HEPHAISTION'S DEATH
Chapter 1 - Coldness
Hephaistion POV
The air is chilling. I feel like an icicle ready to fall down and break into a thousand pieces. I can't do anything against it. I'm in a cage in the mountains above India. Alone. Helpless. No, it can't be possible. Alexander, where is he? He wouldn't leave me here and go on without me. No, he cannot!
I'm awakening… thank the gods, it was only a bad dream. I'm in my room in Babylon. It should be summer, but I'm still freezing. The floor -the cold must be coming from there. What was I doing on the floor? I remember I was eating, then drinking wine, then…the cage in the hills.
No, I must concentrate. I have to get up, or I will get cold again, just as I did last time. Last time, when was it? Lately it seems that I'm always cold. But what had happened today?
I'm still drowsy. Was it last week that I was so ill? Or a month ago? I have a feeling, like between that time and now I had my life replayed.
How beautifully it began and then… the never ending arguments with Alexander. The loneliness that I feel even in my own place. The coldness, which has come lately not only from my companions, but from Alexander as well.
The cold. I should get up. It is almost unbearable. Just a quick jump, and then everything is going to be all right. I'll just count to ten, then I will get up.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Oh, no! I can't move my arms, not even my fingers, not my legs! They are cold, lifeless. I beg you, all the gods and goddesses, please don't let me stay and die like this!
As I stir the only thing I feel is my stomach. It hurts so badly. Now I have a seering pain in my belly aside from the coldness coming from my limbs.
My body is entirely broken. I'm dying here on this stupid floor and nobody is regarding it! How could I become so lonely? Maybe there are guards at the door. But I can't move my head to check. The only part of my being that remains mine are my eyes and the deep pain in my stomach.
I should shout out for help. Then they could call a doctor and I could recover from this illness. But what then? The cold and the loneliness would still be there.
No, I won't shout. I don't need anyone. I will prove that I'm strong on my own. If I have to die today, I will die with honour. Alone, as I lived.
The seconds go by.
Maybe this isn't my last day after all. Maybe the gods want me to live. Maybe I should shout for help. But maybe I should not. My voice must be weak. No one would hear it, and moreover there is only one person who could save me, not just physically, but inside as well. My Alexander… Has he ever been mine? Has he ever cared for me, or was it just physical attraction? Well, it will turn out now. If he had ever really loved me, he would feel that I'm dying, and he would come to me.
The seconds run so fast.
I beg you Alexander, only this time can you not just set aside that you're a damn king, and come here to the only person who truly loves you?
Now my eyes are full of tears. I'm just watching whatever is in front of me.
The golden leaf. How did it get here? Who brought it out? Why? And how could it fall down? It's not possible. There's nothing in this corner of my room. Why is it here? That I should remember Alexander even in my last moments?
He gave it to me when we first rode to battle side by side. To remember the first time we kissed beneath the orange trees. I can still smell the sweet scent, and to tell the truth, I can also taste his lips on mine. The leaf-shaped brooch symbolizes that we belong together.
How could I have known it would end up like this? He –with his ever ascendant narcissism- making me frozen and dead.
No, I'm not dead yet, you could save me Alexander. Alexander please, come to me!
I'm halfway out of this life, I can feel it now. Alexander please my love!
Alexander! Alexander!
„I hate you."