Holy fucking shit I'm finishing these fast. This is like, what, third fic today? If I could just write Recovering like this too...
But yeah, there's not enough KuraMiyu and anyone who has read my stories before already knows that I'm a total and complete Hurt/Comfort addict and I like to write of panic attacks (despite the fact that I've personally only experienced three or four of them). Enjoy!
Kuramochi is saying something. Miyuki knows this because the boy's lips are moving and they did start a conversation at some point, but he can't hear a thing through the blood rushing in his ears. The edges of his vision are slightly blurry and he wants to blink to get rid of the annoying fuzziness but his eyelids won't listen to him. Actually, nothing in his body seems to listen to him.
When did breathing get so difficult?
Why can't he blink his eyes?
Why is his vision blurry?
Why are the only things he can hear his blood rushing through his head and Kuramochi saying "Do you even have emotions?"?
He's pretty sure Kuramochi is saying something else.
Why is breathing so difficult?
Kuramochi is talking and Miyuki can't make out the words. He can't even hear his voice. He vaguely thinks he may have said something wrong, and tries to shake his head. This time his body listens to him, but the motion causes the room go spinning and he finds himself on the floor; still unable to breathe properly, still unable to hear anything. His left hand is now clutching his head and his right one his chest. Where did his glasses go? Are those Kuramochi's hands shaking his shoulders? Why is breathing so difficult?
Kuramochi doesn't know what's going on. Miyuki is obviously panicking and he's never had to deal with a panicking person before, much less Miyuki whom he has just accused for being emotionless. Miyuki's breathing is coming in short, wheezing gasps and are those tears in his eyes? Never mind, Kuramochi is quite sure he has to get the boy's breathing back to normal first.
Now that he's thinking, Kuramochi can quite surely point out the moment Miyuki's mind shunned everything out; the moment he asked if Miyuki even has emotions, something seemed to go off, but Kuramochi was just too busy talking about how a relationship is not run by one person but two. It's all actually his own fault, Kuramochi thinks, since he knows Miyuki sucks at dealing with emotions.
"Miyuki, come on... come on, listen to me..." he murmurs softly, and after repeating the boy's name way more times than should be necessary, the hazel eyes are finally staring at him. They're overflowing with tears, panic imprinted to their very core, but they're looking at Kuramochi and not through or past him, and Kuramochi considers this a small win.
Kuramochi takes Miyuki's hands in his owns and squeezes them softly. The boy in front of him is still gasping and wheezing and choking, but now that the catcher has his mind back, Kuramochi has a chance.
"Miyuki, can you breathe?" It's a stupid question and he knows it, but he has to make sure. As Miyuki shakes his head weakly, Kuramochi gives his hands another soft squeeze.
"Okay, do you think you can breathe with me?"
As an answer, he gets a hesitant, jerky nod. Miyuki is getting paler and paler.
"Good. Now, breathe in. Breathe out. Slowly in. Slowly out. Good. You can do this; now in, and out. In... and out. Yeah, that's right; in, and out. Yeah, you're okay. See? You can breathe. Just take your time. You're okay." This goes on for several minutes, and in the end Kuramochi is a total nervous wreck because he has never done this before and he was so scared that Miyuki would just faint on him, while Miyuki has slumped against Kuramochi's chest, back still heaving with soft sobs, but he's breathing and that's what matters.
"You okay now?" Kuramochi asks after a moment's silence. Miyuki takes his time to answer, and when he's finally sure he can get a whole sentence out of his mouth without going into a new panic attack, he whispers a soft "I don't know" that cracks in the end. Kuramochi plants a soft kiss on the top of his head and starts drawing random lines on his back.
"I'm not emotionless", Miyuki says after a while. His voice is hoarse and the words are obviously forced, but he manages to talk anyway and Kuramochi considers everything a win if Miyuki is breathing.
"I know. I'm sorry. I know you're just bad with stuff like this. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it." Kuramochi wraps his arms properly around Miyuki and kisses his forehead.
Minutes pass in silence as Miyuki's breath finally evens out and the tears stop. It's so silent Kuramochi is almost sure Miyuki has fallen asleep on him – better than fainting, he reminds himself – until the boy utters something completely coherent (or then again, in Miyuki's case, maybe not), and that's enough for Kuramochi to know that the boy is definitely not asleep.
"I love you." These three words leave Miyuki's lips almost inaudibly, but with no one else in the room, Kuramochi hears them. He's quite shocked, actually; Miyuki so rarely expresses his feelings in any way. That's how this fight started, and Kuramochi makes a mental note to never again lose his cool when fighting or arguing or whatever with Miyuki.
"I know you do. I love you too; I love you so much. And I'm so sorry." At the last sentence, Miyuki lets out a little laugh, though it's interrupted by a short series of coughs. This alarms Kuramochi, who immediately pushes them apart to get a proper look at Miyuki.
"Oh my god are you okay?" Miyuki almost wants to laugh at Kuramochi's expression. "Yeah, I think I am", he says instead and offers a genuine, reassuring smile, although his lips are still trembling a bit. "Sorry, my throat just doesn't like crying. Stop apologizing and just... I don't know, I want to stay like this."
"Then we'll stay like this", Kuramochi says softly and pulls Miyuki into a warm embrace. In minutes, he can clearly tell that the boy has fallen asleep in his arms, and just that fact is enough to make him feel like the luckiest man alive.
Because although Miyuki has some issues, he's still the one Kuramochi loves the most.
Sappy little piece of fluff.
Reviews are nice~ ^.^