A/N: I always wondered about the missing scenes in the emerging relationship between Sister Bernadette and Dr. Turner during season 2. In my opinion, there must have been quite a few more interactions than those we actually get to see between the two which explain how they eventually end up the way they do.
There is a a similar fic by pellucid (Good Morrow to Our Waking Souls, on AO3 - /works/10708944) which I only discovered after I drafted my own. So the ideas are mine - whereas, as always, the characters are not - but I definitely recommend reading hers as the better-written one since I am not a native speaker and will never reach the level some of you fantastic fic writers out there are working on.
In my thoughts and dreams
Chapter 1
Dr. Patrick Turner entered the dark and narrow flat of the Smalls, a young couple expecting their first baby. He smelled the faint smell of smoke, dirt and too many people living on too little space, a smell he was all too familiar after working in Poplar for more than ten years.
He heard the screams of a woman in labour – there had been an emergency call regarding Mrs. Small's delivery. Severe bleeding, probably placental abruption, the midwife in charge had let Mr. Small, the terrified father-to-be convey the surgery over the telephone.
Mr. Small now ushered the door to the bedroom where his wife had now been in labour for over 15 hours. Dr. Turner quickly made his way into the delivery room, relieved to find Sister Bernadette supervising the birth. Even though he held all Sisters and midwives of Nonnatus House in high regard, when it came to critical cases he preferred to work with Sister Bernadette. Her calm manner and excellent midwifery skills usually meant that they would manage even the direst situation.
Sister Bernadette sat at the side of the bed next to the crying mother, whispering words of comfort while constantly checking the thin but steady stream of blood dripping onto the sheet that was placed below the woman.
Dr. Turner nodded into the Sister's direction, shucked off his coat and rolled up his sleeves while giving the midwife a questioning look. She understood instantly and quickly explained the situation. The bleeding was not very severe, but steadily going on for about an hour now, giving her reason to believe that the placenta might have been ruptured or coming off.
Sister Bernadette turned to the labouring mother, squeezing her right hand. "Sally, doctor has arrived now. He will have a look at you and we will both make sure that you and baby will be safe." "Greetings, Mrs. Small", Dr. Turner addressed the woman in question. "There is no need to worry with Sister Bernadette at your side. I will quickly see if I can find out more about what is troubling us here and then I believe we will soon be able to greet your baby", he tried to encourage the mother.
Just after he had finished his examination and was about to address Sister Bernadette, the bleeding intensified and both doctor and midwife looked at each other worriedly. "It's the placenta, it must have come off now", Sister Bernadette said to the doctor. She went on, addressing Mrs. Small: "Sally, the placenta has come off which means that we now must deliver your baby as quickly as possible. I am going to apply pressure onto your abdomen. This may hurt and I am sorry, but we have no other choice. Doctor Turner will help your baby on his way with forceps."
While speaking, she had already changed her position and began to press her forearms onto Sally's abdomen. Meanwhile Dr. Turner had retrieved the forceps from his bag and positioned himself in order to pull the baby out of the birth canal. Sister Bernadette watched his movements carefully, adjusting hers to his so as to help him in the best way possible. "Oh, this hurts so much, please, I cannot … I cannot … anymore", Mrs. Small groaned. "Sally, you are doing wonderful", Sister Bernadette reassured her. "I know this is hurting beyond what we can imagine but we need to do this for your baby. And you are so brave."
"Very well, Sister," Dr. Turner then said, "Head is coming down fast now." Sister Bernadette watched his lined face, the creases on his forehead more prominent than usual due to him working concentrated. She liked working with Dr. Turner. Of course, working with him during a birth usually meant there were complications, but not only was he a skilled doctor, he was also a polite and kind man. Never let a loud word slip or appeared disrespectful to neither patients nor the nurses and Sisters. She remembered how harsh most other doctors she had encountered during her nurse's training or the periods she was seconded to the London treated the nurses they worked with.
"There he is", the doctor finally gasped. "Sister, would you …" but before he could finish the sentence, Sister Bernadette had already fetched a towel and taken the baby from him. The little one's face was slightly blue and he did not seem to breathe. Sister Bernadette gently rubbed the baby's back and blew into his face, murmuring words of encouragement to the little one.
"What is it? Where is my baby?" Sally cried fearfully. "You have a beautiful son Mrs. Small", Dr. Turner addressed her. "Because of the placental abruption, he may have suffered a shock, causing him to not breathe. We'll need to give him some support so that you can hold him soon", he explained.
The baby still did not want to cry, but seemingly had begun to breathe because the blue colour of his face very slowly vanished and changed into a faint pink. Sister Bernadette still rubbed his back and gently moved his tiny arms up and down several times, until the baby suddenly let out a hushed wailing, like a very tiny cat. "There you go", she smiled with relief, "I knew you could do it."
She passed the baby to Dr. Turner who understood to continue with the gentle movements while she attended to the completion of the third phase of the birth. "Sally, you were so brave. We will just make sure your baby is doing well, Dr. Turner will check him over and then you can hold him. Al right?"
Sally cried in fear and exhaustion, but visibly calmed once Sister Bernadette held her hand and stroked her face. "Doctor, placenta is out and intact, bleeding has considerably lessened", the midwife informed him. He nodded his understanding and focused on the little boy in his arms again.
After another ten minutes during which Dr. Turner had made sure the baby was all right for the moment, he finally passed him to his mother who now cried tears of joy. Dr. Turner and Sister Bernadette smiled at each other across the new mother, both expressing their relief over the situation they had mastered so well together.
"Doctor, why don't you tell the new father the good news while I finish in here with Sally", Sister Bernadette suddenly said. "Of course", he replied, gathering his bag and clothes before leaving the room to inform an anxious Mr. Small that he now was the father of a son. "A son, you sure doctor? Well, you should be", the new father chuckled excited. "When can I see them?" "Not just now, Sister Bernadette will inform you when mother and child are ready for a visitor. Would you want a cigarette while waiting?" Patrick had found out long ago that offering a father outside a delivery room a cigarette was usually the best he could do in this situation.
The men had just lit a third cigarette each when Sister Bernadette, face shining with a warm smile and carrying her bag, came out of the bedroom. "Your wife and son are now ready for you", she addressed the new father who instantly threw the half-smoked cigarette to the floor while jumping up and ran past Sister Bernadette.
"Well", she said, smiling at the doctor, "another successfully mastered crisis. Thank you, doctor, thank you for your help."
"Sister, I really should thank you. You knew exactly what you were doing. With you I know that I do not need many words", he said, while getting up from his chair and taking his coat and bag.
He noticed Sister Bernadette slightly blushing at his words, looking down at her shoes. "I mean it", he reassured her.
"Thank you, doctor", she said quietly, moving her head up and looking into his eyes. He looked back and felt a tingle in his stomach. How came he had never noticed how stunningly beautiful her eyes were?
She suddenly turned her head into the direction of the flat's entrance suggesting they should leave. "Of course, our job here is done", Dr. Turner said, biting his lips in a successful attempt to resist resting his hand on the small on her back while she passed him on their way out.
Outside in the narrow cobbled street, they stood opposite of each other, while she was holding her bicycle and he stood in front of his car. There was an awkward silence between them until he said "You must be very tired after so many hours. Can I offer you a lift?" He instantly thought what a stupid suggestion this was – how was her bicycle to get back to Nonnatus House then? But he suddenly felt excited at the thought of spending some more time in her company.
"Thank you, doctor, your offer is very kind. But I would rather take my bike. I can take my time now and I would like to enjoy some of the afternoon sun. Spring is finally coming, did you notice?"
No, he had not yet noticed. But she was right. He took a few seconds to close his eyes and breathe in the warming air. When had he last noticed the first signs of spring? When had he last noticed anything related to changing seasons other than exchanging his warm winter coat for the thinner one he wore in early spring and autumn?
He could not remember, probably many, many years back. He opened his eyes again and looked at Sister Bernadette. He noticed how the golden afternoon sunlight reflected in her glasses and made the porcelain skin of her face glow. Like an angel, he thought.
"Umm, … in fact, I haven't. But now that you speak about it…yes, I smell there is something in the air" he replied, thinking how lame this must sound to her. "Well then, have a safe ride home and enjoy the sun." "Please give my regards to Timothy", Sister Bernadette said while climbing her bike and nodding her goodbye.
"I will, thank you, Sister", Dr. Turner said, watching her disappear around the corner into the direction of Nonnatus House.
What a remarkable woman, he thought while lighting himself a cigarette. He wondered why he would think about her in the first place, after all, she was a nun. He had never thought about the nuns as women, probably because their habits shielded them from any worldly actions, he considered.
But ever since that night some weeks ago when she had told him that she wished faith would make a difference in the event of the death of a baby, he had caught himself secretly watching her, or thinking about her.
Perhaps it was her age, he thought, which made her stand out from the other Sisters. He could not remember when exactly she had joined the other Sisters. When he had first come to Poplar in 1946, the youngest Sisters were about his age, Sister Julienne probably closest to himself. Sister Bernadette must have joined the Sisters about one or two years later. He remembered that Timothy had already been born and that he and his wife had wondered why a young and beautiful girl like her would join a religious order.
Dr. Turner shook his head and threw his cigarette bud to the floor. He should not be thinking about her in such a way, this was disrespectful. She was a nun and a colleague whom he deeply respected. But he could not but smile at the thought of her clear blue eyes and the golden glow of her face in the afternoon sun. He closed his eyes and took in some more deep breaths of the clearly warming air. She was right, he thought, it smelled of spring and this suddenly gave him a strong feeling of energy. He opened his eyes again and went to his car. He still had to make quite a few calls until the end of his workday.