Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Excuses
By Silver Sailor Ganymede

Had it been anyone else that had practically destroyed an entire town center when in pursuit of an enemy, they were sure to have been given a hefty fine at the very least. Not so far Roy Mustang though, he had an excuse for whatever damage he ended up causing. An excuse and a lot of things to blackmail the higher-ups with when necessary…

Then again that didn't stop them from punishing him in their own way. He might not have taken a direct pay cut, but there were some things he found even worse than that, not that many people would have guessed it.

"MUSTANG!" a loud voice screamed and Edward Elric stormed into the office, looking even more infuriated than Roy had ever seen him, which in itself was saying a lot. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!"

"What do you mean, Fullmetal?" Roy sighed, trying his best to look as though he didn't have time for whatever the younger alchemist was about to say, although inside he was glad for the interruption: anything was better than the mountain of paperwork he was supposed to be working on at the moment.

"Who did you blackmail?" Ed snapped.

"What are you talking about this time?"

"I'm talking about my paycheck!" Ed replied angrily. "Why is it that mine's been cut in half when yours hasn't been altered at all compared to normal?"

"Luckily for you I'm not going to ask where you managed to get the details of my paycheck from," Roy said. "But why exactly are you so angry about that?"

"You caused more damage than I did!"

"I only caused any damage at all because you're evidently too incompetent to carry out even a simple mission on your own," Roy replied, picking up a sheet of paper and pretending to be interested in whatever rubbish it contained.

"You burned down half the town center!" Ed screeched.

"I'm the Flame Alchemist," Roy said slowly, as if he were speaking to a small child. "That means I use fire in most of my attacks."

"Don't patronise me," Ed snapped.

"I was explaining, Fullmetal, explaining. Because you're evidently too dense to figure that out otherwise," Mustang drawled. "The reason I didn't get a pay cut thanks to all that damage is because my attacks make it excusable. I'm the Flame Alchemist."

"FLAME ALCHEMIST INDEED! YOU'RE JUST A PYROMANIAC! THE WHOLE 'FLAME ALCHEMIST' THING IS JUST YOUR EXCUSE TO BLOW THINGS AND NOT HAVE THEM TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR PAYCHECK!" Ed shrieked, his voice getting progressively louder.

Roy just looked up calmly, his trademark smirk still painted on his face, then said, "If you put as much effort into your work as you seem too in yelling at me then maybe you'd get a pay-rise instead of constant pay cuts."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL YOU COULDN'T EVEN SEE HIM WITH A SUPERPOWERED MICROSCOPE!"

"I didn't say anything like that, Fullmetal," Roy sighed.

Ed glared at Roy, total annoyance blazing in his eyes.

"I hope one of your fire tricks backfires on you one of these days!" He began to stalk off but Riza grabbed him just before he exited the room.

"The Colnel's practically fireproof," she told him sternly. "Just thought I'd warn you in case you decided to try anything stupid."

Ed left, still fuming, and Riza turned back to Roy.

"One thing you aren't, however, is bulletproof, so I suggest you get back to the paperwork you should be doing before someone really does decide to give you a pay cut."

Roy resisted the urge to smack his head into the desk; why did the paperwork they'd given him have to be fireproof? At least if it wasn't then he'd have an excuse for having destroyed it.

'Forget pay cuts, Fullmetal,' he thought, 'This is their real way of torturing us.'