Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans.
People who have had near-death experiences often talk about seeing their life flashing before their eyes. She presumed it was a variant of that. Only, instead of her life flashing before her eyes, it was a series of thoughts, and (mostly) regrets.
They wouldn't understand. Damn, how many times had she said that to herself in the last six months? How many times had those three words dismissed her urges to tell them, to try to explain? It wasn't really incorrect; had she tried to tell the Teen Titans why she joined their arch-enemy and worked as a mole for him, they most likely wouldn't have understood, if only because they wouldn't have given her the time to explain. Or, maybe they would have, and things could've been okay in the end. That was one of the things she wondered in that moment.
What would have happened if she hadn't chickened out of telling Beast Boy until the last minute? If she had told him honestly in the diner - hell, even in the tower - would it have been any different?
"Beast Boy, if you knew something bad about me, would you still be my friend?"
"Of course."
"I mean, if you were really my friend, I could tell you anything. And no matter how horrible it was, you'd still like me, right?"
"Yes. I promise, Terra. No matter what."
Damn Slade and his horrible timing. What would have happened if she had just told poor Beast Boy then? If Slade hadn't been there at that precise moment, and she had just been able to be honest, would Beast Boy's reaction have been any different? Would they still be friends?
Or are we? Terra wondered. He had just hugged her, after all, and he hadn't given a bad reaction to her saying he was the best friend she'd ever had.
"You said you'd be my friend no matter what, remember?"
"Slade was right. You don't have any friends."
Maybe they weren't, actually. Or maybe it just didn't matter any more. She had an imminent sense that these might be her final moments, and that thought brought a strange calm over her. All the pressure and responsibility and regret would disappear, and she'd go with it; with her recent actions, it seemed quite pleasant.
As did the sight of a certain black and gold mask sinking into the volcano's lava.
"I can help you, child!"
"You can?"
"Right now you are... rough around the edges. You need more than obstacle courses to overcome your problem. You need a teacher, a mentor! Come with me, Terra, and I will teach you how to shine!"
Her skin would be crawling if she wasn't practically frozen - why was that, actually? Not that she cared, since she was scared to move and expend energy on anything that wasn't stopping the volcano. Maybe she was dying. Maybe these really were her last moments. Who knew?
Hey, at least I'm going out with a bang, right? Stopping a volcano and saving the city is pretty epic, she thought to herself. It's the least I could do for this place, anyway.
She really did owe Jump City. The Teen Titans, too. To her, sacrificing herself to the volcano - as realistically, she knew that was what she had chosen - was merely compensation to her former friends and their city for all of her mistakes.
And as her lungs and heart constricted, Terra spared one last thought.
Maybe they would have understood, maybe they wouldn't. There's nothing I can change, but at least it worked out kind of okay.
I know a lot of people don't like Terra, but I do, so I wrote this. I don't think it turned out too well, but I wanted to try this idea out anyway, because it wouldn't leave me alone.
Thanks for reading this little piece, and if you feel like reviewing, thanks for that too :)