Threes: Vengeance
(to the tune of "Threes: Take Three" by Julia Ecklar.)
A weasel called Lucas thought he'd made a clever plan:
Avenge a stolen condo; prove himself the better man.
But this he didn't count on when he plotted his attack:
Screwing with House and Wilson means you're bound to be screwed back!
Three things in their favor:
Their enemy is a moron,
Their loyalty's tempered steel,
And all their scruples are gone.
Dripping and spitting mad, House glares, sporting a savage frown:
"I know the guy who did this, and that bastard's going down!"
Says Wilson, "Play it subtle, for revenge is best served cold;
We'll make him pay, and on the way, make sure that Cuddy's told."
These three don't enrage:
The mother with a babe to guard,
The hissing serpent coiled,
And the friends who both strike hard.
They towel dry and then they plan what they will do next:
The wrecked flat-screen TV alone has got them really vexed.
But it isn't sufficient to stick Lucas with a bill.
He should count himself lucky neither is the type to kill.
Three mistakes he made:
First, the opossum in the bath,
The grab bar that he loosened,
And the clues that showed his path.
Meanwhile, Lucas, smirking, goes to bed, convinced he's won,
And congratulates himself on a job he deems well done.
No way will House or Wilson ever top his latest trick,
And all the home repairs will teach a lesson that will stick.
Three things never assume:
That every man's your friend,
An enemy's next action,
And what's at the story's end.
Next day at the hospital, Lucas makes his final stand:
He sends House crashing to the floor with no support to hand.
The price of getting cocky: that he's cooked his own damn goose,
'Cause security cameras caught that instance of abuse.
Three things Lucas never had before he caused that fall:
A moment's doubt,
An ounce of sense,
And a lawyer he could call.
House gets to his feet, seething; Wilson shows a shark-like grin:
A confession's on record and their foe's guilty as sin.
They've got a room of witnesses who heard him make his boast,
And it's obvious to him that Lucas Douglas is toast.
Three things worse than prank war:
Legal red tape wound tight,
The day your girlfriend dumps you
And the charge you cannot fight.
A restraining order is just the first step on the way:
They're suing for assault as the next order of the day.
Cuddy just shakes her head when Lucas ends up dragged to jail,
And wonders when it was her taste in men began to fail.
These three just rewards:
The punitive damages paid,
That Lucas was bankrupted,
And for months locked up he stayed!