Chapter One:

Strangers

Admittedly, I had never considered what would happen when I climbed over the guardrail of the Del Sol Bridge that Friday night. I just wanted to get away from everything, including myself—I never thought about what it might look like to those passing me by.

Belwick is beautiful, you know, from the bridge. At this time of night it was bathed in coppery fire that embraced the mountains and hills in trails of sepia. Sitting on the hard green steel, looking out over that golden landscape view with the wind in my ears and the serenity—cars this late weren't frequent—of the isolation was enough to have moved me to tears.

I didn't have to be anyone other than me—pathetic, drunk me—taking a breath of air from the lies. I hated myself. I hated Glacier. I hated not being me. I hated the contradiction of what I wanted.

It's breathtaking. Bare, tanned legs dangling off a 220 foot drop to death with my toes stretching and wiggling the numbness away; nude heels somewhere behind me. The stars, likely airplanes, shuddering above me are reflected in the waves beneath me like an illusionary field. My hands clutched so tightly around the bar that they're white from the pressure, but I can still feel the dips and grooves of the names—remnants of life— etched into the chipping paint.

"Death is permanent, you know." The voice was small, silvery almost in that it was neither noticeably gruff nor especially smooth—I would describe it as moderately pleasant but bordering monotonous. My body reacted before my head had time to catch up, visibly flinching before tensely twisting my back to assess the intruder.

It was a familiar-looking man with a lean and taut build. His complexion was fair, but meshed well with his platinum hair that hung just below his chin. Beneath his bangs were roundish almond eyes like electric andara crystals that were flecked with indigo stars and rimmed in long, black lashes. If it wasn't for the crease between his shapely eyebrows, I would have thought he was a statue.

It finally dawned on me that he was Anya's younger brother, Nikolai, if I remembered correctly.

"Yeah, that's normally how it goes." The crease relaxed. Still drunk and oblivious to my surroundings, I lifted my left arm to swing my leg back over the guardrail.

I felt a hand on the back of my crop top before the guardrail suddenly disappeared from beneath me. My eyes bulged and my stomach rolled. Panic set in and I screamed and flailed, my legs hitting the railing hard enough to bruise. Before my head could bash against the cement, Nikolai wrapped an arm behind my shoulders and another under my lower back.

My voice was shrill. "The hell was that for? You could have killed me!" His eyes averted briefly while I continued to stare up at him, too shocked to move. It went without saying that my buzz had all but disappeared, leaving a headache that would destroy me later, a lack of motor skills, and a lovely nauseas feeling that was only growing worse.

He stood up from his kneeled position and steadied me. I stumbled back over to the rail, flopping against the bars with a gag. I vomited every morsel of food and alcohol I had consumed that night. I slightly tensed when I felt his presence just behind me, but he only pulled back my sweaty hair. I wasn't sure if he was just being nice or if he also had the same tagline "Vomit girl dies tumbling off bridge" flashing through his mind—cheesy announcer included—keeping him there.

"'m sorry," my voice was a hoarse whisper.

"You should know your limits." I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and tried to even out my breathing. My body was shaking, my mouth tasted like bile left in a hot car for six hours, and I had to look like a mess. My hair fell back against my nape and just brushed my shoulders when he let go of it.

"Well, if you're going to do somethin' ya might as well go all out." My hand moved up to tuck a few fly away strands back when I noticed the left strap of my black top was torn. I fingered the strip of loose thread, trying to recall when it could have snapped. Was it when I fell? He was staring at the severed strap as well, but tucked his hands back into his pockets. Nikolai didn't say anything, his eyes shifting to mine in an almost challenge.

What he didn't know was that, drunk or sober, I was competitive as fuck. "Did you break my strap?"

I noticed his eyes briefly shift to stare over my right shoulder. Guilty. Before I could say as much, Nikolai started to walk away in the direction of Glacier. Snatching my heels off the ground, I wobbled after him and grabbed his arm. "Whoa, there, what's the hurry?"

The dirty look didn't thwart me. I didn't want to be alone and the alcohol still flowing in my veins gave me the confidence to blabber on. "Glacier will be closin' in an hour or two, and if you don't have a fake I.D. they won't serve ya at the bar. That's okay tho' 'cause being drunk isn't really all that fun by yourself but drinking to blend in is also not fun, but the dancing is. You can just bob along and people will dance with ya—you don't need to be yourself or really talk."

"Let go." My grip on his arm tightened.

"No, you'll leave." My so called friends had already left me to walk home by myself, again. The jiggly jell-o feeling in my legs would subside if I sat down for a few minutes, but I didn't want to sit alone on the bridge anymore. Trying to come up with a topic, I recalled Anya telling me a few times that her younger brother was extremely protective of her and it often made it difficult for her to have any male friends. "How's Anya? I haven't talked to her in forever."

The muscles in his shoulders relaxed a little. His eyes opened a little wider and his voice was distinctly lighter than it was earlier. "Sestra is doing well. She's passing all her classes with A's and studies very hard to get into university. Earlier today she asked me if I would take her senior photos for her. I was already planning to ask her since I've been planning it for nearly two damn years, but to have her ask me is a dream come true. I mentioned the sunflower field up in Ruby Falls and sestra agreed. She really loves sunflowers." I herded him toward a bench quietly and when we finally sat down I knew I had him for the moment.

"I think I know the place you're talking about. Anya and I once skipped class freshman year to go up there…I haven't really spoken to her much since last summer." I frowned, recalling how Anya and I had been pretty good rivals and friends. She had been nowhere near my best friend, that spot was already accounted for, but we used to talk and hang out after school. Now, we sometimes see each other in class and in the halls, but that's it.

"Probably for the better, Anya doesn't need another bad influence plaguing her."

"Whoa, harsh, man. Your sister is just as bad an influence as I am."

He raised a single trimmed brow. "You shouldn't even bother comparing yourself to my sestra; you're nothing alike. While you are out here, drunk on cheap booze, sestra is asleep in her bed at home. Only listless women like you get plastered every Friday."

Being alone didn't sound so bad at that moment. What the fuck did this asshat know, anyway? My fingers clenched into fists and my shaking wasn't just from throwing up. "Haha, you got me there. I don't know what I want to do with my life yet, like I have a few ideas but nothing I really want to commit to yet. Anyway, what's wrong with loosening up on a Friday with friends after a hellish week of school?"

Nikolai snorted. "Your definition of friends must be warped if you consider Melissa and Carlos your friends. Sadiq, Christian, Feliks, and the two of them always come and go in a car—you walk. They abandoned you at Glacier again tonight, no? Come Monday, most of the school will have seen pictures of all your activities tonight." He picked a piece of lint off his black jacket. "You may be known as an idiot, but you're not stupid enough to not realize that they see you as entertainment, right?"

"I know." He seemed almost surprised by my fast response. His fingers even paused in their lint search. Our eyes met and I nodded. "I know."

"I'm not stupid, ya know. It's obvious that I'm not really a part of their group and that they laugh at me behind my back, but it was fun to hang out with them in the beginning. Sadiq invited me along and, at first, it was just a onetime adventure." I took Nikolai's silence as my cue to continue. "And then I found out something about myself that I had a hard time coping with. When I drank, it was just for courage and to help with my problem, but then I found out it was easier to be someone else, like an Amelia 2.0 that was an upgraded version of me."

"It's probably pathetic, but despite knowing that they aren't my friends, I'm sorta addicted to how good it feels on the dance floor." I peeked over at him, nervous that he really thought I was just another dumb blonde.

His lips slightly opened to let out a sigh. "Go with your actual friends."

I poked his outer thigh. "Tried. My best friend is in a relationship and wouldn't go without him, but Antonio works Friday nights. I…don't really have many other friends….oh wait…no, those two are dating. Most of my friends and I started growing apart after I started hanging out with Melissa and the others." I scratched the back of my head in embarrassment. I used to be really good friends with Kiku, Toris, Anya, Arthur, Francis, and Gilbert. Understandably, Gilbert and Francis attend college with my brother, Matthew, and we wouldn't be able to get away with partying without Mattie somehow finding out. I could only imagine how livid he would be if he found out what I really do on Friday nights.

For reasons I don't like to talk about, I distanced myself from Arthur and we eventually just stopped talking to each other altogether. Kiku and Anya were more by accident. Kiku still speaks to me at school, but we always seem to miss each other. I prioritized Melissa and the others after the first time I partied with them. It wasn't intentional, at first, but when we did speak they were always on my case about underage drinking and rumours that they had heard about me. I'd been full of myself and naïve, not wanting to believe that my cool, new friends were just stringing me along. Out of all of them, Toris was the one person that wasn't correlated with my partying. He used to live five blocks from me up until seventh grade when he moved to the opposite side of the river. We used to send letters to each other, but stopped when we got into the same high school. I always wanted to reach out and talk to him again, but never did.

"Maybe I should stop," I think aloud. "But they might not like that…"

Another sigh escaped through his lips. "It is obvious that they don't care about you. Stop fretting over what they think and do what you want. Real friends would want what's best for you."

I could feel my eyes involuntarily widen and a smile start at the corners of my mouth. "Like you."

It wasn't a question.

"No, you listen to me, this was a onetime thing that I never want to repeat—don't you fucking walk away from me!"

I continued walking in the opposite direction, feeling bold enough to walk backwards and cackle. "Nope, we're friends now, Nikky!"

"How the hell did any of this translate into friendship?" He started stalking after me, his longer strides catching up to my smaller ones.

"You care~" I laughed and poked his chest before getting serious. "Besides, you held my hair for me. Thanks for that." I pivoted on my heel and spread out my arms and exaggerated my steps like Frankenstein. "I really liked this shirt, ya know."

Nikolai didn't argue.