I'm back!

Okay so this one is a replacement to how I see season 11 because I miss Tony and Ziva. In saying that I have only watched the first probably 5 episodes of that season before I stopped watching (I will catch up at some point but I haven't gotten around to it, I just am not as urgent to watch as I used to now my girl has gone.)

Anyways for those of you, like me, that have missed our girl, and her certain dynamic with the one and only Anthony DiNozzo, I hope you enjoy this piece.

Hundan.

No one knows how much he still struggles with her being gone. Sure in the first few weeks he was back at work everyone had definitely noticed how hard he was taking her absence. But since then he's pulled his walls back up and plastered that mask back on and hidden his feelings from the world.

Every time he closes his eyes he still sees her, still dreams about her. Nothing seems to make the thought of her disappear, not all his movies, not a bottle of whisky, not even another woman. For the last one he's kind of upset at himself but nothing else worked and he had to try and make himself move on, because after all that's what Gibbs had said, they need to move on, because she had.

Not that he got very far with the pretty blonde he met at a coffee shop one morning, he got as far as a little make out session on her couch but it all felt too wrong and when his hands were on her all he could think about was the time his hands, his lips were on Ziva. And it wasn't right and so he had apologised and left.

Nothing seems to wipe the memory of Ziva from his mind and after three months he wonders if it will ever go away, if he will ever be able to move on. He's not sure he will because he loved her. He still loves her and he admits that to himself to no end.

At one point he actually admitted it to Tim and even though he was a drunk stupor Tony still noticed the way Tim was shocked at the admission but he also didn't seemed too surprised by it either. After Tim had taken him home that night and put his drunkenness to bed his Probie had never spoken a word of Tony's little secret blab he'd let spill that night.

Most of the time he just thinks about her and where she would be right now, what she would be doing. He imagines that she would end up somewhere like Greece, living in a small town in a beautiful city teaching English to school children. Or maybe she'd stayed in Israel and just lives off her vegetable garden in a little farm house in the nice countryside.

Or even she's living with Shmeil and she cooks him dinner each night and he shares his thousands of stories with her every day. He hopes that whatever it is she is doing or wherever she may be that she is happy. He wishes he could embrace his own life and be a happy man, but deep down without her with him he will never be fully happy with his life.

Because she is his one and she owns his heart, he just simply cannot change that.

It's been a hard few days at work and when Tony finishes his glass of whisky and puts the last of his pizza dinner that he couldn't eat into the fridge he loosens his tie some more and thanks God that the case is finally over. He needs some time alone and being home for less than four hours a night for three days took its toll. He finds he needs time to himself more these days because he cannot think about Ziva when there are others about, because sometimes he gets a little upset and they would surely notice the distance he gets from the world when he thinks about her.

He walks to his bedroom and picks up the book on his bedside table. It was one of Ziva's books. He's got all her books here as he was the one who had to pack up her apartment, because she just didn't come back. Saying that task was an easy one would have been a lie, it was quite difficult for him but he felt that it wouldn't be right for anyone but him to do it. Most of her things are in his storage unit, but the small and more personal things are scattered around his apartment. Because he needs those memories of her.

If he couldn't forget her, he'd embrace the memory of her.

He heads to the kitchen with the book and places it on the bench while he reaches for the bottle of Johnny Walker for a refill, but before he can pour it there's a knock at his door. He places the bottle down and heads to greet the visitor. It's probably Tim, he's the only one that calls over to see him unannounced these days.

He opens his door with a remark ready for his Probie about missing him already and hadn't he had enough of him in the long three days they'd had, however that comment died on his lips and his mouth suddenly went dry.

Also he thinks his heart stopped beating.

He goes to whisper her name but not a sound escapes his throat, was he dreaming? Because that was Ziva standing at his door, beautiful curly dark hair spilling over her shoulders and a calm but nervous emotion on her face. She looked just like she did when he left her standing at the airport three months ago.

She smiles softly at him and her eyes suddenly glaze over and get slightly shinny. He stares at her and he's pretty sure his eyes start to match hers, he's feeling tears prick at the back of his eyes, because Jesus, that's Ziva. In DC, in his apartment building, standing right in front of him.

"Ziva" her name finally escapes his lips and he half chokes on the word. He hasn't said her name for a long time now and seeing her right there, truly there in front of him after he thought he would never see her again, it crushes his heart in the best of ways.

"Hello Tony" she replies quietly and he watches one tear escape her eye, because maybe she thought she would never see him again either, but here she is.

He cannot stop himself when he reaches out for her and gathers her in his arms. Her arms come around him also and she clings to him, like she never wants to let him go. Maybe she had missed him as much as he had missed her. His face dips to the curve of her neck and he can't help but smile softly against her skin there, because she's back and in his arms right now. This was what his dreams were made of.

"I never thought I'd see you again" he breathes against her skin and his arms tighten around her a little more. Because he doesn't want to let her out of his grip, never again.

There's a long pause after he says it and he feels the way her hand moves into the back of his hair and her forehead drops to his shoulder.

"Neither did I" she whispers and he almost didn't catch half of it because she struggled to get it out. She never meant to see him again, she never meant to come back. But here she was. Why? What brought her here and changed her mind?

He brought his head back and looked down at her when she lifted her head from his shoulder, she tried not to catch his gaze. She avoided looking at him right now. He feels like she's hiding something and he wonders what that is. He lifts her chin with his hand, bringing her gaze to settle on his. Because he needs it.

"What changed your mind?" he asked quietly as he stared into her teary eyes. He wonders if the tears are from joy or sadness, because he cannot really tell right now.

He watches as she goes to speak her mind, goes to tell him something but whatever it was didn't leave her lips because it seemed suddenly too hard to say and she couldn't get it out. He sees the way she thinks and then looks away again before she takes a deep breath then looks back at him.

"Things changed and… there are things that would be unfair of me to keep from you" she finally gets out and he notices the way her eyes get a little shifty and yes, there is definitely something she is keeping from him. And it seems quite significant.

He wonders what it is that is unfair for her to keep from him? Her love? Her in general? Because yeah, those are things he thinks are unfair that he cannot have when he loves her like he does.

He watches her sigh and she takes a step back while she gathers both of his hands in hers. Looks him right in the eyes.

"Tony, we need to talk" she says and she's suddenly more nervous than he's ever seen her, and yeah she's suddenly gone very serious all of a sudden. It… scares him a little. For the life of him he cannot tell what is on her mind and what she is suddenly serious about needing to tell him, and whatever it is it changed her mind and brought her back to him. When she wasn't likely going to come back.

"Come in" he says quietly as he steps back and he's suddenly very nervous. His heart rate has spiked to twice as fast and he's sure the room just got warmer.

He watches as she slowly walks into his apartment and takes in the changes. The first thing her eyes land on was the old photo of her and Ari as children, the one she used to have in her apartment but now it sat on the table next to his fishbowl. She ran her fingers across the frame, over her brother's face. He sees the soft sad smile that breaks across her face before she turns back to him.

"You cleaned out my apartment?" she asks. He nods slowly and rubs the back of his neck. He wonders how she feels about him doing that and then keeping some of her things.

"Most of it's in storage, I just didn't know what you wanted done with it" because you never called. He sees her nod in return.

"Thank you" she whispers. She didn't seem too bothered by it and he thinks he catches another little smile on her face as she takes another look at the photo. He wonders if the roles were reversed would she have done the same? Would she have kept some of his things in her apartment? He guesses he will never know.

She walks over to his couch and takes a seat, her eyes shifting nervously as she watches him follow her. He likes how she still walks around his apartment like she belongs here, even though it's been so long since she's been here.

When he takes his place beside her he sits closer than maybe was considered necessary, but he cannot help himself and it's always just how they have been. They have shared things and done things that make them closer than most married couples these days, so he guesses it's his right to have this kind of proximity with her. And she doesn't move away from him, he feels as though she moves slightly closer even.

She doesn't look at him when she reaches out to gather his hand in hers, but she grips onto his hand like she wasn't planning on letting go and he could feel the nervous tension run through her hand as she held onto him. He laced his fingers between hers in an effort to get her to look at him and it worked, her eyes looked up and settled on his.

She sat there for a while just staring at him and he kept quiet because he could see her trying to word this in her head correctly before she spilled it out to him. But slowly his patience was killing him. Because this wasn't something that seemed very simple. He couldn't think for the life of him what it was she was about to try and tell him.

She looks down at their hands and she gets courage to start talking.

"I wasn't going to come back" she starts softly and those words stop his heart and have him gripping her hand tighter "But then… things changed and I thought about it for a while and I know that keeping something like this away from you would be unfair, it would not be right" she continues and that's when her gaze lifts to his again and she looks him right in the eyes.

"You remember your last night in Israel?" she asks him. Of course he does, it's the one thing he thinks about most. The way her lips found his in the dark of the night, how her naked skin felt under his hands. How it felt to love her wholeheartedly.

"How could I ever forget?" he smiles softly at her. She sends him a small smile in return because she surely remembers it too. That night was a night that had been far too long in the making, and because they both thought it was the last time they would ever see each other, why not give into the love that had been there for so many years?

This is the point where she grips his hand a little tighter and takes in a deep breath.

"Tony, I…" she goes to say what's on her mind and the words stop short. He's never seen her struggle with telling him anything before, not with how hard she is finding it right now. His heart pounds against his chest in anticipation to what she is going to say. However he feels like whatever it is, it will stop his beating heart.

Her eyes shift away from his again but then the words are on her lips finally and she looks back up at him, serious. Sure of herself.

"Tony I'm pregnant" she blurts out and her eyes stare at him, because heck yes that was something huge for her to say. That was something he was not expecting, he never thought he would have Ziva ever say this to him. Sure he's dreamed about it but the fact this has just hit him in reality, damn he was breathless. He just… right now he cannot think of what to say. And yes, his heart had stopped.

She was pregnant. Ziva was pregnant, with his kid.

And she'd come back to him because even though she wasn't going to ever return, this brought her home. Because she couldn't keep this secret from him.

Wow.

They were pregnant.