A/N: My first m-rated fic. This is a fic within a fic, the italics are what differentiate the two story-lines. I don't really know what to make of this story. I just fell in love with this song and couldn't get this idea out of my head. Hopefully it doesn't disappoint.
Some love was made for the lights
Some kiss your cheek and goodnight
Lift up a red high heel
Lock up your doors with steel
Slow It Down- The Lumineers
Slow It Down
Chloe slid her key into the door of her dorm room, sliding inside the room and closing the door shut behind her with a low thud. She didn't want her arrival back at the room to be an announced event, but she heard a familiar sigh come from behind her and she knew that she had been spotted.
"So…" Aubrey started, the sarcasm dripping from her voice as she drew out the words. "How is our resident rebel doing? Did you two have a nice chat? Did she explain to you her reasoning behind ruining our performance? I'd love to hear it."
"She wasn't there." Chloe whispered while turning around and walking towards her twin bed. She just wanted to lay down and shove the pillow over her face to block out her screams and tears, but she knew that this would never happen with Aubrey in the room. She was angry and she wouldn't stop until she got the answer she wanted from her best friend. Some kind of explanation for everything going to ruin.
"Are you surprised?" Aubrey asked while moving from her desk and sitting down on her own bed, getting comfortable as she prepared to lay into Chloe: her best friend in the world and a traitor. "Did you really think that she would come back here? You saw how fast she ran away from all of us and skipped out on the bus ride back to campus. She's a coward and you should have known that-"
"-I liked her!" Chloe cut her off, her voice loud in the tiny dorm room as she sprung from her bed and looked down at Aubrey. "You knew that. You've known that this whole time and all you've done is push her away. You never tried to get along with her or to make her feel welcome in the Bellas. At least she tried something different tonight. We weren't going to win, Bree, and you know it."
Aubrey shook her head, wanting desperately to shake Chloe and hold her at the same time. How could the person she loved the most in this world keep putting herself through this misery? She was tired and she couldn't take anymore of this whole routine, the charade that had kept them at each other's throats since August.
"I know that Chloe, you're not telling me anything new. At least I can be honest about the things that are going on around me. You should try it, it's actually kind of refreshing."
"What are you talking about?" Chloe asked, her voice soft and thick with the tears that were springing to her eyes.
"She's not a good person, Chloe. You saw what she did to us tonight; what she's been doing to us this whole time. She keys in on these things that annoy us and uses them against us to spite us. I've told you that she was just going to hurt you, but you never listened to-"
"-Why would I listen to you? After you pushed me away this whole year? After you let your father get his claws on you over the summer and turned into this person that I don't even know. You pushed me away for a dumb trophy. You ended what we had for a stupid competition. Why would I listen to someone like you?"
"Because I've never thrown it back in your face like she did tonight. She said those words to embarrass you in front of the other Bellas and what did you do? You ran over to her dorm like a lost little puppy as soon as we got back." Aubrey looked away from Chloe, her face burning as she tried to ignore the tears that were slipping down Chloe's cheeks. "I told you that she would hurt you, but you didn't listen. You never listen to me."
"She doesn't want me, Bree. Is that what you want to hear?" The tears were pouring from her eyes now, sliding easily down her cheeks and plopping onto the hardwood floors beneath her. "She wants Jesse instead and not me. No one wants me."
"What are you talking about, Chloe?" Aubrey asked, softening her voice as she watched the sobs visibly shake Chloe's body. "Everyone loves you, we all care so much for you. If she wants a Treble over you, then she's the idiot and-"
"-Just stop, Bree!" Chloe shouted as she felt the dam finally burst inside her chest. She was tired of all of this and she couldn't hold back anymore. She had held back for far too long. "No one loves me. Look at you and what happened between us. You never loved me. If you did, then you wouldn't have pushed me away."
"Chlo, you know that's not true. I've always-"
"-I've missed you. Ever since that night at Lincoln Center, I've ached for you. I can't do this anymore. I won't do this anymore."
"I'm Chloe Beale!" The red-head announced while thrusting her hand out for Aubrey to shake. "Aren't you so excited for try-outs? My older sister was a Bella when she went here and they're the best group on campus."
"Yeah, try-outs should be interesting", Aubrey murmured before looking back down at her sheet music. She did not need this kind of distraction before the biggest audition of her life thus far. If she didn't get into the Bellas…she didn't know what she would do so it was best not to think about it and to ignore the bouncing girl in front of her.
"What's your name?" Chloe asked, undeterred by the disinterested look painted on Aubrey's face. "Are you a freshman? I live in Baker Hall, on the second floor."
"I'm trying to concentrate, so if you could please…" Aubrey trailed off while arching an eyebrow, trying to get her message across without having to be unnecessarily rude. "I just really need to pay attention to my notes. I don't want to screw this up."
"Oh, sure, I'll leave you alone." Chloe looked down at her feet, shuffling back and forth awkwardly while Aubrey rolled her eyes and looked back at her sheet music. Chloe studied the outside of the book for a moment and smirked, knowing exactly how to make the girl talk to her. "Why are you studying that sheet music? Do you like musicals?"
Aubrey closed her sheet music for "I Feel Pretty" and scowled at Chloe, fully annoyed now and ready to snap at her for breaking her concentration.
"I'm reading this because it's the try-out piece for the Bellas. I like to be prepared, maybe you should try it some time."
"Who told you that?" Chloe asked with a smirk. "That's not our audition song, so you can stop looking at it."
"For your information, one of the RAs on the boy's floor of my building told me that this is what we would be singing. He's a Treble-"
"- And he just wanted you to be prepared." Chloe finished her sentence, trying not to laugh as Aubrey was stunned into silence and furrowed her brow in frustration. "The Trebles are the Bellas rival on campus. They try to pull this stunt every year. We won't know what our try-out song is until we get into the auditorium. My sister told me all about this."
"So, he gave me this to…to screw me up?" Aubrey wondered out loud, piecing everything together and grimacing as it all sunk in. "What a jerk!"
"I know. You're lucky that I warned you though, or you would have gone in there and sang that song and looked like an idiot. Now, can you at least tell me your name?" Chloe asked while shooting Aubrey a hopeful smile. "After all, I did just save you from a massive amount of humiliation."
"Aubrey Posen." Aubrey thrust her hand out, shaking Chloe's and trying not to smile as Chloe grinned from ear to ear. "Thank you for letting me know. It was really nice of you and you didn't have to, considering that we're going to be competing for the same spot."
"I'm sure we'll both get picked", Chloe replied with a shrug. "It's nice to meet you, Aubrey. So, what's your major?"
"Chloe, I'm sorry." Aubrey apologized, placing a hand on Chloe's shoulder and guiding her slowly onto the bed. "I didn't know that she...I didn't think that she would push you away like she did today."
"Well, she did." Chloe whispered while dabbing away at the tears that were lingering in her eyes. She scoffed as Aubrey's face softened, hating her pity but wanting her arms to slide around her desperately. Needing the contact and the warmth and the love. Anything to make her feel wanted after the rejection she had faced tonight. "Why are you still here, Bree? We both know that you're secretly loving this."
She would always be a glutton for punishment.
"Chloe, I was wondering..." Aubrey trailed off, her cheeks reddening as she couldn't bring herself to blurt out the rest of her sentence. Afraid of the potential rejection and the idea of being alone. Of pushing away her friend.
"You were wondering, what? What's up, Bree?" Chloe asked while popping a french fry into her mouth. "Ooh, are you going to eat your parfait? They only had pudding when I got my lunch and I'll trade you."
"You can have it." Aubrey shot her a tight smile while sliding the plastic cup across their table. "I was just wondering how you and Candace are doing. Is she still moving in with her boyfriend?"
"Yeah, they're totes in love. I tried to talk her out of it, because Teddy is a total d-bag, but she wouldn't listen to me. She has this crazy idea that they're going to get engaged or something, so I have to find a roommate. Bleh!"
"Oh, you don't have anyone picked out yet?" Aubrey asked tentatively, sipping from her soda and trying to avoid eye contact with Chloe as the question hung heavily in the air between them.
"The answer is yes, Bree." Chloe teased with a smirk. "I know what you're hinting at and all you had to do was ask. I'd love to be your roommate."
"Really?!" Aubrey practically jumped out of her seat as Chloe giggled. "Thank you so much. I really did not want to be randomly matched with someone. Are you sure?"
"Of course, silly! Don't be ridiculous." Chloe shook her head as Aubrey breathed a sigh of relief. Sometimes she didn't understand why Aubrey wound herself up over the simplest things. "I can't wait to go shopping with you, though. We can having matching comforters and bed spreads and..."
Aubrey just smiled and tuned out her rambling best friend, scooping a heaping spoonful of chocolate pudding in her mouth and relaxing for the first time since the housing packet showed up in her mailbox.
She wouldn't be alone.
"Chloe, you know that's not true." Aubrey practically whispered to Chloe, who just shook her head. "Why would I love that she hurt you? What kind of person do you think that I am?"
Chloe sniffled, tucking her knees into her chest and wrapping her arms around them as she rested her chin on top. A solitary tear made its way down her cheek and her face crumbled, the sobs shaking her entire body as she lost her resolve.
It was all too much. It had always been too much.
"Bree? Are you still awake?" Chloe whispered in the darkened dorm room, even though she knew that Aubrey was still up. She had seen her eyes in the dim of the room, but asking was a comfort thing. Like dipping a toe into a pool before jumping in. "Could I talk to you about something?"
"Sure", Aubrey whispered back while propping herself onto her elbow. "What are we whispering for?"
"Well, it's late and you're supposed to whisper when it's dark."
"Oh, well that makes sense then." Aubrey's voice was sleepy and warm and Chloe had to bite back a grin at how it made her seemingly melt. Becoming her roommate was one of the best decisions she had ever made. Third only to enrolling to Barden and exchanging her glasses for contacts in eleventh grade. This girl was important to her and somehow, talking to her and telling her the thing that was eating at her gut didn't seem so scary.
"I think that I like girls." Chloe gasped as the words seemed to just slip out of her lips, but once they were out there was no taking them back. It was real now. "I mean...I'm not gay or anything, but I've just been thinking a lot lately and I think that maybe I might be..." She trailed off, feeling terribly awkward and unable to end her thought.
"You're Bi?" Aubrey questioned, picking up on the tension in Chloe's speech and the anxiety that stiffened her body, making her sit abnormally still in the crack of moonlight that slipped through the blinds.
"Y-yeah. I think so. Is that okay?"
"Why wouldn't it be okay?" Aubrey asked, her voice light and dancing as she tried not to laugh. "Chloe, you know me and you know that I don't care. Besides, I kinda figured it out from the first time that we hung out."
"What?! Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"Because it's not a big deal. I didn't think that anyone who fan-girled over the Spice Girls as much as you did could possibly be straight."
Chloe laughed and seemed to relax as she laid back and pulled her blankets over her body. As she tucked herself in, she struggled to remember why she was even nervous to begin with. Aubrey loved her. Something like this wouldn't push her away.
"I guess you're right, I did kind of admit to having a toner for Victoria Beckham. You really don't care, though? You don't think any differently of me?"
"Chloe, you're my best friend and nothing could ever change that. Now, go to bed. We have practice tomorrow morning and I don't want Alice to kill us if we're late."
Chloe nodded and closed her eyes, listening as Aubrey laid back down and got under her own blankets. The silence that took over a few moments later was too much for her to bere though and she couldn't help it when she said "Bree? Thanks for not freaking out. I just needed to get it off of my chest."
"It's okay. Close your eyes and get some sleep. We'll talk more in the morning."
"Sweet dreams."
"I've always been here, Chloe." Aubrey breathed out while climbing off of her bed and sinking down next to Chloe on her own. "You've always had me."
"You pushed me away. Not all at once, but a little each day until I was gone. How was that supposed to make me feel?" Chloe swiped at her eyes, begging herself not to break down into full-on tears. She wouldn't be that girl. The girl that cried as their heart broke into a million pieces. Using their tears as a source of sympathy, as armor to soften the blow to their chest.
"I loved you. I loved what we had and you just stopped wanting me. I've never had you."
"You've always had me, I just...I got lost." Aubrey whispered while leaning close and kissing the side of Chloe's neck. Making a slow trail of open-mouth kisses from her ear lobe straight to her collarbone, biting down and smiling as Chloe whimpered. "I've always loved you."
Aubrey's breath was sickeningly sweet against her cheek, like the spiked punch that was a staple of parties over at the frat house. Chloe had practically dragged her to the party, but that didn't stop her from loosening up as she drank cup after cup of the addictive drink. She would later claim that she had no idea that it was spiked, but Chloe knew that she just used it as an excuse to loosen up.
"Come on, Bree." Chloe pled, wrapping an arm around her back and walking slowly out of the front of the house with her roommate leaning heavily against her body. "Move your feet. Walk."
"Everything is spinning! Chloe, are you spinning too?!"
Chloe giggled, hating having to drag the girl along but enjoying the way that Aubrey sounded like a child when she slurred her words. It was adorable and she cursed herself for not having her cell phone, wanting to capture this moment to use as blackmail material for the rest of her life. It was amazing. She was amazing. And super drunk.
"No, I'm not spinning." Chloe whispered into Aubrey's ear as she tugged her a little closer. "Just close your eyes. I'll get you home and into bed. You're so dru-"
Before she could finish her thought, soft lips were pressing against her own and she made the tiniest squeak as Aubrey shoved her against the brick exterior of the house. Aubrey could go from drunk to sober in a matter of seconds and Chloe also loved that about her. Drunk Aubrey was loose and funny, but sober Aubrey would always be her favorite.
Eventually Aubrey pulled away from her and the pair stared at each other in silence for a few awkward moments. Aubrey's gaze kept drifting between Chloe's lips and her eyes and she shifted anxiously back and forth as she worried her lip. She wasn't nearly as drunk as she had let on when Chloe heaved her out of the house and the silence from her bubbly best friend made her think that she had done something wrong.
She always managed to screw up.
Chloe smiled though and Aubrey knew that everything was okay. A moment later, she was being pulled into warm arms and the softest voice let her know that she was alright. That nothing had changed.
"It took you long enough, Posen."
Chloe pushed Aubrey back against the bed, ignoring the protests that came from her mouth and sliding her shorts and underwear down in one sweeping motion. She gazed up at Aubrey for a moment, frowning as she watched her close her eyes and try to control her breathing, and let the cloth slip through her fingers and pool onto the floor next to the bed. She ignored the tank top that Aubrey always wore to bed and chose to leave it on; everything she needed was exposed and ready for her.
Aubrey groaned as Chloe slipped two fingers inside but maintained her composure and squeezed her eyes shut, moving her hips to the rhythm that Chloe started with her fingers. Chloe took her free hand and slipped it over Aubrey's mouth, trying to block out the soft keening noises that Aubrey was making. If she heard them, it would make this real and that was not what she needed right now.
This was what Aubrey wanted. Love without the emotional commitment and Chloe was just giving her what she deserved. An orgasm without the foreplay, the soft endearments whispered into warm flesh and slick lips painting trails down porcelain skin.
This was the love that Chloe deserved.
"You're so drunk", Chloe murmured against Aubrey's neck as she giggled and thrust her back onto the bed. "We can't do this."
"Yes, we can", Aubrey pled while taking Chloe's hands and sliding them underneath the straps of her dress, moving them slightly and grinning as Chloe whimpered upon seeing her bare shoulders and a hint of her chest. "I'm not drunk, just buzzed. Keep going."
That was all the prompting Chloe needed, pressing her lips against Aubrey's temple and moving them slowly and teasingly to her cheeks and then to her nose and finally to Aubrey's own swollen lips. The kiss was needy and wet and passionate, everything that they had been holding back since their first kiss months ago. All of the hidden secrets and awkward silences, long lingering looks as they undressed in opposite corners of the room and the hook-ups and break-ups with guys who would never mean what they meant to each other. It was bitter from the whiskey that Aubrey had been drinking at the party and too warm against their damp skin from the balmy Georgia evening. It stung and it ached and it was everything.
Aubrey's dress came off first, pooling to the floor and joined moments later by her lacy bra and underwear. Chloe took it all in, memorizing the vast expanse of her perfect body before slipping her own t-shirt off and awkwardly shimmying out of her tight jeans while Aubrey watched, biting her lip and not saying a word. What could you say when you were getting everything you ever wanted?
Chloe took her time. There was no need to rush. She wanted to take in every inch of Aubrey's body, kissing and tasting and falling in love with elbows and knees. Aubrey's long fingers and the little patch on her neck that grew red when she got nervous. The scattered freckles on her forearms and the perfect dimples on the small of her back. It was easy to get drunk on this body, to get intoxicated by her scent and her smile and her everything. Chloe could stay like this all night. She could do this for the rest of her life.
Chloe covered her shoulder blades in kisses, sucking on the tender flesh and grinning into her breastbone as Aubrey forced her head further down, unable to take anymore as the flesh bruised and her pleasure built. Aubrey's soft pants as she paid equal attention to each breast was all the encouragement she needed, letting her know in moans and whimpers that she was doing a good job. Licking and kissing and sucking until her nipples were so hard that they ached and Aubrey couldn't take much more, arching her back and moving her hips as she begged Chloe in murmurs to get it over with, to take her, to possess her. To love her.
Breasts to ribs to her knees, kissing her way up and ghosting over where Aubrey needed her the most. Gasping as fingers dug into her scalp and desperate whimpers begged her to touch her. Hands grasped her bare back and squeezed, nails digging into flesh, as Aubrey relinquished control. She wanted Chloe to have her way, to take away the anxiety and the stress and her mind that ran in circles constantly. To make her forget. To make her whole.
Chloe entered her slowly, taking her time and letting Aubrey adjust and get comfortable before choosing the rhythm that would send her over the edge. Aubrey held onto Chloe's shoulders and let go, whimpering and gasping and moaning and relaxing. For the first time in forever, she felt calm and safe and...warm. It was perfect. Chloe was perfect.
She returned the favor after a few moments of adjusting, reaching out and placing a hand on Chloe's hip, pulling her close and entering her roughly, sliding in with no regrets and on a mission to return the pleasure in full.
It became a competition at that point and Chloe couldn't help but smirk. Of course Aubrey would turn an orgasm into a race, into something to be won. It was so perfectly "Aubrey" and her eyes fluttered and her mouth dropped open with a twist of a wrist, a curl of her fingers, and the stroke of a thumb over a bundle of nerves.
Aubrey let her win, moaning into Chloe's neck as she fell over the edge first, biting the flesh and bucking her hips and curling her toes. Nearly ceasing the movement of her fingers as she became distracted by the pleasure rippling through her body. She kept going though, slipping a hand between her legs and pushing Chloe's away while slipping in and out with her other. Panting and sweating as Chloe threw her head back and clamped down on her fingers and dropped over the edge as well.
It was beautiful. Something she could never screw up. Something that she was good at.
It was love.
As Aubrey battled for composure, she reached out and undid Chloe's Bellas scarf, tossing the cloth to the floor and starting to work on the buttons. She couldn't believe that Chloe was still in the uniform that she detested, but it all made sense. She had gone over to Beca's as soon as they got back. Forgoing a shower in favor of a connection, of feeling important, of love. All she wanted was to be needed.
She needed Chloe too, even if she didn't show it.
Chloe's pace was relentless, slamming her fingers into Aubrey with a reckless abandon. There was no love in her ministrations. There was no passion in her fingers or love shining in her eyes. There was nothing.
Aubrey couldn't stop her. She didn't want to stop her.
Instead, she unbuttoned the tight blazer and threw it across the room, smirking as it landed on her bed. She pulled at the dress shirt until the buttons popped open and tossed it too, not as lucky this time as it floated lazily to the floor and slid halfway under the bed, a white flag of sorts.
The skirt came next, unzipping it and sliding her hands under the fabric, curling fingers around an elastic waistband and sliding the skirt and panties halfway down Chloe's thighs. Chloe was fighting against her, not wanting Aubrey's hands on her, and took over at her knees, shimmying and arching her back as she kicked the unwanted clothing off of her body.
They were touching now, breasts against breasts and skin against skin. Chloe was trying to hold back, to keep her body away from Aubrey's reach, but eventually she just let go and laid on top of her as her fingers worked and her eyes swam with tears. Begging for release, but desperate to be anywhere but here.
They shouldn't have done this. Even if it meant goodbye.
Chloe stepped into the scalding spray and leaned her forehead against the tile wall, letting the water beat against her back while savoring the cold from the tiles. The water was irritating the scratches on her back, but she didn't care. She had screwed up. She deserved this pain. A constant reminder that things could never go back to the way they were before.
The tears came between shampooing her hair and washing her body, dripping down her face and combining with the water that poured over her. It wasn't much at first, but soon a whimper turned into a hiccup and she found herself sinking to the floor, sobbing and sniffling like a child.
What had she done? You weren't supposed to sleep with your roommate. Especially your roommate that was also your best friend. Nothing would ever be the same again. To make things worse, she had taken advantage of her. She should have went to bed and ignored Aubrey's drunken flirting and groping. It was wrong. She had been wrong.
It had been perfect. Aubrey probably didn't even remember.
Chloe was grinding against Aubrey, rubbing her center against her thigh while her fingers were busy pushing Aubrey to the breaking point.
Aubrey was getting there at a rapidly increasing pace, but through the cloudiness in her mind she couldn't help herself as she compared this to all the other times. They had been intimate countless times in the past, but there was something completely different now. Something was off and she knew that it was her. She knew that she should pull away and go back to bed, but she couldn't. She needed this.
She didn't feel loved. She couldn't feel those fingers caressing her face and pulling her hair, tugging at the locks as the pleasure took over. She missed the endearments that flew from Chloe's mouth, telling her how good she was and thanking her over and over as she slipped over the edge. The kisses that were warm and wet and so, so good.
This was wrong.
"I want to touch you", Aubrey gasped out as Chloe picked up the pace, wanting this whole thing to end. She slipped a hand between their bodies and moved it towards Chloe's center, but was met by a hand that gripped her wrist roughly and yanked it away. "Let me get you off."
Chloe slid her hand back over Aubrey's mouth, holding it there are she looked up at her with questioning eyes.
"Isn't this want you want, Bree?" Chloe teased, curling her fingers and smirking as Aubrey moaned. "This is how you like it. Sex, with no commitment. Nothing to worry about when it's over. I'm just giving you what you want."
Aubrey shook her head, but didn't say another word as her legs started to shake and her eyes squeezed shut. This was different than every other time, but she didn't want to stop. It scared her, but it didn't stop her hips from canting and her breath from hitching. This was what she deserved.
"Let go, Bree." Chloe whispered against her ear, biting down on the lobe and fighting her own hips from going crazy as Aubrey bit her lip and cried out. "You control everything. You control me." She leaned down, sucking Aubrey's neck and forming a bruise as she pulled away. "You controlled us."
Aubrey's eyes slid open at those words, gazing up at Chloe and misting as she saw the tears that had flooded Chloe's eyes. She wanted to hold her. She wanted to kiss her cheek and apologize for everything that she had done. For not loving her enough. For pushing her away. For putting her second. For not being enough.
"You ruined us."
Aubrey dropped over the edge as the words spilt from Chloe's lips, her head spinning and throbbing as everything became too much all at once. Her hips rocked without control and her hands clutched the sheets, holding tight as her back arched and the aftershocks raced through her body. In the depths of her pleasure, Aubrey gasped as Chloe moved, rolling off of her, desperate to get away.
She was panting as she came down from the high, trying to catch her breath and restore her senses. The roaring in her ears stopped her from hearing Chloe whimper as the sobs began. Her deep breathing exercises distracted her from the sight of Chloe trailing a hand down her thighs and to the apex, her fingers disappearing as she started to touch herself, desperate to feel anything.
She was empty. There was nothing left.
"Where were you at?" Aubrey mumbled while sitting up in Chloe's bed, wrapping the blanket around her bare chest as Chloe leaned against the door. "I missed you."
"I went to get a shower", Chloe whispered while blinking back fresh tears. She crossed the small dorm room and put her shower tote into the closet before searching for the perfect outfit, desperate to keep herself busy so the tears wouldn't slide down her face.
"Chlo? What's wrong?"
"Nothing", Chloe murmured while flipping through her dresses and looking for the one that would make her look less miserable than she already felt. "I'm just tired. I hate morning classes."
"Chloe! Look at me." Aubrey demanded while moving to the edge of her bed, pulling the sheets around her whole body so she wouldn't be exposed. "Tell me what's wrong. Are you upset about last night?"
Chloe turned and tried to keep calm, but the worried expression on Aubrey's face did her in. Her face crumbled and she sunk to the floor, wrapping her arms around her knees as she cried into her forearms. She had screwed up. It was over.
Aubrey reached out for Chloe, sliding her fingers across her hip and touching her wrist, but Chloe refused her touch and shook her away. She pulled her arm back quickly, shaking herself as she looked down at her trembling fingers and sniffled. The tears were filling her eyes, but she didn't move. She couldn't leave her.
Not as her back trembled and her heaving sobs filed the air, making a terrible soundtrack as they combined with the noise of fingers touching slick heat. Not when Chloe choked for air as her breaths became more ragged, teetering on the edge. Not as her hips bucked and whispered obscenities slipped from her lips between whimpers and hiccups.
Not when Chloe turned on her side and faced the wall, not wanting to look at Aubrey any more.
Aubrey reached out and rubbed her back, but Chloe didn't lean into the touch like she always did. She didn't sigh and relax, calming as Aubrey's supple fingers worked the knots and anxiety from her muscles. She didn't stop crying, her sobs continuing and her whole body shaking as she hiccupped and whimpered and fought for control.
There was nothing Aubrey could do for her and it terrified her, but she didn't leave. She couldn't leave.
She deserved to feel this. She deserved to cry. To feel all of the pain that she had inflicted. The ache that she had earned.
Aubrey was at her side immediately, leaving the sheet on the bed and ignoring the fact that she was completely naked as she kneeled next to her best friend and pulled her into her arms. Chloe sobbed into her bare shoulder and Aubrey just rocked her back and forth, unaware of what the problem was but not willing to press her on it. Chloe would come around eventually, she always did.
"I'm afraid of losing you", Chloe whispered into Aubrey's ear a few minutes later as her sobs turned into occasional hiccups and sniffles. "I took advantage of you last night and I'm so sorry. I should have-"
"-Chloe, I wasn't drunk!" Aubrey cut her off, slipping a finger over her lips and smiling at her gently. "You did nothing wrong. I told you last night, I was just buzzed and I made that decisions too. Do you know how long I've wanted to do that? It was perfect." She kissed the top of Chloe's head, drawing her head into her chest and holding her tightly.
"You were perfect."
"I was just afraid that you wouldn't remember. That I would have to tell you what happened and that you would hate me. I couldn't stand the idea of losing you. If that happened..." Chloe trailed off, the tears clogging her throat and stopping her from saying anything else.
"You could never lose me", Aubrey whispered while kissing Chloe's cheek and releasing her, grinning as Chloe swiped away at the fresh tears and tried to calm herself down. "You'll always have me and I'll always love you."
Chloe looked down at her hands and sniffled, believing the tender words that left Aubrey's lips with all of her heart. It didn't stop her from reaching out her hand and extending her pinkie towards Aubrey though, smiling as Aubrey rolled her eyes.
"Pinkie promise?"
Aubrey sighed but stuck out her own pinkie, wrapping it around Chloe's and grinning up at her even though she found the whole act childish.
"I promise."
When Aubrey awoke, it was morning and the room was bathed in sunlight that streamed through the cheap mini-blinds on the window. It warmed up her face and peeked under her eyes and made her groan as she sat up in bed.
She was alone.
There was an ache between her legs and her face flushed as she remembered everything that had happened last night. Her face fell when she looked down at the mattress next to her; there was no sign that Chloe had slept there all night.
Aubrey remembered escaping from the room at four in the morning and climbing over Chloe's body before she slid on her pajamas and raced down the hall to use the restroom. When she came back, she could have easily gotten into her own bed and let Chloe be, but she didn't. She climbed back over Chloe's body and settled in behind her, allowing her arm to lazily fall over Chloe's waist and her breaths to collide against the tiny hairs that curled at the base of Chloe's neck.
She wasn't next to her. She wasn't in her bed either.
Aubrey climbed from her bed as she put everything together slowly. Chloe's bed was made perfectly, the sheets tucked in with hospital corners and the comforter lying flat with no creases. Her clothes were put away and the books and laptop that usually occupied her desk were missing.
Aubrey looked in the closet and gasped when she saw that a bunch of Chloe's clothes were missing, along with her suitcase and guitar. She hated that stupid guitar. She ached for it now that it was gone.
Chloe's playing had annoyed her to no-end, always occurring when she just wanted to have some peace and quiet to study or to relax. She whined when Chloe plucked the strings and sang along to sad music, closing her eyes and playing along to anything from Sara Bareilles to The Decemberists.
Maybe I caused it all along. Maybe every tearful melody or whispered chorus was because of me.
Aubrey ran to check her cell phone for some kind of message, but stopped when she saw the note on the bedside table.
Aubrey-
I'm leaving for spring break early. There's some stuff I have to take care of at home. Don't call.
-Chloe
It was over. Chloe was gone. She had finally pushed her away.
Aubrey Posen had no one left in the world that loved her.
Maybe it was always supposed to be this way.
I never, she never, we never looked back
That wasn't what we were good at
And when it came to love
We were not good enough