Angst, anyone?
Why, don't mind if I do!
She is heartily sick of doctors. They come and go like phantoms, regardless of whether the moon is out to entertain them or not. "Blood pressure-- good, temperature normal, pulse low. Please let us give you your medication now."
She hates the medication. When it first started, it was days of sitting in a white room with a chemo drip. Uryuu held her hand. The first day, he detailed for her all the side effects, and the supposed benefits of the horrible thing. But she frowned at him, as she rarely did, and he stopped. "It's not forever, Orihime-san. Things will be better again when it is over." He would not smile until she did, and of course she did, because the anxiety was etched into his beautiful face. Anxious for her, as always.
But things were not okay after the treatment was over. Two hours of retching and a day and a half of exhaustion followed. She wanted to call him a liar. But she didn't. It wasn't like it would have made her feel better. Mostly she is angry now, angry at him for his anxiety, angry at herself for her uselessness.
And she has always been useless, she thinks. The one who needed rescuing. The one who could not fight beside her friends. The one who could not even heal herself. Uryuu never cared about that, does not care even now. But she is broken somewhere inside and they both know it. She is grateful the children are away from here and unable to see her helplessness. She hopes they never have to see her this way.
But still, she misses them. She appreciates being able to see them in their father's eyes. "Maybe we should call Tatsuki-chan to bring them," she says. "It's been three days."
"We talk to them on the phone everyday," Uryuu says. "We pretend everything is okay. It would be a shock to them to come in and see this. It was like that for me when my mother died."
She shakes her head. "But they already know. A year of being sick, do you think they wouldn't have noticed that?"
"But we've told them it will be okay. They still believe us. I believe us."
She closes her eyes. "I don't. I won't pretend anymore."
His fingers curl around her hand. "I'll do anything you want. I always have."
"You can't this time. You can't be with me." Her tone is accusing. "Stop lying to us."
He takes a deep breath. "I'm not lying."
They don't speak after that. Even after they start talking again a few hours later, it's a sick merry-go-round of denial, denial, denial. Everything but the issue at hand. They dance around it until neither of them have the energy to do anything but sleep. But his hand is still tight around hers. He wakes in the middle of the night and his hand is sweaty. "Orihime-san."
She opens her eyes slowly. Her body is like a lead weight. "Uryuu."
"Please don't cry. You were crying in your sleep."
She wipes her eyes with her sleeve. "I can't help it. I feel so alone, Uryuu. How can you possibly understand?"
"It's me. You're all I've thought of since high school. I have a pretty good idea by now of how your mind works. And no matter where you are, you'll never be alone. Ever. Please believe me."
She blinks. "I love you."
He smiles at her. "I know."
She'll carry that smile with her in two days when she goes to collect their children. She'll tell them their father loves them and will always be with them, no matter what. When she buries him, she smiles to herself when she feels his arm around her. She'll be glad then, insanely happy, that she never called him a liar. Her beautiful Uryuu, dead at thirty-seven. But by her side forever.
Just like he told her he would be.