Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction. I'd be living in a mansion. Ari wouldn't have died, the 4th book would never have been written (not like that at least), and Max and Fang would at least admit they love each other (without being under the influence of drugs). Did any of those things really happen? Uhhh, I think not.
You Might Want to Reconsider Becoming A Mutant Bird-Kid If...
1.You need to start every day with a hot shower.
2.The idea of dumpster-diving makes your stomach turn.
3.You're too soft hearted to kill Thumper for lunch.
4.You're too squeamish to eat desert rat without ketchup.
5.You're too squeamish to eat desert rat period.
6.Your knees go wobbly if you so much as look out a two-story window.
7.You get airsick.
8.You (God forbid) despise birds.
9.You faint at the sight of blood.
10.Camping is your idea of torture.
11.You spend hours getting dressed and applying makeup.
12.You're allergic to feathers.
13.You're always trying to walk through large windows and glass doors.
14.You must always be within a 1-mile radius of civilization.
15.You wouldn't/couldn't fight. Not even if your life depended on it. (Wich it frequently would.)
16.At any temperature below 68 degrees F, you begin to shiver.
17.Having a 6-year-old mind-reader-and-controller, who can talk to fish, breathe underwater, and change her appearance at will nearby seriously disturbs you.
18.You constantly find yourself saying, "What plan?"
19.A papercut is all it takes to put you out of commission indefinitely.
20.Stealing a car is completely against your morals.
21.Sarcasm and smart-aleck comments just aren't your thing.
22.You aren't at least partially insane.
23.Hearing a Voice in your head that isn't just you talking to yourself would result in you admitting yourself to a mental facility—and to heck with the fact that your wings will be discovered when they put the straitjacket on!
24.Even if you did steal a car, when you crashed it you'd just sit there bleeding until the Erasers come to take you back to the School.
25.You'd feel bad about using someone else's ATM code to get money (no matter how much more you might need it) despite the fact that they were a jerk.
26.You have "blond moments" at inconvenient times—like when you're trying to hack into a computer in an ultra-secret lab before bloodthirsty monsters arrive to disembowel you, for example.
27.Remembering to breathe all the time isn't your piece of cake, much less remembering to flap.
28.You tend to thrash around when you sleep. (Well, sleeping in trees is out of the question, then.)
29.Your idea of first aid is, "Let me put a band-aid on it, and then I'll kiss the boo-boo to make it better."
30.Whenever you attempt to cook something over a campfire, it, and then the stick, catches on fire and you end up burning your hands.