Disclaimer: BTVS is owned by Joss Whedon and whatever other companies have ties to the Buffyverse, I don't own it. I don't claim to. I'm just a visitor.
Title:
In Memory
Author(s): Selina/Aggy
Fandom: BTVS
Timeframe:
Early Season 2
Characters: Angel/Buffy
Genre: Angst,
Romance
Summary: Angel thinks about his relationship with
Buffy.
Notes: None that I can think of.
In Memory
Selina/Aggy
She represented all that he yearned for but could not have. She was beautiful, innocent, young. But she was the Slayer, chosen by unimaginable forces to destroy creatures such as himself. She was his natural enemy. He should hate her, hunt her, slaughter her. But instead, he loved her with every measure of his soul.
She was as dangerous to him as the sun, but he still found himself drawn to her.
Buffy Anne Summers. When he first heard her name, he should have realized it was a warning. But he had fallen heedlessly in love with her. He was dazzled by her vitality, her warmth.
True to her name, she was like summer. Golden, sun-kissed hair. Smooth, tanned skin that was exotic to him. When he'd been human, women of his class had been as pale as milk. Only peasants let the sun darken their skin. But she was no peasant. No, she was a lady, which made her tan that much more alluring to his near-forgotten sensibilities. Her eyes were hazel, but turned a warm, lush green whenever she smiled. The color made him long for the bright days of his human youth.
She was everything good and warm that he could never again experience. She was pure despite her life as the Slayer.
Some days he thought she could be his redemption. Others, he was sure she was his damnation. Whichever she represented, he wanted her. Hungered for her.
He could kiss those glossy, innocent lips, but it wasn't enough. He wanted her blood more than he had wanted anything in life or death. If he asked, she would give him what he desired, shyly sliding down her collar to offer the pulsing life beating against her throat.
No matter how much he wanted her, he could not ask that of her. Not because he would be abusing her trust, but because he knew what would happen if he accepted that innocent gift. He craved her with a hunger that rivaled Angelus' passions. A mere drop of her blood would send him over the edge. He would lose himself in her in the taste of her until nothing remained of his beautiful summer girl but a hollow corpse.
Late at night, he stared up at the stars, yearning for what he could not take. What would she taste like? Would her blood be like sweet, ripe berries that teased the senses but carried a hint of the coming autumn?
Buffy might be a child of the sun, but eventually time would catch up with her. In the old legends, it was the young man that faded with the seasons while the Goddess watched Her lover slowly die. But he was the one forever frozen in youth. It would be his Buffy that would fade.
Eventually autumn would find his Summer Queen, dimming her shining youth. She would either slide into maturity, ripening as innocence gave way to experience or she would fall into the icy grip of death.
If the duties of the Slayer did not kill her, age would steal her away from him.
What would he do when her summer light was extinguished? She was his only glimpse of sunshine. She was the only warmth in his life. What would he do when death stole away her love? Would his soul linger in its vampiric prison, pining for the lover that had slipped through the gates of Heaven? Or would his soul flee with hers, leaving Angelus to terrorize the Earth while Angel and Buffy found happiness in the afterlife?
Would whatever Powers that guarded Heaven allow one as tainted as himself to enter?
If anyone could win his admittance into Heaven, it was Buffy Summers.
In the light of her love, he was sure anything was possible.
His thoughts stilled as the wind brought him the scent of flowers and oranges. Instantly, he knew it was her. She tried to creep up behind him, but they both knew that he was far too cautious to be caught unaware, not even by the Slayer.
He turned and opened his arms, offering her the shelter of his coat. When she stepped in front of him, he wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her golden hair. The warmth of her body seeped into his own, allowing him to pretend for just a moment that he still lived, sliding into ancient memories of sun-bright meadows and summer storms.
She shivered when the wind slipped past his coat to swirl around her. She was so fragile. So young. Even if she lived to be a hundred, it would only be a tiny measure of his immortal years. No matter how kindly Fate treated her, eventually Death would claim her.
Gently, he rubbed her back, smiling at the feel of the brilliant woman in his arms. She was all things good, warm, alive. She had given him hope. She had given him love. And he was sure that if his soul happened to find a way to follow hers into Heaven, she would battle every God and Goddess in her path to ensure she spent forever with him.
He almost spoke his thoughts, then remained silent. Tonight he wanted to hold her close and pretend that the horrors of the world didn't exist. That the brightness of her life, her love, wouldn't eventually fade. She was one of few things in his life that was truly pure and good.
He would linger over this night, committing every detail to memory. The warmth of her skin. The way the moonlight slid over her face. The ache that filled his soul as she rested her head against his chest. It seemed that he'd been walking the eternal road just to reach this place, this moment.
In memory, his Summer Queen would live forever, her presence in his life always reminding him of the light. His nature forced him to live in the shadows, but because of her love, he would never surrender to the darkness. No matter how seductively it called, he would never give in to the evil that lurked within. Not when he had the memory of her light shining bright within his soul.
Someday he would lose his Slayer, but until then, he would horde every memory, saving each one for the dark road ahead.