Honest Friends are Hard to Come By

by civillove

Sam and Rachel have a conversation. This takes place weeks after "Silly Love Songs" so Finchel is broken up and, in this case, so is Quinn and Sam. I just think that two lonely hearts deserve some friendship and a level of understanding.

Title: Honest Friends are Hard to Come By
Pairing: Sam/Rachel Friendship: mention of Finchel and Quinn/Sam and Fuinn
Summery: Sam and Rachel have a conversation. This takes place weeks after "Silly Love Songs" so Finchel is broken up and, in this case, so is Quinn and Sam. I just think that two lonely hearts deserve some friendship and a level of understanding.
Word Count: 4,762
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot idea…and by the way, my endgame is Finchel.
Author's note: Fully italicized sentences or paragraphs are Finchel flashbacks. They are either situations or quotes said by Finn/Rachel.

O0o0o0

Rachel slowly walked into the auditorium with her dance bag. Her dad's were late getting her from work, as usual, but she was used to the traffic build up at rush hour. It would never cease to amaze her how traffic could build up in a town as small as Lima. She settled her bag down on the stage and kneeled to undo the zipper of one of the small pouches on the left. She slowly pulled out the golden star necklace that Finn had put on her neck a few weeks ago.

"'Cause let's face it Rachel. You're better than anyone in this school. You don't need me or any other guy to anchor you to Lima. You're a real star."

She closed her eyes as his voice ricocheted in her head. She swallowed and put the necklace on with trembling fingers, clasping it around her neck and letting the star fall past the freckles on her chest as it settled into place.

She knew why he had finally decided to give her something that he had bought for her for Christmas. He was letting her go. Letting her know that he wasn't going to tie her down again; wanting her to know that she was free of him to follow her star quality dreams.

She closed her eyes. He wanted her to pursue her dreams and leave him alone to pursue Quinn. He didn't think she understood that but she did. Quinn was his first everything. First love, first person he could trust, first person he had thought about spending his life with, first person he decided to man up for so that he could provide for her—back when he thought the baby was his.

Quinn was prettier than her, no matter how many times Finn called her beautiful. No matter how many times it made her feel as though he was telling the truth.

"Would you stop? You're beautiful."

Well then, if it wasn't her beauty, it was something else. Something that she couldn't put her finger on. Otherwise, wouldn't Finn accept her apology (for the thirty-fourth time) and just-work with her towards being something special again? Unless—

Rachel stood up from where she was crouching and walked towards the piano, sitting on the seat, the wooden frame croaking under her small, petite frame. The sound echoed in the empty room.

Unless he was never really over Quinn in the first place—unless he never really loved her to begin with. Well, maybe he did love her…it just wasn't as profound as what he had with Quinn. Whatever the reasoning, she wasn't sure she wanted to know the exact explanation, Finn had let her go. Let her fly free towards the sky to sit upon those stars that she had admired so much—she had to let him go too.

She opened the piano, looking down at the crisp keys. She pressed one and the sound vibrated through her.

"Try it."
Finn's voice rose as he tried to hit the key's sound. "That was good." He beamed at her, pleased.
She smiled in agreement. "Good! Okay one more up."
She hit the key next to it and he did it again, his voice an octave higher as he reached the key's sound.
His voice echoed in the auditorium. It sent shivers straight to her core.
"That was really good!" She nodded as she looked at him. "Yeah, that's like the holy grail for a Bari-Tenor. So..."

She rolled her eyes and put her hands on her lap. The picnic had been such a stupid idea on her part. She honestly just wanted to teach him vocal lessons.

Liar.

She frowned as her brain answered her comment. Okay, right. She wanted to get closer to him. But honestly, what the hell had she been thinking? He had been dating Quinn…he loved her, like she had been falling in love with him. So it was innocent right? And it's not like he was completely self-less. He had wanted to kiss her.

"You can kiss me if you want to."
"I want to."

The auditorium doors opening and closing caught her attention, pulling her from her thoughts and a potential argument with herself. Sam walked in and set his football gear down, his damp locks flipping into his face as he did so. He looked up; he was—Rachel winced—dejected and miserable. She could tell just from the way his frame was slouching. When he noticed her though, he smiled softly; like he hadn't been sad at all. She wondered why he thought he had to put up some sort of wall between her and his real emotions. She was going through the same feelings he was, or at least, some similar ones. She just needed to find one person to be honest with her. The thought was insanely frustrating.

"Hi." She said softly as he approached the stage. He climbed the steps and smiled again at her, flicking hair out of his eyes.

"Hi Rachel," He sat next to her. "What are you doing here?"

She resisted the urge to pull a defensive card. He was just asking. She watched him touch a few keys on the piano, playing a short tune. "Waiting for my dad's to pick me up."

He looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. "Dads?"

She nodded and replied confidently. "I have two gay dads." She hadn't meant for it to come out so…proud and confident or protective but after years of ridicule from small minded people it was just pre-programmed to come out that way.

His mouth ghosted a smile and she was relieved that he didn't seem offended. "Oh, cool." He turned back to look at the keyboard.

She bit her lower lip; something Finn always told her—always used to tell her—was adorable looking. She looked at the keys too and refused to think about him as her throat tightened.

"What about you?" She asked softly, her throat constricted on the last word and it sounded crushed. She cleared her throat.

Sam sighed, thankfully not commenting on her voice. To be honest he didn't want to end up strangling Finn if he saw him with Quinn after football practice. So he booked it after practice was over, showered at lightning speed and just went somewhere where he could think.

"Just needed somewhere to clear my head. Auditorium seemed like the perfect place."

Rachel nodded, agreeing. "It's quiet." She admitted softly.

He turned his head to look at her; her dark curls were hiding her face from him. He resisted the urge as his hand twitched to touch one of those curls, gently pulling on one to see if it would coil and bounce. He had seen Finn do it a couple of times during glee practice—it almost made him ask Quinn to curl her hair once in a while. He loved soft, natural curls on a girl. But he figured that he wouldn't ask her. After all, he loved her no matter what her hair looked like.

Reflecting back on her comment, he noticed that wasn't the only thing that had been quiet as of late. After her "Firework" performance a few weeks ago, she had been on the quiet end of things in glee, letting everyone take her solos like they weren't important. And that's when he knew something was off with Rachel Berry. If he had learned anything with joining glee it was, well one, watch the fuck out for Finn Hudson the girlfriend stealer and two, Rachel liked the spotlight. She loved to sing. She loved fighting for everyone to be on their best in glee because-what was her excuse? Being part of something special made them special? He had heard her say it a few times and then everyone in glee groaned in unison. Well at the time, Finn hadn't, he just stood up with her and agreed. It made everyone perform at a higher level, Sam thought, because Rachel didn't want to lose to Vocal Adrenaline again—he wasn't quite sure what her beef was with that group. But the point was, she just wanted everyone to be better, to expand on their talent and reach new heights. It was sort of impressive…and very annoying.

He figured she was quieter now because Finn wasn't on her side anymore, and without him the glee club would just eat her alive. He noticed that not many people liked her; sure she was irritating and maybe rude with a few of her comments but—she had a good heart. Anyone could point that out a mile away.

"Are you okay?" She looked at him as he asked. She curled her hair around her ear nervously. Dumbass Sam, of course she's not okay. "I mean, you're usually so chatty in glee. You've been quiet lately."

She smiled softly, but she wasn't happy. "I don't know if you've noticed this or not but…not many people like me."

"People just don't like me."
"Yeah, you might want to work on that…" His voice hung in the air and when he saw how downcast she looked, he quickly added, "I like you."
She looked up at him and yeah, it was true.

He had noticed, he wanted to comment on it but decided against it. He shrugged one shoulder.

"I like you." He nodded. It was true. She wasn't as grating when you focused on the good intentions underneath all the yelling and bossiness.

It wasn't like when Finn said it, a year—Rachel's throat tightened—a year ago? She already knew the way Sam had said it was different. Yeah, Sam liked her, as a friend maybe. Or he just felt bad for her.

She smiled softly and gave a half shrug, looking away again. He knew she wasn't okay and he knew the reason behind her quietness so he didn't ask again.

"How are you?" She asked him and she curled hair around her ear again, turning her head to look at him with those doe eyes of hers. Curls slipped past her ear and hung by her face.

There was no hesitation. "I'm angry." And he was. More than sad; something deeper than heartbreak. It had to be anger. It was the only emotion left.

Rachel nodded like she understood. He found it somewhat humorous, imagining a whole lot of rage in such a tiny little thing like Rachel. It reminded him of the time Karofsky and the Knucklehead brigade caused that huge fight after Rachel and Puck sang their duet together. He had never seen such anger in the tiny Berry before. She hadn't hesitated a moment after the fight broke out, little Rachel in her small dollhouse looking dress and red tights heading over to give a huge muscled Karofsky a piece of her well organized and prioritized mind.

Sam had grabbed her around her waist before he was even aware of what he was doing, her legs doing ninja kicks to free herself from his grasp. He remembered after putting her down that a rose blush appeared all over her cheekbones. She had smiled and thanked him for heroic actions—and then glared and told him that she totally could have handled herself. Sam had just smiled, amused at her mood change, thinking that this girl was just as squirrely as he heard people say she was. Squirrely but passionate and that was something he could respect.

He had felt someone stare holes into his back as he sat down again after glee rehearsal re-started, minus Karofsky and the other neanderthals. He turned back to see Finn glare at him and then shake his head, looking away. Seriously? Sam had just rolled his eyes and looked forward. He didn't understand. If he wasn't going to stand up for Rachel anymore then what the hell did he even care? It was a quick decision, it wasn't planned and he hadn't thought about why he pulled Rachel back from attacking Karofsky with insults and ninja kicks. But he figured someone ought to stand up for her. Not that Rachel Berry needed any guy to stand up for her, she wasn't inept; she was a strong girl to take the bombardment she received more times than not each day she went to school. Being on Finn's arm had helped dial down the insults and slushies, but he noticed that she had been the target of a few of the hockey player's purple slushies this past week.

He decided there and then that the next time the glee club decided to attack the girl with insults he was going to say something and not just sit there, next to Quinn, mum as a mime.

He wasn't friends with Rachel before but they were two sides of the same card now. Something the other could relate too—he was sorry to say that it was pain and heartbreak but nonetheless, it tied them together in a small way. And he was going to be friends with her now. No one should have to take crap like that just because they have their own opinions. How many times had he seen her stick up for Kurt when he was still going to school here?

"Sam?" Her unsure voice pulled him from his thoughts.

"Sorry." He said softly, which earned a small smile from her.

"It's okay. I was just saying that I know how you feel. At least, I was mad for a little." She curled her hair back again; Sam deducted it was a nervous habit. The star on her necklace shined a bit as she turned to face him. "In the end though, I guess I deserved what happened. I kissed Puck to hurt Finn and even though he slept with Santana and lied to me…" She looked down at her lap. "Two wrongs just don't make anything right or make it better."

Sam licked his lips and turned his body to face hers as well.

"But what I don't understand is what you did to deserve this—" His breath caught in his throat as she said that, looking up at him and moving her bangs out of her eyes. "According to Finn, Quinn always said you were the perfect boyfriend."

And he refused to tear up over something so stupid. If he hadn't done anything wrong, then why had she done this to him? She was selfish. She was selfish and there was just nothing he could have done.

"Nothing," He answered Rachel, his voice hoarse. She frowned softly. "I did nothing."

"She was selfish." She said, almost spitting it at him.

"I'm not really a nice person. I'm selfish." She watched the floor and felt Finn take a seat next to her. Her curls fell in her face and her voice quavered but she stayed strong. She swallowed. "The fact is that I'm only really generous if there's something in it for me."
He smiled, she felt offended at first but…it was crooked and affectionate and…she had always loved that smile. She felt like it was the only smile he used for her. "Yeah, but I still like you."

She breathed out and shook her head. "They both were. He didn't care if he crushed you to get what he wanted. And she didn't care that you were a good boyfriend to her. They're both hypocrites." Sam watched her as she spoke, he noticed her eyes pooling with tears and he swallowed. "Finn was mad at me for kissing Puck while we were 'taking a break' but he has no problem with stealing Quinn from you while you two are actually dating and happy."

"Were dating and happy." Sam clarified and she instantly felt bad. A tear slid past her eyelid and she shook her head, looking away. He ran his thumb over her cheek and took the tear away. He swallowed. "It's okay." He could tell she felt awful and it wasn't okay but…somehow it was. All he knew was that making Rachel feel bad about her comment wasn't going to do anything to help. "Quinn obviously does not hold the status of good boyfriend as highly as you do. It doesn't matter to her."

Rachel sniffled as he pulled his hand back. Finn had been a good boyfriend—hadn't he? Maybe it was just black and white. Finn had been a liar, when he was with her and with Quinn. A cheater when he was into Rachel while Quinn was hauling around 'his baby' and Quinn's other interest, Puck, was a delinquent and had a good heart but fucked anything that had her legs open and didn't care after the fact. Okay, he had cared about Quinn but Puck sure as hell didn't care when he tried to take Quinn from Finn and he didn't care when he made out with Rachel numerous times. Her head hurt with the quadratic shaped love mess everyone had created over the years; Sam added to the mix made it a pentagon.

"It matters to me." Rachel mentioned quietly, looking up at him. "I think you're very honorable Sam."

He smiled softly at her. "Thanks Rachel."

Sam hadn't even noticed the small tear falling down his cheek until she hugged him—the scent of her strawberry shampoo hit his nose with such a surprising force that it was like a football tackle. It was so different from the way Quinn's hair smelled. Her hair was flowery and—it reminded him of summer.

He slowly wrapped his arms around her small frame and sat there with her, him holding her, her holding him. After a while, he felt something wet slowly seep into his shirt near his shoulder. He sighed softly and ran his fingers down her spine as she started crying. The sigh wasn't a sign of irritation or anything like that—he just felt bad. She had been trying to comfort him and she couldn't even do it without breaking into tears herself.

She was a wreck, her "Firework" performance a whole bunch of smoke and mirrors. She realized she needed to move on, to be the stronger girl she had once been before getting pulled into a romance by a tall boy with adorable features, a big heart, and clumsy actions. She had this epiphany after Finn couldn't form words about what he felt like when he kissed her—she knew he was just trying to buy time, trying to figure out what to say to her without hurting her feelings too much.

"No, it's good, thank you. You've given me the strength to move on. I know now there's nothing here for me anymore."
"That's not the truth, I still- I'm, I'm just so confused in my head right now." Hazy, confused—swear there was something more than a spark of fireworks in them. Between them. For god sakes they were something special.

She swore that strong streak was going well, swear she was gaining confidence. She had planned to speak out in glee tomorrow, planned to be her old self regardless of the hole in her chest; edges painful and sore when she saw Finn and Quinn smiling at eachother, lacing fingers and pecking cheeks.

She had planned on being strong until the dam broke all over Sam's shoulder. Oh. She hurriedly pulled back from him, cheeks red as their football uniforms and tear tracks on her face.

"Oh, Sam I'm so sorry." She sniffled. "I was…ugh, I was trying to help you and there I go, being selfish and breaking down on your shoulder."

He chuckled softly and wished he had a tissue to give her to wipe her face or blow her nose. He merely smiled again as she sniffled, wiping her cheeks with the back of her knuckles, looking annoyed with herself.

"I know, how dare you feel sad and lonely while hugging me when I'm trying to be sad and lonely." He joked, hooking his index finger under her chin and raising it so she was looking at him.

She giggled softly at his reply and that made his smile grow, she had a great laugh. It was the kind of laugh that once you heard it, you felt like laughing too, or at least smiling.

"And you're not selfish, maybe a little…" He moved his hand away from her face and took one of her hands to give it a squeeze. "Self-serving sometimes…" She smiled now, her eyes still watery. But at least his words were doing what he wanted.

She refused to comment on how she believed that selfish and sometimes self-serving was the same thing. Rachel could admit she was selfish sometimes; she did talk about herself incessantly when she was nervous.

"You do talk too much and usually you just talk about yourself, but at least I don't feel alone when I'm with you..."

She blamed most of it on being an only child…and sometimes she ended up talking about herself because she wanted to see if the person she was talking to had common interests. She looked at Sam and he smiled softly.

"But you have a good heart. Some people don't see that but you do." He nodded and took her hand and placed it over her heart.

"Your voice…touched something in me." Finn put his hand on his chest, the wrong side and she smiled despite herself. "Right here."
She leaned forward and moved his hand to other side of his chest. "Your heart is on the other side of your chest."
"Oh…" He smiled and looked down at her hand over his, his cheeks dusting pink and his voice filled with something cross between embarrassment and awe. "It's beating really fast."
She knew there and then that Finn Hudson had a piece of her that she had never wanted to give to anyone before.

She wasn't going to get the piece back either. She just had to move on and hope to heal.

"Thanks Sam." She smiled softly at him as he pulled his hand back.

He nodded. "Anytime." And he meant that.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she looked down at a text message from her daddy, telling her they were outside the school. "My parents are here." She stood and he did too.

"Can I walk you out?"

She smiled and nodded, closing the piano. "I would like that very much."

Sam smiled and followed her as she picked up her ballet bag and walked down the steps. "So did you see the new lunch menu in the cafeteria today? Mercedes nearly choked the lunch lady when she said they weren't bringing back tater tots for a whole month!"

Rachel giggled as Sam picked up his football bag and hoisted it over his shoulder. He opened the auditorium door for her and she walked out and straight into—

"Oh, I'm…"

She looked up into Finn's cinnamon brown eyes and the sorry died on her lips. Sam looked at Finn as the door closed behind him. He couldn't help but enjoy the small ounce of pleasure that he got from Finn looking from him to Rachel in an accusatory glare. If Rachel picked up on it she didn't comment. Over Rachel, my ass, Sam thought, if he was he wouldn't look like he wanted to punch my attic lights out from being alone with her in the auditorium.

"What are you doing here so late?" He looked down at Rachel. "Your dad's late again?"

She smiled softly and nodded. "Yep, well, I should get going. Dad gets testy if I don't hurry up." She looked at Sam and nodded softly, her smile—different, fuller…thankful. "Bye Sam."

He smiled at her. "Bye Rachel; thanks."

She nodded. "Anytime!" She giggled, imitating his response he gave her moments before this. Finn shifted awkwardly on his feet as Rachel turned and walked down the hall. Sam didn't look at Finn again before turning to go in the opposite direction.

"What exactly were you doing with her?" Finn asked him, following him close behind.

Sam sighed, "Not that it's any of your business but nothing."

"Look, Rachel and I are friends—" Sam sighed and bit the question off that he wanted to ask: If he and Rachel were friends why didn't he stand up for her when half the glee club made fun of her for one thing or another?

"I don't want to worry about her getting into things with you when you're clearly just looking for a rebound." When Sam stopped walking Finn stopped too, shifting his bag on his shoulder. "She doesn't deserve that."

Sam's fists clenched. "You know what?" Sam whirled around. "She didn't deserve to be side-swiped by you going after Quinn when she still had hope of getting back together with her. You have any idea how much you crushed her? Not to mention how much you screwed me over." He shook his head as Finn looked down, guiltily. "So don't waste your time telling me what think she deserves."

Sam turned around, not waiting for Finn's reply: he had a touch of Rachel Berry confidence in him that just made him smile as he walked out.

0o0o0o

The next day in glee Sam couldn't help but smile as Rachel stood up from sitting next to him, standing in front of the group to present a selection of songs she thought would be ideal for sectionals. And just like he assumed, Santana with her snarky tongue spoke up about not wanting to take advice from someone that was still shopping at the Baby Gap and wearing animal printed sweaters. Rachel swallowed, her smile downsizing a fraction.

Sam just shook his head as everyone, including Finn—which pissed him off more than he could handle—shared small smiles and laughs. Sam stood up, taking the sheets Rachel had in her hand. "Shut it Santana."

Rachel raised her eyebrows as the Latino snapped her mouth shut, Finn's hands dropping Quinn's as he straightened up in his seat at the scene before him.

"God, don't you people ever get tired of bringing Rachel down?" Before anything snarky could be a reply, he continued. "I may be newer to this glee thing than the rest of you but one thing that I've noticed is that she carries your asses with her voice half the time in this club. And all she wants is your attention to try and help everyone's voice to be better. She wants to help to win against Vocal Adrenaline and any other group that stops us from placing at Nationals. So if you want to win, shut up and listen."

"I officially call this meeting of glee club in session." Rachel smiled and hit the small judge's gavel that she had in her small hands.
Mercedes groaned and leaned her head back. Finn sighed. "I'm so sick of hearing you squawk, Eva Peron."
"Let her talk." Finn said, trying to not let any irritation leak into his voice. He was so sick and tired of this glee club not giving Rachel a chance to get a word in-didn't they understand that she had an idea to save them the embarrassment of the school performance they were going to go through?
Their eyes connected and he smiled softly, giving her a small boost of confidence as he gave her a small head nod. She couldn't help but feel...special.

Santana muttered something about how disgustingly sweet it was for someone to come to man-hand's rescue, while looking back at Finn, who just looked dumbfounded. Quinn kept looking at Finn, trying to get his attention. She then looked at Rachel, who Finn hadn't taken his eyes off of since Sam got up there and started defending her.

She smiled and continued her list, Mr. Schuester walking in a few minutes later to hear her ideas. He agreed with some, but not all, and decided he would take them into consideration—since Rachel hadn't spoken up in class for so long he was glad to finally hear some feedback from her and decide who would sing what or if it would be a group contribution.

Rachel sat down, Sam following her and sitting down next to her. She beamed at him and that only made his smile grow and a small chuckle fell out of his mouth. If she kept smiling at him like that—and offering to buy him strawberry ice cream at lunch after glee practices every time he helped her out, he knew he was going to enjoy being friends with Rachel Berry.