyer...he wasn't a very daredevil kid. He always had this scrungey, sort of fidgety look on him, like every thing in the world was a knife pointed directly at his chest. He was a scared kid, pure and simple, and he had no idea how to hide it. I still remember the name the Ashleys would sneer whenever he walked by...

"Nightmare Ned".

"This is totally unfair!" Todd whined in his sneering little pig voice as he sat in front of Fillmore's desk. TJ scowled as he leaned against the back wall. "I was playing that video game between classes. Is it my fault if Nightmare Ned here happens to show up?" Todd continued.

TJ scoffed. "You've been following him all day, Daring. Wherever Ned went to try and get away from you, you followed, just TRYING to get a rise out of him."

Ned shifted uncomfortably. It wasn't hard to see that he was hating this confrontation (really, given that it was Ned, he hated ANY confrontation). I glanced at Fillmore, and in one instant, it was agreed: we were going to end this here.

"OK, Daring," Fillmore began. "Let's pretend this IS just an accident. One problem: that game you're playing? Rated M. And baby, you don't look 17 to me.

We COULD give you a suspension for bringing contraband on school grounds...but tell you what: Hand over your handheld, and we'll call it even."

"WHAT? That's stealing!" Todd sputtered.

"It's confiscation. Come back at the end of the year, and we'll return it...just so long as you bring your Mom with you," I added, enjoying the little contortion of rage on Todd's face.

I glanced at Ned, trying my best to flash him a reassuring smile while Todd rummaged through his pockets. "I can't believe this..." he whined, before slamming his system on Fillmore's desk. Fillmore nodded, and TJ motioned Todd towards the door. "We're done here, Daring. Keep your nose clean."

Todd stomped towards the door. As he passed me, I could've sworn he said something about getting even...but before I could stop him, Ned grasped my hand and shook it.

"Thanks, Ingrid...I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but something about that game...all the dripping monsters, and the squealing, and that backwards music...it-it gets to me."

I withdrew my hand and took a moment to wipe Ned-sweat from it. "Uh...no problem, Ned. We're here to help. But listen: you've gotta toughen up some. I mean, you can't expect us to bail you out all the time, we're doing important work here. We can't handle every kid picking on you."

As if on cue, Vallejo burst from his office. "Fillmore! Third! I need to see you two...in private."