A/N: So, this is my first Hawaii 5-0 fic and I honestly had no intention of ever writing it but it just came to me. And I know better than to fight with my Muse.
I love Steve and Catherine, I think they're fantastic together and I'm really excited about the prospect of Michelle Borth becoming a regular next season. I'm not sure how they'll pull this off but maybe something along the lines of this story. For the purpose of this fic, the finale had one tragic result which I'm hoping will not really happen but who knows. Oh, and I'm really ignoring the Steve's mom is Shelburne storyline because I have no explanation for that.
Nau wale no means Just for you in Hawaiian. At least I hope I can trust the Internet on that.
Disclaimer: If I owned this, Catherine would've been a regular (or at least more of a guest star) from the start.
It's late at night when her phone rings and she smiles with the knowledge it could really be only one person calling. But when she takes the phone in her hand, the smile morphs into a confused expression. Because while the area code lets her know it is from Hawaii, she doesn't recognize the number and adopts a professional manner.
"Lt. Rollins."
"Catherine?"
The male voice on the other end is somewhat familiar but she can't place it.
"Yes, this is Lt. Catherine Rollins. Who am I speaking to?"
"Oh, right. I'm Danny, Danny Williams. Steve's partner?"
Of course, she knows it now and remembers Danny, the blond-haired detective and relaxes for a fraction. Until she feels dread inside her when her mind asks Why is Danny calling me?
"I remember. Why are you...Is everything alright?" She doesn't add with Steve but they both know that's what she's thinking.
"Well, you see, that is a complicated question. Steve is fine but nothing is alright and I just..." He trails off, not sure how to say what he wants to say.
"Danny. Start from the beginning. What is going on?" She maintains her calm even as the dread turns more into worry because the detective isn't making a lot of sense.
"It's...You remember Kono? She was killed a week ago."
And he recounts the entire story for her, everything about Frank Delano and Chin's choice and Catherine feels a deep sadness for the man who was forced to choose between two women he loved. She hasn't really been privy to the details of the task force's everyday dealings but this sounds like something out of a horrifying movie.
"So, you haven't caught him yet?"
"No, he's an elusive bastard even though we've been on this every day, every waking moment and we just can't seem to wrap our heads around it. Oh, and on top of that, Steve wasn't even here when this happened and that's just...icing on the cake."
And Danny's phone call starts to make sense. She remembers what Steve was like after his father's death, still chasing the man who killed his father, the way he refused to stop and just mourn but took terrible risks and didn't listen to anybody. Not being there for Kono adds guilt to the mix and this becomes a potentially explosive situation.
"How is he doing?"
"Well, you know how Steve is. Super Navy Seal, ready to rip anyone's head off who doesn't comply with what we are doing. He's...he's burning the candle from both ends and I don't know what to do with this."
Catherine falls silent for a moment. She can hear the silent, unspoken question in Danny's voice and yet understands his hesitance. He must be unsure of what their relationship is like and, truth be told, she thinks both her and Steve have no idea as well. But no matter the undefined boundaries between them, he did call her and there is only one thing she can do.
"Danny. I've got some leave coming up. I'll be in Hawaii in a day."
And when he doesn't protest, she knows that is exactly what the detective had been itching to ask.
She arrives in Hawaii a day later, tired and jet-lagged from traveling through different time zones but she pushes that aside. She didn't really have any leave coming up for another month but she took out emergency leave, something she's never done before but the situation seemed too important not to do it.
It isn't until she is walking up the steps to Steve's house when Catherine starts thinking about what she's doing. Does he even want her there? They haven't seen each other since his reserve training and while that was fun, as always, she knows their unspoken rule This is not a relationship. Theirs is something hovering between the lines of friends-with-benefits and a relationship but like many things in Steve's life, they don't talk about it.
So when she knocks on his door, she decides it's best to be the playful and fun Catherine he knows; any downright show of emotion might shut him down.
He opens the door and she can immediately see how he's been burning the candle. He's more tightly wound than usual, he looks exhausted and on edge and the surprise of seeing her mixes into the sadness and anger already in his eyes.
"Cath, what are you doing here?"
He probably doesn't mean to sound so coarse, so accusing and she barely manages not to flinch at the tone of his voice.
"Well, hello to you too, Commander. I had leave and enough time, so I decided to cross the distance this time."
In an instant she knows he doesn't believe her; they read each other too well for that to ever work.
"Danny called you, didn't he?"
She shrugs and refuses to let herself feel guilty because his tone is now accusing, even somewhat disappointed.
"What if he did?"
Steve sighs, knowing just how like his partner this behavior is. "Look, I appreciate you coming here but I'm fine. We're almost closing the case, anyway, so I don't really need someone to coddle me and I don't have the time to be catching up."
She knows exactly what he means by catching up and it cuts her deeper than she expected. Why is she here when all he thinks she is capable of is having sex with him? But this isn't about her or even about their undefined relationship and this is his frustration speaking, so she bites down on her lip to stop that train of thought and instead looks at him defiantly.
"If you say you are fine, then so be it. But I'm not here to coddle you. You are down one member of your team and I think you could use someone for awhile. The more people are handling this, the faster you can catch Delano. Admit it, you were going to call me for help anyway." It's not what she was going to do but the desperation speaks in her, trying her best not to let Steve cut her off.
He seems to take her offer in and finally nods slowly. "That's...very thoughtful of you, Cath. We could use your expertise, I suppose."
And finally, after what seems like forever, he lets her walk in. They are immersed in files and trails immediately and she begins to understand the massiveness of this all for the first time. She doesn't even know how she's going to use naval resources while she's on leave but it doesn't matter because he's let her in and she plans to hold on to this for as long as she can.
When she meets Danny again, he's surprised but also astonished at what she's accomplished even if she didn't quite manage to make Steve slow down. Chin is distraught but also fiercely focused on the task at hand, even more so than Steve but Catherine knows he can rely on his wife. The amount of guilt and doubt that must be plaguing them both, though, is something that doesn't just go away and she hopes they can overcome the consequences of his choice.
They work on the case for the next three days, intense as ever. Catherine calls her commanding officer and is brief but concise in her words, careful not to explicitly tie her being there with Steve's presence. It's not like everybody doesn't know about their unconventional arrangement but she prefers not to acknowledge it.
Her commanding officer has a different opinion, however. "Lt. Rollins, you requested emergency leave for personal issues. I wasn't quite aware you had personal business in Hawaii."
"Well, sir, sometimes things just come up." She hates his tone, knows exactly what he's thinking, how he's patronizing her because he knows exactly what personal business she could have in Hawaii.
"Yes, funny how that is. I have spoken to the governor and he has backed you up on this request but I hope you do realize how this will affect your career at NAVCENT and maybe even in the entire navy."
And this is the first moment she really thinks about what she is doing. Catherine has always been very strict about her career, about never sacrificing that for anything. She remembers her mother who gave up her law degree and a promising career for her father and thirteen years later when his father left them for a more successful woman, had no idea what to do. She promised right then that she would never give up anything for a man, the idea of that kind of power unacceptable for her. But at the same time, Steve is not just any man and she rationalizes her choice by telling herself she's doing this to help find Kono's killer because she was a good person.
"Yes, sir, I do realize that."
"Very well then, lieutenant. After this...personal business is concluded, you are expected to report to Pearl Harbor."
"Yes, sir, thank you."
In her head, she wants to scream because to be sent to Pearl Harbor means nothing good. But she lets that go and focuses on finding the men responsible.
A week later they find Delano and she breathes easily for the first time since arriving at Hawaii, not even having realized how tense she's been. Steve is a man of barely unleashed anger and fury while Chin manages to get a couple of punches at Delano before HPD separates the two. Catherine watches the man who played god with the lives of two women and feels disgusted when he watches her openly and lets everyone see just how much he is appreciating her.
"Already new chick on board? I've got to hand it to you, McGarrett – you sure know how to pick them. You could've sent her to take care of me, I would've like that so much better."
She doesn't look away, doesn't show any weakness, only contempt for Delano but she notices how the tension rises in Steve, how he would love nothing more for Delano to keep talking and give him an excuse to release all the anger. She touches his hip lightly with her hand, the closest they've been physically since she arrived and while it startles him at first, he gradually relaxes, the tension leaving.
When they arrive back at Steve's, after a day of interrogating Delano and really tying up all the loose ends, she somewhat dreads what is going to happen, now that she doesn't have a rational reason for being there.
But Steve doesn't tell her to leave so she takes it as a good sign and instead they sit on his porch, watching the waves crash on the beach. She isn't sure what to say; all the usual things people tell other people in mourning seem futile and inadequate. And she doesn't want to push him too far before he is ready but the grief he is carrying with him is weighing him down.
"I, uh, suppose you're flying back to the Gulf now." It's not quite a statement, almost like a question he's not willing to ask but wants to know the answer to anyway.
"Yeah, but who knows for how long." She hasn't told him about what her commanding officer told her, hasn't wanted to make him feel responsible for that because it had been her choice.
Something in the tone of her voice makes him look at her intently and then he realizes everything without asking. "You're not being sent back to NAVCENT, are you? And you didn't have any leave coming up which means you're on emergency leave."
Steve knows the navy just like she does, so she doesn't lie but nods slowly. "Reporting for duty at Pearl Harbor."
"You didn't have to do this, Cath. I mean, we needed help and the governor backed you up on this, so there is really no adequate reason for them to not take you back."
"Steve." Her voice holds a warning but he pays no heed to it.
"You know what, I'll call NAVCENT and put in a good word for you; there is no reason your career should be held back because you helped catch a killer."
"No, you won't. That would make things only worse."
He frowns in confusion but his face clears when he realizes the implications of that. Him calling in for her would be more detrimental to her career than being sent to Pearl Harbor is. And not for the first time, he realizes this thing they have could be doing her more harm than good.
"Right, yes. I just don't want you to lose your career over the good you did."
Catherine feels pained at his insistence this was about her career, about a job and she just has to let him know because she's been silent for too long. "This is not about that and you really should know it by now."
And there it is what he's suspected for longer than he can remember. They've always been undefined and he's been fine with that because he doesn't want to be the thing that makes her professionalism questionable, so there have been no declarations. But, for the first time, he thinks maybe they should because whatever she means to him, it's something deep and important and he can't probably ever let her go. So, instead, he lets her in.
"I wasn't there when it happened. I was in Japan, chasing down a ghost and I just keep thinking if I'd been there, maybe she would still be alive." He whispers it all, the raw pain finally making itself seen and she understands what this is about.
She wraps her arms around him and he willingly lets her hold him, done with pushing her away because he does need her.
"Kono was such a good cop. Hard-working, determined, professional but willing to take risks. She had this fierce quality about her, this desire to mend things, to fix brokenness. She could see the light in the darkest of things, even in Adam Noshimuri who was, of all things, a yakuza. But she believed in him."
He's not even thinking about the words, they just come out, unbidden but he doesn't care. He talks about Kono, about all that he's been thinking and feeling and she remains quiet, just calming him with her presence.
When he stops, he feels lighter. The pain is still there but it's more of a dull throbbing now and he sees things more clearly than he has for awhile.
He turns slightly, looking her in the eyes and reads her determination, her support, the softness she always could show him and a depth of emotions he's been afraid to figure out so far but wants to understand now.
His hands cradle her face and instead of telling her what he's feeling, he kisses her, softly, lightly, translating everything into this one kiss which doesn't go any further than that.
"Thank you, Cath." She smiles softly and her demotion is the farthest thing from both of their minds because this, what they are finally letting happen, is better than any career.
A/N: Thoughts, comments, feedback?