Do you know those nights where they just seem too calm? Where something doesn't feel right but you can't quiet put your finger on it? Tonight felt like that. I hated April; the month brought back horrible memories. It had been a year since I lost the most precious thing in my life. You'd have thought I'd be used to it, I had already lost my baby girl twice, but this was final. There were no second chances, nothing could ever bring her back and it was down to him. Everything that came from him was a lie, yet I was stupid enough to believe it all.
Danielle had been such a nice girl; it broke my heart she didn't feel strong enough to reveal all to me before he got to her. What kind of mother was I? My own child was afraid of me. The "I didn't know" doesn't justify how I treated her. I kept playing scenarios over and over again in my mind, thinking of how it all could have been. Why hadn't I noticed things, surely a mother should recognise her own child? I always thought I'd be able to, from across the room, I'd just see her and know. Torturing myself for weeks afterwards, these things didn't help, nothing could really.
A year always seems such a long time, when you have nothing. What did I have after all this? My relationship with Roxy was on tender hooks. At the moment we weren't speaking. A few home truths and she abandoned me. After everything I'd done for her, I've protected her whilst letting myself get hurt in the process. She's my baby sister; no-one at all was allowed to hurt her. But where was she when I needed protecting? I used to seek comfort from the dark, until he took great pleasure in making sure even that couldn't protect me. Why would she ever believe me? Now it's almost like we're strangers. The Mitchells have a lot of secrets each one released seems to be darker than the one before. But we're a family; we stick together, so why was no-one standing by me?
There has only ever been one guy that I can say I truly loved, Jack Branning. But even I destroyed that. After Danielle, no-one could get through to me; nothing could make me see sense. But Jack; he fought constantly trying to breakdown those barriers. No guy has ever done that before, or wanted to. He was just as stubborn as me, but he listened, perhaps that's why I was drawn to him; too alike in our ways, yet both searching for something to complete us. My ways, broke us up. Jack could break through barriers but I'd put up more. I didn't want to be hurt ever again. He was better off without me, I was a lost soul.
Reflecting on the year, how could I be happy? Everyone I loved I drove away, Roxy, Danielle, Jack. The night air caused a chill, something wasn't right. I felt sick, a feeling I could do without. It was the feeling I got when I seen Danielle get run over, I didn't think it would ever return. Ambulance sirens brought me out of myself the knocking at the door getting louder with every beat. Danny my new found younger brother, the look in he's eyes scared me. The words he uttered I'd only picked up on "Jack" and "Shot", my brain couldn't process everything the room seemed to be getting smaller.
I hated hospitals, nothing good ever comes of them. But I was here, standing outside Jacks room. No-one else had arrived, I wasn't sure if I was scared or relieved, but at that moment I felt alone, wanting only comfort from the man who lay before me. The room was plain, what else could I expect, but Jack look so lost, fragile in that bed. Wires were attached to him the beeping of the machine the only sound was ringing in my ears. That machine held Jacks life in its hands, how could this have happened? Jack was strong but right now, he looked anything but. Gripping he's hands, I made a vow to never let him go again, I loved him.
I was sat in my own bubble, a thing I had learnt to create as a child, my way of escaping everything going on. This time Jack was with me, we were together, no-one or nothing could harm us. I'd been so caught up with it all I hadn't even noticed the silence. Nurses pulled at me to move, realisation sunk in, why wasn't there beeping, I tried reaching out to Jack, but was pulled back. The screams I could hear, it took a moment to realise they were coming from me. Why wasn't Jack breathing?! I was forced out the room, whilst they worked on him, staring through the glass, tears cascaded down my face. I didn't care, I needed Jack.
The sick feeling in my stomach returned, sinking to the floor I knew. Jack was gone. Arms circled me; words whispered trying to comfort me. I hadn't even known anyone else arrived, but Roxy was there, she was trying but I didn't want her, not now. I ran, away from them, away from Jack, away from Danielle tears washing away the last of the make-up that was left. Sitting under a tree, my heart broken, it had been a year exactly.
You see the night Jack died the final part of me did too. The first part left with Danielle, I only had Jack left to hold on to. What was left for me now?
A random one shot. R&R with cherries, no okay pick your fave topping & add it!? :) x