I am back in the walls, drowning in the hushed whispers of the crowd. I kept my head up, as the horse clipped clopped forward. Those doubtful and resentment-filled glances, those harsh rumors passed on from one to another without any regards to how we feel.

I can't blame them.

The illusion of a non-existent peaceful life shattered into smithereens by the appearance of the Colossal Titan. Many had died, families torn apart. I had none left; no one I could mourn for. We must look like a failure to them, returning all bloodied and battered, more than half our numbers gone. They had pinned all their hopes on us and we had failed.

No, we hadn't.

The opinion of those pigs doesn't matter. I am, after all, Humanity's Greatest Soldier. Their thoughts don't count. But, what is this feeling I can't shake off? Their gazes seemed to crush me, their voices deafening. Why am I feeling like this? Wasn't I supposed to be empty and emotionless? The walls I had put up over those years, where were they?

They were gone, along with my squad.

Ah, my squad…How could I forget them…The way they died…How pitiful and pathetic. We could not even collect their bodies for a proper burial. What a pity, they were talented. They were young. Especially that girl, Petra, Petra Ral… The sickening thud as she hit the tree trunk, the snap of her neck, the shocked look on her beautiful face, the way the female titan had trampled on her broken form, those moments and sounds imprinted permanently in my mind… How silly, how perfectly fucking silly. I had dozens of squads before, and they all died. I never felt a thing about them, so why now?

"You know, she had considered marrying you before?"

Why am I remembering those words now? That look on his face, when he learnt of the death of his only daughter; an auburn angel…I hadn't said anything, instead, remaining as stoic as always. Or had I? Did that moment even happen? Why can't I remember?

My eyes widen.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck them all, those bloody titans, those bleedin' pigs. To hell with them!

Again, the whispers.

"Isn't he the greatest soldier? Why is his squad dead?"

" Yeah, why? Or was it all a lie, humanity's greatest soldier?"

The whispers rose into jeers..

I could feel Hanji's concerned gaze on me and Commander Erwin's frown. Bitterly, I sat up even straighter, revealing no emotions, putting on that wax mask I had perfected since I was 8. The year I took my first kill…and it wasn't a titan. Everyone thinks its part of my nature now, no one can see through it…all except that Eren brat. I know he could see through the mask, one I had thought was flawless. He intrigues me. Damn he for it!

The jeers were getting louder now.

My hands tighten on the reigns. Fuck. Fuck them all.

They were right.

I am a lie.

The masks I created, the masks I put on, had made me lose track of reality. Now, I can't even segregate reality from illusions, truths from lies or even emotions from weakness.

I'm not a soldier. I'm not fit to be one.

I'm just an empty shell, with a shriveled up piece of sanity left inside, whimpering and sobbing. And I'm losing it, fast, slipping through my weakened grasp.

I looked up at the clear blue sky, blocking out the jeers and even the rare cheer or compliment.

Tch. Humanity's Greatest Soldier? What bullshit.

More like Humanity's Greatest Liar.