Sins Not Tragedies

I got up from bed and the sun was already high above. Did I miss the alarm? I rubbed my eyes and apparently, no, my clock was off and this was simply a beautiful Saturday, or was it? My phone lay on the nightstand and started to vibrate with the screen showing a new message from Mary. 'Waiting for you at the church, babe.' I blinked my eyes a few times, thinking hard. Church? With Ryan's girlfriend? I rushed to my desk and checked my daily memo. ''Wedding'' was the only word on the page. Ryan and Mary was going to marry today? 'Couldn't let it happen.' I thought to myself while grabbing my car keys and swang the door shut behind me.

It didn't matter how Ryan called me, although he always referred to me as Brendon. I knew girls better than Ryan, and I knew that he wouldn't be happy with Mary, and neither would I. I just couldn't believe that after all my effort and implications trying to convincing him to cancel the wedding, he still went on his own way. I could guarantee you that every day Ryan got at least two voice mails warning him against Mary's one-night-stand with people in an almost angry tone from me (and I had already done it once automatically this morning). Clearly he didn't bother to listen to my advice, so I decided that the only thing I had to do now was to stop this whole wedding thing before it was too late. I almost ran through the red light as I refocused my mind on the road and the wheel made a sharp scream against the rough ground. My head snapped forwards and I felt a stunning light. Why did it have to be now?

I looked around, noticing another voice mail from Brendon. 'All that stupid stuff.' I smirked and started driving. I should be quick now or I might miss the wedding and leave my poor Mary waiting alone in the rest of her life. I pushed my car to its fast, ignoring the speed limit. Ten minutes later, the church was in sight and I let out a sigh of relieve. Looking in the reverse mirror, I suddenly noticed my messy hair and the fact that I didn't even get dressed up as a proper groom! Mary was going to blame me for this.

The red carpet was set, and flowers were decorated beautifully everywhere. The guests hadn't come yet, and the space was filled with dignity and silence. As I was pacing the pews in a church corridor, I couldn't help but to notice someone talking. 'What a beautiful wedding!' Said the bride's maid to the waiter. I gave them a quick smile before my elegant Mary appeared in front of me and dragged me away to deal with my sloppy appearance. 'Hurry, Ryan, we have no time to lose!' Mary said, managed to remain elegant. After she left me alone I opened the closet and found lots of different outfit I could choose from. Believe me, I would much like to see only one suit in that closet.

Having my thoughts back, unexpectedly, I found myself at the church. Okay, maybe I just bumped my head and forgot everything after the little accident on the road, but why was I dressing in red and black like a magician with a hat on my head and even a cane in my hand? I needed to stop Ryan's wedding! Church bells rang and I heard Mary calling Ryan's name. I wondered where he was, too. I snuck out the church, avoiding the coming guests. Two waiters stood outside the church, relaxing and talking. They definitely said something about my weird clothing but I was also sure that they said something like 'What a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore'. See, Ryan? Even the waiter knew about your future wife! Why couldn't you just believe me? I was the person that knew you best! I found a group of people coming out the church behind me, dressing up like those in a circus, wearing heavy make-up and painting their faces white with exaggerated eyeliners. Oh, I remembered that I had called my friends the night before to help me destroy the wedding! 'Haven't you people ever heard of closing the Goddamn door?' I shouted. People inside the church should not learn about our plan before we carried it out. I gave them some instructions as they nodded in agreement. After all, they knew that it was better for Ryan not to marry Mary. I was really trying to help.

I felt a pinch on my shoulder and I turned around, only to find Mary standing angrily in front of me. Jesus, what had I done wrong? She stared at me and asked, 'Where have you been, Ryan? We're all waiting for you and you simply disappeared from your room?' 'Mary, I don't know what you're ta-'. 'Don't, ' Mary stopped me, 'just, get through the wedding first, okay?' I forced a smile and said yes, taking her hand as gently as I could, and led the way out to the red carpet, unaware of the red outfit left on the floor. The guests cheered loudly as they should for a wedding pair. 'I love you.' Mary said to me, silently. 'I love you, too.' I whispered back. We walked through the red carpet and stopped at the end. The priest read the prayer and we vowed. Well, just when I was about to say 'I do', the church gate opened and a mass group of people dressing in weird customs pushed in and danced around as he they were crazy. 'What the hell?' I frowned. Mary shot a questioning look towards me. I shrugged. I didn't know nothing about this.

I thought I saw Brendon in red walking towards me, but I knew that it was impossible. When I was out, it was not possible for Brendon to come out at the same time, too. A sense of horror went through my spine when I absent-mindedly thought of the red outfit on the floor. Had Brendon really been here? Sure he had, and he was trying to stop my wedding, too. Screw him, why did I have double personality? And why the other me was always against me, myself? It was annoying. We always had a fight over the issue who should take control of this body. But apparently, we hadn't reached any agreement which was why Brendon always showed up whenever he liked, and did whatever he liked, basically. To make things worse, Mary had never seen Brendon before and if he came out anytime, it would be a tragedy, or even worse...

'Ryan, Ryan! Are you lost, honey? It's time to pour the champagne!' Mary broke my chain of thoughts and asked. 'Yeah, yeah, sure. I'm sorry.' I replied. 'What's wrong with you today? You seem...I don't know, you behaved strangely. Is the wedding too big a thing for you?' Damn right, for both me and Brendon. I couldn't even imagine what Brendon would do after my wedding, if only Mary and I had the chance to finish the ceremony without his disturbance. The only thing that I was sure about was that he wouldn't kill me. Not too bad, was it? 'Urm...I guess I'm just...too nervous today. You know...wedding...' My voice trailed off and kind of betrayed me.

My phone screamed and interrupted the silence. I was embarrassed, searching for the phone in my suit pockets while the guests watched in surprise, except those circus men. They were smiling with a bit of sly in their eyes. Text from an unknown person. ''RYAN, WHATEVER YOU & MARY ARE DOING, STOP IT, AND FACE ME.'' Brendon! Of course. Mary grabbed my phone away from my trembling hand and I paled. Mary seemed to have enough of me and demanded an explanation from me in front all these guests. 'Ryan, you're hiding something from me, that's fine, but this is NOT hiding at all!' I was completely innocent. It was all Brendon's faults! 'Listen, Mary, I know there's a lot to explain, but it's difficult, okay? I promise that you will get an answer, but Jesus, not now!' I clutched my head. Brendon had made this totally out of control. Mary ran out the church gate without a second look at me. A man, face painted in white, jumped over the pew and followed out. I gazed in doubt. My brain was on the edge of exploding. Gave me a break, Brendon, please.

Raising my head once again, I smiled widely with a sense of satisfaction of breaking Ryan's wedding. 'Alright, the party isn's over yet. My so-called circus friends applauded and cheered my name, which was Brendon, loudly. The rest of the guests looked at me, stunned, probably thinking how the groom could possibly go insane on his wedding day. I saw Ryan's phone and that one of my circus friends had sent out my message just as I instructed earlier. 'Good job, my friends! Looks like Ryan's not gonna make it today!' I announced. The other guests still remained in horror. I studied their facial expression carefully, thinking of the text from Ryan last night before I went to bed, I chuckled. ''Brendon, it's better to face this kind of things with a sense of poise and rationality.'' Was it? Then ruined your life with this Mary, I didn't want to say it but, yeah, whore. Come on, Ryan, how many times did I have to tell you? Mary didn't like you, but your wealth! Her love was actually one of my white-faced friends, and you didn't even know his name. 'Let go, Ryan. And don't be so silly to believe that you can technically save the marriage. You've got to listen to me sometimes, and don't just think you know everything better than me. Somehow you are part of me. There're still things I know better than you do, like girls! Friends, let me be honest with you. This is something Ryan won't ever do. Ryan and I, Brendon, share the same body. Basically we are two minds that live inside a troubled body. In other words, double personality.' The guests were now in fierce discussion about Ryan and me. I suddenly felt like an inch taller as all the secrets and pressure on my shoulders were lifted up. 'I feel like giving my body back to Ryan now, and you, guys, will give him this final warning from Brendon: Go see for himself what Mary's doing now. And don't thank me for that!'

Falling back a few steps, I felt dizzy returning to my body. I opened my eyes and blinked as hard as I could. With the phone still tight in my grasp and the guests dumb-founded, I knew that Brendon must have done something terrible, but what? I was extremely confused by this annoying Brendon. He already succeeded in ruining my wedding, and my bride had just run away, what did he want now? Was it not enough for me to suffer? The priest slowly stepped in and carefully observed me with great concern as if he was trying to identify a long-lost friend. 'Excuse me, are you...Rrrryan...Ryan Ross?' The priest asked in trembling voice. I inhaled then exhaled long, letting my heart sink to the very bottom of my body. They already knew, they already knew my deepest secret. I was completely naked, exposed to the people now. 'You, you've met Brendon, haven't you?' And not only the priest, also the guests, nodded their heads in silence. I was done here. 'He told you to go out and see what Mary's doing...' One of the guests finally broke the awkward silence. 'Anything else he wanted to tell me?' I managed to stay calm, but I knew that I was just pretending. 'No...' The guest replied after an unsure hesitation. All things around me fell back into death silence. I felt a shadow hanging over me and that I was bearing so much pressure and weird looks from the guests. Mary was not here with me. She was the one that left of first. I stormed out, reluctant to admit that I had that tiny moment in which I thought Brendon might be right. What did he want to show me behind this church gate? I could almost feel Brendon's hand grab my tie and literally dragged me towards the gate.

Kissing and touching with a white-faced stranger was all I saw after opening the gate. Now I was completely disconsolate, and I pictured Brendon brushing his hand slightly through the edge of his hat with a little, triumphant smile. He always did that when winning an argument against me. 'Darling!' With a fake expression indicating how pathetic I was, Mary pulled away from the stranger, red spreading around her lips. How could I trust in her for so long? She was the one that mentioned the wedding first, not me. How could he possibly do this to me? I felt like saying something but the words simply chocked in my throat. Several palms pressed on my shoulders. I believed they belonged to Brendon's friends that had followed me out the gate. And I also believed that some of them were actually, sad, for my sake. No matter there were true or fake emotions under their make-up, it all looked sad to me, which only made me feel worse. It seemed that even they didn't expect things to turn out like this. I thought Brendon was the only one that didn't even have a shred of regret on what had happened today.

'I gave up, Brendon.' I whispered to the other me. I knew he could hear me. It's time that I let my defence down. I was so tired of all these conflicts and arguments. I paced back to my room, eyes stopped on the piece of red clothing on the floor.

It was good to be back in my magician's suit again, with hat and cane, of course. Ryan himself had put these things on himself. I heard what he had said and I was glad that he finally saw the whole picture and gave in. He wouldn't last long with Mary anyway, so it was better to end this way. He welcomed me now, and the double personality would gradually blend into one, I hope. I never meant to set him up on something bad, it was just, we had completely different thoughts. Sometimes I was right, and sometimes he. I might have committed sins like tearing apart a wedding pair, but overall I guessed, this was not a tragedy at all, was it? Ryan's free from Mary, and I was free from Ryan.

As I pictured Ryan messing about in my magician's suit with my friends, I took out the phone and sent out the second voice mail of today.

''Ryan, you had said this before, but please, let me remind you again. FACE YOURSELF WITH A SENSE OF POISE AND RATIONALITY.''

END