I miss him. God, I miss him.
I never thought I could love anyone more than I love Arwen. Beautiful Arwen, who would give up her immortality, her life, for someone like me. Every time I am reminded of her I am racked with a terrible guilt, a sorrow that cannot be undone, and I would weep...
I would weep...
Then I think of him. Another beautiful creature that I have desired, and that I have had. And now...another that I have lost...
It was not supposed to happen. We were not supposed to happen. Perhaps we never should have. But living without the love I have received and felt for him...that fills me with dread. Not even Arwen made me feel this passion, not even losing Arwen would make me feel this grief.
Perhaps we were meant to be together, for however short a time. We were brought together in a Fellowship...a quest. A mission to destroy something that could in itself destroy us, and the world. There were others...we were an unlikely group. There were the four Hobbits... Samwise Gangee, Peregrin Took, Meriadoc Brandybuck, and the chosen one...the ringbearer, Frodo Baggins. They have a strong sense of loyalty, Hobbits, and the loyalty between these young creatures was unbreakable. I swore to protect Frodo, loved him, but as a father, for my true love was for the one who I have lost forever. There was the elf prince, Legolas...tall, elegant, beautiful, just like all the elves, and brave. There was the dwarf Gimli, a stubborn creature but good-hearted. There was the wise old magician Gandalf...you must know of him, by name or reputation. And there was Boromir...
Boromir...
Every moment, waking or dreaming, I remember the times we shared. Words spoken in anger, hatred, fear, and love. Words whispered in the dark of night when he would come to me and we would forget our quest and responsibility and feel nothing but the heat and passion from each other. Touches and kisses that I can still taste.
And he was taken from me. My friend, my brother. My lover. My Boromir.
As he lay dying on the ground, there were hardly any words between us, but more love than either of us had ever known. And a last kiss...to contain myself from taking my own sword and ramming it into my heart and laying down beside him. I wanted to be with him forever, and our last gesture was a kiss on his scarred forehead.
But they were there, and they needed me. Legolas needed me. He needed me to be the strong one, he needed a mentor, he needed a companion, for his soul is strong, and he will complete this quest, though not willingly alone. Gimli needed me. He needed me to tell him when he was going wrong, he needed me to tell him which way to go. The Hobbits needed me. The Orcs had taken Pippin and Merry, and they needed me to rescue them. And Frodo needed me. He needed me to protect him, but perhaps he needed me for more, for we had grown a strong bond.
But at that moment, Boromir needed me.
And I knew that it was time to let go.
I never thought I could love anyone more than I love Arwen. Beautiful Arwen, who would give up her immortality, her life, for someone like me. Every time I am reminded of her I am racked with a terrible guilt, a sorrow that cannot be undone, and I would weep...
I would weep...
Then I think of him. Another beautiful creature that I have desired, and that I have had. And now...another that I have lost...
It was not supposed to happen. We were not supposed to happen. Perhaps we never should have. But living without the love I have received and felt for him...that fills me with dread. Not even Arwen made me feel this passion, not even losing Arwen would make me feel this grief.
Perhaps we were meant to be together, for however short a time. We were brought together in a Fellowship...a quest. A mission to destroy something that could in itself destroy us, and the world. There were others...we were an unlikely group. There were the four Hobbits... Samwise Gangee, Peregrin Took, Meriadoc Brandybuck, and the chosen one...the ringbearer, Frodo Baggins. They have a strong sense of loyalty, Hobbits, and the loyalty between these young creatures was unbreakable. I swore to protect Frodo, loved him, but as a father, for my true love was for the one who I have lost forever. There was the elf prince, Legolas...tall, elegant, beautiful, just like all the elves, and brave. There was the dwarf Gimli, a stubborn creature but good-hearted. There was the wise old magician Gandalf...you must know of him, by name or reputation. And there was Boromir...
Boromir...
Every moment, waking or dreaming, I remember the times we shared. Words spoken in anger, hatred, fear, and love. Words whispered in the dark of night when he would come to me and we would forget our quest and responsibility and feel nothing but the heat and passion from each other. Touches and kisses that I can still taste.
And he was taken from me. My friend, my brother. My lover. My Boromir.
As he lay dying on the ground, there were hardly any words between us, but more love than either of us had ever known. And a last kiss...to contain myself from taking my own sword and ramming it into my heart and laying down beside him. I wanted to be with him forever, and our last gesture was a kiss on his scarred forehead.
But they were there, and they needed me. Legolas needed me. He needed me to be the strong one, he needed a mentor, he needed a companion, for his soul is strong, and he will complete this quest, though not willingly alone. Gimli needed me. He needed me to tell him when he was going wrong, he needed me to tell him which way to go. The Hobbits needed me. The Orcs had taken Pippin and Merry, and they needed me to rescue them. And Frodo needed me. He needed me to protect him, but perhaps he needed me for more, for we had grown a strong bond.
But at that moment, Boromir needed me.
And I knew that it was time to let go.