Bella didn't care about much or really anything. Her life had spiraled downward, turning to drugs when alcohol wasn't enough. Now 6 months into her pregnancy, her water had broken and she had started bleeding. Nothing could be done to stop it, her baby had come 3 months premature. She didn't want to be here, she wanted to be far away from this place, anywhere but here.

Her baby didn't come out crying like most and the last thing she knew, they had revived her but she was struggling to survive. Her rights were immediately terminated and Renee was getting custody of baby girl swan as she was temporarily called. Bella felt ashamed, it wasn't until the birth that the reality of what she had done settled for her. She had done drugs and drink every day of her pregnancy, she did every drug you could imagine and everyone had warned her that she was killing her daughter, but she didn't listen nor care at that point.

Renee, her mother was taking Bella down to the NICU later, much to Bella's displeasure. "to see what she had done" as her mother oh so ever lovingly put it.

"Bella" Renee's icy voice came into the room. Bella turned her head, tears springing to her eyes. "We are going to the NICU, the nurse gave me the ok."

"Mom, please don't do this to me. I-i can't see her like that." Bella choked out she didn't think she could stand seeing what she had done. She wanted it to all be a nightmare.

"Should have thought about that when you decided to almost kill your baby." Renee came over and grabbed her arm forcing Bella out of the bed.

"Fuck you" Bella spat.

Renee rolled her eyes. "Come on, don't be a bitch about this."

"You're being a bitch!"

"I have every right Bella!, you don't. You are the reason your baby girl is going through this."

"You don't think I know this! Don't you think this fucking kills me?"

"Well you're getting a reality check, get out of that bed and get in the wheelchair."

Bella sighed but silently did what she was told. The ride down there was long and it didn't help that her mother was basically scolding her the whole time. But she deserved it.

Entering the NICU Bella saw rows of incubators, some with crying family members near them. When Renee stopped the wheelchair Bella put her head down. Renee grabbed Bella's arm and pulled her up leading to the side of an incubator.

"Look, Bella," she snapped.

Bella slowly looked up and then wished she hadn't. A very tiny pink body laid in there, shaking and only then did the sound of the baby mewing register in her mind. Tiny limbs shook uncontrollably and excessively as the result of withdrawals. Bella started to reach her hand to put it on the incubator but was slapped away by Renee

"You see that Bella? It's because of you! I'm going to get the pediatrician, I want you to hear all this from her."

Bella was speechless. Renee walked away and Bella placed her hand on the incubator silently crying.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry baby. If I could do it all over again….."

"But you can't" Renee icy voice came from across from her.

"I know that mom. Please, just not now."

Renee rolled her eyes, determined to make her daughter see her mistakes. It was a few minutes later when the pediatrician came by and Bella didn't want to hear this but knew she really didn't have a choice. She tried blocking out what was being said but certain things Stuck in her mind

Cerebral palsy, she's in pain, tremors. How even touching her was extremely painful.

"We are giving her low dosage of morphine and methadone to wean her body off of the drugs. It's a very delicate process. She is very lucky to be alive. In the future, she will most likely be confined to a wheelchair, with possible feeding and breathing tubes. As I said earlier, her skin is also extremely painful for her to be touched and the tremors happen every 10 minutes or so. We will know more as time goes on. Any questions miss Swan?"

"Cant, you just sedate her if she's in pain?"

"No, it is too much of a risk and we need to be careful with what we give her."

Bella shook her head. She returned her gaze to the baby, who had opened her eyes. The look in her eyes killed Bella. She wanted to take this all away from her daughter, she was the cause of all this and she knew what she needed to do.

A short time later she headed back to her room and started packing her bag, still in extreme pain from having just delivered a few hours ago. She pulled the iv out of her hand and placed her hospital band onto the bed before she snuck out, tears streaming down her face. She used what money she had left and taken a bus to Seattle.

From there she took a bus to Lincoln and 34th street, pulling up a large white building. She sighed and headed into, to the front desk. She was doing this for her baby girl, the only thing that mattered to her right now. She owed her that much.