A/N: Note that bold indicates Noise. Also note that Noise is used unconventionally and somewhat un-canonically in this story; this is intentional.
Early One Morning
At the insistence of a loud pounding at the front door, Cillian drops what he was doing, sighs, and rises slowly. As he moves, he winces, his Noise turning ugly. He thinks he has pulled a muscle earlier while digging.
The pounding continues. I'm damn well comin', hold yer horses, his Noise yells, his usually short temper being exacerbated by the pain in his back.
As he nears the door, a voice calls to him from the other side. "Cillian, y'know better than to swear at a lady. And you don't want my Todd picking up on those habits, now do you?" The baby makes a chirping noise, as if agreeing. She laughs. Cillian's face lights, a little. Colleen.
"Sorry, Colleen," he says, undoing the latch. "Didn't realize it was you." He lets her in, actually smiling now. As soon as she is inside she hugs him tight with one arm, and plants a kiss on his cheek. He hugs her back, gently.
"And my Todd's glad to see you too, I reckon," she says holding the baby towards him. "Aren't you, Todd?"
"Hey," Cillian grins, putting a hand on his tiny head. Getting so big."Still no Noise."
"No," she says. "Maybe when he's older."
He shrugs, then lets out a roar of "BEN! GET IN HERE!" BEN!
?
A few seconds later, Ben races in, looking around, his Noise full of worried asking marks.
"What? Something on fire or - Oh! Colleen! And Todd!" His Noise turns a happy shade of yellow.
Colleen and Cillian chuckle. Ben doesn't mind.
"It's been a while," Ben says, trying to negotiate a hug with Colleen without upsetting the baby. "What've you been up to?" We've missed you.
"Oh, this and that." She ducks the question. Ben does not press. "Actually, I'm in a bit of a rush. I came to see if you'd two babysit Todd for the night."
Cillian frowns. "Colleen, you know we ain't the best with babies..." His Noise brings up their last babysitting experience, and he and Ben look sheepishly at the floor.
"You were just fine last time," Colleen says. "I keep telling you, he was only cryin' cuz he was hungry, that's all."
"Yeah, fine..."
"Well, this time, he won't be hungry. I brought you a bottle for his dinner." She pulls out a bottle and wiggles it under his nose. "And after-dinner."
Cillian frowns at Todd. "This spoiled child gets two dinners?"
Colleen just smiles. "He's a baby, not a man. Not yet."
"We'll take care of him," Ben butts in. "And where'll you be?"
Colleen frowns. "I ain't supposed to tell you, I think."
Puzzled stares.
"Whaddya mean, not supposed to tell us?"
"Mayor Elizabeth is planning somethin'..."
Ben's face instantly falls, and Cillian's becomes stormy.
Naw.
Oh hell.
"This ain't about that?"
"Yeah, it's about that. The women are gathering, talking. Jessica Elizabeth's planning somethin'."
"I don't like it," Ben says.
"The men are up to no good too," Cillian says, a fierce anger in his voice and Noise, different than his usual ill temper. "Mr. Tate asked me today if I would 'rally to them' if the need arose. I asked what the h*ll he meant by that. He weren't too clear, but I think he was askin' me if I'd fight with them or somethin'. Said he'd asked every man in New Elizabeth."
Ben frowns. "Not every man."
Cillian scowls. "I know. I asked him. He said you were too soft, too weak. (Sunuvahoor) I told him to eff off."
Ben smiles a bit, but his expression is sad. "Is that what they think then...?"
Cillian wordlessly squeezes Ben's hand before balling his own into a fist. Don't matter. Nothin' they think or say matters.
"No one of worth thinks that a good man is a bad thing, Ben," Colleen says. "And I need two good men to look after Todd tonight."
Ben's look of concern becomes more pronounced. "Colleen, whatever women's meeting is going on, I don't want you going to it." It's dangerous...
"What? Why?"
"With the way things are going...the way people are actin'...I don't think it's safe."
"It's jus a meetin', Ben, not a battle."
"Maybe. What if it's 'maybe not'? You could get hurt. And then, what about Todd here?" He has to have his mother.
A pained look comes over her. "Don't you think I've thought about that? But it'd be worse to have the women planning somethin' foolish and messin' up the town. Then, what kind of life would Todd grow up in?" She laughs dryly. "What kind of life would anyone have?"
"Sounds like the women are plannin' somethin' pretty big."
"Aren't the men thinkin' big too? We can hear it in the Noise."
Cillian stiffens. "Ben and I have nothing to do with-"
"I know," she says. "I know."
The adults are silent, thinking. Todd has fallen asleep, and his baby breaths are the loudest sound in the room.
"I need to get going. The meeting's startin' about now."
"Are you sure we can't change yer mind?" Ben says quietly.
"Sure."
He sighs, and his Noise sighs as well. "All right. Jus be careful, all right?" We can't lose you.
She smiles. "I'll try to come back all in one piece. Now, Ben, arms out. You take Todd." She gently places Todd in his arms. Todd wakes up, and stretches out a small hand to Ben, smiling.
Humph.
Colleen and Ben smirk at Cillian at the same time.
"Don't worry. Yer turn is comin,'" Colleen says.
Humph. Cillian turns away, only to get a bag dumped on him.
"In there is everything Todd needs for the night. Bottle, extra blanket, extra nappies-"
"You want us to change his...?"
"It's what I've had to do for months now."
Neither say anything, but bounce their awkwardness back and forth between each other.
I've only done it once...
Can't really be that bad...can it?
"If yer lucky, you won't even have to. Tho, Todd don't like making people lucky."
Ugh...
She laughs. "I'll be back 'round midnight. You can hold down the roof 'till then."
With one more quick cheek-kiss for each of them, she is gone.
"Women of New Elizabeth!" Mayor Jessica Elizabeth yelled into the hubbub. "Now is the time for action, not gossip! Deeds, not words! Let us begin our plans as soon as possible."
Colleen was frightened, making her voice quiver. "But, Mayor, these are our fathers! Our brothers, friends, nephews, and...sons." Her voice hitches on 'sons.'
"They are the people that are planning to destroy us! Wipe us out! You have all seen it in their Noise, what David Prentiss has been insinuating, what he has been encouraging. What 'father', would help plan the demise of his daughter or wife?" Mayor Elizabeth kept her voice high and mocking, dismissing Colleen's words easily.
"We've only caught hints!" Colleen protested. "No plans! No nothing violent. Jus grumblin.' And nothin' at all from David Prentiss."
"For now. What about in a week? A month? We have to protect ourselves. Unless you want them to just catch us, no fight, and no struggle, just weak and helpless. And as for David Prentiss...he is dangerous. A man with no Noise is a dangerous man indeed."
This made the crowd anxious. A murmur of approval went around the audience.
"Hey!" One of the women called out. "Yer son. He don't have Noise."
The room went still. Mayor Elizabeth's eyebrows are raised in a malicious expectancy.
"My son is a baby. The first baby born on New World."
"Yeah, we know," another woman shouted. "So where's his Noise?"
"Maybe it'll come when he learns to talk. I don't know."
"Where's yer brat anyway?" someone else yelled.
Colleen flinched. "He ain't a brat. He's my son. And he's stayin' with Ben and Cillian for the night."
This causeed an uproar. She regretted the words as soon as she spoke.
"You told them," a voice spat, followed by more. "You told men."
"I only told them I was goin' to a meetin'..."
"You told men about our plans." More voices. Mayor Elizabeth leaned back, letting the crowd have its way.
"What if they tell other men? What if they come for us?" The crowd started to rise up and come for her. She backed away.
"You all know Cillian's a good man, an' Ben wouldn't hurt a fly lest a life depended on it..." They kept coming. She realized that it did not matter what she said, they were out for blood, and oh, Ben was right, Ben and Cillian, they were right, she should never have come, should have stayed with Todd-
"Evening, ladies," a cool, nonchalant, and distinctly male voice interrupted.
In the uproar, no one noticed the door of the barn/meetinghouse open, or that there were men standing in the doorway. The men did not look friendly. Their Noise did not sound friendly either. Ugly words fell out, making the women frown and even wince in pain. Husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, friends recognized each other, looked wide eyed, hurt, even scared. Some fell away, right then and there, and went home. Not enough, though. Not nearly.
Mayor Elizabeth slunk to the head of the group, and the women jostled one another to stand behind her. "David Prentiss. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"No, madam. The pleasure is all mine, I'm sure. We men were just wondering if we could join the meeting. Seems the womenfolk forgot to invite us."
"Hard-ly," a brave woman from the crowd said nastily, breaking the shallow calm. Slowly, each remaining woman turned to look at Colleen. She swallowed, her throat dry as sandpaper.
"You," one breathed. "You told them of our plans."
"N-No—"
"You told men," she continued, her volume increasing. "Men tell other men. That's why they're here. That's why they've found us."
"Ben and Cillian would never—"
"Traitor," one woman spat.
"No! I'm not!"
The group repeated, as if possessed. "Traitor. Traitor. Traitor." They backed her into a corner.
"Stop!" she said loudly. Nothing happens. Her fear rose. "I said STOP!" she screamed.
Mayor Elizabeth pulled out something from her pocket, and pointed it at Colleen. "I happen to have a gun," she said, as if she just happened to have a packet of sugar you could use, thanks.
This got the mob's attention. "Gun," they whispered, sounding like eager children. "A gun."
Gun, the men's Noises' echo. Gun. Gun. She has a gun.
"And what, exactly, would you be doing with a gun at a meeting, Mayor?" Prentiss questioned. No one answered, but everyone heard and wondered.
"What do we do with traitors in this town?" Mayor Elizabeth said slowly, drawing out the words. "I don't believe we've come up with a punishment for a traitor." She looked composed, unruffled on the outside, but Colleen could see her eyes, and they were wild, like...a madwoman. She's mad. And no one can see it but me. And I'm goin' to die.
(Oh, Todd, be a strong boy for me)
(Please)
The crowd laughed in a hissing, rattling, angry way. They're mad too, she thought, all of them. What kind of a world is this? Did we pick up more than the Noise germ when we landed here?
"We think the punishment is...death," a voice said, and it was not the individual speaking, but the crowd.
"Please," Colleen begged, feeling very small and alone against the might of their madness. "Please, oh please, if you kill me, my son won't have no pa nor no ma. No child deserves that. He never knew his pa, an' he won't remember me. He'll be an orphan in the world and in his mind." She felt a moment of gratitude that she kept that journal of the final days of her pregnancy and…up until that night. She wrote the last entry only hours ago. Ben and Cillian would find it. After… And they would give it to him. And teach him to read.
I won't be there.
No, oh, no.
"Better an orphan than mothered by a traitor," the crowd's voice piece snarled. "Do it, Jessica. Do it."
Colleen knew there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. She could not escape this. May as well go down with you proud of me, Todd, even if you never hear about this. She was so used to speaking to her baby in her mind that it had become a reflex, and it calmed her. She turned to face Jessica Elizabeth head on, expression cold, chest bared. She would not show fear; only loathing for this woman who would separate her from her son, who would turn what was supposed to be a utopian settlement into a place of her own delusions and corruption.
Jessica Elizabeth fired the gun. Her shot was unsteady and affected by the recoil. It missed Colleen's heart, but lodged into her chest nonetheless. Colleen gasped, and crumpled.
She did not die instantly, but lost blood quickly. In her last few moments, her mind sang to her, dredging up one of her favorite songs from her childhood.
Early one morning,
Just as the sun was rising,
I heard a young maid sing,
In the valley below.
Oh, don't deceive me,
Oh, never leave me,
How could you use
A poor maiden so?
Behind the song, she could faintly hear a voice. David Prentiss.
"You didn't need to do that," he said, sounding surprised. "She wasn't our informer. Neither were Ben and Cillian, for that matter. You ratted on yourselves."
I knew it, she thought. Take good care of my Todd.
Oh, don't deceive me,
Oh, never leave me,
How could you use
A poor maiden so?
2½ weeks later…
"WWWAAAAAAHHHHH!" a hearty pair of baby lungs screams. Ben, now awake, rolls over in bed and moans.
Cillian, next to him, makes an ugh sound. It ain't my turn, Ben. I'm sorry, I already done it tonight. 12:00, 'member? Cillian's trying not to yell, not to get frustrated, so he sounds grumpy. There are very few things that will not make Cillian grumpy. Usually one of those things is doing things for Ben. But not tonight.
Ben glances blearily at the clock on the wall. 2:37 a.m. Wonderful. It's alright, Cillian, really. I'll do it. Go back to sleep. At least, try to.
Cillian gives him a haggard, rueful smile, and turns over. Ben takes an instant longer to enjoy lying down, then slowly gets up, and groggily makes his way into the adjacent room, which is Todd's nursery. The screaming gets louder.
In his crib, Todd is on his back, legs kicking, face bright red, busting his lungs. Ben picks him up, rubs his back, holds him.
"Yer hungry, ain't you? That's usually what it is," he passes a hand over his face, and covers a yawn, "at 2 in the morning. I learn quickly, see." He ignores his throbbing eardrums, and concentrates on staying awake long enough to get to the kitchen and turn on the lights. Once the lights are on, it's harder for his eyes to close. With one arm, he throws open cupboards, trying to find wherever Cillian has stored the formula mix. His Noise almost swears, but he averts it just in time. After all, he remembers Colleen saying you don't want my Todd picking up on those habits, now do you? He frowned, pained by the memory. It's been a hard…however much time had passed. He'd lost track almost immediately, which was not hard when every night is spent trying to calm a wailing baby. He finds the formula, mixes it in with a little sheep milk, and slops the mixture into a bottle. He'll clean up the mess in the morning. He holds the bottle for Todd, and Todd reaches for it eagerly, wails stopping for the moment. Ben plops down on one of the kitchen chairs, glad that his headache has stopped growing along with Todd's cries. When Todd finishes the bottle, he cries for more. Ben anticipated this. There's more formula in the pan. He loads up another bottle, but Todd won't drink. Huh. Must be the diaper then.
He's gotten to the point where he is apathetic toward even the diaper, but a quick check tells Ben there is nothing in there, with Todd's decibel level growing higher by the minute. Ben sighs in resignation. Nothing to do but wait this one out. He and Cillian both refused, however tired they were, to leave the infant alone while it was upset. It just seemed wrong. He checks the clock:
3:05 am. Sigh.
A minute later, Cillian stumbles into the room, and collapses on one of the kitchen chairs. "Can't sleep," he mutters. "Might as well."
Ben understands. Cillian's face looks almost gray, though Ben can't tell if it's just the light playing tricks on him. No, not gray: ashen. Ben imagines he must similar. Grief for Colleen and caring for Todd has allowed them very little time for anything else. Cillian sees the picture in Ben's Noise.
"That bad, huh?" Ben nods. Concern starts to seep through his Noise.
"Shuttup," Cillian mutters, but doesn't mean it.
Todd's cries had become softer for a minute, but it seems he was only catching his breath. The sound in the room rockets once again. Ben thinks they would have to yell over it to hear one another, so he switches to his Noise.
So…
Can't you think of any way of getting 'im to quiet down?
Ben gets a little testy. If I could, would we be sittin' here listenin' to him?
I wish his ma was here. Colleen.
Colleen. Their sadness is palpable.
We should have gone down there. We should have.
Cillian. We have been over this. Too many times.
Well maybe I want to go over it another goddamn time!
Ben flinches.
We didn't go down there cuz we didn't know what was goin' on. There was no way for us to know what was goin' on til after. We agreed that we'd promised Colleen that we'd protect Todd, and that came first. She knew what she was getting herself into. She wanted to stop it. It was her choice.
Did she know? She thought she'd be back… Another wave of grief threatens to overwhelm Cillian's Noise. Ben reaches out to him in his own Noise. He reaches back.
I don't think she knew she'd be killed. She knew she was doin' the right thing, tho.
Cillian has no response. Todd's volume has reached new levels. Ben stands, walks, shifts Todd around, pats his back, talks to him. Nothing. It's 3:30. How can one baby keep it up for so long? Before Ben can stop it, a shudder rolls down his back. Then another. In an instant, Cillian is at his side, a hand on his shoulder, concern and tenderness reaching out to him.
"Ben," he says.
Ben looks at him, and tears sting the corners of his eyes. "I don't get it. What does this baby want?" he yells over Todd, and holds him out. Todd screams on unabashedly, as if unaware of him and Cillian, just trapped up in his head. "I've tried everythin', and he just keeps crying. I can't do this Cillian. I can't be…whatever this baby needs me to be."
"Yes, you can be." Cillian yells it as a statement of fact. "Both of us can." Cillian states at Todd, and gets an idea; Ben sees it on his face.
"What? I'll try anythin'."
"Maybe that baby is just missin' his Ma, that's why he screams so loud."
"He's too young…"
"Naw. Baby's know their ma's. I had enough siblings to know."
That was true.
"Maybe he needs somethin' to remind him of his Ma," Cillian finishes.
"Like what?"
He thinks. "What was that song she was always singin' to him?"
Both of them had had it stuck in their heads for weeks on end and had driven the other crazy with it. In a few minutes, even with their fogged heads, they pull it together using each other's memories. Ben hummed the beginning of the tune. It sounded right.
"You sing it, Ben. You have the better voice."
So Ben sang, with his voice and in his Noise.
Early one morning,
Just as the sun was rising,
I heard a young maid sing,
In the valley below.
Oh, don't deceive me,
Oh, never leave me,
How could you use
A poor maiden so?
Remember the vows,
That you made to your Mary,
Remember the bow'r,
Where you vowed to be true,
Oh Gay is the garland,
And fresh are the roses,
I've culled from the garden,
To place upon thy brow.
Thus sang the poor maiden,
Her sorrows bewailing,
Thus sang the poor maid,
In the valley below.
And, wonder of all wonders, as Ben sang, Todd slowly quieted, and eventually slept. Ben's voice cracks on the last note with the effort of keeping in tune. He and Cillian look at each other for a long moment, then smile in relief, too exhausted to celebrate.
"Let's get some sleep while we can," Cillian finally whispers, already heading back to bed.
"Yeah," Ben agrees fervently. Nothing seems better.
Todd slept through the rest of that night, and a good part of the next morning. So did Ben and Cillian. Of course, the next night, he was at it again. This time, it was Cillian's turn to stay up. He fed Todd, held him, walked with him, but eventually gave up and woke Ben, pleading for help. Ben sang the song again, and Todd quieted, and slept the whole rest of the night. Cillian tried to sing, but his voice was raspy, and couldn't hit the notes as well as Ben could. Ben became official lullaby-er, sometimes singing both Todd and Cillian to sleep. It wasn't a job he had expected, but he grew to like it. Even after Todd was old enough to sleep on his own, way old enough, Ben would still hum the song when Todd was feeling down or uncertain. Cillian would always stop to listen, sometimes humming along with him, sometimes just watching.
So, many years later, after Cillian was…gone…
(so strange, that I'm still here, without him…),
…and he and Todd had been separated for, in Ben's opinion, far, far too long, and after Ben had gone through such a strange transformation himself…
(what would you think of me now, Cillian? Looks like we weren't the only ones to use our Noise like voices all the time. I miss you. Oh God, how I miss you),
…he's coming down to New Prentisstown…
(Haven?)
…on the back of a creature that the Clearing
(humans? Clearing? Settlers? This is confusing.)
…call Battlemore, he can not stop humming the song. By the time they've actually gotten close to the city, he is singing at full blast, the words and melody pouring out of him. The Return wonders why, so Ben lets him in, shows him. The Return is touched, but will not show it. Nope, not ever. Oh well.
Todd can hear the song now, any moment.
Oh, don't deceive me,
Oh, never leave me,
How could you use
A poor maiden so?
A/N: R&R please.