[AN: Sad Fics... I do this a lot... I'm going to tell you a truth. I wanted to write this because I want to know what it would be like... To have someone come home after leaving you behind and find out you aren't around anymore. Please don't tell me I'm sick. I'm not sick, I'm just good at writing sad things. Pull the Trigger will be updated after I get my laptop back from the guy whose fixing it. ]

[Summary: Things change. After 3 years together, Eli left Clare alone. He returns home after getting a phone call from Adam, telling him theres 2 secrets he needs to tell him, and a letter he needs to read, in person]

[DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI, But I do hope to be on it one day.]

Come back to me, I need you! You should be here with me
TWO SHOT

ELI

Her eyes were the blue of a sweet summer sky. She was the definition of beauty.

The day I walked away broke my own heart. I needed her. I needed Clare Edwards to survive. But I got too reliant on her to breathe. I didn't know the effects of my leaving had on her until today. I received a called from Adam a few months ago.

So here I stand, a year to the day that Clare watched me leave her life, at her grave. I wish I could have stopped her from crashing her car. She shouldn't have died so young

Taking a seat on the wet grass before her stone, I trace the letters forsaking her name CLARE EDWARDS 1993 - 2013. Her voice from four years prior stung my ears, ringing the words that made me realise leaving was my best option. "You're suffocating me!" Tears dared to fall from my forest eyes that were settled on the yellow rose , slowly dying for her.

The love of my life was buried six feet before my ass, and it was all my fault. Again. I could have saved her this time. Clare was no Julia. They were both a different kind of perfection in my eyes, but Clare was my forever.

ADAM

I watched my best friend stare at the stone. He sat on the grass before her. I hated to be the bearer of bad news, that news, but Eli Goldsworthy had to know. His three year relationship with her ending had lessened the hope for so many people who attended Degrassi during our time.

He didn't know I was watching. He didn't know I follow him. Cece never told him I kept in touch with her and Bullfrog after he left. She knew, but it was up to Eli to find out on him own.

"You know, a few rows over is someone else you should meet." The sound of my voice made him jump.

"Who?"

"The other person who was in the car."

"But... No, you said she was-"

"Just follow me."

I led him to a small stone, about 10 yards away, blocking the name, "don't freak, you walked away as she was about to tell you." He nodded and I moved away, revealing a tiny stone inscribed with the name JAKE EDWARDS-GOLDSWORTHY, UNBORN.

His face dropped. "No! She could have been pregnant! We only made love the once!"

"She was. Me and her picked out two names just hours before the accident."

"How long was.." His voice faded, a few teas falling here and there.

"Five when you left, just over six when she..." The day was so vivid, the conversation in our apartment.

FLASHBACK TO THE DAY

"Adam, I don't fit this uniform anymore! I'm getting too fat! Everyone's going to know."

She was getting ready for her shift at the Dot. Peter nor Spinner knew.

"Maybe its time to tell them, Clare. I mean, in three months you're going to be carrying him, who we should name soon, in your arms. You can't keep saying you're just gaining weight. They'll figure it out eventually."

"Today. I'll tell Peter today. Promise."

REAL LIFE

"She never made it to work. She left our apartment and then not even 10 minutes later, I got a phone call that she'd died on impact. I had to tell her mom, who moved to Vancouver just before you stepped off the Earth, I found her dad in Florida with his new girlfriend. And I'm still paying off my phone call to Kenya to tell Darcy. None of them made it home for the funeral. Neither of us had settled on a name. It was either Jake or David. I figured David was too Biblical for Elijah Goldsworthy, and you'd be angry when I introduced you to your son's tombstone, so Jake it was. "

I watched as he broke down. I pulled a note from my pocket. Holding the year old note that Clare wrote before leaving the house in my hands, staring at her hand writing, I turned to his tear stained face, "here. She wanted to mail this to you. But we never knew where you were."

Mister Goldsworthy.

I really don't know how to tell you this. Three years is a long time to be together then you just left. You abandoned me in my time of need. See, I planned on telling you when you said goodbye. I just didn't want to be selfish. After you told me you needed to leave before any more "suffocation" happened again, I couldn't dare to force you into staying with me, since you were unhappy. His name is either going to be Jake Elliot Edwards-Goldsworthy or David Johnathan Goldsworthy-Edwards. I'm not asking you to come home, I just need you to know you're going to be a dad. Your parents know, they have the whole time. I just hope you know I'm not asking you or them for anything. I will be raising our son, my reminder of how unhappy I made you, on my own, with maybe a little help from Adam. As much as I wish you'd come back, I don't have my hopes up. If you read this far, or even opened the envelope at all, I'm sorry I wasted your precious time to tell you about my precious gift from God. I still love you, I mean, um, yeah, I always will.

Yours truly,

Miss Edwards.

December 20th, 2013

PS: enclosed is a copy of my six ultrasound pictures, if you wanted to see.

[AN: The second one will be 100% more upsetting. Please don't hate me. It just needed to be written, for me]