All Too Well
It seems like it always happens to me, right when I've fallen in love. And falling in love isn't easy for me, either. It really takes a lot.
Whether or not he was in love with me, well...I thought he was. I'm not sure if it's because it's really easy to lie to me about feelings, or if it's something else that had me convinced he loved me. Maybe because he said it. Or maybe he really did love me, at one point.
I wasn't used to the little things that made a relationship. I wasn't used to him laughing at my jokes, or complimenting me when I had no makeup on, or his arm around me as I cuddled his side on the couch. I wasn't used to a healthy relationship.
Our time together was short and sweet but it was perfection. From the very day we met, I knew he was special.
Or maybe he's just as cruel as my last boyfriend. Maybe he's not what I thought he was.
Maybe he had me fooled, just like all the other girls. It's what he was famous for, anyway. Breaking hearts. But I was stupid enough to believe I was an exception.
Only maybe, though. I still have hope in him as a good person.
You wouldn't understand exactly how I feel unless you knew the full story. I wouldn't want pity because maybe it was my fault we broke up. Maybe I was the one to screw everything up. I'm still not clear on the reasons why we broke up, however. Our breakup was terse and I had had a hard time facing everything that happened.
Well, maybe it was time I tell all of you the story. Maybe you'll blame me. Maybe you'll blame him. Maybe you'll take his side, or maybe you'll take mine. Either way, it was a beautiful relationship and I'd give anything for it back.
The door burst open. A really tall guy stood in the threshold of one of Amber's various guest rooms.
He had sandy blond hair styled into a quiff and bright blue eyes. You could basically see the immaturity in them, and the devilish smile on his face only added to my theory that he was up to no good. He was tall-probably about 6'1-and skinny. With him, came this vibe. It was like it was telling me that he was going to be a big part of my life.
The smirk on the guy's face was wiped off as soon as his eyes landed on me. He tried not to make it obvious that he was surprised and eased his facial features into a casual expression.
He took a swig of what looked like beer and leaned against the doorframe. "What are you doing in here? There's a full-speed, raging party downstairs. And you're in here reading."
"What are you doing in here? Obviously, if there's a 'full-speed, raging' party downstairs, then why are you creeping around Amber's house?" I asked, putting quotation marks around 'full speed, raging.'
"I asked first."
"My question has more quality and benefits me better."
"I like your comebacks..." he trailed off, signaling that I should tell him my name.
"Why would I tell you my name? You could be a physcopath, for all I know."
"Do I really look like a psychopath to you?"
"Yes," I said, without missing a beat. He really didn't, but we both knew it was playful banter.
"Maybe you'll tell me yours if I tell you mine," he said, looking at me expectantly. When I didn't answer, he sat his beer cup down on the dresser and strode over to me. He then pretended to slick his hair back, offering the same hand out to me. "Clarke. Jerome Clarke," he said in a low voice.
I laughed and looked at his hand as if it were full of elephant urine. Then I looked up to him. "You could have lice."
"Trust me, I don't. I use far too much hairspray on this masterpiece," he pointed to his hair. I rolled my eyes.
"Fine, whatever. My name is Mara Jaffray. Now you have to tell me what you're doing in this room."
"A good prankster never reveals his secrets."
"There are no good pranksters. And by the way, it's magicians, not pranksters."
"I know, I thought it'd be clever. It's better than my usual pickup lines on girls."
Blood rushed to my cheeks. "Y-you were trying to use a pickup line on me?"
He nodded.
I cleared my throat and decided to break this awkward silence. "So, you should tell me what you're doing in this room and how you know Amber well enough to go snooping in her house... That is if you even know her." Amber always told the people she invites to invite their friends, and their friends to invite their friends and so on. Parties were a natural occurrence at the Millingtons'. Her dad was never home, and since her parents were divorced, her mother lived in a completely different city.
Her dad never has and probably never will know about these wild parties, seeing as Amber always bribes their maid, Malia, to keep quiet. That, and if her dad found out, he wouldn't be mad because either he still thought he owed her happiness ever since her parents' divorce and would let her do and buy her just about anything, or he'd think she was still under a lot of stress about it and wants her to let her relieve some of it. For Amber, either way, it's a win-win situation.
"For your information, she happens to be the annoying girlfriend of my best mate. How do you know her?" he asked, squinting his eyes at me.
"We've been best friends since primary school."
"Ha! You answered one of my questions!" Jerome cried in victory.
I sighed and rolled my eyes once again. "Whatever. So I assume you get stuck as the third wheel sometimes, too? They can be really annoying."
"Well you don't really realize how annoying you are when you're in a relationship-trust me, I've been there. But anyway, they can be annoying sometimes."
"You don't seem like the lovey-dovey type to be annoying people," I pointed out. "How do you annoy them?"
"Eh, Amber's always complaining how one day my lips will fall off from making out with girls in public all the time. Well, when I decide to have a girlfriend, anyway. They're easy to find and get."
I wasn't sure if he was joking or not so I just assumed he was and dismissed it.
"So when are you going to tell me what you planned on doing in here?" I asked, moving Delirium from my lap to the side table. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow.
"Setting up a prank," he said as walked to the dresser and grabbed his beer, taking a sip of it. He then proceeded to take a seat in the armchair across from the one I was currently seated in.
"Really?" I asked sarcastically. "I'm not stupid. Obviously you're up here to pull some sort of prank. You said it yourself: 'A good prankster never reveals his secrets.'"
Jerome sighed, giving a look of defeat. "Fine. I admire your wit, Jaffray. But anyway, I was up here searching for Amber's room to steal all her beauty products and hide them. You can't tell her, though. Gah! I just made a mistake! I told the best friend! Shit, I'm so stupid."
"That you are," I laughed. "But you'd never be able to get rid of all her beauty products. She's got extras everywhere. And by everywhere, I mean everywhere. In her car, in her purse, at Alfie's house, at her mom's, in my apartment, and God knows where else!"
Jerome laughed. "Well thanks for the information, Mara. Now I know that my prank was going to fail and I wouldn't get a good laugh out of it. I'll just plot up something new later."
I laughed, again. "You're quite something, Jerome."
"I know," he winked. "So why aren't you at the party."
"Well technically I am, seeing as I am at the location the party is."
Jerome gave me a look.
"Okay! I'm just not the party type," I said as a flicker of bad memories crossed my mind. I could tell Jerome noticed it on my face from the way he cocked his head slightly to the side.
I met Mick at a party. And that's not even a road I want to go down, or even think about...
"Besides, this book," I gestured to Delirium. "Is really good. I'm almost done, and I wanted to finish it tonight. But I guess I won't-you're pretty good company, anyway."
"Well I am honored!" Jerome said, in mock surprise.
I laughed. Oh, this man-more like boy- is weird. But I like it.
Just remembering hurt. It was like stepping on a Lego in the dark, only magnified fifteen hundred times. I'd already opened a door to all of my memories and I don't think I could stop it now.
I walked through the door with you. The air was cold.
But something about it felt like home somehow.
And I left my scarf there, at your sister's house, and you still got it in your drawer, even now.
I pulled the sleeves of my sweater over my hands automatically drifted closer to Jerome. It was pretty cold outside and I'm sure I looked like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
Adjusting my beanie nervously, I said, "What if they don't like me?"
"Of course they're going to like you. I mean, my mum literally screamed out loud when I told her I was in a relationship. She wanted to meet you right away."
"You being in a relationship and actually trying for once isn't what I'm worried about. I'm worried that your family won't think I'm as amazing as they imagined."
"Mara," Jerome said, looking deep into my eyes. "I think you're amazing. Why wouldn't they like you? And even if they don't, it won't matter." Jerome dragged his thumb under my jawline and stopped at my chin, gently tipping my face up to his. He leaned down and gave me a deep, passionate kiss. It made my cheeks heat up, despite the low temperature of the air.
"Thanks," I smiled.
Jerome put his arm around me, which I was thankful for, and knocked on his sister's door.
"Jerome!" answered a smiling woman, which I assumed was his sister. She had wavy hair as Jerome's. They also shared the same brilliant eye color. She had perfect teeth and her natural makeup was done perfectly. She had on a cooking apron, but you could see the prominent bump in stomach. Her left hand, on which was a sparkling wedding ring on the fourth finger, protectively over it.
"And you must be Mara," she said, moving her hand from her swollen stomach to shake my hand. I took it and smiled at her. "I'm Bethany. Oh, where are my manners?! It's freezing out there! Come in, come in!"
Jerome and I stepped into his sister's house, and I was immediately met with the smell of homemade cookies and warm air.
"Hello!" a woman stood up from the dining table. She also shared the same hair and eye color as Jerome and Bethany. Their facial features looked a lot alike, also. "I'm Joan, Jerome's mother. You're Mara, aren't you? Well of course you are! Oh my goodness, you're so beautiful! Jerome, how did you manage to find a girl this pretty? Trust me, Jerome is in need of a girl like you, someone to keep him in line-"
"Mum!" Jerome groaned. "Please stop. You're probably scaring her!" He turned to me. "Is she scaring you?"
I laughed. "No." Then I stuck my hand out for her to shake it. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Clarke."
"Oh, dear. You don't have to call me that-actually, please refrain from it. It makes me feel old!" she laughed.
"Okay."
"MUM! Is Jerome and his newest slut here yet?" a teenage girl yelled as she ran in from the hallway. She, too, shared the same facial and hair features as the rest of the Clarkes that I've met so far. She stopped short when she saw me. I estimated her to be about sixteen or seventeen.
My cheeks burned really bad and I looked down to my toes. I bit my lip to refrain from frowning and the prick of a tear that was itching to escape.
"Oh-" Poppy started.
"Poppy Anne Clarke! Don't you dare use that word! And apologize to Mara and Jerome. You're grounded for two weeks!" Joan yelled. Her cheeks were red also, most likely from embarrassment.
"But mum-"
"Poppy, you should really apologize to Mara. You don't need to be a brat about it either. It didn't bother me as much with any of my other girlfriends but Mara is special and I'm not about to have you chasing her off because you can't accept the fact that I really like someone for a change!" Jerome snapped.
The entire room was silent. Poppy's face was surprised. It just came to me that maybe Jerome hasn't ever yelled at her that harshly before.
Poppy sighed once she came out of her shock. "I'm sorry, Mara. I really shouldn't judge you based on the past of his other girlfriends. I really shouldn't have said that." She looked genuinely sorry.
"It's okay." I smiled at her. She stuck her hand out to me but I gave her a hug instead. She returned it.
Later that night, we were all sitting at the dining room table. It was me, then Jerome, then Bethany, then her husband Frank, then Jerome's dad, John, then Joan, and finally, on my right, Poppy.
"Well, I guess it's time for us to leave," said Jerome, standing up from his chair.
"No!" Poppy and I cried simultaneously. Jerome's younger sister had become quite fond of me over the course of the night, and I can say the same for her. "Can't we stay for a bit longer, Jerome? Your family is amazing." I said.
"You have a lecture at Uni tomorrow morning," he reminded me. "And so do I. It's already 22:19. We better get going, because I still have to drop you off at your apartment and we both need to prepare for bed."
Jerome probably wouldn't strike one as the responsible type, but he was, especially when it came to school... Well, University, anyway, because according to his family, he was quite the slacker up until grades counted for his college applications. He was very passionate and determined to be a businessman.
"Oh, okay," I grumbled.
We said our quick goodbyes and Jerome took my hand as he led me to his car.
And I didn't realize it until I was stripping myself of clothes to get into the shower that I had left my favorite Ralph Lauren scarf at Bethany's house.
Oh, your sweet disposition, and my wide-eyed gaze.
We're singing in the car getting lost Upstate.
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place,
And I can picture it, after all these days.
"You look really beautiful today, you know that?" Jerome asked me as we stepped out of my apartment.
My blood rushed to my cheeks. "You really think so? I'm not wearing any makeup today." I adjusted my beanie.
"Exactly," he said as he intertwined my hand in his and gave me a kiss on my cheek. I stared at him, my eyes wide. No one's ever said that to me, especially not a guy. I'm still kind of getting used to receiving random compliments and comfortable hugs.
"Where are we going?" I asked Jerome as I buckled my seatbelt in the passenger seat.
"It's a surprise."
"You know I hate surprises."
"Not pleasant surprises."
I didn't respond because it was true. The only reason I didn't like surprises was because I'm scared of discovering something horrible. Even seeing my phone light up with a call or text message makes my heart skip a beat.
To avoid any more of Jerome's smarter comebacks, I turned the radio up.
"Oh!" I exclaimed.
Jerome glanced over at me curiously, but only for a second because he had to keep his eyes on the road. "What?"
"This is my favorite song!" I gushed as I turned the volume up a bit louder.
"Mine, too," said Jerome. The corners of his lips turned up into a smile.
"I'm rolling downhill, no breaks," I sang.
"Can't go back now, it's too late, oh," Jerome continued,
"Too late to look away. And unfeel what I feel for you, look away. And unsee what I see in you."
"I'm gonna go for it. I hope you're ready 'cause I don't know, don't know, if I could stop now. I'm going too fast, heart first my head just can't slow me down. And I don't care if you don't break my fall. You got me dreaming for a life that anybody else would die for, oh baby," we sang in unison.
We sang Olly Murs' Oh My Goodness all the way to the end.
"Wow, Jerome," I laughed. "I didn't know you could sing that well. You don't strike me as the singing type."
Jerome's cheeks turned pink. "Thanks... Um, and it's not really something I make a hobby into. Not many people know about it."
"Were you ever in choir?"
"Actually, yes... For only most of year ten and half of year eleven, though."
"I see."
A warm feeling worked its way into my chest as I turned to the window. It was like that one song completely changed my feelings for him. And it was weird because I'd listened to the song a million times since we got together. But maybe singing it with him changed everything, describing exactly what I was feeling.
Call me crazy, but I think I just fell in love with Jerome Clarke. And even worse... I didn't mind the thought of it anymore.
And I know it's long gone,
And that magic's not here no more,
And I might be okay,
But I'm not fine at all...
I felt a tear run down my cheek. Pulling my duvet further over my head, took a deep breath.
Why was I still feeling like this? It's been four months since Jerome and I have been broken up. Is it normal to stay hung up on him like this? Especially since we only dated a month.
When Mick and I broke up, I spent a few months still hung up on him, and he treated me horribly... It wasn't anything that he could have said or done to get me to stop loving him, though. We spent two years together. But right now I honestly can't bare to think about Mick and all the emotional and physical damage he caused me, especially since I'm already in enough pain because of Jerome.
It's February now. Valentine's Day to be more specific. The pain is even worse today since it's basically International Love Day. And it makes me really sad to know that Jerome and I never have and probably never will spend one together as lovers.
I somehow wish there was a way we could be together again, minus his cruel demeanor towards me during our breakup. I wish that somehow there was a way to reverse time, to redo whatever I did wrong. Whatever made him decide I wasn't special and as useless as the other girls would be fixed.
The worst thing about the breakup was that it was abrupt. We didn't fight once. Not even a sliver of an argument. The phone call was completely out of the blue.
A knock came at my door. Quickly I ran to my bathroom to survey my face. It wasn't entirely horrible, just my eyes were a bit puffy and there were tears running down my cheeks.
Freeing my face free of any tears and rubbing my eyes some more, I made my way to the door. My excuse to whoever's there will just be that I was sleeping.
"Oh my God, Mara, what happened to you?!" Amber exclaimed as soon as she saw my face.
"I was sleeping," I lied smoothly.
Amber gave me a look. "Don't give me that crap. I know exactly what's wrong and since today is today I will let it slide because I know how it feels."
I sighed. "Say it. Just get it over with today. I know you want to."
"I told you so."
"I know you did but I thought he really would change," I said as Amber slipped through me and took a seat at the island.
Amber looked like she was holding something back.
"What?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" she asked as I sat next to her.
"What aren't you telling me?"
"Nothing."
"So there's something."
"I didn't say that," she protested.
"I'll let it go... For now. But only because I need to ask a question."
"What's your question?"
"...How is he?" I asked.
"You want me to lie or...?"
"No, I really want to know how he's doing."
Amber sighed. "He's doing just fine. Actually, more than fine. He's been a lot happier than usual, lately."
"Why?" I asked as I prepared myself some cereal. "You want any?" Amber shook her head.
"I don't know. That is a question you would have to ask Alfie."
"Oh," I said. "By the way, that reminds me... What are you two doing to celebrate Valentine's Day? What did he get you?" I sat down next to her and began spooning Fruit Loops into my mouth.
Amber's eyes lit up. "He got me a dozen pink roses. And a beautiful card inviting me to dinner later tonight... I think he's going to pop the question," she said.
I did a cereal take. It's a spit take, just with cereal in your mouth.
"Ew, Mara," Amber scrunched her nose and scooted her bar stool away from the island.
"Why do you think that?" I asked, referring to her theory of Alfie planning to propose.
"Well, the past few days he's been nervous around me and he's been at Jerome's a lot... But then again..." she trailed off.
"Then again what?"
"Then again, um, his grandfather died last week. And he was really close to him. Such a shame, because he was a really great person," Amber said quickly.
I was still onto her but decided she'd tell me in time. Besides, I was busy feeling sorry for myself before she got here.
"So you're just here to hang out and waste time until dinner or something? I know you usually take like eight hours to prepare for a date." I said.
"No. I'm here to help you feel better. Instead of unhealthily keeping your feelings all bottled up inside, I want you to talk to me about it. Tell me how you feel."
"So... What I'm getting is that you want to play that American psychiatrist... What's his name again?"
"Oprah?"
"I said his, not her. Everyone knows who Oprah is. This dude has his own show, though. I watched it on vacation to America last year with my family. The guy really knows his stuff."
"Dr. Phil!" Amber exclaimed. "Daddy met him once. I did too, and he's a pretty nice guy."
"Yeah, Dr. Phil. So you're trying to be Dr. Phil?"
"Basically."
"Speaking of Americans... Where's Nina? And Patricia, too."
"Nina and Fabian are savoring every second of their Valentine's Day together, as usual. Patricia is probably still sleeping, seeing as it is eleven in the morning on a Saturday. And Eddie probably is, too. Or they may be doing...other things..." Amber shivered.
I shivered too. Patricia and Eddie had quite the interesting sex life. They use dumb codenames when they're around their friends, but we all usually know what it is. It's typically something random and out of the blue like 'Walnut.' You'd swear the women's bathroom at the bar around the corner that we usually hang out at is the place they have sex at the most because they leave immediately after a codename for about fifteen minutes. I'm not sure how their sex life has been lately, though, but I'm sure it's the same as ever.
"Hey, aren't Nina and Fabian engaged?" I asked. Like I just mentally stated, I've been detached from our group because one, I'm still handling getting over Jerome and two, he never used to hang out there before I started bringing him there, but Amber tells me that he still goes there. So I haven't been to my own friends' hangout bar in four months to hang out with them, because if I went, Jerome would be there and it would only make attempting to get over him so much worse.
"Yeah," Amber said, getting a bit distracted. She wanted them together so bad from the start, I couldn't blame her. Everyone did, actually.
"How long have they been together? Since Year Nine, right?" I asked. Usually, the idea of getting married that young would send me running in the other direction but I know that they really are in love. Of course I know that they're going to wait until they've graduated to actually get married, but that's beside the excitement.
Even though I didn't really do much of anything that year, I secretly watched from a distance as I prayed that one day there would be someone to sweep me off my feet, like Fabian did to Nina. It all just came so easy to them and I want that. I want to fall desperately in love with someone that will take very gentle care of my heart and reciprocate everything I feel towards them.
Amber nodded. "Since we were all fifteen. So they've been dating for seven years. And without one single breakup... I'm very proud and jealous. Alfie and I did have a few fallouts, but we knew what was best for us and found each other again. We've been together six years."
"Wow."
"Oh my God, we're getting off topic. We're supposed to be discussing your feelings," Amber said as she hopped off of her stool, grabbed my hand, and pulled me to my sofa and away from my beloved Fruit Loops.
"So," Amber deepened her voice and crossed her legs. "Tell me how you're feeling, Mara."
I sighed. "Amber, I can't take you seriously if you're going to play pretend! If that's what you're going to do all day here then just go somewhere else, okay?" Tears began spilling down my cheeks. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
"Come here, babe," Amber wrapped her arms around me.
"I wish it were still there, Amber," I sobbed into her shoulder.
"You wish what were still there?" she asked softly, stroking my hair.
"The magic. The sparks. It's all gone. It's like one day we were in love and then it was like he just got up and walked away from all of it. And the worst part is, I don't even know why. I've been wondering for four months. I've replayed our relationship constantly in my mind millions of times and I can't even find one single sign! No hiding his phone under the table for a few minutes, no hushed phone calls, no suddenly leaving in the middle of a peaceful moment! Either he is really good at seeing someone else or it was something I did," every single word was probably muffled into the cloth of Amber's blouse, but I knew she understood.
Amber pulled back, holding me an arm's length away. "Are you okay?" It was a serious question.
"Of course I'm okay. I've been living life the way I did before I met Jerome. I've been going to bed at a respectable time, eating healthily, completing my schoolwork before it's due. Everything is okay," I wiped tears away. "But I'm not fine. I'm not fine at all, Ambs. And something that scares me is that I don't think I ever will be."
Amber's question triggered another memory. A beautiful memory, at that. It was the same one as before, though.
'Cause there we are again, on that little town street.
You almost ran the red, 'cause you were looking over me.
Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.
"Jerome!" I exclaimed. "Stop!" My eyes were wide and flashing everywhere.
He turned his attention back to the road. "What?"
"You almost ran that red light!" I said, still in shock.
Jerome began to laugh. He laughed. He could have gotten us killed!
"Why are you laughing? We could have died!" but I was fighting a smile myself.
"Maybe having you in the car is dangerous," he chuckled. "You distract me."
"How do I distract you? Please enlighten me, Jerome."
"Because you're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on."
I felt the blush and turned my head to the window so he wouldn't see it and get smug about it. It seemed as if it were a game... 'How Many Times Can Jerome Get Mara to Blush in One Hour?'
By the time we got to wherever he was taking me, it was sunset. The air had gotten a bit colder and it seemed as if Jerome had already known this would happen, so he brought another coat and slipped it onto me.
"Where are we?" I asked. The place didn't even look remotely familiar.
"My favorite park. I used to come here as a kid all the time and Bethany and I would play on those very swings over there," he pointed to some swings in the middle of the playground. "And we'd get candy floss from a vendor somewhere over there but I'm not sure if they do it anymore. I haven't been here since Poppy was small." He pointed somewhere to our left.
I nodded, taking in all of this information.
"Come here," Jerome took my hand giddily and led me to the swings. "Do you want me to push you?"
I laughed. "Of course!" I sat down and held onto the chains of the swing.
Jerome began to push me, and my momentum began to build up. The higher he pushed me, the faster I would go. The wind whipped through my hair and I turned around to smile at him and give him a thumbs up, but then the swing started going crooked and I was only holding on with one hand.
Before I knew it, there was a scream in the distance and a loud thump. My arm kind of hurt, along my lower back. It was like all the air had been kicked out of me.
I didn't notice it until a few seconds later that the scream and loud thump was me.
Jerome gasped. "Oh my God, are you okay, Mara? Say something!" He leaned over me.
I groaned and sat up, rubbing my back, which was almost pointless, seeing as I had on an undershirt, a thick, long-sleeve sweater, a thick coat, and then another thick coat that Jerome had given me. If I wasn't wearing all of that, goodness knows what else I would have hurt.
"You fell from pretty high up. Are you okay?"
I laughed. "I'm okay. It's not like I haven't fallen from a high swing before. I broke my arm once when I was nine because of it."
"Okay..." Jerome was unsure. This was probably the most serious I'd ever seen my boyfriend be.
"Jerome... I'm fine. You don't have to worry. Besides, it must have been really funny to watch me fall. Don't you wish you would've had a video camera?" I tried to lighten his mood.
"Yeah..." he smiled slightly.
I pulled him in for a long, meaningful kiss to get his mind off of it. I wasn't sure why he was so worried, but I was determined to make him forget about it.
After we both pulled away, panting, Jerome suggested we both get supper and then go home, even though we hadn't spent as much time as we intended to here.
I smiled anyway because I still had fun.
Photo album on the counter. Your cheeks were turning red.
You used to be a little kid with glasses and a twin-size bed.
And your mother's telling stories about you on the T-Ball team.
You tell me about your past, thinking your future with me.
I ran around my apartment with some Windex and a rag, cleaning my windows and sliding doors leading to my balcony for maybe the third time. It had only been a few days since the swing incident, and all this scrubbing was hurting my sore arm, but I didn't let that stop me in the least bit.
"Mara, calm down," said Jerome.
"I can't calm down! Your mother is going to be here in an hour and my apartment is still looking disgusting!" I exclaimed. I was on the edge of hyperventilating and having a panic attack.
"Mara. Mara, look at me," he turned me away from cleaning the window. I huffed. "Look, my mum already likes you. She won't care about how your apartment looks, or the fancy dress you have on. I already love you and she does too-"
"You-you love me?" I breathed, staring down at my feet. I hadn't yet put my shoes on.
Jerome looked down, too. "Yeah... I know maybe it's a bit early in our relationship to admit it, but it's the truth. You might not return the feeling for me yet, but I'm hoping you'll love me too one day."
"You don't have to worry. Because I love you, too," I stood up on my tippy toes to crash my lips against his.
Dropping the Windex and rag, I wrapped my arms around his neck as I knew this would turn into a make-out session.
Jerome pulled away, breathing heavily. He traced the outline of my lips with the tips of fingers.
"How much time do we have before my mum gets here again?" Jerome asked as his piercing blue eyes stared into mine.
"About an hour," I replied, smiling.
"All I need is fifteen minutes," he grabbed my hand and began to lead me to my bedroom.
"Jerome... Your mother is about to be here. We can't just have sex and..."
"And what? She doesn't have to know."
"Well yeah but it would make me feel like a slag or something."
"Mara, you aren't a slag."
"Jerome, just... Please?" I asked.
He sighed. "Okay. But that won't stop me from teasing you underneath the dinner table."
My eyes widened. "You wouldn't dare."
Jerome smiled mischievously. "Oh, I would dare, alright."
A timer beeped from the kitchen. "That must be dinner ready. See, we would have had a cockblock even if I would have said yes."
Jerome rolled his eyes at me. "I'll go take the turkey out of the oven, okay?"
I nodded and pecked him on the lips in thanks. Then I turned and headed to my room to change out of my sweats and into the nice sundress I had picked out specifically for this dinner. Also, I had to put my makeup on and I was thankful I hadn't decided to do that earlier, seeing as Jerome would have messed it all up.
I slowly stripped down to my underwear, because I'd already done my hair and didn't want to mess it up.
"Nice show, Jaffray," Jerome's voice startled me. He was leaning against the threshold of my door, arms crossed, and a smug expression on his face.
"How long have you been right there?" I asked quickly.
"Come on, it's not like I haven't seen you naked before. Besides, I'm always here, anyway."
I sighed. He did have a point. But I decided to ignore him and put my sundress on. From there, I applied my makeup just in time for the doorbell to ring.
"Who's going to answer it?" asked Jerome.
"I will," I got up from my vanity and ran to answer the door.
"Hello, dear!" Joan exclaimed as she greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Hi," I said. "Please, come in. Let me take your coat." I hung her coat up on the coat rack on my left.
"Where's Jerome?" she asked.
"Ah, last I saw him, he was in the back. I can go find him if you'd like."
Joan waved her hand. "He'll find his way here."
"Would like a seat, Joan? Dinner is ready already."
"Of course. I'm starving!"
I lead Joan to my kitchen, where the table was set. She chose to sit across from where I was going to be sitting.
"Ah, there you are, Jerome," Joan said as Jerome walked in.
"Hey, Mum," he said and dropped a kiss on her cheek before beginning to serve his plate.
X
"Mara, that was wonderful. Jerome didn't tell me that you were a very good cook! I might just have to have you cater our next family reunion," Joan giggled.
"I didn't tell you that because I wanted her to be my own personal chef," he grumbled. "Inviting you was all her idea. I told her the secret would be blown and she just rolled her eyes."
I laughed. "You have my number."
Joan looked like she just remembered something. "Oh, goodness! I just remember that I brought one of our old scrapbooks from when Jerome, Bethany, and Poppy were kids, since we didn't have enough the last time we saw you. Jerome, dear, why don't you go get them out of my car." She handed him her car keys.
Jerome looked entirely annoyed, but I also detected a bit of fear in those blue eyes of his.
When he got back, he dumped a large light brown photo album on my counter, then took a seat at the bar stool. Joan and I moved to take a seat, too.
A few minutes later, we were looking through all the pictures, and Joan was telling me the stories that went along with them.
"And here we have Jerome and Bethany making mud pies in the back yard. One time they made a really neat one and convinced their father that it was a chocolate cake, since Bethany had recently taken a cookies class. John ate it, too! It was hilarious," she said and pointed to a picture of a young Jerome and Bethany, sitting in a mud puddle together.
"Aw! Look at this one. That was Jerome's eighth birthday. He'd just gotten a new Batman action figure and he was getting anxious for his birthday party, even though it was five hours away." the picture Joan was pointing at had a newly-turned-eight year old Jerome. He was smiling at the camera with a huge toothless grin. He had on blue wiry glasses and was still in his Batman pajamas. I could tell he was obsessed with it, seeing as his twin-sized bed had a comforter with Batman and the Joker on it. Also, I could see quite a few posters in the background.
"You were so adorable!" I exclaimed, turning to Jerome.
His cheeks we a bright red and I wanted to laugh because we'd been able to successfully make him blush. I high-fived Joan.
"What's the story behind this one?" I asked Joan, pointing to a picture of a very short Jerome smiling at the camera in a white and blue T-Ball uniform. "I didn't know Jerome used to play T-Ball."
"Oh, he loved it. He played and then moved on to baseball, but he had to stop because eighteen was the oldest he could be."
"I did not know that."
"This picture was before his first ever game. He was so excited..."
And Joan continued to tell us stories of Jerome's childhood. Sometimes he would speak up and tell them. Other times, he'd stare at me, his eyes glazing over a bit. And then every once in a while, Jerome's hand would coincidentally land on my knee. And each time he did that, his hand would inch up a little higher.
I guess he really was going to keep his promise about teasing me, then.
And I know it's long gone, and there was nothing else I could do.
And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to...
"Amber?" I asked.
"Yeah, babe?"
"How come I was the last person to meet Jerome. Like, everyone else knew who he was except me."
"Well..." Amber paused. "It was because I didn't want to allow him to. I knew he'd fall for you and break your heart, so I held off telling him about you and telling you about him. I just referred to him as 'Alfie's best friend' or you as 'my best friend.' I hope you're not mad at me for doing that."
"I'm not bad. If anything, thanks for doing that. It might have been way worse if you hadn't."
"Your welcome."
Amber's phone beeped with a text message. She unlocked her phone and read it.
"I'm sorry, Mara, but-"
"No, I get it. You have to go, I understand. It's Valentine's Day, anyway. You go out there and you have a lot of fun with your boyfriend," I winked.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?"
"I'm sure. My freezer is loaded with Ben and Jerry's."
"Okay," Amber said cautiously. "But before I leave, do you mind if I touch up my makeup a bit with some of yours? You have a beautiful color of pink roller eyeshadow that I may or may not want to steal from you. Where'd you get it, anyway?"
"Ulta. But you can take it if you want. I don't really use it a lot and I don't want it to go to waste, anyway."
"Thanks!" Amber exclaimed and got up to go to my bathroom, leaving me alone.
'Cause here we are again in the middle of the night.
We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light.
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember all too well, yeah.
Jerome and I had been dating for almost four weeks, now. So, I had figured we could drive down to my parents' and introduce him. We were spending the weekend here.
Mum and Dad were very fond of him and his goals in life. They liked the fact that he really loved baseball when he was younger, even though he hasn't played it since he was eighteen.
Right now, it was one in the morning and I couldn't sleep. I decided I'd go down and have a midnight snack, which included a red berry Special K bar and a glass of milk.
As I washed the glass I'd just dirtied, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and a chin on my shoulder.
"What are you doing, babe?" Jerome asked me quietly as he started to sway us.
"I'm just washing a dish that I dirtied," I whispered back.
"No, I mean, why are you down here?"
"I couldn't sleep. I did, however fall asleep for a little bit and I had a dream that were in the nineteenth century and were dancing in a ballroom."
"Why a dream when it could be a reality?" Jerome asked.
I shrugged. "It's too dark in here to dance."
"It's too dark to wash a dish, too."
"But that's harmless. If we're going to dance, then it has to be a bit lighter, and I don't want to turn on the kitchen lights just in case I wake my parents."
Jerome chuckled. "I have an idea." He turned and opened the refrigerator. "Now go a few steps up the stairs and I'll hold my hand out for you and then we can start dancing."
I laughed. "We must be going to a very informal ball," I said. I was in sweats and a tank top, while he was just in pajama pants and a white t-shirt.
But I still did what he said, anyway.
Jerome twirled me around as we did the Waltz... Yep, in the light of the refrigerator. I Jerome kissed me passionately and it was as if we really were at a ball.
We didn't need music, or other couples dancing around us, or even proper lighting... All we needed was each other.
Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much.
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece, 'till you tore it all up.
Running scared, I was there, I remember all too well.
After Amber left, I forgot to tell her good luck so I retrieved my phone from my dark room and dialed her number.
It was just beginning to ring when I heard faint music from my living room, which scared the crap out of me. When I reached the living room, I saw Amber's pink Coach purse vibrating on my sofa.
Amber must have forgotten it here. I reached into her purse to silence her phone, but instead of feeling the cool screen of her white iPhone, I felt paper.
Pulling the crisp, white envelope out of Amber's purse, I gasped and dropped it as soon as I read the words on it.
You are formally invited to the wedding of Jerome Clarke and Joy Mercer.
It felt like I couldn't breathe at all. All of these emotions were closing in on me and I could only recognize a few of them.
Jealousy, panic, and anger.
I could have sworn people all the way downtown could hear my heart breaking completely. I had gradually began to mend it, and I was making great progress, even though I was far from getting over him. Until now.
Tears began streaming down my cheeks and it was even worse than telling Amber everything I felt. It was worse than reliving every emotion I've felt since the breakup. I didn't think there was anything worse in the world.
Memories of the breakup came back to me.
Hey, you call me up again, just to break me like a promise.
So casually cruel in the name of being honest.
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper, lying here, 'cause I remember it all, all, all... too well...
"Do you remember, we were sitting there by the water?
You put your arm around me, for the first time. You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter...
You are the best thing, that's ever been-" My phone buzzed on my coffee table. It lit up with Jerome's face and contact name. Smiling, I answered it.
"Hey, baby," I greeted my boyfriend.
"We need to break up." Jerome's voice was sharp and determined. It sounded much to me like the tone he used when he was doing something for school.
"Wha- Is this a joke?" I asked. I didn't even know what to think or feel. Everything was numb. My mind was blank. I didn't even know what to say.
"We're breaking up. It's over. I never loved you." He hung up. It was like a ton of bricks were personally being thrown at my heart by Satan himself. No explanations, no nothing. Just that.
I was left staring at my now black phone screen.
Why would he do that? What did I do wrong? He never loved me? Why did he lie? Why was he ever in a relationship with me if he didn't love me?
What happened to the real Jerome Clarke?
It took another hour for the breakup to really set in. It seemed like the tears just wouldn't stop. By the time I called Amber to tell her about it, she couldn't understand me at all, so she just came over instead.
Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it.
I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it.
After plaid shirt days and night when you made me your own.
Now you mail back my things, and I walk home alone.
It felt like Jerome broke up with me only yesterday. But, we'd been broken up for two weeks, now.
School was weird. It didn't feel right when he wasn't there outside of my last class of the day, waiting to walk me home. It didn't feel right when I didn't wake up at three in the morning to answer the door for Jerome to spend the night because he just wanted to be around me. Nothing felt right at all.
I found his favorite plaid shirt today. It's what I've been sleeping in.
Also, I've been crying a lot. It's actually like it has a schedule: Wake up, lay in bed crying. Cry in the shower. Get dressed and attempt to fix all traces of crying. Go to school. Have lectures and try to concentrate. Walk home alone without the comfort of Jerome's arm around your shoulder. Eat your ice cream dinner in front of the television and cry. Then cry as you prepare for bed. Lastly, cry yourself to sleep.
I honestly didn't think heartbreak would be this bad. I always thought that the girls were exaggerating in movies and books. But now I knew the sad reality of it.
But I was really in love with Jerome. He was my knight in shining armor. I told him everything. He told me everything. He was everything that ran through my mind, back then and now.
But then he called me and we never spoke since.
I opened the door, purse on my shoulder, and a brave face because I had Uni today. A brown box sat on my doorstep.
Curiously, I picked it up. Figuring it would be okay to be a little late for class, I opened it up.
My things were in it. Everything from Jerome's house. These things included my shampoo and conditioner, body wash, my loofa, a few pairs of underwear, one bra, a pajama shirt, a few outfits, a pair of socks, and my favorite bracelet.
A note was in there, also. It said: I thought you would want your stuff back, since we're never going to see each other again and I have no use for any of it.-Jerome
That right there brought me to tears. I decided I wasn't going to go to school that day, besides, by the time I fixed my mascara, which had started to run, and walked to school, it would have been way to late and I would have missed too much.
But you keep my old scarf, from that very first week.
'Cause it reminds you of innocence, and it smells like me.
You can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah.
I collapsed to the floor and curled into a fetal position. I sobbed until I really couldn't sob anymore.
The love of my life was getting married. Jerome was engaged. To Joy Mercer.
And Joy had been my friend. I'd met her through Patricia, since they grew up together. She was a really nice girl and she even said that she could see Jerome and I really ending up together.
So now I know the truth. Jerome broke up with me for Joy. He even wanted to marry her, as young as they were. Fabian and Nina had an excuse-they've been together for years. But Jerome... Jerome was a ladies' man. He was rushing into whatever he thought was love. And Joy was a person that lived in the moment. Of course they'd be getting married.
What was she giving him that I never could? I knew she was prettier than me. Her personality was much more animated than mine. I read books for fun on my Friday nights, while she was at a campus party, chugging down beers and having one-night stands. Of course Jerome would choose her over me.
I ignored the irresistible urge to open the invitation, find out exactly when and where this was going on, and crash their wedding. I wouldn't do that, though. I'm not that type of person.
I know that I could be extremely selfish sometimes and I could even get carried away, but I wouldn't do anything that would take him away from eternal happiness. Of course, Jerome would hate me even more than he already does if I did that, anyway.
This only made me even more determined to get over him. I hoped their marriage flourished while I was still in school and studying to be a pediatrician.
It was in that instant that I decided I was over Jerome. Or, on the way to being over him. I was trying to convince myself that all he was, was a stupid boy that was a mere obstacle in my path to the top. I would become successful while they regret that they married each other so young.
Amber's phone began to ring and I absentmindedly answered it.
"Hello?"
"Amber! I'm really starting to feel bad about all this. Maybe I'm making a mistake, but I just want the best life for this kid. Please give me some advice," Jerome's voice rang through the speakers. What was he talking about? His engagement to Joy?
"This isn't Amber," I said. "It's Mara."
"Mara?" he sounded surprised. "Why do you have Amber's phone?" He was acting as if we were old friends or something. Not exes.
"She left it at my apartment."
"Well, while I'm still talking to you... I want to give you an explanation. I meant to call, but I never really got around to it. I've been really busy."
"Yeah, I know. Busy planning your wedding with Joy," I spat harshly.
"No, I-" I hung up on him and turned Amber's phone off. Then, I turned mine off also. I wasn't sure if he still had my number or not.
I decided I wouldn't waste my first day of being over Jerome. I took a shower, got dressed, and did my makeup. I was up for a bit of newly-confident shopping.
I opened the door, and found Jerome standing on my welcome rug. In his hands, he held my favorite Ralph Lauren scarf. The same one I left at Bethany's house all those months ago.
"Jerome." My voiced sounded deflated. A million things were running through my mind.
'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so.
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known.
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well.
"You know, you're really pretty," said Jerome. I rolled my eyes at him and continued to eat my cereal.
"So we don't have school today..." he trailed off.
"Nope," I said, popping the 'p'.
"You look really good in my clothes, you know that?"
"It's not clothes if it's only one thing," I laughed. "One plaid shirt barely covering my bum doesn't count."
"Well don't you think you'd look even better without it? You know, in my room."
"You sound like one of those annoying bad boys in those stupid American TV dramas," I laughed at him.
"But was it good enough to get you to sleep with me again this morning?"
I turned around to face him, smiling. "Yeah."
"You are literally the best girl in the entire planet."
I laughed and pecked him on the cheek.
"So this room of yours..."
Jerome grinned at me.
Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all.
Down the stairs, you were there, I remember it all.
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well...
"I regret everything. And I want you back. I know you won't take me back until you've heard everything... But it was all my fault and I'm really stupid."
"You're right. You are stupid," I attempted to shut the door, but he stopped me.
"The reason I broke up with you was because Joy's pregnant. With my baby," he explained.
"So you were cheating on me? I see."
"No! I would never cheat on anyone. But, see... The baby was conceived a few hours before I met you, at that party at Amber's house. We were careful and we used protection and everything but I guess the kid beat the odds. Joy wanted an abortion. She didn't want anything to do with it. I had to convince her to marry me so the baby wouldn't have a hard life. She's five months along, now. It's a boy. But I broke off the engagement thirty minutes ago... Because I realized that that baby won't have a bad life. And it wouldn't have had a perfect life just because we were married. Joy said she still doesn't want anything to do with it. She's going to give full custody to me.
"I broke up with you quickly because I knew if I did it any other way it would have hurt way too much. I couldn't bear bringing your things back to you in person. And I kept your scarf... Because it reminded me of you. It smelled like you. Your innocence still lingered on it. It was literally all I had left of you. I really messed up, Mara. I love you too much to just give up and not at least try... Will you take me back?" Jerome offered to scarf to me. I stared at it. I was definitely taken aback, and this was surely a surprise.
I wasn't sure what to say. What was I supposed to feel? I really wanted him back, too. I still loved him. I stared at my shoes.
As soon as I had saw him, every hope I had of moving on was lost. But he broke my heart. Could I even allow him back in without being worried he'll leave again?
"How do I know you won't break my heart again? Jerome, you put me in so much pain. I just don't even know if I could do it anymore," I began to close the door.
"No, Mara. I'm not going to let you get away," his voice cracked. "I've missed you far too much. I love with more than I love anything or anyone else in the world... Just, please... Give me another chance. I won't screw it up again, I promise."
"I'm sorry, Jerome... I can't-" tears began spilling down my face.
I watched Jerome's feet step in. I felt something warm and comfortable around my neck and realized it was my scarf.
Jerome tipped my face up so I could look at him. His face was teary, too.
He wiped my tears away with his thumb. Leaning in, he pressed his lips to mine.
Whether I kissed back would define my answer. I'm not sure if he expected me to help out with this new baby. Would Jerome expect me to be his mom? Strangely, even though we were really young, I didn't mind. I didn't mind at all. I also admired how strong, mature, and responsible he was being about all this.
Smiling into the kiss, I wrapped my arm around his neck as his hands found my waist. After we'd run out of breath, I leaned my forehead against his.
"I missed that so much," I whispered.
"Me too," he whispered back, a grin spreading across his face. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Hi guys! I'm back!
I am completely and utterly in love with the song All Too Well by Taylor Swift. Now, I know there's another one-shot titled the same thing by Pieface98 (it's Fabina) and I absolutely love it. I could reread it all the time. This story is probably nothing in comparison, but I actually spent a while, maybe a week writing this because I want it to be one of the best stories I've ever written.
This is my first Jara story and I was surprised by how much I liked writing them. I'm contemplating writing a sequel to this, except a full-size story, but I don't know yet. I don't even know if a lot of people will like this one. But if barely anyone wants a full-size story, I might just find another song to write a songfic on it.
I'm not sure if I got Jerome and Mara exactly right. The main couples I paid attention to were Fabina and Amfie. So, I'd like feedback on the story in a review. It doesn't even have to be long.
By the way, I recently wrote a one-shot for The Vampire Diaries called Enchanted. It's Stelena, if any of you were interested.
Anyway, I'll stop annoying you guys with a really long author's note. Please review, favorite, follow, whatever you're comfortable with.
I hope you enjoyed it!