The day her grandfather died was when everything had changed.
Looking back she would say the day her grandfather died was the day she had become aware of the strange friendship between her spinster aunt and bachelor uncle.
She was only seven years old and barely remembered the strict yet gentle and endearing elderly man. Her aunt was inconsolable. She had apparently spent her whole life caring for her father and to lose him meant losing her life as she knew it.
The funeral service was dull and boring to the seven year old child. It was also rather unnerving as she had never seen her eldest two brothers cry before. While the elderly Miss Bates was giving her parents her condolences while nattering very strange nonsense about how good her grandfather was and the little things he said Emma Knightly slipped away with her dearest friend Anne Weston who she rarely saw and needed to spend as much time possible before returning to London.
They dared to be mischievous and naughty by heading towards the older part of the cemetery to play in. They barely began to play when Emma saw her aunt and uncle coming towards them and quickly she and Anne hid behind an old worn stone angel so they would avoid a scolding that would definitely come from Uncle George.
"Emma, I beg you, please consider what I am saying," Uncle George pleaded Aunt Emma.
"As I told you, despite the inappropriateness of that night and the scandal it would cause if it was ever discovered, I will not accept your proposal." Aunt Emma said in an angry and cold voice that Emma never heard her aunt use before. "I do not wish to be asked out of pity, regret, and because it is only proper!"
"I have committed the worst crimes that could be committed against you," Uncle George sounded miserable. Emma had never heard her cheerful uncle sound so very sad in her whole life. "I have ruined your reputation and taken your virtue. It is the only honourable thing to do and I must make amends."
"You should never think of it as a crime that you need to repent," Aunt Emma said, her voice softening and her eyes warming just a little. "It was a night of comfort when I was lost. A moment where you reminded me that I was alive. However it was only for that one night and I cannot let you tie yourself to me out of pity."
"Emma," Uncle George whispered.
"Emma Knightly! Anne Weston! Where are you?"
The two girls ran as quickly as they could before Aunt Emma and Uncle George discovered they had heard the whole conversation. It would be years before Emma Knightly would comprehend the meaning of the conversation.
EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW
No more than two months after Grandfather's funeral did Aunt Emma announce she was travelling round the country. This had caused many arguments between Mother and Aunt Emma, Mother thought it too dangerous for a young woman to travel alone, and really was there any need for Aunt Emma to travel at all? Aunt Emma argued that she had never left Highbury in her live and it was time to see the world now she no longer had any reason to remain at Highbury.
Emma Knightly both delighted in Aunt Emma's travels and despised them. She loved Aunt Emma's travels because Aunt Emma would write letters detailing her trip to Bath, Brighton, York to visit the Churchills, and seeing Scotland, while also sending presents for Emma and her siblings. However these travels that took Aunt Emma to the other side of the country had meant Emma would not see her aunt and Uncle George had become very sad and unable to play with Emma because his mind was far away worrying about Aunt Emma's safety.
Aunt Emma returned at Christmas and invited all of the Knightlys to Hartfield for the holidays. She held a small party a few days before where the Westons and Martins were invited and there was a very strange quietness in Hartfield that Emma did not understand.
Her mother was happy to see Aunt Emma but was not pleased about the travelling Aunt Emma did. Father did not speak to Aunt Emma at all and according to John it has something to do with Uncle George being sad. Mr and Mrs Weston are unhappy because they could not make it to York to visit Mr Churchill while Miss Bates and her elderly mother managed it. Mr and Mrs Martin were the only happy adults in the room.
They were all of course unaware that the young children were watching them with observing eyes.
"Grown ups are very strange," little Robbie Martin commented. "I hope when I grow up I will not be so strange."
"Too late," Anne teased.
"Shh!" Emma hissed as Robbie Martin let out an indignant shriek. "Uncle George and Aunt Emma are sitting very closely. I want to know what they are whispering."
She could not hear anything but the now eight year old child could tell that it was very uncommon for a man and woman to sit so very close. Not even her own parents sat that close. Their arms were practically touching, his hand was subtly playing with the ribbon on her dress, and their heads were close together as they held their private conversation in a room full of people that were probably watching them as keenly as little Emma Knightly. They pulled away, Uncle George looked angry and sad and Aunt Emma looked very sorry about something.
Uncle George then walked away, quickly followed by Father, Henry, Mr Martin, and Mr Weston. Aunt Emma suddenly looked cheerful and said something to the ladies in the room.
It was then when Emma Knightly came up with a splendid idea that it would be wonderful if her spinster aunt married her bachelor uncle. That way they could be one big happy family. It was the perfect match and though Emma Knightly had been told of her aunt's terrible matchmaking attempts she was certain she would do a far better job than her aunt.
After all she was half Knightly as well.
EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW
Emma Knightly did not get her chance to matchmake. As soon as winter had passed Aunt Emma announced a sudden desire to see Ireland. Mrs Churchill is about to visit Mrs Dixon and had invited Aunt Emma to join her. Aunt Emma then planned to see more of Ireland after Mrs Churchill returns to England.
It was the end of summer when Aunt Emma finally returned. Instead of returning to Highbury Aunt Emma had come straight to London to see the Knightlys. It was a wonderful time for young Emma because it was the same time Uncle George was visiting the family. It was unusual for her aunt and uncle to be in London at the same time. "Aunt Emma!" Emma cried delightedly as she threw her arms round her aunt's waist.
"Oh dearest Emma! You have grown so tall! You are becoming a beautiful young lady I fear your poor father would have to fend off suitors any day now." Emma giggled at her aunt's compliments. Suitors? For her? no way! "Now then where are your siblings?"
"I believe Henry, George, and John are studying, and Isabella is with her mother practising her piano forte," Uncle George said appearing at the door.
Was it Emma's imagination or did Aunt Emma turned a little tense just then? Her aunt turned and bobbed politely to Uncle George who bowed back to her. "Mr Knightly, I was not aware you were also visiting London," she said.
"Without my daily visit to Hartfield I find myself at quite a loss and decided on an extensive trip to London would find me content," Uncle George said. "Little Emma here is equally bright and witty as her namesake."
Emma blushed at the praise and then became even more flustered at her aunt's agreement and further compliments that she did not pay any attention to the tension slowly melting away into a friendly banter. She did not see Uncle George's eyes sparkle with mischief or Aunt Emma smile widely.
EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW
The next few days had always been remembered as the happiest of Emma Knightly's childhood. With her aunt in London her mother was cheerful and less stern and her father was less bad tempered. Her elder brothers had remained in their townhouse to greet Aunt Emma and together the five Knightlys went on outings with Aunt Emma and Uncle George. It was almost as if they were their parents instead of Mother and Father.
"Would it not be wonderful," she commented to John, her favourite brother because he was always there, "if Aunt Emma and Uncle George married each other?"
"Is there not a law against that?" John asked. He did not study law like Henry and George did, instead he was studying philosophy and religion. He had high hopes of replacing Mr Elton at Highbury parish one day. "King Henry VIII wrote it so he could be rid off his first wife who had married his brother first. Therefore would it not be considered incest if Aunt Emma and Uncle George were to marry?"
"Of course not!" Emma cried out. "Aunt Emma never married Father nor did Uncle George marry Mother therefore that thought is invalid. I believe Uncle George and Aunt Emma would be truly happy, and we could claim our cousins to be our very true cousins!"
"As lovely as it sounds it is wise to not meddle in things you are too young to understand," John said sternly. "Aunt Emma used to be known for her terrible matchmaking skills because she did not understand the true nature or desires of one person. Do not follow in her footsteps and upset our dear aunt and uncle with childish dreams."
Emma pouted but did not argue with her brother. She too heard of the chaos Aunt Emma caused in her attempts to marry Mrs Martin off to either Mr Elton the very mean priest or Mr Churchill the very cheerful husband of Miss Bates' niece. It sounded funny to Emma when she had been very little but now if Uncle George were to marry someone as horrid as Mrs Elton because Emma tried to make him marry Aunt Emma then Emma would never forgive herself let alone her brothers and sister.
Aunt Emma's visit did not last very long. Uncle George and Aunt Emma had an argument over something one night, Emma did not know what they had argued about but she did overhear her parents one evening say it was something to do with not accepting one another, and it had caused Aunt Emma to flee for Switzerland to see if it was as beautiful as the Churchills had claimed it to be.
Aunt Emma sent many letters during her travels round Europe. She had met many odd characters on her journey and retold their stories for Emma, she also saw many beautiful things and drew or painted them, and she sent small presents from each place she visited. So it was almost as if she was still in England.
Uncle George grew sad again and it was becoming unbearable when they visited Donwell Abbey as he walked every morning to stare at the abandoned Hartfield and come back snappish and moody. Emma soon found that visiting Highbury had only one good thing and that was seeing Anne Weston and Robbie Martin.
"I do wonder sometimes if it was my silly thoughts of Uncle George and Aunt Emma marrying that made them argue and therefore forcing Aunt Emma to leave," Emma said sadly one summer day.
"Do not think such silly thoughts," Robbie said scornfully. "If thoughts could cause arguments then we would never have peace. If you knew my every thought I am sure I would have bruises on my shins from your constant kicking."
"Mother had always said that Miss Woodhouse was very restless, and that Miss Woodhouse was always wishing to travel," Anne said gently, "Mother also always said that the deceased Mr Woodhouse never let Miss Woodhouse do anything remotely fun. In fact before his death Miss Woodhouse has only gone as far as Box Hill and had never seen the sea. She is obviously fulfilling her dream of travelling."
"Do not blame yourself, if your Uncle Knightly is sad it is because he did not go with Miss Woodhouse," Robbie added. "Besides Miss Woodhouse will come home soon. Europe cannot be that big that she will be gone forever."
"Europe," Emma snapped, "is a hundred times bigger than England! And Aunt Emma has already been gone for four years now! She will most likely never come home since she had not been home for so long!"
"Oh," was all both Anne and Robbie could say.
EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW
Despite her words that day Emma had never given up hope that Aunt Emma would breeze in through the door as if she had never left. After another year of only sending letters, paintings, and presents, Aunt Emma had come home just as Emma turned fifteen. Only she did not breeze in carelessly with her bright smile and warm embrace. Instead she barely walked in and she was deathly pale as if she was a ghost of herself.
"I am tired, dear Isabella," Emma heard her aunt say, "so very tired of it all. Travelling no longer distracts me as it once did and all I wish to do is sleep in my own bed and eat by my own fire. I thought I would never feel this old but I do."
"You must return home to Hartfield immediately. The country air would do you good and George would give you every comfort you desire," her mother replied looking concerned. "I shall write to him and insist on him escorting you to Highbury."
"No, I have travelled all over Europe, I do not need to be escorted sixteen miles," Aunt Emma said firmly despite her weak state. "Though I do not wish to live by myself in Hartfield. That was one of the reasons I had left in the first place. May I take dear little Emma with me? I hear that she has been a very dear friend of Miss Weston and young Mr Martin and therefore there would be little worry about her being unhappy in Highbury."
"I will have to ask John first but I do not see there being any problems with Emma living in Highbury before coming out."
Father did not have anything against Emma living in Highbury for a year though she was expected to return for the first season after her sixteenth birthday. There were some hopes that she would meet a lawyer from a very rich firm and fall in love with him and vice versa. Henry was already married to an heiress he met while studying in Cambridge, and was expecting a child in the winter. While George was engaged and Isabella had many suitors vying for her attention. John was the only one apart from Emma that does not have a romantic interest.
"I do hope that you will not marry only for wealth," Aunt Emma said during their journey to Highbury. "I have found the Eltons a very miserable lot while those who have married for love such as your parents and the Westons, Churchills, and Martins to be deliriously happy."
"I would never marry for wealth," Emma reassured her aunt, "though I cannot imagine ever falling in love. I think I might remain a spinster like you my dear aunt. Therefore I can be my own mistress."
Aunt Emma laughed somewhat bitterly. "My dearest niece I would prefer you to marry for wealth than to not marry at all. It is very lonely to be a spinster and you wish for the chance to have children of your own when your friends talk nothing but about their own children. On top of that you would have very little wealth once your father gives George and John their inheritance and Isabella her dowry. You must look at poor Miss Bates to see a poor spinster, while I cannot deny that dear Jane and Frank take very good care of her, you do not wish to become like her. No it is best to marry; it has always been a regret of mine."
"You could still marry!" Emma protested. "You could marry Uncle George! Both of you are unmarried."
"Mr Knightly marry me? Oh dear Emma you are a romantic girl! I am afraid that would never happen."
"Why not?"
Aunt Emma turned away from her and so Emma could not see her face. "We are not suited for one another. I would do something very silly and he would be forced to scold me which shall result into an argument and we would wish we had never married. We are very good friends and that is all."
Emma very much doubted that but did not say anything.
EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW
The following year had been both very good and very bad.
It was very good because Emma spent every day with Anne Weston as they both sat there with Aunt Emma, Mrs Weston, Mrs Martin and her young girls listening to the stories Aunt Emma told about Europe. It was also good because Uncle George would always visit and take them both out for walks. Hartfield was filled with flowers that Aunt Emma and Uncle George collected together on those walks. It was a nice experience to actually become a member of the Highbury community instead of a visitor. Mr and Mrs Churchill had stayed for a three month visit with their children. Their eldest son was three years younger than Emma and was so quick in wit that Emma knew he would make a fantastic lawyer.
It was very bad because Aunt Emma was obviously ill and she was steadily getting worse. She would clutch her chest as if she was having pains there, she would shift her arms and complain to Mrs Weston in a whisper about her underarms being sore, she was very pale and tired and yet there was a reddish pink stain peering out from her neckline. She had some illness in the chest area and yet refused any medical assistance.
Emma feared that Aunt Emma did not want to get better. She recalled the bitterness in Aunt Emma's voice during their conversation on the journey from London to Highbury. Maybe if Emma encouraged Aunt Emma to speak with Uncle George about matrimony. and was successful, Aunt Emma would want to get better for Uncle George, then she will, and then everyone will be perfectly happy again!
"Aunt Emma, I beg you!" she cried out one harsh winter evening where her aunt suffered more than usual. "Allow yourself some happiness! I know just by being here you make Uncle George so very happy and if you were to be with him always he could make you just as happy."
"It is too late," her aunt said sadly, "oh you silly child can you not see that it is too late? I cannot see myself living for more than a few months and I will not put a burden like that on dear Mr Knightly. It is too cruel."
"I am sure that happiness is the cure, Aunt Emma," Emma said stubbornly. She did not want her aunt to die. Her aunt had always been a constant source of happiness for Emma. It was selfish but how could Emma lose someone that made her happy? "Uncle George would make you happy."
"I have lived a fulfilling life. I have travelled, I have a loving family, I have wonderful friends, and I have a beautiful house to live in. What else could there be? I am six and thirty, dear Emma, it has been long enough and now it is soon my time."
"I do not wish you to die!" Emma cried. She felt tears burning her eyes before spilling down her cheeks. "I do not wish you to die!" she repeated.
"I know dearest," Aunt Emma murmured as she held her, "I know but there is little anyone can do about it."
EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW
The day Aunt Emma died was the day Grandfather's funeral made sense.
It was a beautiful sunny May Day and it should have been remembered by a lovely walk with Uncle George, followed by a picnic with the Westons and Martins, and ending with tea by the fire before retiring for bed. Instead it started with Aunt Emma incapable of getting out of bed and went downhill from there.
A maid went and fetched the local physician, while the stable boy went straight to Donwell Abbey for Uncle George, and the Cook told Miss Bates who told everyone. Immediately Mrs Weston and Uncle George were at Aunt Emma's bedside and tending to her every need. Mrs Martin was in tears and Miss Bates was shockingly silent.
Emma remained in Aunt Emma's room doing small menial tasks that were asked of her. Uncle George barely moved as he sat there clutching to Aunt Emma's hand and he looked as if he was the one about to die.
"I...need to confess," Aunt Emma whispered hoarsely.
"I shall send for Mr Elton," Mrs Weston said standing up.
"No!" Aunt Emma cried out. "Mr Elton has never forgiven me! He would repeat what I say and ruin my family's reputation. I need to confess to you, my governess, please Miss Taylor..."
Emma had the barest memories of her grandfather referring Mrs Weston to that name. This was the first time she had ever heard her aunt call her oldest friend her governess. Mrs Weston nodded though she looked so unhappy.
"I...am...I am not a virgin, Miss Taylor." Mrs Weston looked horrified and Uncle George inhaled sharply. "When Father died...I was so miserable...I did not know what to do...Mr Knightly...he comforted me, he made me want to live, and...Oh, one thing led to another, it was only just that one night."
"And he did not offer you marriage?" Mrs Weston glared murderously at Uncle George who was very pale and silent.
"I refused. I did not want his pity, I did not want a marriage based on repentance, I wanted to be proposed to because the gentleman in question was in love with me, and I know it was a dreadful thing to do...could you forgive me?"
"Of course," Mrs Weston whispered.
"Oh dearest Emma," Uncle George murmured, "my silly dearest girl. I did not offer you marriage out of propriety. I propose because I loved you, I always have, and I always will, my dear Emma I cannot tell you how much I love you, perhaps if I loved you less I could."
"It has always been my biggest regret in life," Aunt Emma whispered, "that I never confessed to you. Oh, George, I love you."
Uncle George never looked so happy and yet so sad at the same time. Emma felt like she was intruding on something and by the look on Mrs Weston's face the older lady felt so too. Uncle George kissed Aunt Emma's forehead tenderly and told her he loved her once more before ordering her to get well again.
Aunt Emma simply fell asleep with a smile on her face.
She never woke up.
Her mother could not stop crying at the funeral. Her father had never looked so grave, her brothers were silently in tears, and her sister was wailing in despair though she had never been very close to Aunt Emma. Mrs Weston sobbed into her stepson's shoulder and Mrs Martin into her husband's. Their children were crying quietly and poor Mrs Bates would not believe it, she told Uncle George that it could not have happened, someone like Aunt Emma could not have died at such a young age. Uncle George said nothing, he did nothing, he outwardly shown no grieve though Emma recalled his shouts and tears from when he first realised Aunt Emma was gone from the world,
It was a great surprise weeks later when a lawyer visited Emma. Her grandfather had left Hartfield to Aunt Emma on several conditions. If Aunt Emma was to marry a man who owned his own manor then Hartfield was to go to Mother and then George, but if Aunt Emma was to never marry then she would keep Hartfield and leave it to whomever she chooses.
She left it to Emma Knightly.
Some money was left to Emma's siblings, jewels that were not grandmothers went to Mrs Weston, dresses to Mrs Martin, and letters to Uncle George, but her home that would bring in thousands of pounds a year was left to Emma.
It came with a letter written a month before Aunt Emma died.
Emma could never recall much from the letter but she could recite the last paragraph by heart.
...therefore I leave you my home with the old saying home is where the heart is. Learn from my mistakes dearest one and marry the one you love. Do not let pride and social expectations get in the way. Always tell the man how you feel and how wonderful you think he is. Never run away. You must never do what I did because you will always regret it. Do not become a spinster aunt like I have, live life to the fullest, and marry for love.
Yours truly,
Aunt Emma.