Author's note

it's been a long time! I am truly sorry for taking so long. I've been dealing with a MAJOR writers block and some school stuff... but yeah whatever, I'm here now! :D and I really hope you'll enjoy it. this story is a little different than my last, seeing as thist actually faberry and the last was malex... but yeah.

I won't beg for reviews... but they're always nice to read ;)

so let me know if I should continue or not...

How do you know when something isn't worth it, when something isn't worth the effort… or the pain? Even if it is… that doesn't mean you should do it, does it?

These are the questions that go through my head right now as I waited for my best friend to appear. The voices in my head kept battling with each other. Should I do it, or shouldn't I? And even if I should, that doesn't mean I could. This is something that came to me in the spire of the moment, something that wasn't thought through, even though I went over it in my head for at least a thousand times that last few months. I was going to tell her… tell her how I really felt about her. But back in my dorm room it seemed much easier than right now. It's easy to say that you're going to tell your best friend, who you've known for more than three years, that you're in love with her. But right now… I didn't think of it as such a good idea.

"Rachel?"

"H-hey"

She looked at me dump folded and decided to look at the state that I'm in right now.

"Hi. Rach, not to be rude, but what are you doing here? And… are you drunk?"

Oh god, I wish I was. That would make things a lot better right now, 'cause apparently she was in the shower. And as might've guessed already, she decided that it was good idea to come out in a towel. 'All the things that are hiding under that thin layer of clothing… All the things I could do to her'. Without even realizing it, I was standing just inched from her and our noses were almost touching. A shaky breath came out of her mouth and landed directly on my lips.

"You're scaring me Rachel"

"I just… J-just want to…"

I leaned just a little more forward and our lips were barely touching right now. I was so close to kissing her that my whole body was shaking with excitement that has build up over the years that we've known each other. I tore my eyes from her lips to see her staring at me with those beautiful, dark orbs. She was trying to read me, I knew so much. I don't know if she realized all the things that I was trying to hide, were only one gaze away. The lust I felt towards her, the love… could she really see it all? Just when I was about to let my lips finally meet her full, kissable, soft lips, her mother yelled our names, telling us that dinner was ready. And just as soon as the moment started, it was over. I pulled away, realizing what I was about to do and ran away as fast as I could. This couldn't happen, it wasn't supposed to.

"Hey honey, are you staying for dinner? I mean I didn't know you were going to come over, but I guess I could always-"

I sprinted passed her, ignoring the woman that was standing in the door opening of their kitchen. When I was outside I let myself catch a breath before starting to run again. I just realized that my legs had taken me farther than I originally planned, seeing as that I was now standing in the middle of the park. On top of that it was also raining.

'perfect, just fucking perfect!' I jelled at myself for my stupidity. How could I just do that? How could I just run to her tell her that I've been in love with the beautiful girl from the moment I laid eyes on her and expect her to be fine with it? I bet she's freaking out right now, this was nothing like me. Normally I'm the most organized girl of the city and now… not so much. But that is what she does to me. I could just throw all my plans out of the windows when it comes to her.

Running was the only option for me. At least that's what my gut was telling me to do… so I did. I ran and ran until my feet couldn't bare it anymore. They got me to one of the busiest streets of the city and I debated on crossing the street or not. I could just walk in front of a car and be over with everything. No secret love eating out my heart bit by bit every time I was around my best friend. It would just be all over, all the things that I've been through, all the things that I messed up… the things that I was so desperately trying to hide from not only myself, but also from the people who were surrounding me every day. This would mean that I was going to take the easy way out; it would mean that I was weak. But honestly I didn't really care at the moment. I've always been weak. I was when I had to make the most difficult choice of my life and I was not afraid of being weak right now. The streets looked almost tempting. Just a couple steps… and before I could stop myself I was standing in the middle of the street. All the noises the cars made and all the panicking people around me just vanished and I felt something hit from the side. It was over, I could just feel it.

When I laid on the streets I saw the beautiful, dark sky gaze upon me, almost welcoming me to the darkness. But a voice far away took me back to reality and the pain I felt all over my body seemed to come to me with force. But that voice… It had to be a hallucination, or maybe it was heaven that was calling me.

"RACHEL! NO! PLEASE", I heard the voice of an angel saying to my right. I looked over to see the person I would've wished to be the last thing to see before I left the earth completely.

"H-hey", I heard myself say in a weak voice.

"Oh thank god… Rachel, just hold on, okay?"

"I'm sorry"

"It's okay, just be strong"

"No, I'm sorry"

I met her gaze as she looked at me with teary and slightly confused eyes.

"Know, you just said that… and I told you it's o-"

"I love you"

Her confusion only seemed to grow at that as I felt her hand slowly grabbing mine from wherever it was.

"I know, I love you too… you're my best friend."

"No, it's not…" my breath hitched in my throat as I felt a sharp pain suddenly coming from my somewhere near my diaphragm "urhhg" I squeezed our hands tighter together.

"I'm in love with you Quinn… I always have been"

Her tears were freely falling like at this point. Even when she looked so broken and messed up managed to be absolutely gorgeous. It's just natural for her to be beautiful all the time, no matter what was going on or what she was wearing.

"I don't want to lose you Rachel"

"You already have, my friend."

And with that finally said I felt peace coming over me as I saw the darkness coming. This was it; I knew it for sure now. I said what I wanted to say and knew this was the right thing to do. Seeing those eyes looking at me with so much passion, I knew that this was going to be the only time I was going to see them that way. And frankly, I had peace with that, because right now I could feel myself getting more and more relaxed as I let the darkness consume me whole.