p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"strongCROSSOVER:/strong DRAMAtical Murder/Attack on Titan(snk)/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"strongCHARACTERS:/strong Aoba Seragaki, Koujaku (ft Clear, Ren, and Beni)/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"strongGENRE:/strong romance/tragedy/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"strongTRIGGER WARNING:/strong death mentions/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"strongINSPIRATION:/strong a class="external" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #3b5a4a; zoom: 1; display: inline-block;" href=" users/outgoing? /6V5BK3vlcGk"[x]/a a class="external" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #3b5a4a; zoom: 1; display: inline-block;" href=" users/outgoing? /MYSVMgRr6pw"[x]/a/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"-/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;" br /Exactly three years ago today. That's when it started. We had heard word that Shiganshina had fallen to them, but we didn't expect them to reach us so quickly. The memories are etched into my brain with a bloody knife. Usually they're set in the back of my head, calm until the night comes, but today is the anniversary and everything is painfully fresh in my /I try to go about as if it's a normal day. Get up early, put on all my gear with everyone else, double check the 3D maneuver gear and how much gas they have left. Everything's so routine here, but even after three years it doesn't feel like my routine. It feels like someone else's. Going through the morning without dragging my feet is hard but I manage, making it to breakfast. There's bread being served and eaten as I walk into the mess hall. I get some before looking around at whose sitting where. I spot Noiz first, looking annoyed as usual. Koujaku looks to be arguing with him about something. Who even knows what they argue about anymore. I would have thought they'd have run out of things to fight about by /I avoid both of them. I don't have the energy to deal with their bullshit and I especially don't want Koujaku asking questions about anything. He's one of the only other people who knows about what happened, and I know he'd be worried about me. The only other person who knows is Ren, who I find sitting near the back, looking clean and put together as he eats his bread. I'm sure if I don't mention anything he won't either, so I walk over and sit down across from /"Hey." I greet him lethargicly, putting down my plate in front of /"Good morning, Aoba." He replies, looking up from his food to me. "You don't look well." He comments /I look at him, trying to communicate with my eyes that I don't want to talk about it. He seems to understand after a moment and nods. I end up shrugging and starting to /Breakfast goes by quickly, and soon the amount of people in the hall diminishes. I know our squad is supposed to go on an attack today but I'm not feeling up to up in the slightest. I don't want to see any of those monsters today. Not /Ren sits with me as I finish off my breakfast, patiently waiting. When I do he sits up straighter and gives me a /"We should probably go. We don't want to be late." He comments. I don't like how his tone is so careful, as if I'm fragile. It kinda makes me /"Yeah." Is my only response as I stand up and we start to walk to the courtyard./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"Everyone is there when we get there, waiting for the commander to arrive. I can see Clear sitting on the ground, looking over his gear. He always seems to check his over more than anyone else. I've never thought to ask why. When he sees me he smiles and waves. I wave back, but don't waste my effort on putting on a smile. He doesn't seem to notice, but does look over his shoulder to talk to someone else. Ren and I part ways when someone he knows walks up to him, and I end up standing near the back of the group. I don't mind, the less social interaction I have the /The commander walks up to the front of the group a few minutes later and we stand in formation, saluting stiffly while he speaks. Commander Mink is tough, but he knows what he's doing; that's what I like about him. He explains the mission, and I listen with only half my interest. I get the just of it and soon we go to get our horses ready./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"Travelling from camp towards the overrun villages usually takes until about lunch, so I saddle up for a long ride. I hate all the extra free time it gives me to think, since all my thought processes always go back to the start of all this, and I see everything happening all over again. I'm actually greatful when Koujaku rides up to my side on his horse. On his face there's a genuine, soft /"Hey, Aoba." He says as if it's any other /"Hey." I try to reply the same, wondering why he's not being careful like Ren, or looking worried like I /He just smiles at me for a few moments before leaning over and putting a hand on my shoulder. "Be careful, alright?"br /The soft tone of his voice surprises me but I nod, actually liking the feel of his hand there. "You, too."br /Koujaku gives me one more smile before moving his hand and moving up the group, leaving me with an empty feeling where his hand was. I attempt to shake off the thoughts of missing him being here, not letting myself think about how comforting it was. Instead I focus on the task ahead, and getting there. It shouldn't be much longer./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"As lunch approaches a weight settles in my stomach. We're getting closer now, the town we set for coming onto the horizon. Mink calls back to the group to warn us that we'll be going on foot from here on. We all get off our horses, and set them by a large group of trees. We don't tie them; just in case they need to run back. Right now I wish I could run back, but I keep with the group and start to /Talking amoung the group dies down as we approach the town. Under my feet I can feel the vibrations of one of the monsters walking nearby. Mink stops us and tells us to get into our teams, which we do. My team has always been Clear, the man he was talking to back at camp, named Kaage, Koujaku, Ren and Beni, one of Koujaku's close friends. We all group together and I try not to show any signs of my /"We'll be covering the very north side of the town. There shouldn't be any problems, just routine stuff. The team that scouted it out yesterday said no abnormals have been sighted. Biggest is 30 feet." Ren informs /I nod, my breath getting a bit fast. I try to calm myself by keeping my hands on the handles of my swords, gripping them tight, but it doesn't help /On Mink's mark we set off. Running toward the town, the sounds of numerous sets of maneuver gear shooting into the sides of buildings sounds familiar, and unsettling. In front if me, Clear soars through the sky, in complete control of his gear and movements. He's fast, the fastest in our camp. He's always been the best with the maneuver gear. I fly up onto a roof and run along it, Ren doing the same to my side. I can't see anything roaming the town yet, but I can hear footsteps, thunderous as they echo throughout the streets. It takes only a few minutes to get to the north edge of the town, and I can hear the smooth sound of swords being clicked into place and pulled from my teams waists. I do the same, my hands a bit unsteady. Calming myself, I join my team where they stand on a /Koujaku looks around us, and nods to himself. "There's a few 15 feet to the right, along with at least one 30. To the left it looks like more 30s, maybe one 15."br /Ren nods quickly. "Beni, Kaage, you'll be with me on the right. Clear, koujaku, Aoba, you'll be on the left. Your skills together should be enough. If you can't handle it, fall back."br /Koujaku and Clear nod, looking confident. I do too, but I'm not as sure. The worry in my stomach crawls up my throat, even as I try to push it down. Ren gives us a last look before motioning for Beni and Kaage to set out. They go off to the right, and we're left on the roof alone. Clear looks to Koujaku and I with a /"Let's go. Be careful, don't do anything reckless we should be fine but if you aren't, fall back." Koujaku takes lead, his voice stern. He looks to me and for a moment I feel like he can see through me, but he doesn't show signs of /He gives a wave of his hand and Clear and him set off. I'm a few seconds behind, but I /Within a few minutes, in front of me I can see Clear and Koujaku double team a 30 foot class titan, Clear distracting it with his maneuvering and Koujaku coming up behind it, his swords glistening in the sun before slicing deep into the back of the titans neck. Just as Clear is best at using his gear, Koujaku's sword work is extraordinary. His swords cuts through the titans skin like butter before he lands on the roof beside the titan, which falling to the ground with a cloud of dirt and dust rising to the air, hot, white steam leaving the titans /The steam clouds my vision and I loose sight of both Clear and Koujaku. Looking around, I can see a titan off in the distance. Thinking that's the next target that they would go towards, I aim my maneuver gear and start to soar forwards. In a matter of seconds my breath is stolen from my lungs, my straps tightening as I hang in the air. Behind me I can hear it. I know it already, I've been caught. I turn slightly and I can see it's face, huge and menacing. I try to think how I could have missed a 30 foot class right behind me but my mind draws blank. It's arm starts to move me towards it's mouth and I panic. Moving my swords above me, I stab into it's hand and it emits a roar that tears into my ears. Thankfully, my quick thinking and the titan drops me in it's rage. I have to blink before I look up, my heart racing and my head fuzzy with panic. I try to aim my maneuver gear but it's useless now, so I run. As fast as I can. The titan doesn't start chasing me until a few seconds later. I can't hear anything else but it's footsteps behind /I come to a complete halt, knowing it won't be able to stop as fast as I can. As I start running the opposite direction towards an open door, the titan keeps running forward, half a minute passing before it comes to a halt and turns around. That 30 seconds gives me just enough time to slide into the building, pressing myself against the wall inside. I can hear it coming back. It's stopped running and the slow pace throbs through my head like an axe slamming against my /I slide down the wall and curl up. You're not supposed to be on the ground. That's the easiet rule to follow. They teach you that the minute you arrive. If you're on the ground you're basically dead. Tears brim in my eyes and I drop my swords. Even if I found a way out, I could never get back up with my gear broken. I let out a cry of angish and close my eyes tight, knowing the titan is only a few steps away. It's fitting, that I die on the day that Granny did, just like she did; getting pulled out of a building by one of their menacing hands. Tears stream down my face, and my heart is racing. One more step. If I'm honest with myself, I'm not that sad about it. I'm almost relieved. I wait for it, and when I hear the thunderous noise of that last step I grind my teeth. This is it. /p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;""Aoba?!" My head shoots up as I hear a familiar voice calling my name. "AOBA?!"br /"K-Koujaku?" I try to say, my voice and throat tight./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"He calls my name again and I stand up, my knees weak. Walking over to the door, I look outside carefully, and what I see makes everything fall into place. The last step I was waiting for never came. The noise was it falling, now it lays in the street, steaming and decomposing. Koujaku's looking around wildly, looking even more panicked that I probably had./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;""Koujaku!" I call, my voice /He spins and looks at me, and I can see every part of his body sigh with relief. Before I know it he's infront of me, his arms around /"What happened? Why are you down here?" His starts assaulting me with questions, his arms tight on my /I hug him back, blinking in shock. "I-I was pulled down.."br /He pulls back and looks me over, stopping when he sees my tear stained face. "I thought you were dead."br /I nod, furiously wiping away the wetness from my cheeks. "Yeah. Me too."br /He touches my cheek and I flinch away instinctively. "Aoba.."br /I look at him and his eyes are sad, glistening with tears. "K-kou..?"br /"I told you to be careful." He says quietly. "I can't loose you too." He looks away and my heart feels tight in my /"You didn't." I say, not meaning to sound so harsh but my voice coming out that way. In an attempt to soften it, I thank him more quietly. "Uh.. thank you."br /He nods, still not looking at me. I wonder how much it hurt him, to think I was gone. I know we're friends, we have been since childhood, but I didn't think it would hurt him this /A voice from behind us calls. "There you are! What are you doing?!" Clear falls onto the road and walks to us, his swords in both hands. "Ren is looking for us, they're done."br /Koujaku takes a step back and turns to Clear. "We're done too. That was the last one." He motions to the titan collapsed in the /Clear nods. "We'd better go then." He waits for us, somehow not noticing the awkward atmosphere that's /Koujaku stands beside Clear and they both wait for me. I look down at my /"My gears broken."br /I can hear a noise from Clear, sounding frustrated. "How will you get back then?"br /I look up and Koujaku is walking up to me, a serious expression on his /He turns so his back is facing me, and bends over a bit. "C'mon."br /I look at him, eyebrows together. When I realize what he wants my eyes widen a bit. "You can't be serious. Your gear will never be able to be stable with both of our weight out together."br /He just shrugs. "It's not like I'm gonna leave you here."br /My heart flutters a bit even at the casual comment. All the excitement today has made my heart go haywire. Fluttering at something so trivial..br /I sigh and climb onto Koujaku's back, my arms tight around his neck, my legs around his waist. He walks over to Clear, who gives him a look of /"Just go." Koujaku says /"Alright." Clear says and his maneuver gear shoots out onto the building and he goes streaming after /I can feel Koujaku let out a breath as he aims his own gear. I press my cheek to his back, hoping to God that this works. The gear spins out and attaches to the building, and it's not as fast as usual, but we do fly upwards, Koujaku stumbling a bit as we land on the /"Thank God." I hear Koujaku breathe. He was just as worried that it work, I /"Koujaku, if you're worried-" he cuts me off before I can /"No. We'll make it back." He says /I pull my eyebrows together but say nothing more./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"We make it back to the group with only a few stumbles along the way. I was right about Koujaku's gear not being as stable, but it still works. As we get to where Ren, Beni, and Kaage are standing, we get a few /"What happened to you guys?" Beni asks /"Maneuver gear broke." I say crossly, my cheeks hot with /"Are you alright?" Ren asks with a worried /I nod, my cheek rubbing against Koujaku's /Ren nods back. "Let's go then. Mink will have a fit if we don't show up soon."/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"It turns out most of the other teams did well. When we reach the meeting place outside town, Mink confirms that all the titans were killed. The mission was a success. He and everyone else seems overjoyed at it, but I can't feel the same. Even when we reached the meeting point and I got off of Koujaku's back, he's stayed pretty close to me. When it's time to travel back, I get my horse and start to saddle up. As we set off, Koujaku rides up beside me and starts to /"Are you alright?" He asks, his voice /I nod, even though I'm not. "Yeah. Thanks again, for back there."br /He nods slowly. "I know it must be hard with that and with today…"br /I look to him, my face hard. "I'm fine." I say, feeling /"Alright. I guess I'll see you later then." He leaves, riding /I let out a shaky breath, and try to keep myself together. My whole body is on edge, ready to spring or attack, but my mind is lacking. I can't think straight. With all this happening, the shock from the attack still not faded, and now this with Koujaku- whatever 'this' is. I can't focus./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"I'm more than glad to get to camp when we arrive. After I put our horses in the stable, I quickly walk through camp, avoiding anyone who would stop me to talk. I haven't had lunch or dinner yet but I skip going to the mess hall. I walk straight to the armoury and put away all my gear, putting my 3D maneuver gear to the side to be replaced and fixed. From there I walk to my room in a hurry, feeling my emotions starting to over flow before I even reach the door. Inside my room, I sit down on my bed, leaning my back against the wall. I know I have to calm down, I'm part of the survey corps. I have to be ready to head out at any time, which would mean not having a break down. When I close my eyes I can see flashes of today, the titan crashing behind me as I run, the feeling of knowing I'm going to die. The fact that I accepted it. Why did I just accept it? I shut my eyes tight as an answer comes to my head, an answer I hate. How could I have let myself die? I said I would live, all those years ago. I told Granny.. I said I would live. I /Tears prick at my eyes at the thought of her. She was so tough, she could handle anything. I'm not like that. I can't even handle one easy mission. The tears fall down my cheeks and I pull my legs up to my chest, curling up. I can't keep my promise to her. Not if I can accept death as easily as I did. I accepted it without even trying. I..br /A knock on my door makes my head shoot up. Staring at the door, I don't say anything. If I don't, they'll go /"Aoba?" It's Koujaku. I let out a small, spiteful laugh. Yes, that's just what I need right /I keep quiet and let him think I'm not here, but as I do I remember I didn't lock the door. After another knock, the doorknob turns and I take an intake of /"Wait!" My voice cracks, but it's too late. Koujaku steps in and I look at him, eyes wide like a caught /He looks at me and his eyes look sadder than I've ever seen. There's pain there, and I realize today can't be easy for him either. He loved Granny, too. And how he looked when he thought I was gone, how he hugged me.. As I look at him, more tears grow in my eyes and I let out a sob, burying my face in my /I can hear him close the door and walk towards me. He sits beside me, and wraps an arm around my shaking shoulders. I feel embarrassed, but the sadness is too much and beats out the embarrassment. With Koujaku's arm around me, I somehow feel even more sad. It reminds me of today, and I let out another /I feel Koujaku's arm tighten around me and before I can think it through, I move and put my arms around him, falling into his chest. He seems surprised, but he wraps both his arms around me, his hand on the back of my short /"Aoba.." He says quietly. "Do you want to talk about it?"br /I bury my face into his chest and shake my head, mumbling into his shirt. "I-I can't keep my promise."br /Koujaku rubs my back, and my breath catches in my throat as I try not to cry more. "I said I w-would live. That I could keep going." I /"You will." Koujaku tries to reassure /I shake my head again. "Today, I-I didn't fight. I let it happen." My voice start to get shaky. "I could have fought to get o-out but I.."br /He just listens, waiting for me to finish, but I can't. The words get stuck in my chest, hurting my heart as I try to say them. I close my eyes and tears fall onto Koujaku's /"I wanted to die!" I force the words out, my body shaking with the force of it. A new wave of tears come to me and I can't hold them /Koujaku's arms tighten around me and I can feel his chest stop moving as if he's stopped breathing for a /"You can't say that." His voice is weird, too controlled. It makes me sniff and look up at him. His eyebrows are pulled together tightly as he looks down at me. I blink away more tears and I can see his own eyes glitter with on coming /"You have to keep surviving. For Tae-San." His voice wavers. "For.." He looks down me straight in the eyes and I can feel his intensity. "I won't let you die."br /My heart and stomach both fall, and today all makes sense. This morning, the way Koujaku smiled at me and told me to be careful. He knew I wasn't ok, but didn't say anything, and how terrified he was when I was attacked. His words go through my mind. 'I can't loose you, too.' I suddenly feel horrible for not letting him help on the ride back, and for not realizing how hard he had it today. I look at him and I can feel something, something about him I've never felt when I looked at him before. I suddenly realize how much he cares about me. I'm not sure why I do it, but I lean up and press my lips against Koujaku's, my arms tightening around him. br /With my eyes partly open I can see his are wide for a second before they close and he kisses me back, a deep breath released from his chest. Our lips are only together for a minute or so and when they part, I look at Koujaku. The tears that were in his eyes fall down his cheek. I carefully wipe them off with my thumb. br /"You.." He says under his breath. br /"I'm sorry." I say, my voice shaky from nerves. "For not realizing sooner." br /He looks at me with a confused expression. br /"You love me." I say softly. br /A blush comes across his face and he nods. "Today, I.." br /I press my lips against his again, and all the times that I've felt my heart skip a beat, or butterflies in my stomach when I'm around Koujaku come flooding back. All the times I've ignored it. "I think I love you, too." I breathe against his lips. br /He blinks and presses his forehead to mine silently. We sit like that for a while, neither of us moving. br /Koujaku is the one who breaks the silence. "I won't let anything happen to you. T-That was my promise." br /I look at him and for a second, instead if seeing a flash of the past, I see one of the future, one with Koujaku and I, without all this bloodshed. br /"We can both keep our promises." /p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"strongCHARACTERS:/strong Aoba Seragaki, Koujaku (ft Clear, Ren, and Beni)/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"strongGENRE:/strong romance/tragedy/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"strongTRIGGER WARNING:/strong death mentions/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"strongINSPIRATION:/strong a class="external" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #3b5a4a; zoom: 1; display: inline-block;" href=" users/outgoing? /6V5BK3vlcGk"[x]/a a class="external" style="text-decoration: underline; color: #3b5a4a; zoom: 1; display: inline-block;" href=" users/outgoing? /MYSVMgRr6pw"[x]/a/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"-/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;" br /Exactly three years ago today. That's when it started. We had heard word that Shiganshina had fallen to them, but we didn't expect them to reach us so quickly. The memories are etched into my brain with a bloody knife. Usually they're set in the back of my head, calm until the night comes, but today is the anniversary and everything is painfully fresh in my /I try to go about as if it's a normal day. Get up early, put on all my gear with everyone else, double check the 3D maneuver gear and how much gas they have left. Everything's so routine here, but even after three years it doesn't feel like my routine. It feels like someone else's. Going through the morning without dragging my feet is hard but I manage, making it to breakfast. There's bread being served and eaten as I walk into the mess hall. I get some before looking around at whose sitting where. I spot Noiz first, looking annoyed as usual. Koujaku looks to be arguing with him about something. Who even knows what they argue about anymore. I would have thought they'd have run out of things to fight about by /I avoid both of them. I don't have the energy to deal with their bullshit and I especially don't want Koujaku asking questions about anything. He's one of the only other people who knows about what happened, and I know he'd be worried about me. The only other person who knows is Ren, who I find sitting near the back, looking clean and put together as he eats his bread. I'm sure if I don't mention anything he won't either, so I walk over and sit down across from /"Hey." I greet him lethargicly, putting down my plate in front of /"Good morning, Aoba." He replies, looking up from his food to me. "You don't look well." He comments /I look at him, trying to communicate with my eyes that I don't want to talk about it. He seems to understand after a moment and nods. I end up shrugging and starting to /Breakfast goes by quickly, and soon the amount of people in the hall diminishes. I know our squad is supposed to go on an attack today but I'm not feeling up to up in the slightest. I don't want to see any of those monsters today. Not /Ren sits with me as I finish off my breakfast, patiently waiting. When I do he sits up straighter and gives me a /"We should probably go. We don't want to be late." He comments. I don't like how his tone is so careful, as if I'm fragile. It kinda makes me /"Yeah." Is my only response as I stand up and we start to walk to the courtyard./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"Everyone is there when we get there, waiting for the commander to arrive. I can see Clear sitting on the ground, looking over his gear. He always seems to check his over more than anyone else. I've never thought to ask why. When he sees me he smiles and waves. I wave back, but don't waste my effort on putting on a smile. He doesn't seem to notice, but does look over his shoulder to talk to someone else. Ren and I part ways when someone he knows walks up to him, and I end up standing near the back of the group. I don't mind, the less social interaction I have the /The commander walks up to the front of the group a few minutes later and we stand in formation, saluting stiffly while he speaks. Commander Mink is tough, but he knows what he's doing; that's what I like about him. He explains the mission, and I listen with only half my interest. I get the just of it and soon we go to get our horses ready./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"Travelling from camp towards the overrun villages usually takes until about lunch, so I saddle up for a long ride. I hate all the extra free time it gives me to think, since all my thought processes always go back to the start of all this, and I see everything happening all over again. I'm actually greatful when Koujaku rides up to my side on his horse. On his face there's a genuine, soft /"Hey, Aoba." He says as if it's any other /"Hey." I try to reply the same, wondering why he's not being careful like Ren, or looking worried like I /He just smiles at me for a few moments before leaning over and putting a hand on my shoulder. "Be careful, alright?"br /The soft tone of his voice surprises me but I nod, actually liking the feel of his hand there. "You, too."br /Koujaku gives me one more smile before moving his hand and moving up the group, leaving me with an empty feeling where his hand was. I attempt to shake off the thoughts of missing him being here, not letting myself think about how comforting it was. Instead I focus on the task ahead, and getting there. It shouldn't be much longer./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"As lunch approaches a weight settles in my stomach. We're getting closer now, the town we set for coming onto the horizon. Mink calls back to the group to warn us that we'll be going on foot from here on. We all get off our horses, and set them by a large group of trees. We don't tie them; just in case they need to run back. Right now I wish I could run back, but I keep with the group and start to /Talking amoung the group dies down as we approach the town. Under my feet I can feel the vibrations of one of the monsters walking nearby. Mink stops us and tells us to get into our teams, which we do. My team has always been Clear, the man he was talking to back at camp, named Kaage, Koujaku, Ren and Beni, one of Koujaku's close friends. We all group together and I try not to show any signs of my /"We'll be covering the very north side of the town. There shouldn't be any problems, just routine stuff. The team that scouted it out yesterday said no abnormals have been sighted. Biggest is 30 feet." Ren informs /I nod, my breath getting a bit fast. I try to calm myself by keeping my hands on the handles of my swords, gripping them tight, but it doesn't help /On Mink's mark we set off. Running toward the town, the sounds of numerous sets of maneuver gear shooting into the sides of buildings sounds familiar, and unsettling. In front if me, Clear soars through the sky, in complete control of his gear and movements. He's fast, the fastest in our camp. He's always been the best with the maneuver gear. I fly up onto a roof and run along it, Ren doing the same to my side. I can't see anything roaming the town yet, but I can hear footsteps, thunderous as they echo throughout the streets. It takes only a few minutes to get to the north edge of the town, and I can hear the smooth sound of swords being clicked into place and pulled from my teams waists. I do the same, my hands a bit unsteady. Calming myself, I join my team where they stand on a /Koujaku looks around us, and nods to himself. "There's a few 15 feet to the right, along with at least one 30. To the left it looks like more 30s, maybe one 15."br /Ren nods quickly. "Beni, Kaage, you'll be with me on the right. Clear, koujaku, Aoba, you'll be on the left. Your skills together should be enough. If you can't handle it, fall back."br /Koujaku and Clear nod, looking confident. I do too, but I'm not as sure. The worry in my stomach crawls up my throat, even as I try to push it down. Ren gives us a last look before motioning for Beni and Kaage to set out. They go off to the right, and we're left on the roof alone. Clear looks to Koujaku and I with a /"Let's go. Be careful, don't do anything reckless we should be fine but if you aren't, fall back." Koujaku takes lead, his voice stern. He looks to me and for a moment I feel like he can see through me, but he doesn't show signs of /He gives a wave of his hand and Clear and him set off. I'm a few seconds behind, but I /Within a few minutes, in front of me I can see Clear and Koujaku double team a 30 foot class titan, Clear distracting it with his maneuvering and Koujaku coming up behind it, his swords glistening in the sun before slicing deep into the back of the titans neck. Just as Clear is best at using his gear, Koujaku's sword work is extraordinary. His swords cuts through the titans skin like butter before he lands on the roof beside the titan, which falling to the ground with a cloud of dirt and dust rising to the air, hot, white steam leaving the titans /The steam clouds my vision and I loose sight of both Clear and Koujaku. Looking around, I can see a titan off in the distance. Thinking that's the next target that they would go towards, I aim my maneuver gear and start to soar forwards. In a matter of seconds my breath is stolen from my lungs, my straps tightening as I hang in the air. Behind me I can hear it. I know it already, I've been caught. I turn slightly and I can see it's face, huge and menacing. I try to think how I could have missed a 30 foot class right behind me but my mind draws blank. It's arm starts to move me towards it's mouth and I panic. Moving my swords above me, I stab into it's hand and it emits a roar that tears into my ears. Thankfully, my quick thinking and the titan drops me in it's rage. I have to blink before I look up, my heart racing and my head fuzzy with panic. I try to aim my maneuver gear but it's useless now, so I run. As fast as I can. The titan doesn't start chasing me until a few seconds later. I can't hear anything else but it's footsteps behind /I come to a complete halt, knowing it won't be able to stop as fast as I can. As I start running the opposite direction towards an open door, the titan keeps running forward, half a minute passing before it comes to a halt and turns around. That 30 seconds gives me just enough time to slide into the building, pressing myself against the wall inside. I can hear it coming back. It's stopped running and the slow pace throbs through my head like an axe slamming against my /I slide down the wall and curl up. You're not supposed to be on the ground. That's the easiet rule to follow. They teach you that the minute you arrive. If you're on the ground you're basically dead. Tears brim in my eyes and I drop my swords. Even if I found a way out, I could never get back up with my gear broken. I let out a cry of angish and close my eyes tight, knowing the titan is only a few steps away. It's fitting, that I die on the day that Granny did, just like she did; getting pulled out of a building by one of their menacing hands. Tears stream down my face, and my heart is racing. One more step. If I'm honest with myself, I'm not that sad about it. I'm almost relieved. I wait for it, and when I hear the thunderous noise of that last step I grind my teeth. This is it. /p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;""Aoba?!" My head shoots up as I hear a familiar voice calling my name. "AOBA?!"br /"K-Koujaku?" I try to say, my voice and throat tight./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"He calls my name again and I stand up, my knees weak. Walking over to the door, I look outside carefully, and what I see makes everything fall into place. The last step I was waiting for never came. The noise was it falling, now it lays in the street, steaming and decomposing. Koujaku's looking around wildly, looking even more panicked that I probably had./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;""Koujaku!" I call, my voice /He spins and looks at me, and I can see every part of his body sigh with relief. Before I know it he's infront of me, his arms around /"What happened? Why are you down here?" His starts assaulting me with questions, his arms tight on my /I hug him back, blinking in shock. "I-I was pulled down.."br /He pulls back and looks me over, stopping when he sees my tear stained face. "I thought you were dead."br /I nod, furiously wiping away the wetness from my cheeks. "Yeah. Me too."br /He touches my cheek and I flinch away instinctively. "Aoba.."br /I look at him and his eyes are sad, glistening with tears. "K-kou..?"br /"I told you to be careful." He says quietly. "I can't loose you too." He looks away and my heart feels tight in my /"You didn't." I say, not meaning to sound so harsh but my voice coming out that way. In an attempt to soften it, I thank him more quietly. "Uh.. thank you."br /He nods, still not looking at me. I wonder how much it hurt him, to think I was gone. I know we're friends, we have been since childhood, but I didn't think it would hurt him this /A voice from behind us calls. "There you are! What are you doing?!" Clear falls onto the road and walks to us, his swords in both hands. "Ren is looking for us, they're done."br /Koujaku takes a step back and turns to Clear. "We're done too. That was the last one." He motions to the titan collapsed in the /Clear nods. "We'd better go then." He waits for us, somehow not noticing the awkward atmosphere that's /Koujaku stands beside Clear and they both wait for me. I look down at my /"My gears broken."br /I can hear a noise from Clear, sounding frustrated. "How will you get back then?"br /I look up and Koujaku is walking up to me, a serious expression on his /He turns so his back is facing me, and bends over a bit. "C'mon."br /I look at him, eyebrows together. When I realize what he wants my eyes widen a bit. "You can't be serious. Your gear will never be able to be stable with both of our weight out together."br /He just shrugs. "It's not like I'm gonna leave you here."br /My heart flutters a bit even at the casual comment. All the excitement today has made my heart go haywire. Fluttering at something so trivial..br /I sigh and climb onto Koujaku's back, my arms tight around his neck, my legs around his waist. He walks over to Clear, who gives him a look of /"Just go." Koujaku says /"Alright." Clear says and his maneuver gear shoots out onto the building and he goes streaming after /I can feel Koujaku let out a breath as he aims his own gear. I press my cheek to his back, hoping to God that this works. The gear spins out and attaches to the building, and it's not as fast as usual, but we do fly upwards, Koujaku stumbling a bit as we land on the /"Thank God." I hear Koujaku breathe. He was just as worried that it work, I /"Koujaku, if you're worried-" he cuts me off before I can /"No. We'll make it back." He says /I pull my eyebrows together but say nothing more./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"We make it back to the group with only a few stumbles along the way. I was right about Koujaku's gear not being as stable, but it still works. As we get to where Ren, Beni, and Kaage are standing, we get a few /"What happened to you guys?" Beni asks /"Maneuver gear broke." I say crossly, my cheeks hot with /"Are you alright?" Ren asks with a worried /I nod, my cheek rubbing against Koujaku's /Ren nods back. "Let's go then. Mink will have a fit if we don't show up soon."/p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"It turns out most of the other teams did well. When we reach the meeting place outside town, Mink confirms that all the titans were killed. The mission was a success. He and everyone else seems overjoyed at it, but I can't feel the same. Even when we reached the meeting point and I got off of Koujaku's back, he's stayed pretty close to me. When it's time to travel back, I get my horse and start to saddle up. As we set off, Koujaku rides up beside me and starts to /"Are you alright?" He asks, his voice /I nod, even though I'm not. "Yeah. Thanks again, for back there."br /He nods slowly. "I know it must be hard with that and with today…"br /I look to him, my face hard. "I'm fine." I say, feeling /"Alright. I guess I'll see you later then." He leaves, riding /I let out a shaky breath, and try to keep myself together. My whole body is on edge, ready to spring or attack, but my mind is lacking. I can't think straight. With all this happening, the shock from the attack still not faded, and now this with Koujaku- whatever 'this' is. I can't focus./p
p style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px; background-color: #fffffa;"I'm more than glad to get to camp when we arrive. After I put our horses in the stable, I quickly walk through camp, avoiding anyone who would stop me to talk. I haven't had lunch or dinner yet but I skip going to the mess hall. I walk straight to the armoury and put away all my gear, putting my 3D maneuver gear to the side to be replaced and fixed. From there I walk to my room in a hurry, feeling my emotions starting to over flow before I even reach the door. Inside my room, I sit down on my bed, leaning my back against the wall. I know I have to calm down, I'm part of the survey corps. I have to be ready to head out at any time, which would mean not having a break down. When I close my eyes I can see flashes of today, the titan crashing behind me as I run, the feeling of knowing I'm going to die. The fact that I accepted it. Why did I just accept it? I shut my eyes tight as an answer comes to my head, an answer I hate. How could I have let myself die? I said I would live, all those years ago. I told Granny.. I said I would live. I /Tears prick at my eyes at the thought of her. She was so tough, she could handle anything. I'm not like that. I can't even handle one easy mission. The tears fall down my cheeks and I pull my legs up to my chest, curling up. I can't keep my promise to her. Not if I can accept death as easily as I did. I accepted it without even trying. I..br /A knock on my door makes my head shoot up. Staring at the door, I don't say anything. If I don't, they'll go /"Aoba?" It's Koujaku. I let out a small, spiteful laugh. Yes, that's just what I need right /I keep quiet and let him think I'm not here, but as I do I remember I didn't lock the door. After another knock, the doorknob turns and I take an intake of /"Wait!" My voice cracks, but it's too late. Koujaku steps in and I look at him, eyes wide like a caught /He looks at me and his eyes look sadder than I've ever seen. There's pain there, and I realize today can't be easy for him either. He loved Granny, too. And how he looked when he thought I was gone, how he hugged me.. As I look at him, more tears grow in my eyes and I let out a sob, burying my face in my /I can hear him close the door and walk towards me. He sits beside me, and wraps an arm around my shaking shoulders. I feel embarrassed, but the sadness is too much and beats out the embarrassment. With Koujaku's arm around me, I somehow feel even more sad. It reminds me of today, and I let out another /I feel Koujaku's arm tighten around me and before I can think it through, I move and put my arms around him, falling into his chest. He seems surprised, but he wraps both his arms around me, his hand on the back of my short /"Aoba.." He says quietly. "Do you want to talk about it?"br /I bury my face into his chest and shake my head, mumbling into his shirt. "I-I can't keep my promise."br /Koujaku rubs my back, and my breath catches in my throat as I try not to cry more. "I said I w-would live. That I could keep going." I /"You will." Koujaku tries to reassure /I shake my head again. "Today, I-I didn't fight. I let it happen." My voice start to get shaky. "I could have fought to get o-out but I.."br /He just listens, waiting for me to finish, but I can't. The words get stuck in my chest, hurting my heart as I try to say them. I close my eyes and tears fall onto Koujaku's /"I wanted to die!" I force the words out, my body shaking with the force of it. A new wave of tears come to me and I can't hold them /Koujaku's arms tighten around me and I can feel his chest stop moving as if he's stopped breathing for a /"You can't say that." His voice is weird, too controlled. It makes me sniff and look up at him. His eyebrows are pulled together tightly as he looks down at me. I blink away more tears and I can see his own eyes glitter with on coming /"You have to keep surviving. For Tae-San." His voice wavers. "For.." He looks down me straight in the eyes and I can feel his intensity. "I won't let you die."br /My heart and stomach both fall, and today all makes sense. This morning, the way Koujaku smiled at me and told me to be careful. He knew I wasn't ok, but didn't say anything, and how terrified he was when I was attacked. His words go through my mind. 'I can't loose you, too.' I suddenly feel horrible for not letting him help on the ride back, and for not realizing how hard he had it today. I look at him and I can feel something, something about him I've never felt when I looked at him before. I suddenly realize how much he cares about me. I'm not sure why I do it, but I lean up and press my lips against Koujaku's, my arms tightening around him. br /With my eyes partly open I can see his are wide for a second before they close and he kisses me back, a deep breath released from his chest. Our lips are only together for a minute or so and when they part, I look at Koujaku. The tears that were in his eyes fall down his cheek. I carefully wipe them off with my thumb. br /"You.." He says under his breath. br /"I'm sorry." I say, my voice shaky from nerves. "For not realizing sooner." br /He looks at me with a confused expression. br /"You love me." I say softly. br /A blush comes across his face and he nods. "Today, I.." br /I press my lips against his again, and all the times that I've felt my heart skip a beat, or butterflies in my stomach when I'm around Koujaku come flooding back. All the times I've ignored it. "I think I love you, too." I breathe against his lips. br /He blinks and presses his forehead to mine silently. We sit like that for a while, neither of us moving. br /Koujaku is the one who breaks the silence. "I won't let anything happen to you. T-That was my promise." br /I look at him and for a second, instead if seeing a flash of the past, I see one of the future, one with Koujaku and I, without all this bloodshed. br /"We can both keep our promises." /p