Title: Time in a Bottle Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: G- PG to be safe.
Pairing: Eleven/Clara
Warnings: Set Post S7x13 'Name of the Doctor' Spoilers for that Ep.
Summary: the Doctor's thoughts immediately after the last Ep of Season/Series 7
A/N:English translation and a few disclaimers at the end of the fic as well
"Guérisseur! Où êtes-vous?"
The mumble roused the Doctor from where his mind was wandering. He looked down as the woman in his arms tightened the death grip she had on his shirt and snuggled impossibly closer. But that's what she was.
His Impossible Girl.
He pressed a kiss to the top of Clara's head.
"I'm here." he told her in the same language, wondering which of his many trips to France she was reliving. Which him was she dying to save. Or maybe she wasn't. Maybe not all of her Echoes died. Just because the two he already met did, didn't mean they all did. Maybe the millions of "Clara"s out there lived while saving him. It was a much better thought then a million "Clara"s dying while saving him. He let out a shaky breath, tightened his hold on her and pressed another kiss to her head.
It had been over a day since he had pulled them both out of his time stream. Never letting Clara leave his arms, he had counted on the other three to follow him as he made his way straight to the TARDIS. She had launched as soon as everyone was on board and he marched down the corridor. He took turn after turn until he came to a door. He hesitated a moment before he turned and faced the blank wall behind him.
"Make it." The lights flicked and the always present background hum changed in pitch to an almost whine. "I don't care. Make it! He raised his foot and slammed it into the wall. The lights dimmed again and when they came back up, there was a door in front of him. He raised his foot again, but this time to gently tap the door control.
The door slid open and he stepped into the room he had been planning for Clara since he met her in Victorian London. The TARDIS had never made it as Clara always insisted on returning to the Maitland's house to look after Angie and Artie. The TARDIS never let him forget it, always tittering in the back of his mind every time Clara set foot out of her doors. He really wanted to know what she had against Clara.
He gently placed her on the bed, but when he went to stand up he found that she had a tight grip on his shirt. He eased the material from between her fingers and turned to the dresser. He retrieved a nightgown and turned back to the bed, looking at the nightgown, then the bed.
"Um..." He ignored the blush painting his cheeks and looked up at the ceiling. "Bring Jenny here, please."
The ship thrummed. And a few minutes later Jenny poked her head in.
"You wanted me, sir?"
"Yes, she-she would probably be more comfortable, um, well..." He held the nightgown out to her, his blush deepening.
"Of course, Sir. If you will just give us a minute." She gestured to the door. He exited and leaned against the door. He had counted to sixty in four different languages, and letting his mind start to wander, looked for the times in his past that Clara was there, times that she saved him, when he heard the whimpers come through the door.
"Doctor! Where are you?"
"Clara!" He turned and pressed the door release. Nothing happened. "Clara!" He pounded his fist against the door. "Jenny, Let me in! Clara!"
"It's all right, Doctor." Jenny's muffled voice sounded strained. "Just a few more seconds."
"Doctor!"
He had just reached into his pocket for his screwdriver when the door opened. He frowned at what he saw. Jenny was trying to keep a thrashing Clara on the bed, who was still asleep.
"Doctor! Where am I? Got to save the Doctor. Got..." She thrashed right out of Jenny's grip and nearly fell off of the bed. "Doctor, where are you?"
"I'm here!" he said, rushing forward to gather her in his arms before she fell. "I've got you and I'm here. And you did save me. Oh, so many times." He wiggled out of his jacket and waistcoat before he got her resettled her on the bed and lay down on with her. Her hand entwined itself in his shirt again and she snuggled close. He wrapped his arms around her, nodded to Jenny as she left and let himself sleep.
He awoke briefly once when the TARDIS landed. A quick glance at his watch let him know it was London, 1893, but they took off again before he could do anything. It was only a few more moments before they materialized again. A whisper across his brain said 'Eye of Orion' He sent back his thanks and let himself drift off again.
He had awoken hours ago, but Clara slept on and he was reluctant to let her go. He knew she needed the sleep to process and protect her mind from what happened. He wondered how much she would remember, how much was safe for her to remember. He hoped it wouldn't be like it was with Donna. He didn't think he could survive that again, especially not with Clara.
"лекар, ќе се прави многу голема грешка."
He looks down at her, wondering what mistake he was making. It took him a few seconds to realize what language she was speaking. When he did, he stilled, drew in a breath and held it for a few heartbeats, and let it shutter out of his lungs.
It-it couldn't be. She couldn't-
"Крадат ова, ќе треба многу повеќе забава."
He thought back to that day, oh, so long ago. Sneaking into the repair center of the Citadel, Susan right behind him. Looking for the TARDIS that had been calling out to him for weeks. He remembered one worker calling out to him, his mind racing with excuses, but she didn't stop him. She guided him to the right TARDIS. He never understood how he had nearly taken the wrong one. But she, Clara, had made sure he found his girl.
'Can't be upset with her now, can you?' he thought. We wouldn't be together now if it wasn't for her.' He felt her 'humph' echoing in his skull. He felt a laugh bubbling up in his chest, but it was to stop the sobs that were building. It had been so long since he had heard anyone speak it.
"Се кандидира, умен момче."
He squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed harshly. 'Please,' he begged the universe at large, 'Please, if she remembers anything, let it be this.'
Immediately he felt guilty. River had once asked him to teach her Gallifreyan. He had refused. His chest tightened again. River Song. Seeing her echo on Trenzalore had been painful. It had been only five years for him since he had lost Amy and Rory when she had let slip that she was contracted for an expedition to The Library. It had been one of the hardest things in his thousand years to keep a neutral expression and to give her a copy of his screwdriver.
After she left that night, he parked the TARDIS on a cloud over Victorian London for the next sixty years.
Until...
When he met her in Victorian London, he knew her voice sounded familiar, but he was determined not to get involved in anything anymore. He smiled at how well he failed at that. Then when she mentioned soufflés, something clicked in the back of his mind, and he had invited her to travel with him. When he saw her full name on her headstone he knew he had to find this impossible girl again.
And he had. He just hadn't known. He hadn't known how important she would be to him. He wasn't even thinking about all the times her Echoes had saved him. She was perfect, everything he needed in a companion. She was actually too perfect. So he became suspicious, took her to so many places, trying to find out who she was, what she was.
Then finally, in the day that never was, when the TARDIS was about to explode killing them both, he asked her if she was a trick or a trap. He yelled and intimated, trying to get her to trip up. But while she had been scared of him, the look on her face was more confused. He realized then that she was just Clara. His Clara. The feeling he had been holding back rushed over him then and he pulled her into a hug.
He tilted his head slightly causing his lip to press into Clara's hair. He breathed deeply, her scent tickling his nose as it made its way to his lungs.
He reluctantly let the breath out.
Could he do this again? Losing them, all of them, hurt. Martha, Leela, Barbara, Ian, Nyssa, hurt. But he knew that they all left because it was their time to go. Some hurt worse, the ones that were taken from him. Sarah Jane, Adric, Jamie, Zoe, and Donna. But there were some in the 'don't think about because of how bad it hurts' category. Ace, Amy and Rory, River and Rose. Could he risk his hearts and place Clara in that category?
"Mmmmm." She nuzzled against his neck, her nose coming to rest under his chin. Of course that was a moot question. He loved her already. He was unsure of what she felt.
He thought there was a possibility that she might like him that way. He remembered the way she looked as the CyberPlanner tried to sweet talk her, using his thoughts. And hadn't Mr. Clever gotten a kick out of it when she slapped him, taunting inside his head that she obviously didn't want to hear such thing from him. But maybe that wasn't why she slapped him. He just needed a little more proof.
"Doctor." This time her voice was clear of sleep. He watched Clara's eyes lids flutter as she woke up. As soon as her eyes were open they squeezed shut again. "My head hurts," she moaned and burrowed into his neck. He rolled them so they were laying on their sides and cupped her face, placing his fingertip on her temples.
"Let me see." he said, reaching out with his mind. It was always easy to enter the mind of a human, no natural shielding. He swallowed again at what he found inside. "Oh, Clara." He rested his forehead against hers. "Let me in," he whispered.
Because her mind was shielded, and he recognized the form. Any Gallifreyan would. They were taught this basic form before they were five years of age.
He tried to look in her eyes, but they were still squeezed shut.
"Doctor." she whimpered.
He knocked his forehead gently against hers. "Let me in, Clara. I can't help if you don't let me in."
"How?" Her voice sounded so small. He moved his forehead back and forth against hers, stopping when their noses were next to each other, lips a hair's breadth apart.
"Imagine there is a wall around your mind. An impenetrable wall. Can you see it?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Now somewhere in the wall make an entrance. An entrance only you can open."
"O-okay."
He circled the edge of her shields until he found the doorway. He nudged it gently. "Let me in," he whispered again. Slowly the doorway opened and he slid through. He gently brushed against her mind. "Can you feel me?"
"Yes." Her voice shivered, but not in a bad way.
"Good. Can you join me?"
"Where?"
"Here." He brushed against her mind again. He knew she was managing it when a landscape developed around him. He smiled when the park was fully formed. He recognized it as the one where a very small Clara had hit him with a football. But now it was at dusk, and the twilight sky was filled with clusters of fireflies. He could see Clara sitting on a bench next to the lake and made his way over to her.
"I want to ask a lot of questions, but my head hurts too much to understand the answers. We're in my mind?" He nodded. "And this?" She motioned to the park. He shrugged, glanced around again, frowning slightly at the amount of fireflies.
"Do you feel safe here?" She nodded. "That's probably why."
"So, how is this going to help?" She lifted her hand to rub her temple.
"Well," He reached out and let one of the fireflies land on his hand, before he twitched it so the lightning bug would fly away. "I don't know how, but you still have memories from all of your echo lives and they are scattered all over you mind. The human brain wasn't designed to have memories from more than one life. You have to collect as many memories as you can."
"How do I find them?"
He smiled and waved his hand in the air.
"The fireflies?" He nodded again, then laughed as her eyes widened. "So many?"
"A million lifetimes' worth."
"How-" He stood and held out his hand. She barely looked at it before placing her hand in his. He pulled her up and in front of him, stepped close, placed his hand on her hips and rested his chin on the top of her head.
"How do you catch a firefly?" he murmured. Her head moved under his chin and he looked down. She had that smirk on and held up a butterfly net. "That's it."
He moved his hands to her shoulders, pressed a kiss to the back of her head and gave a little push. She stumbled a step before turning back to him.
"Aren't you going to help?" She frowned, holding out a second net. He took the net and looked down.
"No, Clara." He looked back up and cupped her cheek. "Whether you lived these lives or not, these are your memories. It would be wrong for me to do anything to them." He sat back down on the bench. "I'll be waiting for you."
She nodded and walked to the nearest cluster of fireflies. She looked back at him once, lip between her teeth, before she took a swipe at them with the net. She collected a good amount and held the net up to look in it. When they didn't try to fly out, she shrugged and took another swipe. When she had reduced that cloud of lightning bugs to a scattered few, she came back to him, net full.
"What now?
"The best thing would be to get rid of them."
"Get rid of, like kill them?" He tried not to smile as she frowned and held the net close to herself.
"They're not actual fireflies, Clara. They're memories. And not really your memories. But the next best option would be to put them away, contain them so they won't overwhelm your mind."
"Contain." Her brow furrowed, then she blinked as the net was empty and a mason jar appeared of the bench, fireflies fluttering around inside. She stooped down to look at it. "Will they all fit in there? Don't tell me," she stood up, smirking "it's bigger on the inside."
"Something like that, now go on."
She grabbed the net. He watched as she ran to the next cluster, net held out at arms' length and spun in circles, her laughter echoing back to him. Over and over she would fill up the net, the handle lengthening and shorting as she needed, before she would return to the jar. Eventually the twilight only had a firefly here or there.
"What now?" She plopped down on the bench next to him. Nudging over until she was under his arm and rested her head back on his shoulder. "I don't think I can get the rest."
"How's the head?" He dropped his arm around her, and leaned his head against the top of hers.
"Okay. Fine, actually."
"Then I think it will be all right. A few extra memories won't harm you, though they might throw you off if they come up all of a sudden."
They sat together for a few minutes before she started fidgeting
"Doctor?"
"Hmm?"
"My head is fine, but..." He looked at her alarmed when she trailed off.
"What? What's wrong?"
"I don't think anything's wrong, but I feel a bit...funny." She tilted her head just enough to peek out of the corner of her eye at him. He could also see a blush on her cheeks. He sat up, a blush on his own cheeks.
"Yes, well, humans are psy-null and we are in your mind. It can be a pretty intimate connection." She looked at him for a moment. He saw something flicker behind her eyes.
"Is that all?" she asks, quietly.
He frowned for a second, then shakes his head. "I think it's time for both of us to wake up." He stood, pulled her up and walked back over to where he was when the park formed around him. "I'll need you to open the doorway again. Close it as soon as I'm through and seal it tight behind me."
It appeared and he opened his eyes. Their heads were still close together, Clara's breath ghosting against his lips. Her lashes brushed against his eyelids as she woke. Her eyes darted down once and she swallowed, but she didn't move away.
"How long?" she whispered.
"Were we only in your mind? Or do you mean how long were you asleep? Or since we got out of my time stream?"
"Yeah."
"You slept for about a day and a half. And we were only in your mind for a few minutes."
"Where are we?"
"The TARDIS is on the Eye of Orion. The most calming place in the universe." He swallowed. "Clara?"
"Yes?" She met his eyes, hearing the seriousness in his voice.
"Можете да ме разбере? Дали знаете што сакам да кажам дека во моментов?"
"'Course I understand you. Why wouldn't I..." She frowned. "You weren't speaking in English. How could I have understood you if you weren't speaking English? I thought the TARDIS translated everything?"
The breath he took shuddered all the way in and back out. Before he even thought about it, he moved small distance between them and sealed their lips together. It wasn't long, just enough to get the shape, feeling and taste of her burned into his mind, before he stared to pull away. But her hand came up and buried itself in his hair to pull him back, her mouth moving against his. She was the one to deepen the kiss, encouraging him to part his lips. He moved one hand under her head and the other rested on her hip.
Finally she broke away gasping for breath. He watched her, amazed. He started to speak but she brought a finger up to stop him.
"This is how things go." she told him, tracing the outline of his mouth with the tip of her finger. "One day not only do you meet the Doctor, but are lucky enough that he ask you to travel with him and it's the best day of your life. Because he's brilliant, and funny and mad. But more importantly, he really needs you." She brought the finger up so the back of it was caressing the side of his face. "But see, there's a trick you need to do when traveling with this mad spaceman with a snog box," She met his eyes. "Don't fall in love. I do that trick all the time, sometime even twice a day.
"That's some trick."
"Yes. And it's getting harder to do it every day."
"Maybe you should stop."
"Maybe, but is it worth the risk?"
Yes," he told her, leaning towards her. "I think it is." He kissed her eyelids. "If you stop," He kissed the tip of her nose. "maybe the madman with a box will stop as well. You could take the risk together. Because he's looked around enough to know your the one he wants to go through time with" He whispered against her mouth. "But you would have to stay with him, here on the TARDIS. No more Wednesdays only, because he really does need you.""
"Sounds like a plan." she replied, kissing him.
A/N: Translation are not exact. I used an online translator, so...*shrugs*. I used Macedonian to stand in for the Gallifreyan as it looked the most interesting to me and there is no way I could have put in circular Gallifeyan in. The italics in the last bit are either taking from or paraphrased from the 'He said/She said' prequel mini-ep. Steven Moffett wrote for 7x13. So not mine. And the one line of the doctor's it from 'Time in a Bottle" by Jim Croce. Title is also taken for that song.
The Translation.
"Guérisseur! Où êtes-vous?"-"Doctor! Where are you?"
"лекар, ќе се прави многу голема грешка."-"Doctor, you are making a big mistake."
"Крадат ова, ќе треба многу повеќе забава."-"Steal this one, you'll have much more fun."
"Се кандидира, умен момче."-"Run, you clever boy."
"Можете да ме разбере? Дали знаете што сакам да кажам дека во моментов?"-"Can you understand me? Do you know what I'm saying right now?"