"…And you look like a skank!"
"That's big talk coming from a bobble head!"
"At least I cover myself!"
"You could walk into an BDSM club and no one would bat an eye!"
"Gah!" The blue supervillain threw his hands up, frustrated with the woman. Seriously, how hard was it to act a little bit scared? They had an audience! Well, soon, anyway. Metro Man was taking his sweet-ass time today, and hadn't even made his expected appearance at the Park's reopening yet! Megamind huffed, leaning back into his chair with all his villainous allure. He bet Waaayne was still primping his hair. Fwah!
And to make matters more difficult, his number one kidnappee was being an absolute brat!
"Is that anyway a lady should talk, Miss Ritchi? I'm sure it makes you a ton of free-ends!"
"More friends than you'll ever make, blueberry!"
Oh, that was low even for her.
Megamind bolted upright, causing his chair to squeak on its wheels as it was pushed backwards most roughly. "Call me that again and I'll really make you scream!"
"Oh I'm so scared," Roxanne's voice dripped with sarcasm as she rolled her eyes, "what in heavens will I do?"
"Yes! Beg for mercy! I'll show you to never underestimate me again!" He shouted, and actually slammed his fist onto the control panels, causing one of his torture devises to spur into action. Roxanne, clearly thinking she had been in control, actually jolted with surprise as the razor-sharp blade came spinning and whirling down from the ceiling.
He hadn't intended to let one of his inventions out, but yelped and grappled for the appropriate control to stop the blades—they were so close to her—!
It stopped, finally, after much fuss on his part. He turned, a little bit frightened to find what might be of Miss Ritchi… And thank goodness she was okay.
But apparently it cut a few hairs off her head. Oops.
Minion, who was standing idly by in the background, stared with his jaw open. The razor had been very close to actually touching their hostage.
"Oh my god," she gasped, looking concerned. For once. "Goodness, Megamind, if I knew that calling you names would rile you up so bad I'd hold back a bit."
He sniffed. He didn't want her to know that by calling him blueberry would poke a tender spot. It was a favorite name the kids at school liked to call him.
"No! No, I'm perfectly fine! This is normal me!" Megamind insisted, ignoring Minion's look of worry. "But you're better than calling me names shool-yard brats use!"
Her blue eyes had been actuall anxious, before, but once he finished speaking Roxanne shot him a look of—what? Surprise?
"Shul?"
"That's what I said, damn it!" He threw himself down onto his chair. Great, now she was making fun of his mispronunciation problem. This was turning out to be a disaster before it even begun! He turned to Minion to order him to get the knock-out gas out and cancel today's evil plot, when—
"I thought I was the only one here—I mean, sure there are others, but—Megamind, I had no idea! Where do—or did—you go?.
One of his brows curled upward. Was she actually surprised he went to school? Wow. Sure, he only went for a few months, but still… "I went to shool like everyone else, Miss Ritchi! And I'm looking right through your nosy reporter skills, so don't—"
"It's just I didn't expect you of all people to be Jewish."
A look of confusion fell over his face. He spun around in his chair to face her properly.
"Say what now?"
She was looking in her lap with a look of thoughtfulness, an expression he only saw on her when she was reporting a case particularly interesting, with her brows drawn up and her lips curled into a funny little smile. "Did you have a bar mitzvah? What was your parsha?"
"What?"
She laughed, somewhat nervously. This was… unlike her. "Sorry, haha! I'm just—really surprised! I mean, you're—an alien, right? You've never really confirmed that. As a kid I went to an orthodox shul—Sephardic. But after my father passed away, a little bit after my bat mitzvah, my family became more reformed… Megamind?"
She was looking at him, like she expected him to say something—Oh, had he hit his head on something? He wasn't understanding a word she was saying. Panicking, he shifted his eyes to Minion, who shrugged, clueless as him. What was she talking about?
"Megamind?" She asked again.
"What—what language are you—" If she had somehow changed languages, he had no clue. That frightened him, because he knew just about every language!
With his words, the report's shoulders, previously up and attentive, slowly drooped down along with her expression. Her blue eyes became shifty. Worried, almost. "Shul… You know, synagogue? Temple?"
"I—" Of course he knew was a synagogue was, he wasn't stupid. But—how did Ritchi get the assumption he was apart of one of this planet's religious groups? Megamind wasn't religious himself; he was a man of science. Yet, as a child, he and Minion liked the idea of Heaven—a place where souls go to after a person dies. It comforted him to think his parents still watched out for him, even in death. He hadn't been around long enough on his home planet to know of its religious aspects, but he was not one to completely dismiss the theological belief of a being greater than man. After all, he believed in Destiny to the point of worship. "I don't know what you're talking about, Miss Ritchi. But confusing me will get you nowhere! Minion!" Said henchfish jumped in place. "Plans are canceled! Take Miss Ritchi home!"
Roxanne opened her mouth to speak, looking almost frightened for a moment (wow she was hitting a lot of damsel-worthy expressions today) before Minion brought out the knock-out spray and gave her a reasonable dosage.
They watched the reporter slump in her chair, unconscious. He blinked owlishly and looked to his fishy friend. It seemed they had some research to do on this theology his favorite kidnappee associated herself with.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
Roxanne groaned as she came to, vision blurry and unfocused.
She'd slipped up big time today, and in front of Megamind of all people! Oh, this could be her downfall. If the station found out—Shit, she was fucked.
Slowly, she rose up from her red couch and stretched, angrily rubbing her eyes. Megamind was always looking for a weakness in her, and today he just found it.
Roxanne remembers her childhood well—Shabbat dinner, making challah with Mom, the candles, kissing the mezuzah, preparing herself for her bat mizvah—yet that was in the past, when her father was still alive and well, laughing with her and her brother at the table, walking to shul. It felt like a lifetime ago.
Yet her father died, leaving her mother and her brother and herself alone, to a community, though it meant well, couldn't keep their damn mouths shut with gossip. One little rumor and—oh, poor mama. Roxanne shook her head. Religion, in her eyes, could be good and well, but people—people could just make it shitty.
Still a widow, her mom's "friends" let one little rumor get to them and—well, they moved away, when the stares and whispers became too much, to a smaller community. It was better, and they made new friends and the rabbi was much more understanding—that actually let to her mom getting remarried, but—Roxanne and her brother David went down two very different paths. He went to yeshiva and studied, while she—well, still bitter from the horrible way their community in New Bergville treated them, she moved away to college and got her first real taste of the outside world and became attached. Roxanne's love for journalism grew and she learned, graduated, and—
Drifted. Of course she still spoke to her mom and brother—and her step-dad—but her visits home lessened until she could barely remember the morning prayers anymore. She didn't even have mezuzahs up.
And if—if her boss found out—
"Jews! Filthy, money-greedy rats—never trust one!" Her boss'd said, himself, before her and several people. Fuck, she'd get so fired if he found out—
Vivian, who happened to be Hindu, and a good friend of hers, was "let go" after Joe found out she wasn't "normal". Joe had a serious intolerance for religion in general.
And now Megamind knew because she messed up and misheard him.