I felt so... bad. I knew I was the one that was supposed to be without feelings. But this, this burning feeling on my chest. This was something. Something totally new. If I had thought that I felt something before this day, I had sure been wrong. This was agonizing.
I had started to summon feelings in some point. To create them inside me. The incredible feeling of finding reason for things happening, wanting for more, asking for more, even begging for it! I had found my reason to exist, I had always been ready to do everything for him. I just hadn't understood why all the time.
My sweet, sweet Dean. For a while I had been allowed to have everything I needed, I believe I had been even happy. Somehow I had managed to tell Dean that I had certain feelings towards him. An angel of The Lord, having interest on a human that had even visited Hell. Well, I had been the one to raise him from perdition, though. Even then I had known that I wanted more of him.
I cherished now every moment we had spent together, a smile lightened my face. My dear Dean still cheered me up. He wasn't actually even cold yet, he had just passed. God had summoned him, He needed Dean by his side. For reason unknown to me. I was actually bitter, I was angry to God! I seriously wasn't a good servant at the moment. Why had He given me Dean if He only wanted him to Himself?
I looked down from the rooftop, they all looked small like ants. Cute little humans, walking around, worrying about things that didn't really even matter. Not on the big level of things. Now that I had lost someone myself, I kind of understood people better. Why they were so desperate sometimes. I felt depressed.
I took a deep breath, it was as if it was trying to break my lungs. I didn't want to keep on going. Not without Dean. There was no reason to do anything. There was no reason for anything at all. Not anymore. I closed my eyes, whispered my goodbyes and tied my wings closely around my body. Then I just swung forward and enjoyed the nice feeling of falling.
I hit the ground hard, I was sure it would be enough to end me. The pain was beyond words to describe, then it just... disappeared. I waited for a few moments, I believed that I was already on the gates. I slowly opened my eyes and realized that I was staring at some really concerned humans. Apparently it took more than falling on a rooftop of a skycraper to kill an angel.
Shit.