Title: Does Your Mother Know?
Author: CuppaJo
Synopsis: Sam goes to visit Jack at his house and finds more than she expects. Many more.
Genre: Is Fluff an official genre?
Warnings: Slightly out-of-character behavior. I guess. I made Sam a bit more bubble-headed than she deserves to be, but everyone is entitled to a stupid day every now and again. Even Sam. We'll blame it on mixing pain medication or something.
Disclaimer: If I owned them or made any money from this, would I really be writing Fanfiction?
Season: Early season 7 w/ minor spoilers for Fragile Balance and the Mirror universe in general
Okay, so she had to admit it. She was starting to worry. SG-1's official week long vacation had started on Wednesday and she hadn't heard a single thing from the colonel. If she knew that he was fishing at his cabin in Minnesota she wouldn't be nearly so concerned – she knew that he didn't like to be disturbed up there. But when she had driven by his house the other day on her way to the park with Cassie, his truck was still there. At first she thought that maybe, just maybe, he had gotten a ride to the airport and had left his truck at home. But no, she caught a glimpse of him in the front yard kneeling in front of his porch. Planting pansies. The colonel was planting *pansies* in his front yard during his week off. He wasn't fishing. And he didn't call her or anyone else to check to see if they were working. For four whole days. Planting pansies, no fishing, and no pestering phone calls – oh she was really beginning to worry.
I really ought to have called Daniel or Teal'c before doing this, she thought, but it was too late now. She tightened her grip on the steering wheel as she turned onto the street where the colonel's house lay. Her intention was to do a quick drive-by, possibly drop in to say hello. Just to make sure nothing was amiss. But she didn't expect the sight that lay before her.
A dozen or so vehicles were parked up and down the street, with more parked in a slightly haphazard fashion on the front lawn. The sounds of a party in full swing were emanating from the back yard and the distinctive aroma of barbecue drifted on the breeze. Colonel O'Neill was having a party. Without his team. Sam might have been hurt if she hadn't been so shocked to discover that he had a social life.
Finding a parking spot that she could squeeze into further up the street, Sam decided to park her car and do a bit of reconnaissance. As she walked down the street to the house, she passed a young couple. The girl looked oddly familiar and Sam caught herself doing a double take before shaking off the feeling that Something Odd was happening.
She looked at the cars as she passed by, but none of them looked familiar and only one had a government plate on it. The blue lights that SG personnel were now being required to have in their cars in case of emergency were also suspiciously missing. Clearly this was a non-military party. Well, there was only one way to figure out what was going on.
She rang the doorbell. And there, in the doorway stood Jack. With a mustache. With handlebars. Jack with a handlebar mustache. "Can I help you?" Mustachioed-Jack asked in a booming voice.
Sam's voice suddenly escaped her and she stood staring at this Mustachioed- Jack. The only thing she could think about was how he got his mustache to curl up like that, and how fast does facial hair grow anyway? Finally gathering herself together and finding her voice, she managed to squeak out a weak, "Colonel?"
"You're looking for the colonel? He's out back. Come on in; I'll see if I can find him." Not-Jack said in reply. He moved away from the door and walked down the stairs to the living room. Sam slipped in through the door before someone changed their mind about an uninvited guest. She closed the door quietly behind her and looked around. And she backed into the wall in shock. She was surrounded by Jacks.
One of the Jacks – one who still had brown hair but was wearing very expensive-looking "casual" clothes and not-ostentatious-but-noticeable jewelry – swaggered towards her. "Can I help you, miss?"
Oh and this one smelled decidedly like a distillery Sam noticed as she gazed up at him. "I'm looking for the colonel." She said, trying to make her voice sound as natural as possible.
"Which one?" He enquired politely.
Oh this was bad. The possibilities swirled around in her mind. There was more than one colonel here. There must have been a breakdown in the time space continuum and alternate Jacks started popping up at his house. She looked around quickly – maybe alternates of herself and the rest of the team appeared as well. Hey eye was caught by a tall blond man talking to a woman who looked quite a lot like Jack in the corner. Holy Hannah, she was a man in another reality. And Jack was a woman. Okay don't think about that. And they were holding hands. "Um, the colonel who lives here?" She replied slowly while attempting to tear her eyes away from the couple.
Brandy-Jack, as she dubbed him, gave her a strange look. "He's in the backyard playing with the grill. If you'll excuse me." He waggled his now- empty brandy snifter at her and slipped away from her and headed to the bar area.
Sam made her way carefully to the door leading to the back yard where she gratefully found who she thought was the correct Jack at the grill. "Um, Colonel?"
Jack looked up from the burgers he was flipping. "Carter! What are you doing here?" He asked surprised, but not displeased.
Sam hedged closer to him, not quite sure if this was really the correct man. "You are my Colonel, right?" She asked suspiciously.
Jack's eyebrows shot up into his hair. "*Your* colonel?"
Realizing what she said, Sam blushed but pressed on. "I mean the Colonel from this reality." She asked quietly.
"Yeeees." Jack answered wondering what would make her ask a question like that in public. He looked around to see if anyone else had heard.
Sam scarcely noticed as a teenage Jack dressed all in black (including lipstick) walked by. Apparently his alternate clones were also making an appearance. "Sir, if the barriers between alternate realities began breaking down and alternates began showing up here, we really need to do something about it."
"Oh." Jack stared at her anxious face. "Ohhhhhh." He smirked. She looked at him. At the perplexed look on her face he burst out laughing.
Sam stared at him. It had been a while since she had actually heard full belly laughter from the colonel. She backed away wondering if this really was her colonel. Still she was hard pressed to stop the smile that threatened to quirk the edges of her mouth. There was no denying that he had a contagious laugh.
"What..." He gasped out. "What makes you think..." He waved his hand around non-committally.
Sam was once again serious, wondering what was going on. "One of the, um, 'others' said there was more than one colonel and I..." her voice died down at the look amused look on Jack's face.
Taking pity on her, Jack's face straightened and he flipped some of the burgers over. "Well, it's nothing as exciting as all that, Carter. It just happens to be my year to host the annual O'Neill family reunion." He grimaced.
Sam stared at him wide-eyed. "And the other colonel?" She asked haltingly.
"Over there." He pointed with the tongs to a woman seated at the picnic table. "My cousin, Jane. Just made Lt. Colonel two weeks ago. Army."
"Oh." Sam stood awkwardly taking in the people before her. Now that she looked around, she noticed that the Jack look-alikes didn't all look *exactly* like her Jack. Erm, this Jack. Not her Jack. Yeah. Her face flushed again at her mental faux pas.
Jack grinned, mistaking her rising color for embarrassment about the alternate-reality comments. "Don't worry Carter, stranger things have happened. I told you that you were working too hard. We'll blame it on the stress."
"Yeah. Stress." She looked at him sideways. "And the fact that all of your relatives look like you."
Jack looked at her. "Oh we don't look that much alike."
Sam quirked an eyebrow at him.
"Do we?" He asked with not-quite sincerity.
She smiled at him in reply. "Well, I guess I'll be going then. I didn't mean to interrupt." Sam turned to go.
"Wait, don't go. Did you need something?"
Sam turned back to him sheepishly. "Actually I was just checking up on you. We haven't heard from you in a while."
Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Isn't that my job?"
"Exactly, sir."
"I see. So what you're saying is that you missed me." Jack looked quite pleased with himself.
She grinned impishly. "Oh I wouldn't go that far, sir. I just thought you might have been taken over by a flower-loving alien or something. The pansies were a nice touch, by the way."
Jack grumbled. "Yeah, I thought so. Unfortunately Bill decided that they denoted the perfect place for him to park his Suburban."
"Bill?" She asked curiously.
He pointed vaguely in the direction of a group of men chatting off to one side. "The one who's probably three sheets to the wind but has a taste for Armani."
"Ah. I think I met him when I came in. I should go; I didn't mean to interrupt your family function." Again she turned to go.
"Ah, stay Carter. Save me from my relatives and their ever-exciting lives. At least you know what I do. It's really hard to boast when you can't tell anyone what you actually do."
Sam bit her lip trying to decide. This definitely bordered on the 'too personal' line. "Are you sure?" Sam admitted to herself that she was curious about Jack's life outside the SGC.
"Yeah. I'll introduce you around. Hand me that platter." He gestured to a large tray behind her.
She held it out to him, but rather than taking it, he began placing the now cooked patties on it. "Besides." He added with a grin. "I need someone to help with the cooking."
Sam wrinkled her nose at him and was about to give a retort when Jack's eyes wandered over to the gate. A woman had just stepped through and Jack's eyes twinkled with delight. "Ah hah, they're here." He gave a quick whistle towards the yard in general and everyone looked over towards the gate. Two men had joined the woman at the gate and were carrying containers that probably contained food of some kind.
At once a chorus of "What is this, some kind of joke?" Echoed over the entire gathering and the newcomers rolled their eyes at what was obviously an old family joke.
Sam looked at Jack in askance. "My brother, sister, and cousin." He pointed as he spoke. "I swear they come together on purpose." At Sam's continued look of confusion, he clarified. "A priest, a nun, and a rabbi arrive at a party..."
"Oh." Sam gave him a disbelieving look. "Your brother's a priest and your sister's a nun?"
Jack nodded. "Correction, one of my three brothers is a priest and one of my two sisters is a nun."
Sam was even more surprised. "You have *five* siblings?" She choked out.
"Yup." He said nonchalantly placing more burgers on the grill. "Now if you'll turn you attention over there." He pointed towards a group of four attempting to play badminton. None of them looked like Jack. But the two little girls were really adorable and were about 7 and 9 years old. "You'll see my other sister, Barbara, with her family. She's a nurse in Chicago. Her husband, Allen, is on the other side of the net. He's a cop. And those are their two kids, Ruthie and Hannah."
"At the table by the shed," He continued, "is my older brother Paul. He's retired from the Corps and is working as a consultant in DC now. His daughter, Daisy, is here somewhere with her fiancée. I don't remember his name. Next to him is my younger brother, Andrew." Andrew was the mustachioed man who had answered the door. He sat holding the hand of a much younger woman who was gazing at him with admiration. "That's his new wife, Amber. Amber and Andy. Yeah they're swell. He's a ringleader."
"A ringleader of what?" Sam asked cautiously.
"You know, in a circus. He's the guy who announces all the acts. Amber's a trapeze artist, or something. His ex-wife was a clown."
Sam stared at him, not sure whether he was being serious or not. She tried very hard to imagine the colonel working in a circus and failed miserably. Despite Andy's outward appearance, she decided that they couldn't possibly be related.
Jack was continuing with his family synopsis, deftly flipping burgers between pointing out people. Over there are the Ernies.
"The... the Ernies?" Sam asked as politely as she could muster.
Jack rolled his eyes. "Yeah, named after my Great-great-grandfather, Ernest. That's Ernest Pratt the third, the fourth, the fifth, and the baby is the sixth." He pointed to several people in succession, starting with the oldest and going to the youngest. "Ernie the fourth is my second cousin. Do *not* under any circumstances ask about Ernest the first. They'll probably bring him up anyway, but do not even feign interest or they'll never leave you alone. He wrote some cheesy cowboy novels a million years ago and they've been trying to get them reprinted for years. God help us if they ever succeed." Jack's dramatic shudder caused Sam to grin, but she nodded sagely at his advice.
The blond man she had seen inside took the full tray of hamburgers from Sam and replaced it with an empty one. He carried it over to the table where a group of obviously ravenous teenagers swarmed on it. Sam looked after him curiously, breathing a sigh of relief.
Jack caught the look. "And just where did he fit into your alternate reality scenario?" He asked, amused.
Sam flushed. "Uh, he was an alternate me and his wife was an alternate you."
The tongs dropped from Jack's hand with a clatter on the grill and he hissed, "Are you telling me that in another reality I could be a woman and you can be a... a..." He waved his hand towards the man who had walked away.
"Well, theoretically, sir. There's really only a difference between an X and a Y chromosome." She explained and taking in the look of horror that was crossing over his face, she continued wickedly, "It's also possible for Daniel and Teal'c to have been women in alternate realities." Her grin widened. "Who knows, maybe somewhere out there, a Jack O'Neill is married to a Daniel, or shall I say a Danielle Jackson..."
"Not funny, Carter." He looked very annoyed by the idea.
"What? You fight like an old married couple anyway." She teased gently.
Jack opened his mouth to retort when he was interrupted. "Hey, Jack. Need any help?"
"Dave, Maureen." Jack smiled and moved to embrace his younger brother and sister.
Sam stood by watching with a thoughtful smile on her face. It was nice to see the colonel so relaxed. "I'd like you to meet my Second, Major Samantha Carter." Jack introduced her, a touch of pride in his voice. "Carter, my brother David, and sister Maureen."
David and Maureen exchanged a quick knowing glance and then shook her hand in turn. "It's nice to meet you, Major." David said with a grin, his olive green eyes twinkling.
"Please, Father, Sister, call me Sam." She replied pleasantly.
"Only if you'll return the favor – Maureen and Dave." Maureen replied, also grinning. "It's so nice to meet a friend of Jack."
"And to meet you as well." Sam added suddenly feeling shy. It was one thing to know the colonel's family as an outside observer, but to be included was a little overwhelming. She had no idea the colonel's family was so extensive.
Jack looked over to the gate and hastily handed the tongs and apron to his brother. "Mom and Pop are here. Watch the burgers a second will you, Dave? Carter." He gestured for her to follow.
Sam jumped at the non-vocal order and followed him to the gate her eyebrows lifted in surprise. He wanted to introduce her to his parents? That was... unexpected.
But then, his parents were also unexpected. Any stray images that she may have had in her mind about Jack's parents were very different than what she found before her. She thought that Jack must take after his father – but this was not the case. He was very much his mother's child. Where his father stood slightly frail, walking with the help of a cane, his mother stood strong next to him despite the fact that they were both clearly in their late 80's. She and her son strongly resembled each other and Sam could clearly see where the colonel had inherited his confident air.
"Mom, Pop!" Jack greeted his parents warmly, stopping to hug his mother and to give his father a two handed handshake.
"Johnny! You're looking well." His mother greeted, returning the hug.
"Maybe a little too well." His father added poking Jack in the stomach with a crooked finger, his eyes full of mirth. It was those eyes that made Sam realize that Jack hadn't inherited all of his personality traits from his mother.
Jack just rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Pop. I'd like you to meet my Second. Sam Carter, my parents, Paul and Mattie O'Neill."
"I wondered what it was that keeps my boy going back to that mountain." Paul O'Neill, Sr. implied. "Had to be more than the food in the mess hall.
Jack flushed ever so slightly. "Actually, that's exactly what it is. Carter, tell him how good the cake is."
"Best mess hall cake in Colorado, sir." She rejoined with a grin.
"Hmmph. Well that's obvious." The elder O'Neill said, moving to poke Jack's middle again. But he was too quick and quickly placed his mother between himself and his father.
"Well, I gotta get back to the burgers. Can't let Dave ruin 'em."
Jack's mother hooked her arm through Sam's. "So, you work with Johnny. What do you do?" She asked Sam curiously.
"I'm an astrophysicist. We're working on a deep space radar telemetry project."
"Deep space, huh? So the boy's finally using that Astronomy degree he got. Who woulda guessed." Jack's father said gruffly, but with a tinge of pride coloring his voice.
Sam quirked an eyebrow. A degree in Astronomy? She knew that the colonel had needed some kind of advanced degree to obtain rank, but she never knew exactly what it was. She realized that this was the best opportunity she would ever have for gaining information about the colonel's life that she would ever be presented with. She wondered where she could get a notebook so she could take notes.
It was then that she noticed Jack's cousin – Bill? – leering drunkenly at her as they approached. "I, uh, think I'll go see if the colonel still needs help with the burgers." And with that she made her escape.
She managed to make her way back to the patio where the grill had been set up, having only to dodge one of the Ernies and a gaggle of teenagers as they made another mad dash to the food table.
"So, when's dinner?" She asked taking the proffered tray from Jack.
"Oh, honey, there's no specific meal time." Maureen replied with a grin.
"We're a reach, grab, and growl kind of family. Most big families are." Dave added, proving his point by snagging one of the bratwursts that Jack had just added to the tray. "Survival of the fittest – motto of the O'Neill clan."
Sam raised her eyebrows. That was so far removed from Jack's 'no one gets left behind' axiom; she knew that it couldn't be completely true. Besides, who could believe a priest's Darwinian attitude? "I'll keep that in mind next time something from my mess tray goes missing. And here all this time I thought it was Daniel."
Jack whistled innocently. "Gee nice weather we're having today." He added earning a glare from Sam and a smirk from his brother.
"Not like the last time." Maureen agreed with a devilish grin. "This is the first time that Jack hosted where it didn't pour down rain." She confided to Sam. "We were going to ban him from ever hosting again had it rained today."
"Hey, just because it rained last time doesn't mean it wasn't one of the best reunions in the history of reunions." Jack retorted with mock affront.
Dave laughed, clearly remembering. Between guffaws he managed to choke out, "I've never seen Pop so filthy. And then, and then he pulled Mom... off the porch and they both... the both fell into that mud puddle."
Maureen joined in with his laughter. "I was washing mud out of my hair for a week. The other sisters have yet to let me live it down!"
"Can you blame them? You showed up back at the convent in a pair of Jack's sweatpants, duct taped around the waist and a sweatshirt that said 'I know a wienie man' on the front." Dave reminded her.
Sam watched the exchange with amusement when Jack leaned over to her to clarify with a grin. "We played a friendly little game of football. Who knew everyone in the family would join in? Was ten years ago."
And suddenly Sam could visualize in her mind the O'Neill family, a bit younger perhaps out in a backyard rolling in the mud and chasing after a football in the pouring rain. She began to chuckle along with the others, Jack grinning at them all with sparkling eyes.
"I'll bet I have a picture somewhere. I know Sara took some." Jack added. "I'll show you some time." He promised her quietly.
"I'd like that." Sam replied just as quietly.
Maureen and Dave were ignoring them, caught up in laughter over some shared memory as Jack continued grilling. A far away look came over his face. "Charlie wanted to play." He said continued quietly. "I had bought him a new ball and he was so excited about having people to play with. He was crushed when the rain started."
Jack was silent, a small, thoughtful smile playing at his lips. He didn't seem bitter or sad – just glad to have the memory. The look in his eyes gave Sam just one more reason to admire the man standing before her.
Jack shook himself from the reverie and once again began pointing out more people to her, Maureen and Dave interjecting anecdotes along the way. Watching Jack interacting with his siblings, laughing, frowning, and rolling his eyes in turn, Sam looked o ut over the crowd, very glad that she had come.
Author: CuppaJo
Synopsis: Sam goes to visit Jack at his house and finds more than she expects. Many more.
Genre: Is Fluff an official genre?
Warnings: Slightly out-of-character behavior. I guess. I made Sam a bit more bubble-headed than she deserves to be, but everyone is entitled to a stupid day every now and again. Even Sam. We'll blame it on mixing pain medication or something.
Disclaimer: If I owned them or made any money from this, would I really be writing Fanfiction?
Season: Early season 7 w/ minor spoilers for Fragile Balance and the Mirror universe in general
Okay, so she had to admit it. She was starting to worry. SG-1's official week long vacation had started on Wednesday and she hadn't heard a single thing from the colonel. If she knew that he was fishing at his cabin in Minnesota she wouldn't be nearly so concerned – she knew that he didn't like to be disturbed up there. But when she had driven by his house the other day on her way to the park with Cassie, his truck was still there. At first she thought that maybe, just maybe, he had gotten a ride to the airport and had left his truck at home. But no, she caught a glimpse of him in the front yard kneeling in front of his porch. Planting pansies. The colonel was planting *pansies* in his front yard during his week off. He wasn't fishing. And he didn't call her or anyone else to check to see if they were working. For four whole days. Planting pansies, no fishing, and no pestering phone calls – oh she was really beginning to worry.
I really ought to have called Daniel or Teal'c before doing this, she thought, but it was too late now. She tightened her grip on the steering wheel as she turned onto the street where the colonel's house lay. Her intention was to do a quick drive-by, possibly drop in to say hello. Just to make sure nothing was amiss. But she didn't expect the sight that lay before her.
A dozen or so vehicles were parked up and down the street, with more parked in a slightly haphazard fashion on the front lawn. The sounds of a party in full swing were emanating from the back yard and the distinctive aroma of barbecue drifted on the breeze. Colonel O'Neill was having a party. Without his team. Sam might have been hurt if she hadn't been so shocked to discover that he had a social life.
Finding a parking spot that she could squeeze into further up the street, Sam decided to park her car and do a bit of reconnaissance. As she walked down the street to the house, she passed a young couple. The girl looked oddly familiar and Sam caught herself doing a double take before shaking off the feeling that Something Odd was happening.
She looked at the cars as she passed by, but none of them looked familiar and only one had a government plate on it. The blue lights that SG personnel were now being required to have in their cars in case of emergency were also suspiciously missing. Clearly this was a non-military party. Well, there was only one way to figure out what was going on.
She rang the doorbell. And there, in the doorway stood Jack. With a mustache. With handlebars. Jack with a handlebar mustache. "Can I help you?" Mustachioed-Jack asked in a booming voice.
Sam's voice suddenly escaped her and she stood staring at this Mustachioed- Jack. The only thing she could think about was how he got his mustache to curl up like that, and how fast does facial hair grow anyway? Finally gathering herself together and finding her voice, she managed to squeak out a weak, "Colonel?"
"You're looking for the colonel? He's out back. Come on in; I'll see if I can find him." Not-Jack said in reply. He moved away from the door and walked down the stairs to the living room. Sam slipped in through the door before someone changed their mind about an uninvited guest. She closed the door quietly behind her and looked around. And she backed into the wall in shock. She was surrounded by Jacks.
One of the Jacks – one who still had brown hair but was wearing very expensive-looking "casual" clothes and not-ostentatious-but-noticeable jewelry – swaggered towards her. "Can I help you, miss?"
Oh and this one smelled decidedly like a distillery Sam noticed as she gazed up at him. "I'm looking for the colonel." She said, trying to make her voice sound as natural as possible.
"Which one?" He enquired politely.
Oh this was bad. The possibilities swirled around in her mind. There was more than one colonel here. There must have been a breakdown in the time space continuum and alternate Jacks started popping up at his house. She looked around quickly – maybe alternates of herself and the rest of the team appeared as well. Hey eye was caught by a tall blond man talking to a woman who looked quite a lot like Jack in the corner. Holy Hannah, she was a man in another reality. And Jack was a woman. Okay don't think about that. And they were holding hands. "Um, the colonel who lives here?" She replied slowly while attempting to tear her eyes away from the couple.
Brandy-Jack, as she dubbed him, gave her a strange look. "He's in the backyard playing with the grill. If you'll excuse me." He waggled his now- empty brandy snifter at her and slipped away from her and headed to the bar area.
Sam made her way carefully to the door leading to the back yard where she gratefully found who she thought was the correct Jack at the grill. "Um, Colonel?"
Jack looked up from the burgers he was flipping. "Carter! What are you doing here?" He asked surprised, but not displeased.
Sam hedged closer to him, not quite sure if this was really the correct man. "You are my Colonel, right?" She asked suspiciously.
Jack's eyebrows shot up into his hair. "*Your* colonel?"
Realizing what she said, Sam blushed but pressed on. "I mean the Colonel from this reality." She asked quietly.
"Yeeees." Jack answered wondering what would make her ask a question like that in public. He looked around to see if anyone else had heard.
Sam scarcely noticed as a teenage Jack dressed all in black (including lipstick) walked by. Apparently his alternate clones were also making an appearance. "Sir, if the barriers between alternate realities began breaking down and alternates began showing up here, we really need to do something about it."
"Oh." Jack stared at her anxious face. "Ohhhhhh." He smirked. She looked at him. At the perplexed look on her face he burst out laughing.
Sam stared at him. It had been a while since she had actually heard full belly laughter from the colonel. She backed away wondering if this really was her colonel. Still she was hard pressed to stop the smile that threatened to quirk the edges of her mouth. There was no denying that he had a contagious laugh.
"What..." He gasped out. "What makes you think..." He waved his hand around non-committally.
Sam was once again serious, wondering what was going on. "One of the, um, 'others' said there was more than one colonel and I..." her voice died down at the look amused look on Jack's face.
Taking pity on her, Jack's face straightened and he flipped some of the burgers over. "Well, it's nothing as exciting as all that, Carter. It just happens to be my year to host the annual O'Neill family reunion." He grimaced.
Sam stared at him wide-eyed. "And the other colonel?" She asked haltingly.
"Over there." He pointed with the tongs to a woman seated at the picnic table. "My cousin, Jane. Just made Lt. Colonel two weeks ago. Army."
"Oh." Sam stood awkwardly taking in the people before her. Now that she looked around, she noticed that the Jack look-alikes didn't all look *exactly* like her Jack. Erm, this Jack. Not her Jack. Yeah. Her face flushed again at her mental faux pas.
Jack grinned, mistaking her rising color for embarrassment about the alternate-reality comments. "Don't worry Carter, stranger things have happened. I told you that you were working too hard. We'll blame it on the stress."
"Yeah. Stress." She looked at him sideways. "And the fact that all of your relatives look like you."
Jack looked at her. "Oh we don't look that much alike."
Sam quirked an eyebrow at him.
"Do we?" He asked with not-quite sincerity.
She smiled at him in reply. "Well, I guess I'll be going then. I didn't mean to interrupt." Sam turned to go.
"Wait, don't go. Did you need something?"
Sam turned back to him sheepishly. "Actually I was just checking up on you. We haven't heard from you in a while."
Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Isn't that my job?"
"Exactly, sir."
"I see. So what you're saying is that you missed me." Jack looked quite pleased with himself.
She grinned impishly. "Oh I wouldn't go that far, sir. I just thought you might have been taken over by a flower-loving alien or something. The pansies were a nice touch, by the way."
Jack grumbled. "Yeah, I thought so. Unfortunately Bill decided that they denoted the perfect place for him to park his Suburban."
"Bill?" She asked curiously.
He pointed vaguely in the direction of a group of men chatting off to one side. "The one who's probably three sheets to the wind but has a taste for Armani."
"Ah. I think I met him when I came in. I should go; I didn't mean to interrupt your family function." Again she turned to go.
"Ah, stay Carter. Save me from my relatives and their ever-exciting lives. At least you know what I do. It's really hard to boast when you can't tell anyone what you actually do."
Sam bit her lip trying to decide. This definitely bordered on the 'too personal' line. "Are you sure?" Sam admitted to herself that she was curious about Jack's life outside the SGC.
"Yeah. I'll introduce you around. Hand me that platter." He gestured to a large tray behind her.
She held it out to him, but rather than taking it, he began placing the now cooked patties on it. "Besides." He added with a grin. "I need someone to help with the cooking."
Sam wrinkled her nose at him and was about to give a retort when Jack's eyes wandered over to the gate. A woman had just stepped through and Jack's eyes twinkled with delight. "Ah hah, they're here." He gave a quick whistle towards the yard in general and everyone looked over towards the gate. Two men had joined the woman at the gate and were carrying containers that probably contained food of some kind.
At once a chorus of "What is this, some kind of joke?" Echoed over the entire gathering and the newcomers rolled their eyes at what was obviously an old family joke.
Sam looked at Jack in askance. "My brother, sister, and cousin." He pointed as he spoke. "I swear they come together on purpose." At Sam's continued look of confusion, he clarified. "A priest, a nun, and a rabbi arrive at a party..."
"Oh." Sam gave him a disbelieving look. "Your brother's a priest and your sister's a nun?"
Jack nodded. "Correction, one of my three brothers is a priest and one of my two sisters is a nun."
Sam was even more surprised. "You have *five* siblings?" She choked out.
"Yup." He said nonchalantly placing more burgers on the grill. "Now if you'll turn you attention over there." He pointed towards a group of four attempting to play badminton. None of them looked like Jack. But the two little girls were really adorable and were about 7 and 9 years old. "You'll see my other sister, Barbara, with her family. She's a nurse in Chicago. Her husband, Allen, is on the other side of the net. He's a cop. And those are their two kids, Ruthie and Hannah."
"At the table by the shed," He continued, "is my older brother Paul. He's retired from the Corps and is working as a consultant in DC now. His daughter, Daisy, is here somewhere with her fiancée. I don't remember his name. Next to him is my younger brother, Andrew." Andrew was the mustachioed man who had answered the door. He sat holding the hand of a much younger woman who was gazing at him with admiration. "That's his new wife, Amber. Amber and Andy. Yeah they're swell. He's a ringleader."
"A ringleader of what?" Sam asked cautiously.
"You know, in a circus. He's the guy who announces all the acts. Amber's a trapeze artist, or something. His ex-wife was a clown."
Sam stared at him, not sure whether he was being serious or not. She tried very hard to imagine the colonel working in a circus and failed miserably. Despite Andy's outward appearance, she decided that they couldn't possibly be related.
Jack was continuing with his family synopsis, deftly flipping burgers between pointing out people. Over there are the Ernies.
"The... the Ernies?" Sam asked as politely as she could muster.
Jack rolled his eyes. "Yeah, named after my Great-great-grandfather, Ernest. That's Ernest Pratt the third, the fourth, the fifth, and the baby is the sixth." He pointed to several people in succession, starting with the oldest and going to the youngest. "Ernie the fourth is my second cousin. Do *not* under any circumstances ask about Ernest the first. They'll probably bring him up anyway, but do not even feign interest or they'll never leave you alone. He wrote some cheesy cowboy novels a million years ago and they've been trying to get them reprinted for years. God help us if they ever succeed." Jack's dramatic shudder caused Sam to grin, but she nodded sagely at his advice.
The blond man she had seen inside took the full tray of hamburgers from Sam and replaced it with an empty one. He carried it over to the table where a group of obviously ravenous teenagers swarmed on it. Sam looked after him curiously, breathing a sigh of relief.
Jack caught the look. "And just where did he fit into your alternate reality scenario?" He asked, amused.
Sam flushed. "Uh, he was an alternate me and his wife was an alternate you."
The tongs dropped from Jack's hand with a clatter on the grill and he hissed, "Are you telling me that in another reality I could be a woman and you can be a... a..." He waved his hand towards the man who had walked away.
"Well, theoretically, sir. There's really only a difference between an X and a Y chromosome." She explained and taking in the look of horror that was crossing over his face, she continued wickedly, "It's also possible for Daniel and Teal'c to have been women in alternate realities." Her grin widened. "Who knows, maybe somewhere out there, a Jack O'Neill is married to a Daniel, or shall I say a Danielle Jackson..."
"Not funny, Carter." He looked very annoyed by the idea.
"What? You fight like an old married couple anyway." She teased gently.
Jack opened his mouth to retort when he was interrupted. "Hey, Jack. Need any help?"
"Dave, Maureen." Jack smiled and moved to embrace his younger brother and sister.
Sam stood by watching with a thoughtful smile on her face. It was nice to see the colonel so relaxed. "I'd like you to meet my Second, Major Samantha Carter." Jack introduced her, a touch of pride in his voice. "Carter, my brother David, and sister Maureen."
David and Maureen exchanged a quick knowing glance and then shook her hand in turn. "It's nice to meet you, Major." David said with a grin, his olive green eyes twinkling.
"Please, Father, Sister, call me Sam." She replied pleasantly.
"Only if you'll return the favor – Maureen and Dave." Maureen replied, also grinning. "It's so nice to meet a friend of Jack."
"And to meet you as well." Sam added suddenly feeling shy. It was one thing to know the colonel's family as an outside observer, but to be included was a little overwhelming. She had no idea the colonel's family was so extensive.
Jack looked over to the gate and hastily handed the tongs and apron to his brother. "Mom and Pop are here. Watch the burgers a second will you, Dave? Carter." He gestured for her to follow.
Sam jumped at the non-vocal order and followed him to the gate her eyebrows lifted in surprise. He wanted to introduce her to his parents? That was... unexpected.
But then, his parents were also unexpected. Any stray images that she may have had in her mind about Jack's parents were very different than what she found before her. She thought that Jack must take after his father – but this was not the case. He was very much his mother's child. Where his father stood slightly frail, walking with the help of a cane, his mother stood strong next to him despite the fact that they were both clearly in their late 80's. She and her son strongly resembled each other and Sam could clearly see where the colonel had inherited his confident air.
"Mom, Pop!" Jack greeted his parents warmly, stopping to hug his mother and to give his father a two handed handshake.
"Johnny! You're looking well." His mother greeted, returning the hug.
"Maybe a little too well." His father added poking Jack in the stomach with a crooked finger, his eyes full of mirth. It was those eyes that made Sam realize that Jack hadn't inherited all of his personality traits from his mother.
Jack just rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Pop. I'd like you to meet my Second. Sam Carter, my parents, Paul and Mattie O'Neill."
"I wondered what it was that keeps my boy going back to that mountain." Paul O'Neill, Sr. implied. "Had to be more than the food in the mess hall.
Jack flushed ever so slightly. "Actually, that's exactly what it is. Carter, tell him how good the cake is."
"Best mess hall cake in Colorado, sir." She rejoined with a grin.
"Hmmph. Well that's obvious." The elder O'Neill said, moving to poke Jack's middle again. But he was too quick and quickly placed his mother between himself and his father.
"Well, I gotta get back to the burgers. Can't let Dave ruin 'em."
Jack's mother hooked her arm through Sam's. "So, you work with Johnny. What do you do?" She asked Sam curiously.
"I'm an astrophysicist. We're working on a deep space radar telemetry project."
"Deep space, huh? So the boy's finally using that Astronomy degree he got. Who woulda guessed." Jack's father said gruffly, but with a tinge of pride coloring his voice.
Sam quirked an eyebrow. A degree in Astronomy? She knew that the colonel had needed some kind of advanced degree to obtain rank, but she never knew exactly what it was. She realized that this was the best opportunity she would ever have for gaining information about the colonel's life that she would ever be presented with. She wondered where she could get a notebook so she could take notes.
It was then that she noticed Jack's cousin – Bill? – leering drunkenly at her as they approached. "I, uh, think I'll go see if the colonel still needs help with the burgers." And with that she made her escape.
She managed to make her way back to the patio where the grill had been set up, having only to dodge one of the Ernies and a gaggle of teenagers as they made another mad dash to the food table.
"So, when's dinner?" She asked taking the proffered tray from Jack.
"Oh, honey, there's no specific meal time." Maureen replied with a grin.
"We're a reach, grab, and growl kind of family. Most big families are." Dave added, proving his point by snagging one of the bratwursts that Jack had just added to the tray. "Survival of the fittest – motto of the O'Neill clan."
Sam raised her eyebrows. That was so far removed from Jack's 'no one gets left behind' axiom; she knew that it couldn't be completely true. Besides, who could believe a priest's Darwinian attitude? "I'll keep that in mind next time something from my mess tray goes missing. And here all this time I thought it was Daniel."
Jack whistled innocently. "Gee nice weather we're having today." He added earning a glare from Sam and a smirk from his brother.
"Not like the last time." Maureen agreed with a devilish grin. "This is the first time that Jack hosted where it didn't pour down rain." She confided to Sam. "We were going to ban him from ever hosting again had it rained today."
"Hey, just because it rained last time doesn't mean it wasn't one of the best reunions in the history of reunions." Jack retorted with mock affront.
Dave laughed, clearly remembering. Between guffaws he managed to choke out, "I've never seen Pop so filthy. And then, and then he pulled Mom... off the porch and they both... the both fell into that mud puddle."
Maureen joined in with his laughter. "I was washing mud out of my hair for a week. The other sisters have yet to let me live it down!"
"Can you blame them? You showed up back at the convent in a pair of Jack's sweatpants, duct taped around the waist and a sweatshirt that said 'I know a wienie man' on the front." Dave reminded her.
Sam watched the exchange with amusement when Jack leaned over to her to clarify with a grin. "We played a friendly little game of football. Who knew everyone in the family would join in? Was ten years ago."
And suddenly Sam could visualize in her mind the O'Neill family, a bit younger perhaps out in a backyard rolling in the mud and chasing after a football in the pouring rain. She began to chuckle along with the others, Jack grinning at them all with sparkling eyes.
"I'll bet I have a picture somewhere. I know Sara took some." Jack added. "I'll show you some time." He promised her quietly.
"I'd like that." Sam replied just as quietly.
Maureen and Dave were ignoring them, caught up in laughter over some shared memory as Jack continued grilling. A far away look came over his face. "Charlie wanted to play." He said continued quietly. "I had bought him a new ball and he was so excited about having people to play with. He was crushed when the rain started."
Jack was silent, a small, thoughtful smile playing at his lips. He didn't seem bitter or sad – just glad to have the memory. The look in his eyes gave Sam just one more reason to admire the man standing before her.
Jack shook himself from the reverie and once again began pointing out more people to her, Maureen and Dave interjecting anecdotes along the way. Watching Jack interacting with his siblings, laughing, frowning, and rolling his eyes in turn, Sam looked o ut over the crowd, very glad that she had come.