Hey, everyone! This is my first fic and I hope you enjoy it. Criticism is welcome but no flames, please. But if you can't resist the urge to "Flame on", I'll gladly put out your flame with a cannonball of kindness and water. So unless you don't want to end up soggy and miffed, resist the urge. Thank you and enjoy. ^^

Chapter 1: Just don't Send Me to Arkham

"I can assume that you know why you are here…" I stopped rattling the metal handcuffs around my wrists long enough to give the cop standing on the other side of the table an annoyed look.

"Assumptions make 'asses' of 'u and me'," I responded cheekily. The police officer flushed angrily, his face turning the shade of a rotting tomato. That thought made me chuckle, which pissed my interrogation buddy off more.

"Who are you?! And why would you break into the Hall of Justice?!" He slammed his meaty hands into the table. My nose wrinkled when he lifted his hands from the metal surface. There was a clear impression of his hands left behind due to all the oil and grease on the appendages.

"Who am I? I am…." I had to fight off a grin when the officer leaned in closer to me. "I am Bartholomew Niagara. I am 89-year-old baseball coach. I have a wife with about 20 warts on her face and 68 children and we all live in high heel boot. We are way too posh to live in some old shoe. My 12th son hit the baseball too hard and it went flying into the building. I was simply retrieving it."

The officer was most definitely not amused by my ballsy lying skills.

"Kid…stop wasting my time and tell me the truth."

"I just did. I am Bartholomew and I was retrieving my son's baseball."

"Then can you explain this?!" The officer slammed down the object of my desires. I stared at the bright blue lantern, my fingers itched to stretch and snatch up the device. The sapphire light that emanated from it was soothing to my frazzled nerves.

"You tried to steal this along with whatever else you managed to pocket. Now tell me what else you took before I lose my patience and lock you up!"

If this old man hadn't manhandled me all the way from downtown D.C. to this obscure police station, I would be concerned for the man's health. He was completely red and probably about to have a stroke or something. However, he had been mean so I gave no fucks. I gave the man a shit eating grin before I started wiggling against my chair.

It took a couple minutes to dislodge the item from its position in my boot. I scooted back in my chair and carefully balanced the item on the heel of my combat boot. With a flick of my ankle, the item flew up and landed on the steel table. The ball rolled a couple times before stopping in front of the officer. The somewhat dirty baseball sat there mockingly on the table. I let my head fall back and a roaring laugh fell through my lips. The officer screamed in anger before moving to lunge at me from over the table. I quickly lifted up my legs and kicked the table with my heels. The table slammed into the officer's generous gut and knocked him back into the opposing wall.

When the poor sap didn't move for a couple moments,I deduced that the table-wall combo had knocked him out. As I stood up, I realized that my cuff had been snapped neatly away from the table.

"Well that's one less problem but I doubt they'll let me just walk outta here…" I mumbled as looked up at the one-way glass panel opposite from me.

"You are correct in assuming that." I nearly jumped out of my skin as THE Batman spoke up from behind me. The man had some serious ninja skills that was for sure. I gave the superhero a nervous smile. He had been listening in on my interrogation,the emphasis on the word 'assuming' was so intentional. I was pulled out of my thoughts as Batman roused the police officer and ushered him out of the room. As his back was turned, I quickly scooped up the lantern still sitting on the table.

"Why do you need that lantern so bad?"

His question startled me and I tried my best to hide my nerves.

"I don't need it. It's a trophy. I figure that breaking into the Hall of Justice, no matter how much of a sham it is deserved a token of commemoration."

I chuckled nervously as the Bat's cowl dipped into a deeper frown if that was even possible. I probably shouldn't have mentioned the whole sham thing. Curse my big mouth. The Bat opened his mouth, probably about to spit out some questions that would muddle and confuse my adolescent mind. I quickly cut him off and raised my hands in a placating gesture.

"I know you have to arrest me but I have one request." I waited a beat and when the Bat didn't respond I continued. "Please don't send me to Arkham."

As the words passed my lips, the police building burst into flames.