The waiting room of Whitmore Hospital seemed even more depressing than usual to Bonnie Bennett on May 14th 2013. The brightly-colored walls and floral air freshener disguised the scent of antiseptic, the suspense and dread hanging in the air, the panic that was so palpable, almost as if she could reach out and touch it.

She wouldn't touch - she would squeeze, she would shred, she would rip it out of her heart.

If only fear could be torn apart. If only fear could be killed.

Bonnie's head snapped up as footsteps sounded in her direction. Damon. An all all-too-familiar expression had sunk into his features: pain. It was in his eyes, in the tight corners of his mouth, in the creases of his forehead.

"What is it, what did they say?" she rushed her words, and when he didn't reply, she stilled. A small "oh" escaped her lips. She looked at him carefully as he shook his head and stared hard at the floor. Without even thinking, she pulled him in. The way he held her - arms locking around her neck, face muffled in her hair - broke her heart.

"Can I see her?" she whispered in his ear.

:::

Elena Gilbert was a girl with tragedy in her blood, never fated to have the happy ending. Her biological mother had left her and 16 years later so did her adopted parents. In the spring of her junior year of high school, her legal guardian, Aunt Jenna, died in a house fire. She lost everyone.

Still, she pushed on, determined to make the most of her life. She went to college with her best friends, got top grades in all of her classes, and happened to find the love of her life. She was doing great.

Until Christmas of her sophomore year at Whitmore, when she collapsed in front of the fireplace in her dorm. That was when the seizures started. With those came migraines, trouble speaking, and random moments when Elena couldn't move her arms at all. She was finally diagnosed: a high-grade astrocytoma, also knows as glioblastoma, a quick spreading brain tumor that blended with normal tissue making it difficult to remove, especially when at Grade 4.

"You're the main character of your own life. You think these kind of things happen to other people," Caroline had said when Elena broke to the news to her.

Elena had shaken her head. "Caroline...my parents, my aunt...these things already happened to me."

Looking at Elena's sleeping body now, Bonnie felt a stab of despair. Elena was all she had, too, what with her mom abandoning her and her father barely paying any attention to her.

She remembered a day back in February when a dark-haired woman holding a clipboard had walked over to her with a slight frown. "Hello, I'm Jo Laughlin, Elena's doctor. You must be Bonnie. She's told me all about you."

Bonnie tried to smile. "Can you tell me anything?"

"I'm not going to lie, it looks bad. It is bad," Dr. Laughlin informed her. "Especially because she's at Grade 4. We're putting her in surgery first thing tomorrow, then radiation therapy as soon as she's strong enough. Which I shouldn't worry about, she's a survivor." The doctor suddenly looked abashed. "I looked in her file and read about..."

"If there's one thing Elena can do, it's stay strong. She's been strong her whole life," Bonnie offered lightly.

The doctor smiled, and after a pause, said, "We're also starting her on the PCV regime, which should shrink the tumor, or at least, slow it down.

"Thank you, doctor," Bonnie said, blinking back tears.

"We're going to do everything we can."

But everything wasn't enough. It seemed that Elena had lost the will to live. Maybe it was catching up to her - all the death she had had to live through. Maybe she wanted to give up. The radiation wasn't working and neither were the drugs or chemotherapy. Everything was falling apart. Bonnie took her limp hand and held it. "If you want to go, you can. I won't blame you. Even if you're the only thing I have left."

Elena drew in a shuddering breath, eyes opening. "Bonnie?"

"How do you feel?" Bonnie and immediately stood up, walking to the other side of the bed. It felt surreal talking to the girl in front of her, when just minutes ago, she had been informed of her approaching death.

"I'm fine, the meds are working - the pain ones at least." Elena's laugh with scratchy, but wonderful to hear.

Bonnie smiled sadly, not saying anything. Elena understood. "I...I'm going to die, aren't I?"

"No," she blurted, "you're going to be fine." She grabbed Elena's hand again, but Elena just looked at her.

"No. I'm going to die. And you're going to be okay." Bonnie shook her head. "Because you're going to be happy, and finish college, and find other friends - maybe even a guy. You're going to live your life, get everything you ever wanted."

"Just not with you," Bonnie whispered.

"Bonnie Bennett, I promise you, I'll be there the whole time." Elena smiled. "Do something for me."

"Anything," Bonnie vowed.

"Write it all down. Everything that happens. And maybe I'll find a way to read it somehow."

Bonnie smiled through the tears. "Okay. I promise."

:::

"Time of death, 7:53pm."

A/N: Inspired by the "Things You Said" post by lilloury on Tumblr. (Link: post/110395333021/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a)

As you can see, I've tried to incorporate bits of TVD into this AU/AH fic, like Elena's family dying and the diary thing. I know it seems like it's all about Elena - trust me, it's not. I just love Bonlena and this was a good set-up for the Bonkai goodness that's coming next :)

This'll be my first-ever Bonkai multi-chapter fic, with about 19 to 20 chapters, so that's exciting. I've already written a couple, so I'll post maybe once a week.

Thank you so much for reading, and please like/follow/review! Love you x