Rollaro is too wonderful to die and even though I doubt we'd get anything in season 17 (they will probably even say Nick had reconciled with Maria or something).

Even though the title has 19 letters, it takes place in season 17 ;) somewhere in the beginning.

I don't own the characters, so if SVU writes want to make this happen – they are more than welcome.

California Crossover

"I talked to Liv, she wants us to find everything we can about this guy" Fin said looking at Amanda and then at Carisi "search every database we have for anything"

"We know this is a big case" Carisi replied "We're on it Fin"

They got a new case a couple of days ago, a rich kid raped two college students and the squad had to work hard. His family retained one of the top lawyers and it was clear that Barba was going to have a hard time in court. So they had to find every bit of information, anything that could help the case.

Carisi was checking financial history while Amanda was looking into his priors.

"Hey Fin" Amanda called and Fin turned his attention to her, together with Carisi "I found something, it's a sexual assault, but it was dropped a year ago"

"Dropped?" Fin walked to her desk "where?"

"In LA" she said "I have the name of the complainant and…" Amanda frowned as she checked the database "she's in prison, got five years for assault"

"Not the best character witness" Carisi commented.

"Do you want me to check it out? I can call the LAPD, see what they have to say" she offered.

"That's a start" Fin nodded "I'll ask Liv if she wants us to follow it"

"Ok" Amanda nodded and reached for the phone.

A while later Olivia and Fin were in her office and Amanda joined them "so I talked to the captain in LA" she said "he's from homicide and according to him one of his detectives made the arrest while he was investigating something completely unrelated, he said he'd be happy to help us if we need anything"

"You think we should talk to her?" Fin looked at Benson.

"Rollins" she raised her eyes at Amanda "call them back and tell them you'll be flying over there to talk to her, take an early flight tomorrow, we can't spare you for too long so come back as soon as you can, ok?"

"No problem sergeant" Amanda stepped out of the office and sat back down at her desk. She took a deep breath before making the call.

It's been months since Nick had moved to California and Amanda wondered if she'd have time to meet up with him.

She really wanted to see him.

The day after Nick got shot he woke up in the hospital room and it took him a moment to remember. For a few seconds everything was perfectly fine, he was just a man waking up in the morning to another ordinary day.

But he was injured, his knee got messes up pretty bad and the doctor said it would take a long time and a lot of physiotherapy to heal, even then, it might not get back to the way it was.

Nick's room was quiet, it was too early for the doctor's rounds or for visitors and he was still tired, the surgery has taken its toll on him. The painkillers were helping but they weren't able to sooth everything. At least he was alone, waking up from the surgery he was greeted by his squad members and his mother who wouldn't leave for hours. He needed the silence to think, what was he going to do now? So many things have changed lately, so many blows, not even counting the gun shots. When Liv told him he wasn't going to be a sergeant he felt so insecure about his future, taking the exam was his way to go back on track, let go of all of his previous mistakes and get ahead in the NYPD. But it was never going to happen, the brass didn't want to promote him. Now he felt even more uncertain of what lies ahead, he could handle the physiotherapy, but what if it doesn't work? What's going to happen if he won't make a full recovery?

Nick closed his eyes and tried to push those thoughts away, he had to remain hopeful, but a slight fear crept his way into his mind, his journey in the NYPD could be over.

"Hey"

Nick heard a voice and turned his head to meet those beautiful blue eyes he'd seen so many times before. It was after four PM and he got some sleep after convincing Cesaria to go home.

"Amanda" he smiled to her and watched as she sat down on the chair next to his bed "how are you doing?"

"Well, I haven't been shot" she raised her brows a little "so I guess I'm pretty good, how're you feeling?"

"Never better" Amanda shook her head slightly, rolling her eyes at him "ok, I feel like crap" he admitted.

"Being shot isn't as cool as it looks on TV ha?" she knew how it felt like, even though when she got shot it wasn't as bad as Nick's injury.

"Wouldn't recommend it" Nick winced with pain when he tried to sit up and Amanda gave him a worried look.

"Careful" she reached for his arm and grazed it for a second "you just had a major operation yesterday, you can rest for a few days, no one expects you to jump out of this bed and arrest a perp"

"I can't jump anyway" he sighed and looked at his knee.

"A ton of physiotherapy, ha?" she gave him a sympathetic smile.

"If I'm lucky, could have been better" he shrugged.

"You're gonna nail the physio" she moved a little closer to him "it's a bitch, but you'll be ok"

"Oh, you have any tips?" he asked.

"Push through it?" she let out a muffled laugh.

Nick joined the laughter and felt a little bad laughing about the thing that was going to help him.

"Dad?" both Nick and Amanda turned to look at the door and smiled at Gil who was standing in the entrance with Cynthia behind him.

"Gil, hey"

"Hello Nick" Cynthia walked in after the boy "we're not interrupting, right?"

"No, no" Amanda stood up, feeling a little awkward.

"This is detective Amanda Rollins, we work together" he looked at her "and I don't think you've met my son, Gil and Cynthia"

"Nice to meet you" Gil shook her hand and she smiled to him and then at Cynthia.

"I'm sorry if we're bothering you but I just got a call from work and I have to be there soon so we don't have much time" she sounded sincerely regretful.

"Mom!" Gil was upset, he was so scared when his mother told him Nick got shot he couldn't wait to talk to him.

"I can drive you here again tomorrow" she looked at her son.

"If it helps" Amanda said "he can stay here and I'll drive him home, I don't have to go back to work today so I can stay a while and take him there…if it helps"

"Please mom? I'll stay home until you're back from work" Gil looked at her, how could she say no to him?

"Only if it's not a bother" Cynthia looked at Amanda.

"Absolutely not" Amanda assured "I'd love to help"

"Ok" Cynthia kissed the top of Gil's head "I'll get going then, thank you" she looked at Amanda "and get better Nick, I'm glad you're safe"

"Thanks Cynthia" Nick said.

"I'll go get some coffee, I'll be back later" she wanted them to have some time alone, Gil looked scared about the possibility of not staying with his dad because Cynthia had to go to work. The boy was probably worried, his father was at the hospital, why wouldn't he be?

Amanda bought a cup of coffee and sat at the cafeteria. It wasn't her first time there but this time it was because of Nick.

He'd been shot.

It was the first time she really allowed it to sink in, to be sad about it. The moments after, the ride in the ambulance, waiting for the doctor to talk to her. During all of that time Amanda was detective Rollins, her partner was hurt and she had to stay professional, not let the emotions to take over her. It wasn't so easy but she kept it together. She kept it together even when she got home after the long hours at the hospital, it must have been the exhaustion that made her fall asleep on her couch right after she got back from the a walk with Frannie.

But now, sitting alone in the corner of the room, stirring the coffee, staring at the people walking and eating…now, she finally realized Nick could have died.

She almost lost him.

Amanda took a sip and tried to focus on the taste, not on the possibility of Nick dying. She had to get rid of the thought. Nick was alive, hurt, but alive. He will be alright in a while and things will be back to normal, some kind of normal, because they didn't really have a "normal" anyway.

She wasn't sure how long it'd been but after a while she was holding an empty cup and realized it was time to go back to Nick's room. She suddenly had the urge to see him, to prove to herself he was safe. He was alright.

"It's getting late" she heard Nick's voice, she stopped right by the door and eavesdropped "I'm going to call Amanda, you still have homework, you can visit me again whenever you want and I'll be out of here soon"

Amanda gave them another moment before stepping into the room

"I was just about to call you" Nick smiled "you sure it's ok?"

"Don't worry about it" she nodded "I'm happy to help"

"OK" Gil stood up "bye dad"

"You want something to drink?" Amanda offered as they made their way towards the exit.

"No, thank you detective" Gil replied

"Call me Amanda" she smiled.

It was the first time she actually met him. Amanda knew a lot though, the boy didn't have it easy, his mother's boyfriend was a drug dealer and used the kid in his business ventures. Amanda wasn't going to mention that to Gil, he was a polite and a nice boy. He looked a lot like Nick and she could see they loved each other. He was lucky to have a good father.

They drove in silence, Gil was clearly concerned so Amanda didn't want to disturb him, he needed to process all of this, he needed peace and quiet. They reached his house and Amanda stopped the car and looked at him. Gil was staring through the car window.

"Gil?" she asked softly.

"Can I ask you something?" he didn't look away from the window.

"Of course" she nodded and he looked at her.

"Have you ever been shot?"

Amanda was taken aback by the query but she wasn't going to lie to him, he wasn't a little kid and he had enough lies in his life anyway.

"Yes" she said "a few years ago" she touched her shoulder, just where the bullet had hit her that day.

"Did it hurt?" he asked.

"Yes, it did"

"A lot?" he continued.

"A lot"

"But you're ok now?"

"I am, and your dad will be too" she said, knowing why he asked this "I know you're worried"

Gil nodded and with no warning he had tears in his eyes. Amanda was surprised by his reaction, she did not expect that.

"Hey" she gently touched his shoulder "listen to me, your dad, he is one of the strongest people I know, and he will be fine, he will be back on his feet in no time, I'm sure of that"

The boy raised his brown eyes at her and for a moment it felt like she was looking into Nick's eyes, telling him it will all work out.

Tears kept on pouring out of his eyes and without saying anything he walked out of the car. Amanda didn't want to just let him go like this so she followed him quickly.

"Gil" he turned to her but his eyes were glued to the sidewalk "listen" she kneeled in front of him "it will be ok, I promise"

"Maybe now" he said quietly and looked at her "we're moving away" she nodded, Nick had already told her about this "what if it happens again and I'm not here? And I won't get to say goodbye? What if he…gets hurt when I'm in San Diego and this is the last time I see him? I won't even get to say goodbye!" Amanda shook her head and hugged him. It was the only thing that she could do, of course Gil was afraid of loosing his father. This was a dangerous job and Gil knew that, he already visited his father at the hospital before, the day he was shot through his bulletproof vest and now this…

He was afraid to lose him.

"Amanda…" Nick slowly made his way to the couch, he insisted on taking care of the dishes, a little tired of everyone trying to help him, there were things he was capable of doing and washing dishes was one of them.

"Thanks for stopping by" he sat down next to her, placing the crutches on the floor "I appreciate the company" one of them hit his leg and he let out a frustrated grunt "still got to learn to use these"

"Was I right or was I right? About the physiotherapy" she moved the crutches out of the way.

"You were hundred percent right" he nodded "it sucks"

"But it will help" she gestured at her shoulder.

"Yeah?" Nick reached out and grazed her shoulder through the fabric of her simple cotton shirt. She looked at his fingers, merely inches away from her and he touched her again, this time it lasted longer, he moved his hand up until he touched her skin. He wasn't thinking, he just wanted to feel her, feel that soft skin. He never told her, but there was something about having his hands on her bare skin, a sensation he could never explain, but it always felt right, even when it was complicated and unclear.

"Nick" he removed his hand the moment his name slipped out of her lips.

"I'm sorry I…" he apologized, she came by once in a while ever since he'd been released from the hospital and he was grateful for that, Amanda may have been concerned about him, but she was cool about the situation. Not smothering him with 'be carefuls' and 'let me do thats'.

"No I…" she smiled "eh…is Gil coming by this weekend?" she changed the subject.

"They are flying to San Diego to check out places so no" Nick shrugged "do you want to come and watch the game?"

"How's he doing?" Amanda asked "with the move and all that?"

"Fine I guess, he's not talking much about it so I don't really know" he sighed, Zara was thrilled to talk to him, seeing he was alright and Maria promised to bring her over for a visit the next time she visits her parents in DC. But Gil was quiet, he talked about things at school but didn't say almost anything about San Diego, most of his information came from Cynthia.

Amanda looked away, thinking about the day she drove Gil home, his tears about not saying goodbye to his dad. She wasn't sure whether she should mention it to Nick. It wasn't hard for her to understand the boy, he was worried about his father, he loved him. All of the sudden she knew what was the right thing, what he had to do.

"I was wrong" she whispered.

Nick gave her a puzzled look, not sure what she was referring to.

"When you first told me Gil was moving to California…" she told him it could be best for the kid 'what I should have said…I should have told you to go"

"What?" what was she talking about?

Amanda stood up abruptly "Nick, you have to go there too"

"What?" he reached for the crutches, afraid she'd disappear without explaining herself.

"You need to be with your family Nick, with your children, they need you" he was standing in front of her and looked straight into those blue eyes, he couldn't read her.

She could selfishly tell him he belonged in New York, with her. She could tell him they would figure things out and make thing work, somehow. But instead of these words Amanda saw Gil crying, thinking he might lose his father. She knew how it felt and she couldn't let Gil go through that, he didn't deserve it. Being a good father was always important to Nick and he told her he wasn't taking the sergeant exam.

"Do you have a reason to stay?" she asked and shook her head, not waiting for a response from him, what was he going to say anyway? He had his mother but she didn't need him, the job was a dead end…and her…she wasn't really sure what they were to each other. They couldn't really be anything serious if they were working together, breaking the rules. She couldn't deny that she wanted more, she wanted things between them to be good, to be real. But he had other priorities, he had to have them.

So she had to lose him.

"You need to move to California" she said quietly before leaving.

Amanda was sitting in the airport, waiting for her flight. She wasn't even going to spend the night in LA, she was supposed to get back later that evening. She stared at her phone, trying to compose a text. What should she send him? It was just a text and she was acting like this was the beginning of a novel, no one was going to think about it, only one person would read it.

I'll be in LA for work today, u have time to meet up?

It will have to do. So she sent it.