The 1960s Context
Discretion being the key word in the early 60s. Camouflaging was seen to be an important skill for social survival.
Police had the liberty to arrest and harass gay men using sodomy laws (Lesbian sex however was usually ignored, but it still didn't escape public disapproval). The American Psychiatric Association still considered homosexuality as a mental illness (It was removed in 1973) and the popular press deemed that it could be curable. Meeting at designated and secretive places to have sex was one way out. Bars that were prominently gay were run by the mafia and were still subjected to raids.
1961 was largely shadowed with ignorance since it was before any major gay rebellion movements like the Stonewall riots or the Gay liberation Front movement which first sparked awareness and pushed for much needed rights.
"You think you know, but you don't know, you know?"- Gale Harold
Wilshire was a small yet satisfied town. It was a reserved and an extremely conservative town.
On a normal day, the men would labour and toil till the sun sets and return to their homes for home-cooked meals from their wives. The folk were all traditional which meant that the men were the breadwinners in the family, and the women were responsible for the household and children.
But today wasn't one of those normal days, it was different.
Women put on one of their best dresses that were long buried in their wardrobes. They laughed and joked as they shared make-up and hair spray. Men on the other hand were trying to fit into their own tux, which had previously been worn for their own weddings. For some of the older men, buttons popped at the midriff but that wouldn't stop them from swigging down in an extra couple of beers especially when they were being paid by someone else.
On this beautiful summer evening, they were all in the mood for celebrating Michael Horvath's marriage, the son of Deborah Horvath and Carl Horvath, a happy and jaunty couple. She was more commonly and lovingly known as 'Debbie' by the town's folk. They were always so generous, not to mention caring and outgoing.
The Kinneys on the other hand were different kind altogether. They resided adjacent to their house. They owned the poultry and the meat business. They were one of the wealthiest in the town and were the only ones to own two sets of televisions and three radios and so much more.
Joan and Jack Kinney and their two children Brian and Claire resided in the Kinney Manor. Mr and Mrs. Kinney always had seemed to have an air of arrogance around them which added much to the people's distaste for them. Their children weren't exactly popular either.
Unlike Michael, whom everyone loved and adored. He was the cute, innocent, sweet Michael always helping out and looking for others just like his ma and pa while Brian on the other hand, who was only one year younger than him was deemed as moody, the folk sometimes found his honesty just plain damn rude, his witty remarks arrogant.
He was now twenty years old. Brian's education had come to a halt after completing high school. Even though Brian secretly wished he could continue studying but getting to heaven with a ladder seemed easier. After his father had recently passed away, he took hold of the entire responsibility of running the family's business.
The townsfolk however knew only half of Brian's story. They had no idea what happened behind closed doors. Inside, Mr and Mrs Kinney were nothing but a bunch of frauds. They bickered and quarrelled. Even after all these he could still taste that Brian could still feel that hatred brimming out of them, contagious like disease, spilling all over and poisoning everything in their way.
When Brian was twelve, he had declared that his mother was nothing but a mother-figured prop that could be served for only decorative purposes and used as a puppet by his father.
His father on the other hand was a different story altogether. Whenever the business was slow or an unfortunate accident would fall upon him, his father would somehow find a way to blame either Brian or his wife. He'd leave Claire out though. The following morning when they'd go out in the town, Brian would then blame his garish skin or repulsive bruises to an unfortunate accident. The funny thing was that after a day or two he's father would come and apologize to them. He'd blame it on the devil or his temper, for a day or two, he'd act as the loving father and promise them that he'd never do that again.
The problem was that he was never good at keeping his promises and the apologies were all bullshit.
No one in the town knew this but after everyone had left following Jack's burial, Brian spit on his father's grave. He vowed he'd never be like his old man.
Recently though, well three years ago, his older sister Claire had married to an uptight fucker named Gareth. He owned a grocery store in the town's centre. Gareth had a strong aversion towards condoms. He argued that it takes the real pleasure away which predominantlyresulted in Claire becoming a reproductive machine, popping out a head every year. Although Claire didn't seem to mind, during the course of her three year marriage, she was now pregnant with her third. The house was constantly reverberating with shrill cries of the babies or the husband's curses during late at night. Not too pleasurable now was it?
Brian didn't believe Claire when she said that she loved her children. Who could?
Kinney's Residence 7:00 pm
Brian was currently in his room. He was almost finished getting ready for the wedding reception. He looked dashing. With the black tux and slightly greased hair, he looked bloody gorgeous. He wouldn't be surprised if he upstaged the groom.
He quickly trotted down the stairs. He frowned when he saw his mother pouring herself another drink. Her drinking problem had progressively worsened as she got older. Recently she had started to pass out in front of the TV or when Brian or Claire were around, she'd start lecturing about the Ten Commandments. He wondered if god really did give a shit about his mother, you'd think he'd put a commandment about alcohol being a sin.
Brian had almost forgotten about the guest who had been staying at their place for a week.
Lindsey
She was far from a guest though. Her family, the Petersons were once part of this town but had moved to the city four years ago and were now the proud co-owners of a very popular hotel in New York- The Paradise. It was a four star restaurant and made lots of money.
He lighted a cigarette and stood outside in the porch and waited for her to come out. As the cigarette inched closer to it death, he started to wonder how long she was going to take put a goddamn dress and powder her face. Women...but that was from someone who took equally the same amount of time to get ready.
As soon as he heard the door open, he quickly stubbed his cigarette on the wooden floorboards.
"So how do I look?" A blonde woman asked, her voice delicate as her frame. She wore a long red maroon dress and long white velvet gloves which adorned her hands. Her hair was in a bun, but it was more like a bounty chignon with lots and lots of hairspray. A silver shaped hair piece was found at the top of the hair.
Brian turned around to look at her. His eyes swiped from head to toe and two words popped out of his mouth.
"Not bad..."
Lindsey frowned, that wasn't exactly what she was after but then again she had to remind herself that this was Brian Kinney she was talking to. So just not bad or fine was a great compliment.
"Wait here I'll get my camera"
Brian was devilishly handsome as always. Looking at Brian, she flashed back a little.
She had known Brian since they were both babies.
Michael, Lindsey and Brian were the three musketeers but that didn't last too long. Michael and Brian soon drifted apart during their teenage years while she and Brian became closer.
She even remembered the times they 'experimented' together, a couple of times in fact but it never moved beyond that.
She never managed to cross that imaginary line that Brian had drawn around his heart. She'd never felt close enough, no matter how physically close they were.
But she loved him enough to accept for what Brian really was- The man who despised relationships and lacked any sentimentality known to human being but she knew that inside he had a heart of gold.
The gold, that could never be mined.
She knew she'd never be able to change him. She knew if she couldn't make Brian say the 'Love' word, no woman could. And in the end they both agreed to remain as friends which worked better than had expected.
But if all this didn't ruin their friendship, Lindsey moving to the city didn't affect their friendship either. Lindsey made sure to meet him at least once or twice a year. She did miss him especially his sarcasm.
She clicked back to the present when Brian came back with his prized possession.
She chastised playfully about Brian's comment earlier. "You'd say not bad even if I was in dishrags."
Brian replied with a knowing smirk.
Which was true, Brian actually would, and not because he didn't know the aesthetics, he had a keen eye for that. He just never felt something strong when she was apparently sexy. Brian shrugged, he didn't want to analyse on that now. He was sure that the other men felt this 'blankness' for their women at some point in their lives, wasn't that the reason they'd sneak out hook up with the whores out of town? And maybe he just felt that blankness always...
Deep inside, however Brian knew it might be something else. But...no, he didn't want to think about the possibility. Ignore that for now, Brian. Think about that some other day.
He was great at ignoring things that made him feel the least bit anxious.
He kneeled down on the wooden boards and began adjusting the camera.
His camera was his very own faithful companion.
He already felt like a caged animal, without this he would've been a mentally unstable caged animal. This piece of machinery broke the monotony of everyday grind and hustle.
Photography created a little fantasy bubble in which he'd feel deeply lost in. It protected him from reality even if it was for a little while, it was worth it.
"Hurry up!" Lindsey shouted impatiently.
"Perfection cannot be rushed" He purred.
The Horvaths' house was screaming for attention. It was decorated with white drapes and expensive decorations. He knew if the exterior of the house was this colourful, the backyard where the reception was held, would be a monster.
Brian always found himself envying their family. He couldn't understand how they could be happy all the fucking time.
For him, happiness was a rarity.
Once they entered the backyard, a sudden rush of energy washed over them like a lethal tidal wave.
Women, men were all in their best dresses, talking, laughing and drinking. The kids were either hiding or running around; even the girls defied their mothers and ran around while they held their gowns up.
Brian skimmed through the crowd. He had fun observing people. Lindsay had always praised his power of perception he had over at understanding people's attitudes. Brian's photography was mostly about people too. Manipulating people's expressions had always been his main interest.
Brian gently pulled his arm out of Lindsey's and his hands slowly raked over to his camera that was hanging around his neck.
Lindsey released a puff of air in frustration. "Brian, could you please pay attention to the people around you for at least an hour"
"Yes Dear" He mocked.
"Don't they look beautiful Brian?" Lindsey sighed as they both watched the bride and the groom from afar.
Brian shook his head feeling a little repulsed; he'd give them a year and after that they'd become like the rest of these folks, dry, fake and dead. He didn't understand why Michael even married her, she wasn't even that hot for crying out loud, but if he was going to hear one more person say they got married because they 'loved' each other. He'd choke them with that over-creamed butter shit they called wedding cake. Because that reason was bull fucking shit.
"Where are you going?" Lindsey asked when Brian suddenly started to drift away.
"Unless you want to see what I ate for lunch, I'm going to go and get a drink"
Lindsey rolled her eyes.
Michael was soon blinded by a hand. He felt another hand around his neck, pulling him back but not too far back that he'd touch the person's chest.
"The Grim Reaper is here to collect your soul..." A hoarse, spooky voice croaked in his ear.
He knew only one person that would talk about death on a wedding day. "Brian?"
Before Brian could reveal himself, someone pinched the top flap of his ear.
He released Michael when he was dragged back by his ear.
"Ah, a pleasant surprise from the Cupid's most hated enemy"
It was Debbie.
She knew all about Brian's anti-values about marriage and love. She could rightly guess what Brian had dumped into Michael's ear.
"Mrs. Horvath, you're forgetting something" Brian said, he was in pain but his sarcasm was still evident in his voice.
"And what's that?" She asked, one hand on her hip.
"I'm not ten years old anymore" He scowled.
Debbie loosened her grip on his ear but she still scolded him like the kid who stole lemon bars from her kitchen.
"And you're forgetting that its Michael's wedding day today, so at least try to be happy for him, will you Brian?"
Brian saluted and straightened his body with a sardonic expression on his face. "Yes, Ma'm..."
Debbie shook her head. She then moved her attention towards Michael and instantly glowed like a bulb.
"I'm proud of you Michael" She said for the millionth time and kissed her son's cheek. She then looked adoringly at Brian, patted his cheek and left a second later.
Brian rubbed his now bright red ear. Untangling his tongue with great difficulty, he managed to finally say.
"Congratulations Michael, and uh you too Tracy"
"Thanks Brian" They both chorused together.
"Here's the wedding pwesent" He said cutely shaking a small brown paper bag in front of Michael's face.
Michael looked into the bag and rolled his eyes once he realised what Brian had given them.
"Condoms, really Brian?"
"Trust me, this probably is the only present that would be even remotely useful"
Tracy stifled a giggle while Michael grinned. It was a never a dull moment with Brian.
Sometimes Brian wished that Michael and he hadn't drifted apart, but it couldn't be helped. Michael was obsessed with his comics- Justice League and ironically became worse as he grew older. One day he had even caught Michael jerking off to a poster of the Wonder Woman. Yes, that was creepy and that alone made Brian avoid Michael for a week. Fuck, he still had nightmares about that.
Later on though, Michael started hanging out with the bigger boys. For some reason Brian never felt in with that crowd. They both soon started to realise they had nothing in common and moved apart. This was the time that Brian had bought his first camera. What at first was used as a replacement for a friend and a distraction from being socially excluded had soon became his obsession.
Brian felt the bile rising in his throat as he watched the couple kiss.
With a full glass in his hand, he muttered "I'm going to go get another drink"
It was well after midnight. The lights were finally turned off at the Horvath's Manor. The dinner and dance went on as scheduled; it went on perfectly without a single glitch. The bride and groom gleamed like a new shiny car, Debbie especially was glowing like the sun and everyone were all fucking dandy except for one self-tortured intellectual- Brian.
Now Brian and Lindsey were sitting on the wooden steps just outside the house. The only light was from a dangling light bulb in the front porch.
Brian furiously smoked his cigarette, his hands shaking lightly. His coat was now on the stair railing. The first three buttons of his white shirt were undone. His short hair free now from hair gel was free to defy gravity and stuck out in all directions.
He had a cigarette in one and a bottle of whiskey in his other hand.
"What's wrong?"Lindsey asked, no longer was her hair a bun instead were a couple of messy noodles. Her white gloves were thrown aside. The lady in her was gone. It was hard work being one but now that she was so used to it, she forgets to complain. She snatched the cigarette from Brian's hand.
Brian ran a hand through his unkempt hair. "One more second in this bloody town, I'm going to lose my fucking mind"
Lindsey rolled her eyes. "Here we go again..." She mumbled.
The same old, same old conversation.
She sat up straight, tied her hair in a low ponytail. Twisting Brian's head towards her face, she asked.
"How many more years are you going to do this Brian? The way you bitch, moan and complain, makes me think you have something else than a dick down there"
"Fuck you" He swore quietly into the mouth of the whiskey bottle but ended up like a whistle.
Lindsey sighed, her tone lower, she continued.
"Today it was Michael's but one day they'll be expecting you to do the same, if not already, you'll be expected to get married, have kids..."
Brian glared at her and turned his head away from her.
Her voice turned softer. "I know how you feel about that, but you can't deny that's the reality"
Brian remained quiet. He knew Lindsey was right. 'You're next' That was how every old fart and every old hag greeted him.
He would go nowhere, living here.
Ever since Brian had turned seventeen they'd have the same conversation. He would get all worked up about leaving town because he fucking hated it but then he would back down in the last minute.
At first he backed out because he had felt he wasn't ready for the big bad city. He wanted to go without anyone's charity or help and the year after that, he backed out because of his father's death and family obligations that raised from that predicament and after that it was back to wanting to go to New York without taking anyone's help.
But after the wedding, Brian felt something different. He could suddenly hear the clock ticking, thundering against his ear drums.
Want started to become a need.
He needed to make the decision, quickly.
Lindsey bit the corner of her lip. "I know I said this at least a hundred of times by now but I'll say it again. I'll be leaving tomorrow but my offer still stands, if you ever change your mind"
She moved closer, her voice now only above a whisper "Think about it, no more rules, no more constraints, just you and the camera..."
Brian closed his eyes. He could imagine that, he could start his life afresh and finally do what he'd always dreamt of.
No more drama. No more bullshit.
And if he ever failed, he could blame it on his crazy youth.
Lindsey stood up to get back to her room but not without faltering.
Brian swigged down the last of his whisky. It was time he swallowed his pride and his fucking ego and take Lindsey's help.
"Wendy, wait..."
Lindsey turned around with a raised eyebrow, one hand on the doorknob.
"Take Peter with you"
New York was another dimension, a bustling city. Unlike the town, here no one cared about no one else. People were different, at any cost they seemed to be more modern. It was crowded, smoky and dirty. Many people still worked in the manufacturing industries. China was yet to be discovered by the business tycoons. At night, the city also provided a range of services for forgetting how shitty their lives were, like drugs and plenty of prostitutes.
But aside from all that, families still resided in this city...
Taylor's Residence 7:00 pm
Justin had finished studying an hour earlier than usual and so he volunteered to set up the dining table.
He was taking a couple of filled water glasses with his hand, when his mother stopped him.
Jennifer sighed in frustration. "Justin, how many times do I have to remind you?"
He looked down at himself and replied, annoyed "What?"
"That water is for drinking Justin, not for soaking your filthy fingers" she scowled as she pulled the water glasses away from Justin's hand and drained them in the kitchen sink.
"Oops..."
"Just mind Molly for me, will you?" She asked as she swept the sweat from her brow and tied her apron a little tighter.
"Sure thing, mom"
Justin picked up the one year old who was playing with a couple of blocks on the carpet. She recently had learnt how to walk. He put her on his lap and kissed her cheek. She was so damn adorable. She gurgled and smiled when Justin talked to her. His sister had definitely stolen a part of his heart.
He placed his little sister back on the carpet and picked up his sketch pad and began to draw her. When he was half-way during his sketch, the door bell started to ring.
"Stay right here, Molly"
Justin quickly opened the door and saw his dad, once again grouchy as ever.
They owned a small store in the city that sold electronic devices. They sold and bought second-hand TV sets and radios, vacuum cleaners, toasters anything that used electricity really. The business wasn't exactly booming but it paid the rent and for the food on the table.
Once inside, he shoved his trench coat and his umbrella into Justin's arms and walked inside.
"Is dinner ready Jennifer?" He yelled.
"In a minute Craig" She replied from the kitchen.
"How was business today?" She asked.
Justin picked up his sister again, who now found Justin's ear to be a fascinating object and listened to his dad rant about how they soon have to eat dust if business continued to run this bad. He blamed the migrants for the dive in his profits and he blamed the blacks for a shop that had been robbed opposite to theirs.
This was usual for the family.
Once everyone was seated around the table, Jennifer started to serve the food on to their plates. It was Chicken Divan and mashed potato. Justin's mouth watered, he loved it when his mom made this but for the record Justin was never the type to fuss about food. He usually liked whatever was available on the table.
Their house wasn't too big. The living room and the dining room seemed to fuse together. The backyard was tiny and was only used for drying out the clothes. Justin's room was shabby, with cheap red and white striped wallpaper covering the walls. The only furniture was a small desk and a single rickety bed. But in New York especially at this time they could be considered one of the lucky ones and that they were still were able to afford all the necessary furniture and electrical appliances including a black and white television, everyone had one of those these days.
Craig cleared his throat after swallowing some mashed potato; he veered his attention to his son sitting opposite to him. "Studying well for the finals, I hope?"
He knew that school term was ending and Justin would be graduating from high school.
"Uh, yes Sir" Justin replied slightly absentmindedly, his mind only registering the taste of chicken.
"Let me remind you Justin, that whatever you choose to study, try to choose something that will be useful, that will feed you and take care of you, don't be distracted with that cheap hobby of yours"
Justin knew exactly what his dad meant by his 'cheap hobby'. He was talking about his interest in art.
He suddenly lost his appetite.
His father sighed, his tone lower. "I don't want you and your family to end up like us Justin"
"I understand Sir" He replied staring at his food.
He felt his mom pat his cheek, a sympathetic expression on her face. She knew what was Justin was going through but she couldn't help but agree to what Craig had said. If she wanted her boy to have a stable future that was the right path to follow.
Justin wished he could control his own life for once and not be bounded by his parents' expectations but at the same time he was scared of the future he'll end up with if he veered off the line.
New York 1961, 3:10 pm. Oceanside High School
The bell had rung for home time, finally.
Justin smiled almost reflexively when he saw Daphne waiting outside near the school gate. She was wearing a dark blue frilled skirt and a white short sleeved shirt. Two pins were the only things that held hair back, so her black curls were bursting out from behind and onto her shoulders.
Daphne's smile grew wider and wider. Her smile soon exploded into a huge grin by the time Justin stood in front of her with his blond mop top and hair that reached his shoulder. He looked good enough to eat.
They both went to different schools. Daphne went to the one which was more prominently black while Justin went to the one which was white.
Daphne's school ended a lot earlier so she would always wait near Justin's school and walk home together, they only lived two blocks away.
"Candy?" She asked bouncing lightly on her feet.
This was the usual routine. They'd greet each other and Daphne would open her small candy store that resided in her backpack. She had sweet tooth the size of a dinosaur bone. It wasn't only candy, it'd be choclate, cakes anything that had sugar in it. Even though she was now a seventeen year old, her candy obsession had never died out.
And Justin was dragged along with it.
"What's today's special?" He asked.
She opened her backpack and began rummaging through her stuff. The intensity of the crunching sound of the plastic told Justin, that there was a lot of new stock.
"I've got Red hots, gum, candy buttons, Jujubes oh wait you've got to try this one out"
She pulled a small red ball from a cardboard box and gave it to Justin.
"It's a Cherry Head" She said simply, popping one in her mouth.
It was just hard candy with a fancy name.
Once they both began sucking on the candy, they started walking.
Daphne interlaced her fingers with Justin's.
Justin didn't mind. After all, she was his girlfriend.
Daphne's and Justin's relationship was rare. Hell, as they walked through that street they could feel the stares from of couple of passers-by on the street who were checking out the odd couple since it nearly wasn't so common or fashionable to watch two different races mingle with each other.
But Daphne and Justin couldn't care less.
They had each known other since eight.
They both could still remember the day they met like it was yesterday.
Justin had a hard time making friends, probably because he was far brighter and more mature than the average snot-nosed kid.
He could still remember that one black girl who ventured to their park almost every single day. She used to sit at the entrance of the park, suck on her lollipop while she watched the swing. After a while she would leave quietly like she'd never been there before.
One day, however, when it was Justin's turn at the swing, he got off and offered it to the girl sitting at the entrance.
In the next second, Justin was kicked out of the park by the other kids.
Daphne stared at her fallen hero and asked "Candy?"
And that tale was the edge of a slippery slope that soon led them into becoming friends.
Justin soon realised however that his parents weren't too proud of his friend-making skills. His dad had lost his top off when Justin told him about his new friend.
That didn't stop Justin though, he was sure that his dad was just confused since Daphne was never like what he'd described her as.
He was determined not to lose his first proper friend.
When they were young, Justin would usually sneak to Daphne's house. She lived alone with her dad who was a local physician and would hardly be at his home for more than five hours. So that left Justin and Daphne to play for hours with no interruption.
As they grew up, they devised of new ways to meet up without people interfering in their business. It seemed adventurous and daring at first making up plans to meet. They'd act and feel like a couple of spies meeting at their secret destination, their parents would be the enemies, the neighbours being the vicious guard dogs that they'd have to escape from.
But now, now it just got annoying.
Till now neither parents knew that either of them existed in their child's lives except for Jennifer. It took a while but once she understood, she was fully accepting of their friendship.
Even though their friendship was ancient history, their 'relationship' however wasn't.
Daphne's voice suddenlt brought Justin out of his head. Her tone was low and serious, like she was about to tell a ghost story.
"You know how you told me about Chris Hobbs? Well you don't have to worry about him any longer."
"Is he dead?"
"Worse, this morning on the way to school, I saw a couple of men dressed in white pushing him into the back of a van. You should've seen his face Jus, he was crying. He looked devastated. It was scary watching him pleading to his parents, to not let him go"
Chris begging and pleading, now that was a first.
"Did you know where they were taking him to?"
"I'm not too sure but the van looked similar to an ambulance though. I don't know Jus... and his mother, god she was yelling out 'it's for your own good love' again and again. I bet the whole street heard her"
That he could picture it, his parents were couple of loud mouthed sleaze balls. Even Craig hated them. Stay away from that whore family, he'd say, but then again there weren't too many people that he actually liked.
"It certainly didn't look that way though" She added.
For a while Justin spaced out, staring at their moving feet.
Justin wondered where Chris had been taken to. But then again he didn't give a shit. Chris Hobbs was the bane of his existence, banging him into lockers, pushing him around. Well, good riddance.
Justin decided to change the subject. He didn't want to think about him any longer.
"So what are your plans after school?" Justin asked
"Like I told you before, I'll mostly likely end up as nurse, you know help my dad at his clinic. He could really use the help"
Justin nodded.
"You?" She asked while she tried grabbing another piece of candy.
"I plan to do law at NYU, if I get in that is"
Law was a prestigious degree; the money would be bountiful once he finished his course. Most importantly his parents would be proud of him. Doing art, he wouldn't know what he would end up doing. And he was sick of living in the dregs of New York City. Not everyone who liked art became a Picasso anyway.
"Oh, there is no question about you getting in..."
"But...Law? That's the first time I've even heard you say that word." She said adding with a small chuckle in the end.
Daphne was aware about how much an art fanatic he was. She could remember how Justin would go on and on about his visit to the art 'd talk non-stop about paintings and artists while she would be lulled into deep slumber.
Justin only shrugged and looked away. He didn't want to analyse that now, especially not with Daphne.
"Hey, I just thought you were more into art frames than framing people"
"Well when you're at the bottom of the social chain. You only have time to keep yourself alive and I want to do more than that Daph..."
And the only way to do that was to climb the social ladder.
You didn't have time for dreams
Daphne sighed. She knew that concept pretty well herself.
They walked silently for a while until they came to the bend where they had to split.
"Study at my place? Dad won't be home till seven" Daphne asked; a hopeful glint in her eye.
"Sorry Daph, have to help mom around the house, sometime later maybe?"
Justin still wasn't too comfortable about getting too intimate with her. It had only been a week, and Justin told himself he needed a bit of time to pull himself together and prepare himself emotionally since especially they had been best friends for so long.
Daphne nodded her head and gave him a small smile. "I understand"
But inside she was a little disappointed. She felt her insecurities flaring up.
Daphne was the one who had risked life and limb and confessed about her feelings and before the confession, Justin had not given her a single indication that he would ever want to be romantically involved.
Maybe Justin only agreed because he didn't want to hurt her? What if he secretly had someone else he liked but Justin somehow felt obligated to be with her?
"Really, Daph" Justin said as he watched her translucent face. She was practically an open book, well to him at least.
"Did I say anything?" She half-joked although it didn't sound convincing, not even to her.
Justin understood her too well. He knew that he needed to do something tell her. To assure her that she'd probably be the only girl he'd ever have any sort of feelings for.
A little something till he was fully ready.
He then suddenly tugged her hand and pulled her into an alley that he had just passed. These dirty alleys were found everywhere.
For Justin, their relationship seemed all so...platonic and he was happy with that until Daphne had confessed about how she felt about him.
At first Justin didn't know how to react but then when he thought about it, it only seemed logical they'd end up as a couple. They understood each other perfectly well and they loved each other, they've always had. So it was the natural step wasn't it? He hoped so. He didn't want to lose Daphne on the account of a lover's spat.
Justin gently pushed her against the wall but not too hard, because he knew how dirty it was.
"Justin..." She hissed but had a playful edge to it.
Daphne's smile was fast disappearing as Justin moved closer, trapping her against the wall.
One of her hands automatically had gone to nervously pick on a button on Justin's shirt. Justin's hands were pressed on the wall each side of Daphne's head.
Daphne's eyes like dark chocolate and Justin's eyes like blue liquorice reflected similar emotions. Crossing each other personal boundaries somewhat made them feel anxious but their blood gushed with profound sense of excitement.
Watching Daphne's eyes, Justin inched closer.
He then pressed his lips against hers.
Daphne's hand scrunched Justin's shirt hard into her fist as she too leaned in. Relishing the moment, she had often dreamed of.
The kiss was soft as pillows. The taste of cherry chapstick and candy flooded their senses. Intoxicatingly sweet.
Justin slid his hand to the back of Daphne's neck and one around her waist to steady the kiss since he could feel Daphne slipping beneath him.
It soon ended quicker than expected. They broke apart with their lips wet, still feeling giddy from their first real kiss.
He nudged her nose with his own and smiled like idiots.
They both then knew that no matter what happens in the future, they'd be okay.