Dearest fanbrats: Sorry for bursting your little bubble of bubbly bubbleness but if I have to sift through another "i/k/l/kg/whwwo/guw/kag/in/kik 03451 I3wl Wh like OMG READ PLZ" story again I think I would resort Eva Braun method with the whole cyanide pill thing.
Written out of exasperation and for the Ultimate Fanfiction Contest (http/ nexus . colum . edu / user/ nierodzik / html / ultimatefanfic . htm ).
According to Word Count, the whole ULTIMATEFANFIC111--not including the "dearest fanbrats" part and the end cliché list—was 795 words.
TEH ULTIMAT3 InUyAsHa FaNfIc!1one
by starsandsprinklesandfluffyandkag4evah
Her tears rolled and rolled like spare wheels on the grass and they continued to roll for about twenty-two and eight seconds.
"I love him but he doesn't love me back" Kagome kept sobbing as she hit a tree and despite the obvious repercussions usually suffered from hitting one she went on. "Inuyasha..." She ran and her raven-black hair flew wildley as she emitted large orbs of blue crystalline tears.
slomp slomp crash trickle crash. BTW I know you all are stupid. that's the sound grass makes when someone runs on it.
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Not that a fifteen-year-old girl would have Miami Beach and wedding cakes on her mind, but really, Kagome Higurashi who at that moment was not Kagome suddenly thought of the 2.5 children and the 4 poster bed they could have had.
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING INUYASHA! she cried outloud.
FLASHBAC
"Kik"
"Inu"
Etc. Etc.
"Like why are we shortening names anyway"
"Like because starsandsprinklesandfluffyandkag4evah hasn't even passed fourth grade grammar and she can't spell worth shit."
Continue Scene.
A low whisper arose from the wind, for who cares of the fact that a wind cannot whisper and make comprehensible and cohesive vowel/consonant sounds. "I don't care for Kagome!"
Kagome said softly as she cried, "INUYASHA I LOVED YOU
"Wait shard-detector" said Inuyasha but she ran anyway. "i never really liked u anyways that's why i called u bitch all those yearz yo!"
END FLASHBAK
Just then fluffy-sama appeared.
Basically: "Let me dry your azule tears shizzle"
(psst. We can't resist putting one of our favorite www . godawful . net / forums or www . livejournal . com / community / deleterious plugs, so "she felt like an egg on a high wall". Oh, and "lavender labia".)
ANOTHER PLACE AND ANOTHER TIME
"HOBO!1" inuyasha said as he jumped from kag's well. "HOBO DO YOU KNOW OF HER WHEREABOUTS"
"Who the hell are you!" asked "Hojo".
"Ok, drop it. Because I'm being fake in asking you about Kagome. She needs time to do it, dig man? I would hate it if someone walked into the scene while I was having sex, you know, embarrassing!"
"Oh, no, Kag's at it again. U want cookies?"
"Whoa dude. Like your brain is broken if you think i can settle for cookies. Ramen please."
"Whoa dude. Like we relate. Ramen it is!1"
Kagome's mother came in and placed some oden on the table. It was summer still. "OMG guys like can I join?"
They sweatdropped.
"Oh yeah, what about Souta? Gramps?" Kikyo popped her head just for two seconds and then disappeared because the answer to this question makes for 20 points.
"They died in a freak automobile accident."
"That's disturbing"
"This whole story is disturbing"
ANOTHER PLACE ANOTHER TIME BACK TO ANOTHER TIME WE SAW
"My little sugar-plum!"
etc., etc.
ANOTEHR PLACE AND TIME
Princess Brianna-Lllelowyn-Llaeveaaen-Lillllwhllllllllllllllllllllllllll-poo "but you can call me Bri!" came by and knocked on the Higurashi's door.
"like i have to fulfill my role in capturing Inuyasha's heart now"
"Oh really? Then come in!" said Mrs. Higurashi. "You're another cat-demon, I see."
"yeah, and I bite." Bri leaped on her and then gnawed on her neck. "Tasty."
"Glad to be of service!1" CHEF BRIAN MOMENT (www . ctrlaltdel-online . com )
OMG LIKE SHE'S HOT. (inu)
just then sesshy walked in too and then looked at him. OMG like breathe. "Inuyasha like I have been trying to test you for ages to make you stronger!1" He stuck his hand through inu's tummy. "THAT'S FOR KAGOME BUT I STLL LOVE YOU#3324y" He remembered when Inu was just a small little pup. He was so cute. What happened?
"What about me?" said MarySue--I mean Bri. Miroku started groping her ass, because unfortunately starsandsprinklesandfluffyandkag4evah, like all other fanbrats, have to have Miroku grope someone during the span of the 800-word crapfic.
Oh, and count Sango in too. "BAKA, you pervert!1" she screamed and then she slapped him. Then she went away to another corner never to be seen again until the next piece of ass reared her head into the scene.
"Nani! Hai! Oden-sama and Onnichan u two the kawaii!33" (anonymous)
tbc guys!
IF I DON'T GET 10026862224626 reviews I won't continue!111 flames not aloud. I LOVE SESSHY
Kagome: he's mine!1
Sesshy: I can love Kag because Sesshy is not synonymous with Sesshoumarou whom Rumiko Takahashi created so yes, I do love you.
Kagome: Good because I'm like a figment of some deluded fangirl's imagination too.
The IY cast: Like phew, count us in.
Everyone: OMG we just had a revelatory moment, but if we don't switch to OOC mode then the fanbrats will accuse us of being too boring and not-sex-crazed even though the average age excluding the 50 year span is like sixteen!1
That wasn't the least bit funny, was it. And true, I am a mean little prick with buggy eyes and quote unquote 'do u have a life u gay person dont like dont read". But somehow or another PMS doesn't permit me to live another minute without having to scream. And there have been greater, more eloquent writers than me who can steer this parody into the right direction--but still.
P.S. Count the clichés. Some for the random song, some for the "glowing reviews" bit, Miroku's Grope and Sango's Slap moment, and the random conversations at the end.
Now go make peace with your neighbors or something and reviews are not mandatory in the least.