About Being Alone
The months, the days, the hours, the minutes, the seconds...they all ticked on, dragging at an unbareably slow pace. It had seemed like an enternity since I had seen him last, and when I had seen him, our encounter wasn't the most beautiful thing. The one thing I couldn't understand though, was why did I care so much?
I had never minded being alone. In all truth, I was rather quite in love with my loneliness. Nothing more could ever sustain me than my sanctuary I had created around myself, for myself and my people. Somehow...the barricade was broken and I was now afraid of that.
Most of all I was afraid of being afraid, and afraid of losing him altogether; which, in my mind, I had. Could it be that I loved him far more than I loved the feeling of being alone, that one feeling that I was now most terrified of? Had that even made any sense?
No, I don't believe it did; I don't believe it needed to...
It was quite humorous really, in an odd sense. All the while that I walked back to my home, I was thinking of him. All that while, ignoring the beautiful snow that was quickly surrounding me, I was thinking of him. Now that I do think of it, it wasn't quite humorous in any sense. Quite sad, actually. But the feeling of being without him, the feeling of knowing that even though he was still with me (subconsciously), I would still always be alone; that was even sadder.
Some sort of salty, warm liquid was filling my eyes, and I was confused in two ways. How could something warm be created in such bitter weather? -and what on Earth was this feeling? I didn't know what it was doing, but the liquid filling my eyes was sliding down my cheeks and gave me this heaviness to my heart.
Was this normal for when you missed someone so much? For when you loved someone so much? ...When you embraced the fact that you were alone, and would be alone forever?
...I didn't very much like this feeling.
Without me telling them to, my legs buckled beneath me, and I fell down to my knees in the snow. Those...those tears kept pouring from my eyes like a waterfall, and I didn't want to stop crying.
"A-America-san..." I somehow managed to choke out, sobbing in the desolate area; drowning in my lonliness.
I felt so weak, and yet somehow swallowed my pride long enough to fall in the snow and cry like a small child. I wanted him back, I needed him back. All those moments I had taken for granted...
"Japan?"
It was quite sad to the point I could here his voice. It was unhealthy really, I was being driven to the brink of insanity, all for what? ...All for love?
And then, I could feel his arms around me, picking me up and cradling me. At any normal time, I would protest, but it couldn't be real. I was...going insane after all. To torment myself even worse, I snuggled into his warmth, no longer caring of the line between reality and fiction because I had him there, at that moment... I rest in his arms.
I was no longer sad, and yet why was I still crying? And when did I arrive back at my home? I must have subconsciously stood from my fetal position and walked, while thinking I was being cradled by my America-san...
It had been forever since I had seen him last, and yet my memory of him was so clear...
Someone or something was rummaging around in my kitchen. I was sane enough to know this much. Standing slowly from my position where I lay on a mat, I made way to the kitchen. Much to my surprise, I was greeted my the number 50 in white lettering on the back of a brown, leather jacket. So much like the one...
"America-san...?"
He turned to face me, smiling warmly. "Hey!" He greeted, putting down whatever he was eating and came to hug me. "You're awake! I was worried, you scared me!"
He...he really was there? America-san...he was back, holding me tight to him. I couldn't help but smile, something I hadn't done in the longest time (which was a rare thing to begin with). And then he pulled back, his hands on my shoulders, to look down on me, still smiling bright.
I knew things were going to be okay from then on. Leaning up on my toes, I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to America-san's, receiving a jolt of surprise as a response at first. Slowly, my gesture was returned to me, and then I knew.
I no longer needed to worry...about being alone.