Black. All black.
That's the first thing she saw when she woke up for God-knows-how-many-times. From the black ceiling, black curtains, black attire, down to her black hair. And that's what she always saw if not the terrible figures in her nightmares and gruesome acts done in hidden society. Aware of the guards and the doctors in the other side of the door, she remained silent and continued to stare at the ceiling. Though she considered that it might have been better for her to just pretend to be asleep or maybe bite her tongue to drown in her own blood and escape whatever new things they will do to her.
But it cannot be. They actually had some sense in their brains despite the inhumanity she had experienced to actually gag her to prevent doing so. How...sad.
The girl didn't move an inch. Either she was too scared to move, or rather, too indifferent to care about moving at all, one wouldn't know if people would just look at her. She felt that her body hurts all over and she considered letting her tears fall though she thought better of it. All the while silently wishing for freedom from this wretched Hell she was brought into. Shattered memories, blood, death, blood, and more blood. That's all she could mostly remember in her past and some pictures in her memories that she doesn't recognize but feels familiar. But in her current situation, she didn't care about that anymore. All she wanted to do is to get this over with or to die quickly if God will ever hear her silent prayers in this Hell.
When asked about the issue of immortality, the girl would answer with a straight face that there are worse things than death. People would be unnerved for she would answer with dead eyes and a monotone voice. Not something one would expect from a girl barely aged ten years old. Of course, people would then start to care which would lead to questions, questions that she won't entertain for what would be the point, she would think. It wouldn't matter anyway.
It's how she imagined the conversation would go along with the potential thought processes of people who would interact with her. Not that it would be likely to happen to her in this lifetime. But one can hope... no, not really.
She tried not only once, not twice, but several times attempt of suicide that she lost count of it when she couldn't escape and take the pain anymore. Everything was just so painful. It has become a natural response for her to brace for pain whenever she saw anyone in white. Guess that behavioral theory that they have been spouting might be applicable to her. But surprisingly, she knew what they did and didn't really care anymore. Sometimes. But most of the time, she just considered making the things they have been doing to her to really break her. Sadly she was chosen for this project or this... inhumanity practice for her mental fortitude. She knew she would break one day, that she would think that everything was so terrible that she would just snap. Well, that was a thought to consider. But how does one snaps anyway? Does it have a trigger? Sometimes she thought that it would be better if she could find it so that she could somehow numb herself to everything. It's just so tiring. And troublesome. Maybe she should worry now for her mental health if she was thinking these things.
Even though the doctors said that it's for the "noble cause", she doesn't care and thinks that they are snakes hissing at her. The doctors even tied her up and put a gauge in her mouth to prevent her from screaming and from biting her tongue. She tried that once but she was quickly healed and put into sleep with morphine. Unable to do anything, she struggled and did everything. But the medicine is already kicking in and she can't even raise a finger to fight it. Her childish side still try to fight even though her jaded part just didn't care anymore.
Ever since that incident, she was always heavily guarded. The girl stopped fighting anymore, stopped the attempts of escape, suicide or whatever she did to get out of this place. She stopped thinking, her body and soul separated by the walls of despair and sanity the girl had built in her brain. The girl realized already after a long time that she can't leave this place. She can't die for freedom and she's just one of those "chosen ones" who are "lucky" to receive such treatment.
The girl clad in black shuddered involuntarily at the thought but luckily, not enough to make the doctors be aware that she's awake. She felt like she just woke up from a dream. The dream looks so surreal because she thinks that she saw a girl who looks exactly like her, only older. She can understand that that's quite impossible to see that woman in her dreams because she never leaves this place.
The girl has been dreaming the same dream for a week already, since the time the new test subject for the next experiment came into her life.