Moonlight has just started to wane, though the sun has not yet peeked onto the horizon. I have just gotten back to sleep before a light knock wakes me up. I pull on my robe and open the door just a crack. I am suddenly filled with anger and another feeling I can't describe. The baker's son stands before me.
"What are you doing here?" I hiss. I glance at the bed, relieved that the other occupant is still asleep. "You shouldn't come around here! You daft..."
"I know," he says, "but I just had to see you one last time." He motions for me to follow him. I look back at the sleeping figure in the bed before I go with him into the dark.
He leads me to a copse of trees, nearly obscuring our view of the house. Fog is rolling in, and in the crisp morning air, it would be serene if I weren't so uncomfortable.
"Listen," I start, but he shushes me by placing a finger to my lips.
"Just let me look at you." We hold each other's gaze and that feeling from before becomes full-blown longing. I long for his mouth on mine. His strong, steady hands on my body. Him. He seems to sense this and obligingly caresses my cheek. I melt into his hand and then we are swiftly in action. His hands move to undo closure on his pants as mine move to hike my nightgown up - neither of us are particularly graceful. I'm up against a tree and almost imperceptibly, his brow quirks upward as if asking for permission. I nod involuntarily and he moves in.
His mouth meets mine and I've never wanted anything more. I run my hand through his light blond hair and I'm struck by how soft it is. As we kiss, our hands explore familiar places, fitting perfectly in the curves of each other's bodies. I feel him inside me and I know we should stop but I'm not ready to lose him. It becomes rhythmic, mesmerizing even, and we lose ourselves in the heat of the moment.
Some time later, he finishes. Neither of us move. We merely breathe heavily and stare into each other's eyes. He tries to speak, but nothing coherent comes out. Huh. Even someone as eloquent as he is can find themselves at a loss for words. Eventually, he stops trying to say anything. We stay still, savoring the closeness between us.
The snap of a branch sounds through the trees and we quickly pull apart. In the distance, a rabbit bounds toward the meadow. Just a silly rabbit. Still, whatever spell was cast upon is broken and the reality of what we've done sets in. I'm overcome with deep, burning shame that threatens to burn me alive. Regret makes an appearance, vying with shame to be the dominant emotion. As I gaze at the source of these feelings, anger drops by to say hello.
I shove the baker's son away from me as I try to collect myself. When I speak, I surprise myself with how steady my voice comes out.
"This was a mistake. It cannot happen again. It will not happen again, do you understand?" My voice rises to a shout. "Do you understand?" I hear this echo through the trees and I try to tamp down my emotions. The result is a cold, hard glare. I wait.
He just gives me one last long, lingering look before disappearing into the trees. The tree I'm leaning against is suddenly the only thing holding me up because I'm wracked with so much guilt I can barely breathe. I go back inside.
The denizen of the bed is beginning to stir. Sleepily, she raises her arms toward me and I scoop her up and bury my face in her dark hair. It still has that baby smell to it that I know will soon fade away. I keep her nestled in in my arms long after she dozes off again, content in her mother's grasp. Unconsciously, my hand moves to my belly. A tear slips down my cheek.
"Oh, Katniss. What am I going to do?"