WARNING: This fanfiction contains sexual content. Read at your own risk.

It was a Friday night, Soos, Wendy, Mabel, Waddles, and Grunkle Stan were in bed. However, a certain 12-year-old "very mature" boy was not in bed; this one was Dipper Pines.

You see, ever since he turned 12, he started feeling these...urges. Urges that made his pants tight. These urges were not as bad when he was sitting in a classroom taking down notes; nothing about Mr. Cabato's English lessons could make anyone's pants tight, but when he was alone...oh, god...he tried his best to hide it from Mabel.

Over the school year, he discovered a way to handle these urges. One of his friends at school was an early bloomer and just laughed when Dipper told him about his confusion with these...problems. Said boy taught Dipper all about private browsing and the wonders of the Internet.

So, late at night, during the school year, after his parents and Mabel had gone to bed, Dipper would sneak on to the family computer, turn on private browsing, and search terms like "naked girls", "barely legal", "hot naked girls having fun", and on occasion, wondering why this search made his pants tight (our little Dippy doesn't know about fetishes yet), "goat rams it in to hot 18 yo blonde." Perhaps the greatest video on the Internet. And he would do things. Things that made him feel good. Things he was confused about, yet knew he did not want to get caught doing them.

But Dipper encountered two problems while on summer vacation:

A) It was summer vacation, and Grunkle Stan didn't have any sort of Internet connection whatsoever within 50 miles.

B) He was constantly surrounding by the hottest chick he'd ever seen, Wendy, so these "feelings" were just bottling up in him until he would eventually explode.

And this night, he did finally explode. Desperate for some type of material to take these feelings out on, Dipper started having a panic attack. He couldn't risk doing it in his room; without any videos, it wasn't the same; plus, what if Mabel woke up?

Then Dipper remembered seeing something. He remembered while flipping through the channel guide back at home he had discovered the "Adult" section; some of the titles and descriptions he saw were pretty sexy, but he didn't want to bother with stuff on the TV since he had wireless Internet connection with all the best girls in one place. Plus that goat video, which he was pretty sure was illegal in his town but didn't care.

Aha! Dipper thought to himself. Maybe Grunkle Stan has those channels too.

So Dipper came up with a plan; he quietly tip-toed out of the room, leaving the door open as to avoid further noise, and went over to the living room, where the television was.

"Ah, where's the remote?" Dipper silently asked himself, looking all around the room. Eventually he just gave up. He was going to have to find the adult channels by hand, via the dial.

Dipper turned on the TV, and quickly turned the volume dial down to the lowest possible volume before it fully turned on as to avoid making any loud noise. Then he flipped through the channel dial.

Let's see...Spanish soap opera reruns, those weird Japanese cartoons, informercials...damn it, where's the dirty stuff?

Finally, Dipper came across what he was pretty sure was two naked chicks on top of each other. He couldn't really tell, the picture looked all fuzzy. He turned the volume up a little bit just to make sure it was porn and not some art film. When he turned the volume up, he heard cries of "Oh! Oh, yes!"

He had hit the jackpot! Then something terrible happened. The audio was starting to fade away, and the picture was starting to get even fuzzier; you couldn't even recognize a human body in it at all.

"No, no, no." Dipper said, as he hit the television set. "Damn it, damn it, work. I don't have all night here."

Dipper played with the dial a bit, and finally got something; he could see picture AND audio! The picture was in black and white though, but, hell, it was better then nothing!

These naked, black-and-white chicks were doing that...thing...to him. Making his pants tight. Dipper knew what he needed to do. But as soon as he started to unzip his pants, he heard people around in the other room.

Abort mission! Abort mission! Dipper thought, quickly turning the TV off and hiding under the couch. The voices got closer and closer until he could eventually identify them. They were...Wendy and Grunkle Stan?

"I thought I heard something." Wendy said. "Are you sure neither of the twins awake?"

"Nah." Stan said. "Those knuckleheads were passed out by eight o' clock. It was a long day. Ah, I've still got the TV remote stuck in my boxers."

Dipper shivered, leaving a mental note for himself to never touch the TV remote again. Even if the dial is a bit harder to operate, it's worth it.

Dipper then heard Stan unzipping his pants. Wait...what the hell?

"Oh, Stan, g-give it to me, please." Wendy moaned, laying on the couch. Stan began kissing her neck.

By now, Dipper was scarred for life. The tightness in his pants? Definitely gone. He needed to figure out a way to get out of under this couch.

"Call me boss." Stan whispered silently in her ear, stripping down to his boxers.

"B-boss!" Wendy moaned, as she took off her shirt and started to unhook her bra. Just as she was about to reveal her breasts...

"WAIT!" Dipper yelled, scooting out from under the couch. "I'm here, I'm here!"

Wendy screamed as she covered her breasts with her arms; Stan tried desperately to hide his manhood rising under his legs.

"Dipper?!" Grunkle Stan yelled. "What the hell are you doing awake?"

"What the hell are you doing having sex with Wendy?" Dipper shot back at him. Stan had no response.

"Just go to bed." Grunkle Stan said, heading back to his bedroom the same time Dipper was.

Everything turned out kinda okay. Dipper never told Mabel what he saw that night. Grunkle Stan's sex life probably became nonexistent after that experience; poor guy had just ordered some special pills online that could really help him in the bedroom. Dipper never thought anything dirty about Wendy again, and there was no way he'd ever try to sneak out in the living room for some late night adult entertainment ever again.

-end-