My first TVD fanfiction and the very first story I'm ever writing. Okay I know this goes waayy back but I stppped watching TVD adter the finale of Season 3 because I couldn't stand to see my favourite ship crumble into pieces. So here's a take on Stefan's feelings in Episode 12 of Season Three. Let's hope I don't mess this up.
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"I kissed Damon."
Her words were like a stake driven through my heart. I felt my stomach sink even lower than I had thought possible. As I replayed her words in my mind like a broken recorder, I felt a sense of dread start to creep into my heart, threatening to overwhelm me.
I have something to tell you. I'm telling you this not because I feel bad that it happened, but because I feel bad that you don't know.
Feeling my wound from the buckshot finally heal, I pushed myself to my feet, willing myself not to lock gazes with her - to put in an emotionless front whilst I was crumbling on the inside. I forced myself to walk away, half-hoping that she would stop me from doing that, just like the night of the Career Fest in Mystic Falls High.
She didn't.
I felt my heart shatter into a million glass shards. As I strode, defeated, towards my car, I could feel the guilt and sorrow rushing up my conscience, almost consuming me. Leaning heavily against the cherry red door of the Porsche, I stared off into the dark. All that I was doing for her, trying to pick up the broken remains of my life, it was all for naught. It is meaningless, when she obviously has feelings for someone else. I have seen the looks they share with each other, and I am not particularly thrilled. She was in love with my brother. For God's sake, my brother. I could feel rage welling up in me, and tears of hurt welling up in my eyes as I fought against the instinct to cry.
I could hear footsteps approaching. Her footsteps. The girl who I had fought for for so long. I didn't turn around until she called my name. When I looked into her chocolate brown gaze, I could see the conflict in her eyes. Distrust. Uncertainty. I wanted to erase that look from her features. Rewind time back when none of this had happened. The time where the emotions in her face were passion, trust and.. Love.
"I shouldn't have tried to drive you off the bridge that night. It was too far." Lame as it sounded, it was all I could say while to tame the roiling storm of emotions that made up my heart.
She just nods. Her mouth is half agape, the shape that she subconsciously makes when she has something to say but is hesitant to put it forth. I beat her to it.
"You're better than me. You're better than both of us." I say. I don't deserve you. I'm a monster, knowing what I've done. The words I don't say simply intensify the guilt that was wracking my entirety, even as I slide into the car and drive off. All that I was doing, even willing to try and gain control of my bloodlust by switching to the animal diet, was for her. The girl that I love, and will love forever.
It wasn't long after the house could no longer be seen in the rearview mirror. Exploding with emotion, I steered the car to the side of the road, and lost control of my bottled up emotions. All the betrayals and hurt I've gone through today, stemming from her lying to me about her whereabouts to telling me that she kissed my brother all came rushing to the surface. I leaned against the steering wheel and began to sob, cursing my entire existence and fate.