Hey there guys...

As you know, I tend to write according to my emotions. And right now, I've got alot of intense emotions in life.

If you want to learn about my sappy sad story, read the part at the bottom.
If not, simply enjoy the poem.

I love you all.

-Wings

For Koneko-chan, You were naught but a dream... A beautiful dream... But now I need to wake up from the lie I've convinced myself to live for so long.

Goodbye...

Dreams

Dreams are dreams for a reason.
Because they are what we believe.
That will happen.
That might happen.
That could happen.
That we want to happen.
But will never happen.

Everyone has dreams.
Everyone including me.
Dreams plagued by the blood of the thousands I have killed
By the screams of the damned who have had their lives ended by me.
By the weight of the guilt of having ended lives not meant to end so quick.
But her presence in every dream of mine
Makes it all go away.
The pain.
The darkness.
The Shadows.
They all disappear upon her arrival.
From the radiance she brings with her.

It always irked me how she affected me so.
Her smile would always take my breath away.
Her eyes would shine with the glow that only she possessed.
Her touch, as minute as they were, would leave trails of electricity.
And her voice, would soothe me from my worst of days.

I dreamt of her. Not like one would dream of another.
I dreamt I talked to her.
Both of us, simply enjoying each other's company.
I dreamt I walked with her beside the sea
The sound of waves crashing upon the sand at our feet.
I dreamt of nights spent not in passion nor adultery
Rather, of us simply lying beside each other.
Comforted by the presence of each other.

I, who am branded as a killer.
A murderer.
A traitor.
A predator.
Hated by those who I had accepted.
And wanted by those who wish to only use me.
Was in love with her, for she was different.

People would hate me for what I was.
To hate me for the lives I had reaped.
Or they would deny the very fiber of my existence.
As if the blood coating my hands was incorporeal.
But she was different.
She accepted me for my flaws.
Putting past hurts where they belonged.
In the past.
She accepted me for the predator that I was.
And said that it was natural that I had my flaws.
For I was still human, no matter how bloody my hands were.

My quest for power and dominance was forgotten.
Now, I only strived to make her happy.
That was my goal.
Her happiness…
Even if it was by the side of another.

I was the shadow I had trained myself to be.
Helping her. Aiding her. Keeping her happy with Him.
I did not care for the pain I was feeling.
Her smile made it all worth it in the end.
But one day, finally, she and Him were no more.
I could not deny the small amount of happiness I felt.

I could finally be with her.
I told her how I felt long ago.
How I wanted to hold her hand in mine.
How I wanted to spend my life with hers.
How I would give it all, only to have her.
She could not answer then because of Him.
But now, she could give me my answer.

I spent days, weeks, months… Talking to her.
Spending time with her.
Trusting her.
Loving her.
And now, in the end, only a simple sentence broke me.

"It will never work out between us, Zed… I don't feel the same way for you."

It was not agony.
It was not pain.
Nor was it hatred.
Or Anger.
I simply felt…
… Alone.

I realized how much of a fool I was.
Deluded in my efforts to turn dreams into reality.
For Dreams were just dreams.
They lived and died in the realms of unknown.
And no matter how much I tried.
No matter how much I changed.
I could never make my dream a reality.
Because Dreams, like all beautiful things, fade.
That's what makes them beautiful…

Please leave a review on your thoughts about this. Or don't, I'm not going to force you guys.

Now, for the sad story of my life.

Most of you might be wondering who Koneko-chan is. I've mentioned her in many of my stories.
Well... She is a girl. When I was young and she was young, we dated for a short time. It was nothing but a young teenage relation, and like all relations like that, it fell apart very soon. 3 years passed since then and I still harbored dormant feelings for her. What had long ago been a simple crush had developed into something very serious.

I began talking to her again and she was fun. She was a very awesome person to spend time with. She also had a boyfriend. But, soon enough, I realized the depth of my feelings for her. I'm an honest person, so I simply told her how I felt about her. Things didn't change much and we continued to be good friends. I'm not the kind of guy to ruin another guy's happiness for my own. Her boyfriend was also a good friend of mine, so I didn't do anything to interfere. Rather, whenever they had problems, I helped them to the best of my abilities. I kept them together as much as I could. But inevitably, they fell apart. I was sad for my bro, but I was in a way slightly gladdened by the fact that I finally had a chance.

I kept getting closer to her, telling her every now and then how much she meant to me. And she meant alot. I'm a very depressed person with a nihilistic, cynical outlook of life. She made me feel like life wasn't so pointless. She was the light that shone in the darkness of my soul. She was my sun, my moon and all the stars that lit up my nights. She was everything. But a few hours earlier... The topic of 'us' came up again... And she told me that it would never work. Because she did not feel the same for me. I didn't say anything. Deep down, I always knew it, the way you know something even though you keep telling yourself otherwise. That was my case.

I had been forcing myself to live in this lie than face the harsh truth. To live in this dream for as long as I could. But now, it's all over. I can't force someone to love me, nor do I intend to do so. I don't feel pain. Nor am I angry at her or anything... I'm just alone.

It might seem trivial to some of you; it seems slightly trivial to me. But I won't judge you. I don't want any sympathy or pity either. As my readers, I simply believed you should all know my story. Because as a writer, I believe that life itself is one grand story.

And stories need to be told.

The updates for my other stories might take alot of time... My muse is dead. It faded along with the light, leaving me in the darkness of my solitude. So I'm sorry if I don't update any story for a long time.

Take care, my dearest readers.

- Wings.