It's been almost three months since my idiot mother dropped me off at the front gates of the worst school in history - - Bullworth Academy; a boarding school full of fights, bullying and selective discipline. The principal, Crabblesnitch didn't like me very much. None of the other students did either. I had been the new kid—or "fresh meat" but I was expelled out of 7 different schools before this, so they could all suck on my balls. I wasn't leaving unless it was my choice.
My favorite thing to do is picklocks. Do you have any idea how much crap someone just leaves in their locker, thinking it's safe? Believe me…you people underestimate those simple mechanical devices. Those locks are so simple to do, a monkey could do it! Anyways, things were going alright for me. I started out with a few friends—this psychotic guy named Gary who decided not to take his meds anymore and some geeky guy named Petey in a pink shirt. At least they were friends…or so I thought. Gary went nuts with a plan to become king of the school, but then felt threatened by me after I basically helped him do most of the work. Asshole. He turned the whole school against me. I mean, who the hell would listen to some nut job who needs serious therapy and a nice little room at the Happy Volts Asylum in the Blue Skies Industrial Park.
Back on topic. Things were going alright. I didn't have friends, but I sure was scoring good with the ladies. There was Angie with her black pigtails and her wire rim glasses. Then there was Beatrice who was a total nerd with poofy 60's hair and thick, green glasses and a soft, squeaky voice. Then there was Christy, the tall redhead with nice lips, Eunice the fatso who would do ANYTHING for a box of chocolates, Lola, the Greaser's slut who kissed practically every guy in school and was rumored to have kissed a few girls, Mandy, who was the head cheerleader and lastly, there was Pinky who was the preppy, rich snob who was originally engaged to her cousin Derby, until I came around.
But that wasn't enough for me. I started to get bored with all those girls. None of them were quenching my thirst. I needed someone out of the ordinary, so I found someone out of the ordinary, but they only partially quenched my thirst. This bully named Trent had the hots for me so I had a go with him. He's a great kisser. I got his number if anyone wants it.
Now that you're all caught up, I can continue with my miserable life. Luckily for me, things were about to heat up, which was good because the weather was getting real cold this time a year.
I was sitting on the bike racks outside the school gates. It was only 8 o'clock so I wasn't violating curfew or anything, which was good cause those damn Prefects were annoying. I was throwing rocks at the bus sign when all of a sudden I heard an engine heading my way. I was excited about this cause then I could throw rocks at it as it drove by, but as the black Cadillac drove up and stopped at the front gates, I hesitated. I don't know why I did. Maybe I was curious to see who was in the car. For a few minutes, the car just sat there in park, smoke bellowing from its exhaust pipe and filling my nose with its sweet premium fuel fumes. Rich bastards. Finally the passenger side door flew open and a girl slowly got out. I think my jaw was gaping open or something cause she gave me a slight smirk. Like she was pleased I was looking at her.
I shook it off, trying not to be obvious. She was hot. In fact, the hottest girl I've ever seen walk NEAR the school! She had long, red, wavy hair and a rack bigger than anyone's at this school; the perfect figure. Big on top, little in the middle and perfect at the bottom. I didn't feel cold anymore. I think I was running a fever.
"Hey you!" screamed some ugly guy in the driver's seat of the car. I glared at him, "yeah…what?" The guy gave me the exact look I gave him back and threw a bag at my feet. "Take her up to the Principal's office PRONTO!" I glared at him with my beady eye look. "Sure thing PAL"
I wasn't in the mood to get yelled at or some shit like that so I just let it be. I waited till the guy sped off before I went to go pick up the bag. Me and the girl met up at the same spot. "I can get my own bag…" she said, leaning down just enough so I could look down her shirt. Yep. Totally digging this chick!
"Naw. Allow me miss…?" I said, being polite. Just because I'm an asshole 99 of the time does NOT mean I don't have no manners! "My name's Lilah" she said, in a hot voice. Most of the chicks around here had that annoying, whiney voice. This girl had that yeah I'm sexy and I know it kind of voice that was music to my ears.
"That's a nice name. Kinda rolls of the tongue. L-I-L-A-H."? Her name danced playfully on my tongue.
"Yeah, it's alright. I personally think my parents were high when they named me" she joked. Lilah's lips did this adorable little smirk.
"So your Rents are druggies?" I asked, laughing.
"Naw. My parents are idiots yet they are one of the richest families around." She said, rolling her eyes as she spoke about her parents.
"Really? Whadda they do?"
"My parents are in the Adult Film industry. My mom's movies have gone Platinum already."
Damn. This chick was perfect! Not only was she hot, but her mom was a porn star? How lucky was I? If I hadn't've sat outside when I did, I'd have never met this beauty until the next day, like everyone else. No. Fate smiled upon me this night. I got to be the first one to see her which meant I had a better chance of marking my territory before anyone else. Kick ass.
"What's your name?" she asked, smirking a bit as we began to walk into the school grounds. I felt bad not introducing myself to her right away.
"Oh! I'm sorry. The name's Jimmy." I said, putting my hand in front of her to shake. Her hands were soft, which was nice.
"Nice to meet you, Jimmy."
"Nice to meet you too, Lilah."
I did as I was told and I escorted Lilah to Crabblesnitch's office like a gentleman. I brought her up to speed about the school and what was going on. I also warned her about Gary. I was happy to hear her call him an asshole for what he did to me. When we walked into the school, we were considered trespassing.
"Hopkins! Do you have a pass to be in here?" yelled this idiot white Prefect who took too many steroids as a teen and could barely fit into his Prefect uniform.
"yeah. I'm escorting a new student to the Principal's office, like I was told." I said with an attitude as I cocked my head and pointed towards Lilah who was crossing her arms and staring at the Prefect. I saw out of the corner of my eye that she was crossing her arms to make her chest bulge a little. It was working nicely on the Prefect.
"Sorry m'am. Didn't know you were a new student. Carry on."
Kick ass! Lilah was going to be an awesome asset to my career here at Bullworth. The Prefect walked away, but not after giving me a death glare. Ooh. I'm so scared. Yeah, right.
We walked up the stairs and into the Principal's waiting room where his idiotic secretary sat, waiting hand and foot on Crabblesnitch. She always acted as if she was in love with Crabblesnitch or something. She sneered as I walked into the room.
"Hopkins. What are you doing here? Get in trouble again? What did you do THIS time?" she began, in an annoyed tone.
"Nothing m'am. Just escorting a new student to the Principal's office." I tried to speak as nicely as I could through clinched teeth.
"New student?" she looked and saw Lad standing next to me. Her eyes brightened. "Oh! You must be Lilah Sexton! Crabblesnitch has been awaiting your arrival! Please, this way."
I watched as Lilah followed the woman into Crabblesnitch's office. I didn't know whether or not to wait, but I did anyways. The woman came back out of Crabblesnitch's office and glared at me.
"Crabblesnitch wants you to wait here." She seemed disappointed that I had to stay in the same room as her.
Lilah seemed to be in Crabblesnitch's office for awhile and I was beginning to feel drowsy. It was nearing curfew, but I didn't care. I'd have a pass to stay out a bit later and the Prefects could do nothing about it. I was happy about that. Finally about 10 o'clock Crabblesnitch opened his door to allow Lilah to step out. He glared at me and cleared his throat.
"Hopkins. Take Lilah here to the Girl's dorm and be quick about it."
"Yes sir!" I said, quickly getting up and saluting Crabblesnitch, which stunned him a bit to see me so cooperating. Inside I was laughing hysterically.
Once Lilah and I were out of earshot, we began to chat. "So, what you talk about for an hour?"
She rolled her eyes. "He discussed the school rules, expressed how happy he was that I was attending his school and that I should not have anything to do with you from this night on."
Great. Crabblesnitch told the love of my life to stay away from me. "Are you going to listen to him?" I asked, sounding bummed. She looked at me and smirked.
"No" she said quietly. Inside I was doing acrobatic somersaults on a tight rope over a tank filled with oversized piranhas! I was excited that I'd have another friend and/or girlfriend! Life was beginning to turn for the better!
Time seemed to fly by as we soon were standing in front of the girl's dorm. It was a full moon and it was beginning to snow. Lilah looked pretty in the moonlight.
"Well, this is the last stop of the night. Sleep well and welcome to Bullworth." I said, being nice. I think her perfume was getting to me cause I felt lightheaded, but I could have cared less.
"Where are you staying?" she asked, looking longingly at me.
"Oh. I'm right across the yard there. See that shitty building? That's the boy's dorm. I'm the first window to the right of the door…if you're interested. If you need anything, I'm only right there." She smiled the most beautiful smile at me that made my heart do some weird flutter thing. As I walked backwards away from her, to make sure she was still real, I dorkily waved goodbye to Lilah and then quickly ran towards the boy's dorm as a Prefect caught sight of me. Once I was inside my room, I plopped down on my bed and smiled. I think I'm in love. Lilah. Lilah rolls off the tongue nicely. How was it that I, Jimmy Hopkins: King of the Expelled, was able to meet the hottest girl on the planet?! The rest of the night I kept repeating her name until I fell fast asleep; Lilah. Lilah. Lilah.