A/N - so yeah. This is not your ordinary Middle-Earth-character-falls-into-Earth-story. This may actually be kinda original. Maybe. I doubt it. Anyhow, enjoy.

Disclaimer - I own nothing. I even borrowed this computer to write this story one from a good friend of mine who could not bear to see me suffer, alone, in my tiny, cramped and dark jail cell, with nowhere to write fanfiction down. Erenriel Dreamweaver, I owe you one. Btw, go look at her stuff! She needs to update (aHEM!) but what the heck, read it anyways. So here we go (at last!!) Read and review, or I won't know if you want me to write more and I shall come after you with a kitchen knife unless you review. Wait, I didn't really mean that. I'm not homicidal. Yet.

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Ch. 1 - Aiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!(oof!)

Ria was sleeping. At that moment which we interrupt her repose, she was having a particularly good dream about a certain elf with long blond hair who is damn hot, who had taken it into his head to kidnap her. (A/N - I actually had that dream. V. cool.)

Just as that certain elf was about to tie her up and carry her off into the sunset, something out of the ordinary happened.

Something hit her stomach like a thousand tons of bricks, or a cat thrown at high velocity from the top of a building. "Oof!"

"Aiyaaaaaaa!" whatever it was screamed in a harsh, raspy voice. Oh, great, Ria thought, It's alive. Her stomach clenched in fear.

It certainly was alive. It struggled and wriggled, tangling itself until it was caught inextricably in her bedsheets. "Ach! It hurts us! We cannot breathe! Let us out!"

There's more than one of them? Ria thought in dismay. She heaved the entire mass of sheets off her bed and onto the floor, and began sorting through the mess.

It was pitch-black in her room, so she couldn't see whatever it was that she was untangling, but then it bit her. "Phwaw! Nassty, not good food for poor hungry Smeagol!" it said as it spit her finger (still, however, firmly attached to her hand, thank goodness) out of its mouth.

Ria's heart nearly stopped. Had she heard correctly? Smeagol?! Oh. My. GOD! she thought. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be.

She flicked on the light as the creature finally managed to disentangle itself from the mess that had been her bedcovers. "Oh my god," she said aloud. "Oh man."

A small, skinny - that was the kindest word she could think of to describe it - greenish-black creature with enormous gleaming green eyes sat cowering on her carpet. "Don't hurt us," it whimpered, rocking back and forth, clutching its knees to its skinny chest. "Nice Smeagol, won't hurt you. Be nice. Not like master. Nasssty hobbitses, tried to tricks us. But we got them, yes we did. Our Precious is back!" Suddenly it looked up, eyes wide with fear. "Nooooooo!" it screamed, scrabbling through the blankets as though searching for something. "It is gone! We were tricksded! Nasssty cruel hobbitses playing mean games with poor Smeagol! His Precious is gone!"

Smeagol (Ria decided that she would believe him for now) burst into tears.

Ria began to feel rather sorry for him. "Smeagol," she said gently. "What are you talking about? What's wrong?"

"My Precious, my Precious is gone. They tooks it from us, the nasty tricksy creatures. Oh my poor Precious. Smeagol has lost you again," he moaned, seeming in an agony of grief.

"Look, uh, Smeagol, if you've lost your Precious then maybe there's a good reason for it," Ria tried to explain, knowing well the history of the One Ring and Smeagol's obsession with it - and just as glad that he had lost it, because if memory served her correctly, he had last been holding it with Frodo's finger still attached. Yuck! "You've gotta quit it cold turkey, OK?"

"What'sss cold turkey, my Precious? What's cold turkey?"

"It's an expression," Ria said. "It means you stop doing something with no weaning off it, just stop. Right. There. And. Never. Do. It. Again. Clear?"

"What'ss weaning, my Precious? What's that?"

"Never you mind. It doesn't matter." Ria sighed. She had always hoped for a LoTR character to drop into her world (in this case, literally) but she would never have thought of that character being Gollum.

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A/N- so there you go. Ch. 1 down, 1 244 350 776 375 more to go. Just joking. I think. (I do?! *Knocks against her skull* Bong, bong, bong. Guess not, no brain.)