Zelos and the four dwarves

Once upon a time there lived an evil queen… err, king named Yggdrasil. He was a very proud quee- king and proud of his looks. Every day he would look in his magic mirror. And he would say "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" and every day a face with long blue hair would appear and say "you my queen." and every day Yggdrasil would say "KING!" but too late because, having answered the question, the image in the mirror had already faded.

Until one day, when he had asked "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" and the mirror answered "my queen," "-king" Ygdrasil interrupted. note caring for the diturbance it continued "you are beautiful indeed , but your looks are defeated." The que- king wouldn't accept that. He was the best; no one else could be as good looking as him. So he asked his mirror. "Who dares look better than me? Answer or I shall break thee!" the mirror answered "His name is Zelos and lives right near here my queen- my king"

Evil qu- king Yggdrasil was angry and called the hunter "Kratos! You better come here right now!" he said and the hunter Kratos came. "Yes my queen?" he asked "-king" Yggdrasil interrupted. "And I want you to lead Zelos in the Graochia forest, kill him and bring me his heart as proof" he added. "Yes my queen." The hunter answered. "It's KING! Not queen, K-I-N-G!" but it was lost since Kratos had already left.

So Kratos went hunting for Zelos, it wasn't hard. Zelos was doing his daily activity near the fountain. He was flirting. "Zelos." Kratos said. "Follow me to the forest; there is something we must do there." He said. Zelos shrugged. "Sorry, I don't swing that side, and I have hunnies to tend to here." Understanding that bringing him to the forest peacefully was impossible, Kratos hit Zelos' head and knocked him out. Before completely losing his consciousness, Zelos managed to say: "Not the head, girls love the head."

So Kratos and Zelos were in the forest. Once Zelos woke up, as a man of honor, Kratos asked him: "Do you have any last words?" while unsheathing a blade. Zelos understood the situation he was in. So he did what anyone would do: plead for his life. "You can't kill me, I'm too handsome, and there would be blood on my face and that would make it disgusting and…" one hour later "…besides, there are still so many hunnies out there just waiting for me…" another hour later "… and it would be such a loss to human kind…" yet another hour later "…so that's why you can't kill me. Hey, are you listening?" he asked. Kratos was asleep.

CUT

FC: that wasn't the plot I wanted!

Zelos: But- but, I was going to die.

FC: that was the whole point!

Zelos: that's mean you know, girls won't like you if you do that.

FC: Anyway, how can you be so boring and talk about yourself for so long that someone who can't sleep anymore falls asleep?

Zelos: it's because I'm great

FC: shut up!

Zelos: fine! (walks away)

So Zelos was safe thanks to a fluke. But he was lost in the forest. "Oh, what am I going to do? So many monsters! And I'm lost and alone" he whined. But no monsters were going to attack him BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL ASLEEP (A/N: sheesh, how boring can a story actually be???). And he walked around in the endless path that keeps making loops, thus ensuring himself to never find his way out.

Zelos: that's not nice

FC: like I care, now don't interrupt the story anymore.

Meanwhile, Kratos woke up. And he knew he was in serious trouble. He needed to bring Zelos' heart back and he failed his mission. Big deal, he would just bring another heart back to evil king Yggdrasil the queen. Anyway Yggdrasil wouldn't notice the difference, so he slayed a pig and took the heart.

Grimm brothers: a pig? This is an insult to the original story!

FC: yes, but this is Zelos we're talking about.

Grimm brothers: oh, well, yes, that does make sense after all.

Zelos: what do you mean "it makes sense"?

FC: sorry if you two felt insulted.

Zelos: listen to me.

Grimm brothers: no, don't worry, no problem, you had a good reason

Zelos: quit ignoring me!

FC & Grimm brothers: shut up!

Zelos: (becomes white and shuts up)

So Kratos went back to the castle and brought evil king Yggdrasil the queen and brought him back the pig's heart. "I have come back my queen" but he was interrupted "-king!" Yggdrasil interrupted. "I have brought you Zelos' heart."Kratos finished his sentence. Evil queenish king Yggdrasil laughed a maniacal laugh. "So, you brought me that pig's heart… At last Zelos is dead!" he boomed.

Zelos: what do you mean "pig"?

FC: that's what you are. Anyway I already told you not to interrupt the story.

And with that, Kratos stood up "I will now take my leave, my queen-" Yggdrasil rubbed his temples "It's king, god damn it, king. You got it? KING!" but once again, that was lamely said to thin air since Kratos had already left the room.

FC: Ok, guys, so what do you think of your roles

Yggdrasil: Why do I get this role?

FC: You're a queen/king are you complaining?

Yggdrasil: Yes! Not only did you give me the bad role again but you're saying I'm a queen

FC: A tall person, with a very slight silhouette and long flowing golden hair…

Yggdrasil: That sounds like a pretty lady.

FC: I was talking about you. See, perfect description for a queen. And I already told you: you're an evil villain you're born for the role of the evil villain. Now, GET OUT! NEXT-

Yggdrasil: (walks away muttering elfish insults)

Yuan: Why am I a mirror?

FC: Because I wanted you to. NEXT-

Kratos: My role has no problems, is there a trick somewhere?

FC: No, you're just a minor role, I didn't bother making it completely twisted

Yuan: mine is even more minor and you did twist

FC: yeah but I felt like it so just shut up, besides, why are you even talking? You're supposed to be a normal mirror if no one asks you anything, and I certainly did not ask anything so… (turns the mirror around pointing it towards the wall.

Yuan: (muffled sounds)

FC: yes, yes, whatever… NEXT-

Zelos: I knew you would appreciate me, I got lead role AND I'm the best looking.

FC: Yeah, I know, everyone can make mistakes. I should have sorted the roles out better, but I'll catch up on my mistake… (laughs evilly)

Zelos: I don't like the way you laugh…

FC: you know what? You're right…