Derek frowned as he watched Penelope head off with Rossi. Ever since Erin had decided to leave them, to let Chief Cruz continue on in his new position, his best friend had gone home to them more and more often. Their nightly talks had dwindled to once every three or four days. And he was desperate to find some sort of connection with someone, anyone, once more.
Pulling out his phone, he saw that it would just be midnight in England, and he knew that Emily would still be up. He needed to hear her voice. Looking up her number in his contact list, he touched it and held the phone to his ear as he stalked over to his office. He had just gotten comfortable when she picked up the phone. "Derek? Why are you calling so late?"
"Late? You have gotten soft in your old age, Em. It's only midnight over there."
"Yeah, and I am becoming accustomed to having early mornings. Five o'clock seems to come earlier and earlier these days."
He winced and debated if he wanted to end the conversation early. Pushing ahead, he sighed. "I'm sorry. I just needed to hear a friendly voice. Penelope's gone home with Rossi once more."
"I thought he and Strauss had gotten married."
"They are."
"So, what is…wow. Really?"
"I have no confirmation, but that's what I think is going on. I mean, how do you ask your best friend if she's sleeping with a married couple? I mean, that's a little sensitive."
Emily laughed richly and he felt his cheeks burn with a bright blush. Suddenly, he was grateful that he had his own office, and didn't have to face the scrutiny of the others. "You could ask if she enjoys her time with Rossi. Gauge her reaction."
"I suppose. But I don't know if I really want to know the answer to that question. What if I get details that I won't be able to get out of my head? I mean, I really don't want to picture Erin eating…"
"And you just gave yourself the very mental picture that you wanted to avoid," she said with a laugh. "I almost feel sorry for you."
"No, you don't. But I know of a way to make you feel sorry. Just picture Penelope and Dave sucking on Erin's breasts, her skin flushed and sweaty."
"All right, stop! I yield! I feel sorry for us both!" She was still laughing and he suddenly wished he was with her, talking over a pint of beer. "I missed talking to you. You need to make this more than when you're hurting."
He felt the breath drawn from his throat and he nodded, even though he knew that she couldn't see the move. "It still amazes me that you know me this well. I thought that I had done a pretty good job at hiding my feelings away."
"You were always an open book to me, from the very moment we bonded over Vonnegut. You should come over and visit me, it might take your mind off some of the things that \are troubling you."
"That sounds like heaven to me right now," he replied, thinking of all the things that he could do with Emily. "But are you still open to exploring things between us."
"I've always been open to that idea, Derek. My head just tried to tell that it would never work. My foundation was cracked, just like the one in the house that I was going to buy. And a cracked foundation can lead to a lot of fears."
"I know all about fears and cracked foundations, Em. You should know that full well." He thought of Buford, and everything the man had done to try to destroy his life. "I've tried to move on from that."
"I have, too. It just seems like I get stuck and fall back into old patterns of thinking."
"I love you," he blurted out suddenly, wondering where that had come from, even as the last syllable had left his lips.
"I love you, too. And that's what made me run. I loved Ian, too, and you saw where that led me." There was a catch in her words, and he knew that she was close to crying. "I've always been hurt by love. I, I don't want to hurt any longer."
"You think that I want to hurt? Seeing Penelope fall into something with Rossi and Erin hurts me to the soul. She promised that she would never forget to talk to me. And here I am, waiting for a call that will never come."
She sighed deeply and he let the tears that trembled at the edge of his eyes fall. "Strauss just returned from the dead. You know that felt with my return, and I know you know that Penny was growing closer to her once she returned from rehab. I can understand where she might cleave to her closely, given a second chance at welcoming a friend back from the dead."
"I needed to call you. I needed to hear those words spoken to me. I have some time off coming up soon. I'll see you around Thanksgiving?"
"That sounds like the perfect plan. Until then, you can call London anytime you need to hear my voice."
"I will do just that, Em. Stay safe there."
"I will, I promise." They both let a deep sigh of contentment at the same time, and Derek felt like his heart was lighter than it had been in months. "I really need to get to sleep, though, Der. Five comes early."
"All right, I'll let you go then. Love you."
"Love you, too." They hung up and he set his phone aside as he leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. Maybe this was the window that God was opening for him, after closing the door with Penelope. One thing was certain, he would not be shutting this window until he had explored the entire view.
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