Dental Hygiene
by Cookie Heist
Summary: Walter's weapons are often compared to dental floss. But what fourteen-year-old actually flosses?
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG
Warnings: Vampires and mild language
Disclaimer: Hellsing and Hellsing: The Dawn belong to Kouta Hirano.
Notes: It figures that the inspiration for the break in my writer's block comes at 2am. This is my first time writing anything Hellsing-related, so hopefully the characterizations are up to snuff.
Walter spat the remnants of toothpaste into the sink and replaced his toothbrush in its holder.
Now, finally, for some sleep...
"Aren't you going to floss?" a giggle echoed off of the bathroom walls.
Walter turned around to glare at Alucard's girl form as she walked through the bathroom wall. "Sod off, Alucard. I'm tired."
The petite vampire crossed her arms, pouting. "I only wanted to see what sort of terror--" she did a little twirl, a mockery of Walter's fighting style "--the Angel of Death could create right in his very own home. But you're no fun."
"Dental floss isn't a weapon," Walter told her, his patience wearing thin.
"Says you," Alucard replied dismissively, "But we can't have you getting gingivitis, all your pearly-white teeth falling out…" She flashed her own perfect fangs.
Walter's eyes narrowed. "Did Sir Arthur put you up to this?"
"Noooo, why would the old man waste his time on your gum lines? I just happened to notice." She grinned, leaning close to him, and suddenly her face was that of a hungry demon, showing him every pointed tooth. "I could smell the blood when you brushed your teeth."
"Go back to the sub-basement where you belong!" Walter snapped, swatting at the vampire, but she started to disappear through the floor before his arm could make contact.
"Nighty-night, Angel of Death!" She winked, and then her face disappeared from view.
Walter glowered at the spot where Alucard had vanished. Satisfied that she really was gone, he turned to leave the bathroom but caught sight of his reflection in the process. He leaned towards the mirror, curling his lips and bearing his teeth to get a better view of his gums.
They didn't look off to him, but they had been a bit tender. A sudden, unwanted mental image of himself without teeth was all the convincing he needed. He opened a drawer, and, one-handed, felt around until he found an unopened container of dental floss buried at the back of the drawer. He didn't want to look too hard for it. The last thing he wanted was to prove Alucard right. Once he was certain she hadn't snuck up behind him with more teasing, he carefully unwound a strand of floss, wrapped it around his fingers, and began to work it awkwardly between his teeth.
Leaning against the bathroom door, Alucard smiled to herself. The sounds of Walter's rummaging were all the proof she needed. What she had actually done was harmless, borderline beneficial, but it had been easy to push Hellsing's trash-man's buttons and manipulate him. Even a teenage Angel of Death is concerned with appearances, she confirmed. Another thought crossed her mind. "Even?" She laughed. Perhaps "especially."
She sniffed the air. Walter's gums only bled a few drops when he forced the floss between his teeth, but if she closed her eyes the smell of virgin blood strengthened in her nose.
She headed downstairs in search of a bag of Type A to quiet her hunger.